Tears of Blood
by Chunky Chihuahua
Summary: Vampires, old friends, dark times, and...karaoke? Living with lycanthropy in a world of fear and hate...RemusOC COMPLETE
1. Dreams

Disclaimer and Notes: Okay, here's my little spiel. I'm trying to write this story simply because I want to. I'm not sure it's particularly meaningful, but I just wanted to write it, so I did. I'm hoping I'll actually finish it (that'll be like, a first) because it should be fairly short. I think. I hope.  
As for the disclaimer, I don't own Harry Potter or any of the characters in here except Jessica Philbin and Alyssa Mant. Whee. I am NOT going to repeat this disclaimer before every chapter, so please read it now and get your fill.  
Alright, here goes. I'm going against my better judgment putting this story up-I've never written anything quite like it, and certainly haven't publicized anything similar. It's very disconcerting knowing that strangers (and worse, friends!) will be reading this, so please be nice! I don't mind flames, but don't purposefully put me down just to make me feel bad. It's not cool.  
Enough of that, I suppose on with the story.  
  
Tears of Blood  
  
Chapter One  
  
Dreams  
  
A high-pitched squeal woke the wolf from his slumber. He looked up quickly, sniffing the air, but he didn't need to resort to his nose to sense what had emitted the noise: running toward him on his short, chubby legs was a small boy with a large grin on his face. The wolf felt a rumble rising in his chest; he growled ferociously and leaped to his feet, narrowing his baleful yellow eyes. The boy stopped short, his joy turning quickly to fear. The wolf smelled the fear and fed off it; he liked a good chase.  
  
As if in answer to this thought, the boy took off running back the way he'd come. He'd gone barely two steps before the wolf was upon him, bowling him over. The beast crouched on the boy's back, holding him face-down on the forest floor. He tore savagely at the robes covering his neck and back, seeking the blood that pumped under all that cloth...  
  
But he was interrupted by a yell from the edge of the clearing. He looked up, eyes mere slits, to see a second boy running at him, green sparks flying from the tip of his wand. It didn't take long for the wolf to realize that the sparks were harmless, as was the wand. He took the wood in his teeth and snapped it.  
  
The boy stared at his broken wand, dumbfounded. With a snarl, the wolf jumped on him, knocking him onto his back. He screamed in pain and fear, but this only made the beast more savage. He sank his teeth into the boy's soft throat, feeling the blood pump into his waiting mouth. The screams grew in intensity, eventually fading into sobs. The wolf shook the boy forcefully and, tightening his grip on the boy's throat, ripped viciously upward.  
  
The screams and sobs immediately abated, leaving a heavy silence in the clearing. The wolf had forgotten about the other boy; he was savoring the flavor of the life-blood from the corpse under his feet when a soft sound from behind him caught his attention and he turned quickly to see the other boy lying on his stomach on the forest floor. His sweat and fear reached the sensitive nose of the wolf, and the beast approached his prey with a vicious snarl.  
  
To the wolf's disappointment, the boy did not stir as he prowled ever closer. His fear had frozen him; but no matter. The taste of young blood would be enough to make up for the monotony of the kill.  
  
Wasting no more time on trying to scare the child, the wolf finally jumped on his prey. He ripped away the last shreds of robes on the boy's back, then took his shoulder roughly in his teeth. He felt something crack as he ripped through the skin, but the boy still did not move. Angered by this indifference, the wolf dug his teeth in deeper, grinding them against the bone. He was about to release the shoulder and go for the throat when he heard a noise in the brush.  
  
Not even pausing to see who'd rustled the bushes, the wolf ran for the sanctity of the trees. He smelled humans, guns, and silver. Fear as he'd never known it gripped his mind and he ran, agile as a deer, through the forest and away from the clearing. As soon as he was a safe distance from danger, he howled in anger at the loss of his prey.  
  
  
  
Remus woke with a start, cold sweat running down his back in rivers. Eyes wide, he looked around the dorm room; his roommates were sleeping peacefully, unaware of the terror he'd just seen... The terror he'd just created.  
  
The fifth-year settled back into his sweat-soaked sheets and tried to put the dream out of his mind. That was the last thing he needed to remember... He'd never get any sleep if those thoughts were in his head...  
  
Remus realized eventually that he'd been wrong in thinking he'd been the only one awake. His sensitive ears recognized an absence of sound: James' snores. Surprised that he hadn't noticed the unusual silence earlier, Remus sat up again and looked across the room toward his friend's bed.  
  
"James?" he whispered.  
  
"Yeah?" came a hushed answer. His suspicions confirmed, Remus swiveled so that he was sitting on the edge of his bed, his bare toes digging into the carpet. James was lying on his side, facing his friend.  
  
"Did I wake you up?" Remus asked hesitantly, watching his toes instead of his friend. He almost always cried out in his sleep in the nights immediately preceding and following the full moon, though his roommates had gotten used to him by now and often slept through his fitful dreams.  
  
"You were howling," James replied slowly, not sure how his friend would take the news. "Was it another dream?" Remus nodded, though he wasn't sure whether James could see him or not in the light of the November moon.  
  
"I was the wolf again," Remus explained unnecessarily.  
  
"Were we in it?" James asked lightly, knowing Remus liked talking about his memories of nights with the Marauders. Remus gave a kind of laugh.  
  
"Not that wolf," he corrected. "I was-" He swallowed nervously, searching for the words. "I was after me, if that makes any sense. It was the night of the attack." James hissed his breath out through his teeth. Remus had told him once, in second year, of how he'd been bitten by a werewolf, how he'd watched his brother's life beat itself out as his throat left his body...  
  
"You were-you were the wolf in that dream?" James asked, almost to himself. "But how do you know what he was actually thinking?" Remus shrugged.  
  
"I'm not sure I do now, either. It could have been just any old dream; maybe I made up all the thoughts and feelings."  
  
"Feelings? I didn't know wolves had feelings, exactly," James said without thinking. Suddenly realizing what he'd said, he tried to apologize, but Remus cut him off.  
  
"It's fine, don't worry about it. You're right. I don't have emotions in wolf form-not all of them, anyway. I feel happy and angry, but wolves aren't capable of the complicated emotions humans feel. It was more stuff like...bloodlust," Remus explained patiently. He used to get distressed talking about his dreams, but after four years of sharing them with James, he'd eventually realized that they were just that: dreams. He wasn't willing to give them the power to bother him anymore.  
  
"Did you-go through the whole night?" James couldn't help it; he was curious. He knew Remus would tell him if he didn't want to talk.  
  
"Pretty much. The whole event that the wolf saw, at any rate," Remus said with a shrug. "It was kind of strange, watching it all through someone else's eyes. I'm so used to remembering it with all the pain and grief; it was kind of a relief to see it with only the bloodlust." He gave a harsh laugh. "Though I could've done without tasting my brother's blood."  
  
This comment, so light and nonchalant, caught James by surprise.  
  
"You-you actually tasted it?" he whispered. Remus nodded.  
  
"Oh, yeah, and mine too. Kind of metallic, not as salty as when you bite your tongue." He paused, and for a moment his true anguish showed through the almost cheerful face. Then the mask was back, and he continued. "The wolf thought it was good, of course." He laughed again, that harsh noise that was devoid of all humor. "I almost feel like a vampire now."  
  
James laughed too, but he found nothing humorous about the comment. He hadn't really heard it at all; he was too busy thinking about the raw emotion he'd seen behind Remus' carefree mask. He hadn't known the dreams still bothered his friend, although he couldn't blame him: he'd have been horribly distressed to taste his own brother's blood. But over the past four years, Remus had slowly come to accept the dreams-or so it seemed. James had never realized that perhaps Moony was hiding his emotions to make things easier on his friends.  
  
"Ah, well, that's life," Remus said with a small sigh. He leaned back onto his sweat-soaked pillow and stretched out his arms and legs. James didn't move, just watched his friend as he stared blankly at the ceiling above. After an eternity, Remus turned his back to the room and fell asleep.  
  
James stayed awake for at least an hour after Remus had dropped off, pondering what he'd just heard and seen, analyzing Remus' voice and face as he'd told about the dream. Suddenly, so many things were obvious to James that hadn't been before: his toes digging nervously into the carpet, his eyes focusing on everything but James, his easy tone and nonchalant words, his mirthless laughs. Why hadn't he noticed before? Remus hadn't accepted the dreams; he'd simply tucked them away where they wouldn't trouble the other Marauders.  
  
Sighing and turning over, James managed to push the thoughts to the back of his mind and fall into a light sleep.  
  
  
  
The Marauders arrived late at breakfast the next morning due to James and Remus being so tired. Sirius knew they'd been talking; he'd been awake for the whole conversation and had heard James moving around in bed for a long time afterward. Peter was, as usual, oblivious to the whole ordeal.  
  
When the four fifth-years arrived in the Great Hall, the rest of the school was settling down into their seats. The owl post had already come and gone, and a large barn owl was perched on an empty pumpkin juice pitcher, waiting for James with the Daily Prophet clutched in his beak. James quickly paid the owl and opened his newspaper. He skimmed the front page but found nothing interesting. He was about to open the paper and check out the inner articles, but a clinking noise caught his attention. The whole school looked up at the staff table to see Professor Dumbledore standing at his seat, tapping a glass with his fork.  
  
"Good morning, students," he said cheerfully. Remus thought grumpily that no one should be that jovial in the morning. "I see you are all ready to start your breakfasts, and are wondering why they haven't yet appeared." Sirius nodded meaningfully. James hadn't even noticed the absence of food, he'd been so focused on the paper, but Sirius was rarely too busy to think about food-especially if he was hungry.  
  
"I've kept you in suspense to make a short announcement," the professor said in his clear voice. "Today we have been joined by a new student, Jessica Philbin." He gestured toward a pretty brunette at one end of the Gryffindor table. "She arrived from America last night and was Sorted immediately. I would like everyone to make her feel very welcome here at our wonderful school." The student body gave her a round of uncertain applause and a few Gryffindors waved at her. She beamed around at everyone, a bit pink in the face.  
  
"That's long enough without food, I suppose," the headmaster said when the applause had died down. "Have a wonderful breakfast!" He waved his hand and the food appeared on the serving platters. Sirius immediately began grabbing toast and jam and shoveling the food into his mouth. Peter followed suit, albeit with slightly better manners, and James folded the newspaper enough to grab a piece of toast himself. Lily, sitting next to her boyfriend of two years, nudged Remus as she reached for the pitcher of pumpkin juice.  
  
"I've never seen you sit this long in front of an empty plate," she teased. Remus glanced at her and seemed to snap out of a reverie.  
  
"Oh, right," he mumbled, taking random bits of food. Lily glared at him when he took a piece of sausage with his bare hands.  
  
"C'mon now, even you have better manners than that," she scolded, handing him the serving fork. He shrugged and placed the greasy link on his plate.  
  
"I'm the only one eating it," he muttered. Lily clicked her tongue but didn't push the matter further. Remus was always a bit cranky or odd around the full moon.  
  
Sirius finished three pieces of toast and two sausage links and gave a loud belch before washing it all down with a glass of pumpkin juice. Lily looked daggers at him, but he flashed her a winning grin and reached for a third sausage-using the fork, under the red-head's scrutinizing gaze. He raised an eyebrow at her.  
  
"I don't see you scolding him," he said, pretending to be offended as he gestured toward James, who was still reading his paper as he ate a piece of toast. A glob of jam slid off the toast and splattered on the tablecloth. Lily gave him disgusted look and cleared her throat.  
  
"Huh?" James looked up at the noise while another glob of jam crept toward the edge of his toast. Lily pointed at the precariously perched blob significantly. James shrugged and licked the jam off his toast without a second thought.  
  
"See? No problem," he said, smacking his lips. Lily hid a smile by scrunching up her nose in disgust. Peter giggled half-heartedly and went back to his breakfast. James looked up, indignant. "What are you laughing at, Wormtail?" But before Peter could answer, James noticed Remus, who was sitting next to the shorter boy. "Moony, have you eaten anything at all?" James asked suddenly. Remus glanced up in surprise.  
  
"Oh-no, I guess not," he said, glancing at his sausage before staring back along the Gryffindor table. James and Sirius exchanged glances and followed Remus' gaze. Sirius grinned widely upon seeing the object of Remus' interest.  
  
"I think our friend has a little crush on the new girl!" he teased, putting his arm around Remus' shoulders. Remus stared at him in surprise.  
  
"What? Oh-no!" He frowned at his friend. "Sirius! Why do you always assume everyone is constantly thinking about girls? Just because you are..."  
  
"Don't be shy, Moony," Sirius said with a wink. "You can tell us, we're your best buddies!" Remus gave him a withering look and pushed his arm away. Giving one last glance up the table, he turned to the food before him and began to eat. Sirius, disappointed at the lack of reaction from his friend, looked at James in surprise.  
  
"What's up with him?" he mouthed across the table. James shrugged and turned back to his paper. He pointed something out to Lily as he took another bite of toast.  
  
  
  
"Please take out note-taking materials and focus your attention on the blackboard," Professor McGonagall said sternly as the bell rang signaling the start of Transfiguration. Sirius took out a roll of parchment and a quill and turned to James, who was dipping his own quill into ink and preparing to take notes.  
  
"What d'you think is up with Moony?" Sirius asked in a low voice. The subject in question was currently staring straight ahead, for all the world as if he were paying attention, but his quill lay untouched on his desk and his parchment was rolled up on his lap. Before James could answer, though, the professor turned around and crossed her arms in front of her.  
  
"Mr. Black," she said loudly, "it might be difficult to take notes with a dry quill." A few students laughed quietly. Sirius grinned widely and dipped his quill into James' ink well.  
  
"Precisely why I was asking my good buddy here if I could borrow some ink," he said seriously. McGonagall gave him a stern look and turned back to the board.  
  
"At any rate-what's up with him today?" Sirius continued as if there had been no interruption. James shrugged and glanced at Remus, who was sitting across the aisle from Sirius.  
  
"Looks like he's taking notes-why don't you try that?" James said a bit irritably. He didn't get transfiguration as easily as Sirius did, and they were studying a particularly difficult subject today. He wished that just this once his friend would pay attention and let him do the same.  
  
"But he's not-he's just sitting there, staring." James shrugged again and bent over his parchment to write something down. Sirius made an exasperated noise and glanced back at Remus, who was twirling his dry quill between two fingers and shredding his parchment with the other. Sirius followed his gaze and noticed with a start that he was staring at the new girl again. What was her name again? Jennifer? A smile played around the fifth-year's lips; Remus rarely developed crushes on his fellow classmates, or at least tended to keep them very secret. He'd never been so obvious before, even with his most recent 'love interest,' Alyssa Mant. Come to think of it, hadn't he just been talking about her the other day? He sure moved on quickly...  
  
But as Sirius watched his friend, he began to wonder if he'd guessed wrongly. Remus was watching the new girl in the front row, that much was obvious; but there was nothing amorous about his gaze. His face was set, his lips drawn into a thin line. The emotion that burned in his gray eyes was almost...  
  
Hate?  
  
But Remus Lupin never hated anyone. Everyone knew that. No matter what, he kept his cool; he'd only lost his temper with Sirius a few times, and that in itself was quite a feat. Heck, he didn't even hate Severus Snape- he was almost civil to him most of the time. But there was something decidedly vicious about the way Remus was staring at this girl, and it was beginning to scare Sirius.  
  
"Mr. Black, I don't understand how you can see this diagram if you're staring at Ms. Philbin," McGonagall chided, leaning forward on her desk. Sirius, for once taken by surprise, snapped his head forward. He regained his composure quickly.  
  
"But I was so intrigued by her-she hasn't really been introduced to the class, and I was just thinking how unwelcome she must feel." He shot the professor an innocent smile and unobtrusively curled the parchment so McGonagall wouldn't be able to see that it was completely blank. The new girl's ears were turning pink; she turned around and shot Sirius a glare to rival Lily's.  
  
"Ms. Philbin was introduced this morning before breakfast," the professor said sternly as she turned back to the board. She opened her mouth to speak, but Sirius cut her off.  
  
"But that was a schoolwide introduction. We as a class will get to know her better than the rest of the school, and therefore we should get a special introduction." Sirius' grin didn't falter, even when James elbowed him in the side and glared at him.  
  
McGonagall turned and stared at him for a moment, then continued her lesson as though there had been no interruption. Highly amused by this new tactic, Sirius opened his mouth to speak again. He was stopped by a wad of parchment that James had quickly shoved into his open mouth.  
  
Shooting James a glare and removing the paper from his mouth, Sirius leaned back in his chair and decided to let it go. He spent the rest of the class period glancing from Remus to the new girl to the board, then back to Remus again. Moony never shifted his gaze and never stopped twirling his quill. 


	2. Jesse

Okay, chapter two! I wrote this one shortly after finishing chapter one, which is why I'm posting them (and chapter three) all at once. Um, I guess that's everything. Just read and review! PLEASE review!  
  
Chapter Two  
  
Jesse  
  
Remus shoved his blank parchment into his bag along with his quill and swung the sack over his shoulder. Sirius was ready and bouncing, impatient to get out of McGonagall's room. The two waited for Peter, James, and Lily to gather their extensive notes, then set off with their friends toward Defense Against the Dark Arts. They all enjoyed Professor Grae's classes; the young woman was energetic and passionate about her subject, and made it interesting for all the students.  
  
The five took their usual seats in the second row. Sirius, Remus, and Peter sat at one table, Lily and James at another. The people filling in the remaining seats at each table varied, as the seats weren't assigned. Today, the person sitting next to Sirius was none other than the new girl, "Ms. Philbin."  
  
"Hello, there," Sirius said jovially as the girl sat down. She threw him a withering look as she realized who she'd just sat next to. He laughed and extended his hand. "Sorry for the scene in Transfiguration," he said genuinely as she stared at him dubiously. "I was honestly just saving face and trying to avoid detention."  
  
"At my expense," she pointed out, leaving his hand hanging in midair. Sirius' smile faded a bit.  
  
"True, but it's not like I did anything really bad," he explained. "She thought I was looking at you, so I had to make it sound like I had a reason." The girl nodded, not looking very convinced. Sirius felt truly hurt; he'd never been shunned by anyone before-well, not anyone that mattered. He turned to face her all the way.  
  
"Look, we got off on the wrong foot. I'm Sirius Black," he said politely, holding out his hand again. The girl stared at it as if she wasn't sure what it was. "You're Jennifer, right?" he prompted tentatively. She laughed, and Sirius was relieved to see her smile.  
  
"Actually, it's Jessica-but I go by Jesse," she corrected cheerfully, shaking Sirius' hand heartily.  
  
"Oh, sorry." This was most certainly not the way Sirius usually made introductions.  
  
"No problem-at least you tried," she said with another laugh. Sirius grinned back, relieved that she seemed to be loosening up, just as the bell rang.  
  
"Don't think you're going to make a scene in this class, too," Jesse warned him as the professor stood up at the front of the room. "It's my first day at this school, even if it isn't yours, and I'd like to learn something for once." Sirius nodded and assumed a scholarly position, holding his quill thoughtfully to his mouth as he leaned forward and stared at the professor as though enthralled by her greetings.  
  
"Please take out your books-we'll be doing a bit of reading today, much as I hate to assign you such boring work," Professor Grae said apologetically. The class did as they were told with only a few complaints; they knew they were lucky to have a teacher that didn't assign this kind of work every day. "I want you to read the section about vampires in chapter fourteen," she informed them as they opened their books. "Take notes if you like; we'll be discussing the section in class today." The students all flipped to the correct page and commenced reading. Lily, as usual, began scratching away with her quill almost immediately.  
  
Sirius found it hard to concentrate on his reading, however; on his right side, Remus was nervously tapping his quill and clenching and unclenching his jaw. Sirius watched the muscle in his temple throb for about a minute before putting a firm hand on his arm. The quill stopped mid-tap.  
  
"Remus, quit it-you're distracting me!" he hissed.  
  
"Since when do you care about your work?" he growled, but set his quill down on the table.  
  
Half an hour later, the whole class had finished the section. For the remainder of the period, they discussed what they'd read with the professor. She knew quite a lot about the subject and, at the end of the period, told her students why.  
  
"Most of you don't know this, but I used to be a vampire hunter in my youth," she informed them as they began packing up in anticipation of the bell. "I left that profession when I realized that vampires are not to be discriminated against-nor are giants, centaurs, or werewolves." Remus' hand jerked; he covered the twitch by scratching his ear. "I hope, this year, to teach you the difference between dark arts and supposedly 'dark' creatures." The bell rang and the class filed out, Remus still scratching his ear. In the corridor, Sirius caught his friend's wrist.  
  
"You can stop that now, we're out of the classroom," he said, a touch of humor in his voice. Remus nodded and lowered his hand, then began tapping his thigh. Sirius shook his head sadly and turned toward his other friends.  
  
Lily was busy making acquaintances with Jesse, so James was spending a rare moment away from his girlfriend and talking to Peter. They seemed to be discussing a sale on dungbombs.  
  
"And why, exactly, haven't you ordered a whole case yet?" Sirius asked in amazement as he joined the conversation. James rolled his eyes but was interrupted by Lily before he could respond.  
  
"Has everyone met Jesse?" the red-head asked cheerfully, breaking into the circle and dragging the new girl with her. Sirius nodded and grinned, winning an exasperated 'how-did-I-guess' look from Lily. James politely shook hands with her.  
  
"James Potter," he said courteously, careful to be obvious to Lily that he didn't find her attractive in the least.  
  
"Peter Pettigrew." Jesse smiled and shook his hand, then turned to Remus. Sirius had been looking forward to this; after seeing the look in his friend's eyes during Transfiguration and his nervous actions during DADA, he wondered how Remus would act when directly facing the girl.  
  
"Remus Lupin," he muttered, extending a stiff hand and looking just to the left of Jesse. She gave a small smile.  
  
"Of course," she said softly. James and Sirius exchanged a glance; what did she mean by that?  
  
Lily suddenly grabbed James' arm and glanced at her watch.  
  
"C'mon, everyone-we're going to be late!" Sirius laughed out loud.  
  
"Late for lunch?" he teased dubiously. Lily glared at him.  
  
"I wanted to eat quickly so I could get to the library before Double Potions," she retorted, dragging James along toward the Great Hall. Sirius shook his head in disbelief; as if anyone needed less of a relaxing lunch on Double Potions day.  
  
  
  
Remus set his jaw and tried not to crush Jesse's hand as he shook it. She gave a small smile and mumbled something he couldn't hear, then turned to Lily, who was, as usual, exclaiming over something. Remus listened with half an ear to the conversation around him, not really hearing any of it. As much as he tried to listen, his mind wouldn't focus. He hadn't heard hardly a word spoken all day, and he doubted this would be helping his scores in Transfiguration and... What had the other class been?  
  
Shaking his head in a vain effort to clear it, Remus followed his friends toward the Great Hall. They were all chatting happily, including Jesse Philbin. She seemed to fit in just perfectly, as she always had... Remus tore his eyes away from her and tried to relax his jaw; he was developing a terrible headache.  
  
The food laid out on the tables in the Great Hall didn't appeal to Remus in the least. He picked at it so his friends wouldn't bother him like they had in the morning and avoided everyone's stares. When Lily left for the library, Remus got up and followed her. At the staircase toward the Gryffindor tower, he parted ways with her and began to climb up the marble steps. He was almost to the landing when he heard hurried footsteps echoing through the entrance hall.  
  
"Remus!" Jesse called from the bottom step. Slowly, reluctantly, he stopped and turned around. The brunette stood at the bottom of the stairs, staring up at him, waiting for him to speak. But he wasn't going to humor her; Remus had decided at breakfast that he'd only speak to Jesse Philbin when absolutely necessary.  
  
After a long moment, Jesse started climbing up the stairs toward him. He closed his eyes and forced himself to relax, calm down, try to appear somewhat normal. She couldn't know that she affected him this much; it was what she wanted, he was sure.  
  
"Remus," she repeated when she was level with him. He nodded once and looked away. Even out of the corner of his eye, he could see how hurt she was by this lack of response. "Why-" she began, but Remus abruptly turned and walked away, toward the Gryffindor tower. He knew what she was going to ask, and he didn't feel like telling her.  
  
From the entrance to the Great Hall, Sirius Black saw the interaction-or lack thereof-between the two. He jogged up the stairs to where Jesse was still standing and placed a comforting hand on her shoulder. She looked up at him with misty eyes, but he shook his head.  
  
"I have no idea. He's never done that before," Sirius told her apologetically. She sighed, blinked a few times, and managed a smile.  
  
"I feel really stupid, but-I'm actually looking for the library. Could you tell me where it is?" Sirius grinned and gestured down the stairs.  
  
"It's usually this way, depending on what mood the castle's in," he explained. "C'mon, I'll show you." At the bottom of the stairs, they met James and Peter on their way to find Lily. The four made their way to the library, talking and teasing as if they'd known each other their whole lives.  
  
  
  
Remus flopped onto his bed and pulled the curtains closed around him. The blue tinge it gave the enclosed area soothed him; he took a few deep breaths and massaged his temples. His fingers were pleasantly warm and damp with sweat, and he soon felt much better.  
  
Rummaging around on the shelf within his curtained bed area, Remus located by touch the object he was seeking: a small, ivory pocketknife. He brought it down and fingered it for a few moments, rolling it around in his hands. It was smooth and cool and comforting. He opened it, enjoying how smoothly it slid open, and examined the shiny blade. He kept it meticulously clean, and it showed; not a smudge or a scratch marred the metal.  
  
He opened and closed the knife a few times, allowing his mind to drift as he handled the comfort object. By the time lunch had ended, he'd fallen asleep with his fingers curled around the blade.  
  
  
  
Sirius gently tapped a vial half-full of dark blue powder. A few grains fell into his cauldron, immediately causing its contents to froth and bubble. Careful not to spill any more of the potent powder, Sirius set the vial in its holder and corked it. When the liquid in his cauldron started boiling rapidly, he turned down the heat and added his chopped seahorse tails. They dissolved as his stirred the potion, thickening it and turning it the color of gravy. He added a pinch of something that looked like flour and smelled like dirt, stirred six times counter-clockwise, and turned the heat off under the cauldron.  
  
Next to him, James was already pouring his potion into a flask and corking it. It was a very light tan and had the consistency of molasses. Sirius looked at his own dark, slightly more watery potion with distaste. James had always been better at potions than he.  
  
"You were only supposed to add one grain of powdered unicorn horn," James scolded lightly when he saw Sirius' sludge-colored liquid. The potion seemed to be getting darker as they stared at it.  
  
"I don't see the difference between one and three," Sirius grumbled. James fished around in his school bag.  
  
"Here," he said holding out what looked like a candy cane. Sirius looked at it dubiously.  
  
"Is the Christmas spirit supposed to cheer me up and help me put my failing Potions grade behind me?" he asked, taking the candy. James shook his head, a smile playing around his mouth.  
  
"Of course not. You don't need the Christmas spirit to put your schoolwork behind you. That's to stir your potion with. Sugar might help counter the effects of the extra unicorn horn powder." Sirius raised an eyebrow and stuck the candy cane in his flask. Before he could stir even once, the part of it submerged in the potion had dissolved completely. He watched in awe as the liquid turned a bit lighter in color. Though it remained slightly more watery than James', it at least looked the same.  
  
"Cool, thanks..." Sirius muttered as he corked his flask and carried it up to the professor. He was pleased to note that it looked considerably better than most of the ones already on the desk. He bit off a chunk of candy cane and meandered back to his seat.  
  
Lily had finished her potion, as well, so she and James wandered off to talk alone. Sirius rolled his eyes and looked around the room. Gryffindors usually had Potions with the Slytherins, but for a change of pace, they were now sharing the class with the Ravenclaws. With a smile, he noticed Alyssa Mant in the far corner, pouring her perfect potion into a flask. He looked around to see if Remus was watching her, then remembered that Moony hadn't come to class. His smile faded to a frown as he wondered where his friend was. Class was nearly over, and it had been a double period. It wasn't like Moony to miss class, especially one he couldn't easily make up. Sirius glanced around at the other students, wondering what had gotten into Remus lately. His gaze fell on Jesse and he suddenly remembered the incident on the staircase. Remus had gone up to the Gryffindor common room after that. Could it be that he'd simply stayed up there, rather than gone to class?  
  
Ten minutes later, James wandered back to his desk and started putting his things away. Sirius followed suit and had just packed away the last chemical when the bell rang. The class filed out cheerfully, having received no homework from the professor.  
  
Sirius and the others were just as cheerful: they'd only gotten homework in Transfiguration, plus a short essay for DADA, if that could even be counted as homework. It was simply supposed to be a summary of the traits of a vampire, and what made people think of them as "dark."  
  
James and Peter declared that they were famished after such a long Potions class and opted to go straight to dinner. Lily and Jesse headed to the library, promising to meet the others later. Sirius said he wanted to put his books away before eating, and split off from his friends to head up to the common room. The stairs were clogged with people, and it took an eternity to make his way up them. He was impatient to talk to Remus and see what was up.  
  
The common room was filled with people who weren't ready to go to dinner just yet, or who actually were there to drop off their books. The Quidditch captain was rushing around trying to find her team members and tell them that the next day's practice was moved up an hour; Sirius made a mental note to tell James later.  
  
The fifth-year boys' dorm was quiet when Sirius pushed his way upstairs into it. Of the four beds in the room, only one had its curtains drawn closed. Sirius was pretty sure he'd come to the right place in looking for his friend.  
  
"Morning, sleepyhead," he said loudly, whipping back the curtains and allowing the sun to shine directly on Remus' face. The sleeping teenager groaned and turned over, waving his right hand around as if trying to swat a very slow, stupid fly. Something glinted in the bright sunlight, and Sirius caught Remus' wrist to see it better. A small ivory-handled pocketknife was clutched tightly in Moony's hand. He'd been holding it by the blade, and when Sirius pried open his friend's hand, he was shocked to see that the palm was covered in blood.  
  
"Moony!" he yelled, shaking his friend awake. Remus propped himself up on his free elbow and stared stupidly at Sirius. "Remus, you idiot!" Sirius placed the bloody knife on the bedside table and inspected his friend's hand. There were only a few cuts along the middle of his palm, but the blood had been smeared around, making the injury appear much worse. Sirius dropped Remus' hand with a sigh of relief and glared at his friend.  
  
"Why're you lookin' at me like that?" Remus slurred, holding up his recently freed hand to block the sunlight from his eyes. Sirius crossed his arms.  
  
"Because you're a bloody idiot-and I mean that literally." He pointed to the hand Remus was holding up against the light. He flipped it over and stared at it for a moment.  
  
"Huh. Guess I must've fallen asleep with my knife in my hand," he stated, unperturbed. He used some water from the pitcher on the bedside table to wash the dried blood off his hand. There were two short horizontal slits under his fingers and two matching ones on the fingers themselves. Sirius gave a little disbelieving laugh.  
  
"What's gotten into you lately, Moony?" he asked, moving to block the sun from his friend's eyes. "First you act like an ass to that Jesse girl, then you skip Potions to play with your pocketknife-" Remus sat up very straight, very suddenly.  
  
"I skipped Potions?!" he yelled, staring at Sirius incredulously.  
  
"Double Potions, no less," Sirius replied with a nod. Remus slapped his cut hand to his forehead and fell back onto the bed.  
  
"I can't believe I did that...I didn't even know I was falling asleep!" Sirius nodded sympathetically; if he had a sickle for every time he did that...  
  
"C'mon, no big deal. You can just make it up with the kids who did their potions wrong. It was a tough one today, I'll bet there's gonna be plenty of company." Remus nodded, but he didn't look convinced; make-up Potions was always much worse than the regular class. "D'you want some dinner before it's cleared up?" Sirius asked. Remus shook his head.  
  
"No, I should get down to the dungeons to see if I can just make up my Potions today, while I don't have much homework." Sirius eyed him dubiously.  
  
"How much have you eaten today?" he asked slowly. Remus grinned up at him.  
  
"You sound like my mother!"  
  
"I'm serious-"  
  
"That you are."  
  
"Remus, shut up. I mean it-you haven't eaten anything all day. Your first change in a month is tomorrow night. You've gotta have your strength up by then!" Remus hesitated.  
  
"That's true..." he said quietly. Then, with a sigh, "Alright, I'll make up Potions tomorrow. But woe upon thee if we get tons of work tomorrow!" Sirius laughed and led the way out the door.  
  
The common room was much less crowded now that dinner was well under way. The two Marauders made their way through it quickly, but when they got to the portrait hole there was already someone crawling through it into the room. They waited patiently for it to clear; a moment later, Jesse Philbin emerged. She smiled when she saw them.  
  
"Hey Sirius, Remus!" she said cheerfully. Sirius returned the smile and the greeting, but Remus ignored her. The joy faded visibly from her face and she walked away quickly without stopping to talk any longer.  
  
Once they were through the portrait hole, Sirius turned on Remus.  
  
"What was up with that?" he yelled when the Fat Lady had swung shut.  
  
"What?" Remus mumbled, staring at his feet.  
  
"You know what I'm talking about! You had no right to be that rude to Jesse," Sirius scolded, gesturing toward the portrait.  
  
"Get to know her how I know her, and then see what kind of 'rights' I have, Sirius!" Remus hollered back, his face bright red. Sirius watched him storm away, perplexed by what he'd said and how he'd said it. Remus never lost his temper like that. It just wasn't like him.  
  
A few moments later, Sirius began to wander toward the Great Hall. He walked slowly, hoping he wouldn't run into Remus until they were with the others; he didn't want to create another scene in the entrance hall, which was considerably more crowded than the corridor had been.  
  
But when he got to his seat at the Gryffindor table, Remus was nowhere in sight.  
  
"Didn't Moony come in here yet?" Sirius asked his friends as he sat down with them and began to serve himself. They all shook their heads.  
  
"We haven't seen him since lunch," James said, concern on his forehead.  
  
"I just went and talked to him after Potions," Sirius explained. "He was fine until we passed Jesse in the common room. All she said was 'hi,' and he got all pissed off. Then he yelled at me for chewing him out about it." Peter scoffed.  
  
"Don't exaggerate, Padfoot. Remus never yells." Sirius raised an eyebrow.  
  
"Wanna bet? The Fat Lady gave us the evil eye until Remus stalked off." James looked as surprised as Peter.  
  
"What's bothering him, d'you think?" he asked around a mouthful of roast beef. Sirius shrugged and downed a glass of pumpkin juice.  
  
"Isn't it obvious? He always gets touchy around Jesse. I think he must know her from somewhere else-he said something about that when he was screaming at me today." Sirius chewed thoughtfully. "I can't really remember it, but it was pretty obvious that he didn't meet her for the first time today." Lily sighed.  
  
"Oh, darn-I was getting to like her, too," she lamented. Sirius frowned at her.  
  
"What's that supposed to mean?"  
  
"Well, think about it-Remus has pretty good instincts about people. Whenever he doesn't like someone, it's for a reason. And if you really aren't exaggerating about his behavior-"  
  
"Why does everyone always think I'm going to blow things up?!" Sirius yelled. James grinned.  
  
"Because you usually do."  
  
"-then there must be something about Jesse that rubs him the wrong way," Lily continued, ignoring the two boys. Peter nodded.  
  
"Yeah, maybe she's a real bitch, and is just really good at hiding it," he suggested. Sirius rolled his eyes; Peter had taken to cursing a lot for no good reason-it made him feel cool, according to Sirius. More like one of the guys.  
  
"I honestly don't think she's that bad, despite what Moony says," Sirius countered. "True, we don't know her real well, but she seems nice enough so far. I think Remus is just being a prick." Lily shot him a look.  
  
"Remus doesn't just act like a prick for no reason, Padfoot," she said, emphasizing the curse word to show Sirius what a hypocrite he was. "Whether we've noticed it or not, there can very well be something about Jesse that doesn't fit with her sweet exterior." She looked around the group meaningfully. "I think we should all keep on our toes until we've talked to Remus about her."  
  
  
  
Remus leaned his elbows on the window pane and stared up at the sky. His last night before the full moon... Even now, he could feel the lunar pull: his senses were stronger than ever, his emotions were running haywire even without talking to people. The smells of the three boys sleeping in the room were infuriating to him-he had an intense yearning to take one of their necks in his jaws and bite down on the pulsing jugular veins...  
  
He shook his head vigorously. He didn't have jaws in a carnivorous sense, didn't want to kill his friends, didn't feel bloodlust at the smell of human flesh... He was human. Completely human.  
  
For now.  
  
Quietly, carefully, Remus tiptoed across the room and pulled open the door. He slipped out of the room and crept downstairs into the common room. The fire was still crackling merrily in the grate, as it wasn't long past eleven. The common room was blissfully empty; the smells of the people who'd been in there earlier were strong, but the absence of actual living, breathing humans made the animal urges much easier to bear. Remus settled on a couch facing the fire and let his thoughts be engulfed by the flames.  
  
A soft sound, a padded footfall, woke Remus from his reverie. He heard the person approaching, smelled her familiar scent as she came ever closer. Remus settled back against the couch dejectedly, having determined who it was. Sure enough, Jesse herself sat down on the couch next to him not a moment later. She was far enough away that two people could easily have fit between them, but that was too close for Remus. After a few agonizing seconds, he couldn't restrain himself from hopping off the couch and crossing the room to the window.  
  
The firelit couch and its lonely occupant were reflected twice in the double-paned glass. Remus rested his forehead against the cool window and watched Jesse watching him from across the room. Her features were too blurred for him to tell what expression was on her face, but Remus thought he could guess. Sighing, he shifted his body just enough so that his shadow blocked out the reflection.  
  
The moon was bright, so bright. Remus couldn't look away from its beauty, its mystery. It instilled a kind of terror in him that he couldn't shake, no matter how many times he tried. He feared its brightness; its face, leering at him; its dark side that never showed itself...  
  
"Remus?" came a small voice from the couch. He closed his eyes against the glare of the moon, losing his train of thought. If I ignore her, she'll go away, he told himself. But her voice echoed in his brain and he found he couldn't be quite that cruel.  
  
"Yes?" he whispered, turning to face her. Relief was plain on her face now that he was talking to her again.  
  
"Why-" She stopped remembering what had happened the last time she'd tried to ask this question. "Come sit down," she pleaded, pointing to an armchair as far from her as it could get while still staying within the warmth of the fire. Remus hesitated, then walked over and leaned on the back of the chair. "Good enough," she said with a ghost of a smile.  
  
The minutes stretched on, the silence grew louder. Remus was focused on the crackling flames, trying to lose himself in them again. But her scent was intoxicating; perhaps it was the moon's pull, but he felt the intense need to get up close and breathe her smell, bathe in it. He tried to shake the feelings off, thinking they were bordering too close on amorous, but then he felt the familiar bloodlust. This was a normal reaction to a human, any human. He felt it stronger because she was a girl, and the wolf craved female company.  
  
"Do you hate me?" Jesse asked suddenly. Remus' eyes snapped up and met her own, and she gasped suddenly. "Remus!" she breathed, then turned away. He stared at her, confused, but before he could ask anything she was running up the stairs to the girls' dorms.  
  
Glad to be rid of her company and her unsettling questions, Remus sank into the armchair and lost himself in the fire again. When James, Sirius, and Peter came down the next morning, he was still sitting there, watching the dying embers and the glowing coals. 


	3. Tears of Blood

And, the usual stuff. Read, review, hopefully enjoy. Sorry my chapters are all pretty short, but they just turn out that way. This is the longest so far by about three pages. Whee.  
  
Chapter Three  
  
Tears of Blood  
  
Sirius stopped short at the bottom of the stairs and watched his friend. Remus was sitting perfectly still, spread out in an armchair before the fire. The flames had long since died, but the coals glowed orange with inner heat. For a moment, Sirius thought he saw the same heat in his friend: his nostrils flared once and his eyes began to burn with an anger so intense it scared Sirius into looking away. He saw the object of Remus' fury: Jesse was making her way slowly down the spiral staircase into the common room. Moony could probably smell her, as it was the day of the full moon.  
  
Sirius sighed and stepped forward. He gently shook Remus out of his reverie.  
  
"If you want to make it to class on time, you'd better go get changed now," he said quietly. Remus stared at him for a moment as if he didn't understand, then seemed to wake up completely.  
  
"Oh, right," he said suddenly, hopping out of his seat and running upstairs to take a shower and change. Sirius and James watched him go, then exchanged a glance.  
  
"You think he was down here all night?" Sirius asked.  
  
"I don't doubt it." Peter nodded his agreement.  
  
"He does this a lot before the full moon," Peter assured his friend.  
  
"Yeah, and you always worry about him when he does," James added with a grin. Sirius glared at him.  
  
"Well, someone's got to. We all forgot to bring him dinner last night-this means he hasn't eaten hardly anything since day before yesterday. I'm not the one who's gonna keep him off Peter tonight," he pointed out with a meaningful look at the boy. James laid a hand on Sirius' shoulder.  
  
"Never fear, my friend. We will fatten up the wolf during the day," he promised, grinning. Peter shot him a look and gestured across the room, where Jesse was making her way over.  
  
"Good morning," she said jovially. The three returned her greeting, then hailed Lily, who was looking for them from the staircase. She made her way through the crowded common room. By the time she was standing among her friends, Remus was running downstairs again, running a hand through his wet hair and straightening his robes.  
  
"Alright, I'm ready," he said distractedly, flashing them a grin. "I feel lots better now, but I'm starv-" He stopped short when he saw Jesse. She was looking up at him hopefully, praying that he wouldn't be rude to her again in front of everyone. Her prayers came true, to some extent. "Good morning," he said coldly, continuing down the last few steps more slowly. Sirius shot James a meaningful look.  
  
"Shall we on to breakfast, then?" James offered quickly. "If we don't get there soon there'll be nowhere to sit." Everyone agreed fervently, glad to break the tension, and the group crawled through the portrait hole and made their way through the crowds destined for the Great Hall.  
  
Breakfast was the usual; Sirius and Remus ate ravenously, James read the newspaper as he munched on toast, Lily chided everyone on their manners, and Peter stayed out of everyone's way, content to listen to the bantering. Jesse found that she was content to be silent, also; whenever she spoke, Remus grew very tense, and she didn't have much worth saying anyway. So she sat, ate, and listened.  
  
They all went to their first class together: Charms. Professor Flitwick was teaching them all the different ways to create light with the wand. Besides the usual lumos charm, there were at least seven others to create different kinds of light. Sirius and James got a kick out of the soft, red light that came from the illuminado charm. Sirius noticed that the brightest light, which came out of the wand in a straight beam, made Remus' eyes light up yellow. He didn't mention it to the others; it creeped him out a bit.  
  
Remus left the others to go to Divination while they went to their own elective classes. He couldn't believe his luck when he saw Jesse Philbin sitting at the table next to his. She was settled uncertainly on a soft pouf. He was glad when he could sit down in an armchair with his back to her.  
  
Divination was boring that day; they read tea leaves with different types of tea, sometimes mixing them. Remus found nothing he didn't already know, and his partner, a Hufflepuff girl, felt the same way. She made a comment that Remus would normally have found funny, but he was in too strange of a mood to laugh. He forced a chuckle to keep from hurting her feelings, but was sure it didn't sound convincing.  
  
At lunch that day, Jesse sat next to Lily and talked quietly with her about her tea leaves. Remus was sitting across the table and three people down, but his sensitive wolf ears picked up every other word. He tried not to listen, but he gathered enough to know that they were talking about him.  
  
That afternoon, all the fifth years congregated in the Great Hall to hear a few lectures on their upcoming O.W.L.s. Remus was annoyed that he couldn't seem to focus on the speeches; he knew this information was important, but he couldn't get his mind to sit still. His eyes kept darting toward Jesse, who was sitting nearby, and when he wasn't angry at her, he was suppressing the wolf's urges in this mass of people. Sirius gave him numerous odd looks, and he knew his eyes were flashing yellow from time to time.  
  
After the lectures, the students had half an hour of free time before dinner. Remus immediately retired to the dorm room. He turned the ivory pocketknife over in his hand and tested the blade against the tips of his fingers. It was sharp as ever; he wondered if it had been charmed to stay that way.  
  
Just as dinner was to be served, Remus stepped into his shoes and made his way downstairs. As much as he wanted to avoid all people at the moment, he knew he couldn't go through the transformation on an empty stomach.  
  
The Great Hall was decorated in orange, brown, yellow, and dark red when Remus walked in. At first he didn't notice anything; then he realized all the students were whispering excitedly, and he looked up from the floor. Streamers of autumn leaves hung across the ceiling, cornucopias the size of small cars adorned the corners, and dried corn lay in bunches in baskets along the walls.  
  
Remus looked around in awe. A memory threatened to surface in his mind, but he pushed it back and made his way to his usual spot at the Gryffindor table. His friends were already there; he squeezed in between Peter and James and stared at the food that had just appeared before him: a large turkey sat in the middle of the table every six feet or so; bowls of different types of cranberry sauce reflected light from the usual floating candles; platters lined with sliced honey ham stood between the turkeys; bowls of bread stuffing and vegetable stuffing sat by the ham; and myriad other foods, some of which were unfamiliar to the students, adorned the tables. Grouped together for dessert were pumpkin pies, whipped cream, cookies of all types and shapes and sizes, and various covered fruit pies. The Marauders gawked at it all, trying to identify the various dishes they'd never seen before.  
  
Suddenly, Jesse was there, sitting between Sirius and Lily.  
  
"Eat up!" she said happily, digging out a large spoonful of stuffing and plopping it onto her plate. She stuck a serving fork into the turkey and watched happily as it carved out a piece for her. She added this to her plate, plus mashed potatoes covered in melted cheese, and smothered it all in thick brown gravy. Green beans, toasted pine nuts, cranberry sauce by the spoonful, all of these joined the growing mound on her plate. She looked around at her confused companions.  
  
"It's not poisonous, I promise," she said warily. Sirius turned to her, the only one willing to voice the question on everyone's mind.  
  
"What is all this for?" he asked bluntly. Jesse stared at him, stuffing loaded onto her fork. She set the fork down and looked around.  
  
"You mean Professor Dumbledore didn't explain it?" They all shook their heads except Remus; he knew exactly what was going on. Jesse laughed heartily. "It's Thanksgiving!" she cried joyously. "We celebrate it in America. It's all about the pilgrims giving thanks to the Indians for their help. It's kind of a hypocritical holiday, because of the truth behind the real first Thanksgiving, but we all love it anyway." The Marauders and Lily exchanged glances; Remus stared glumly at his plate.  
  
"So...why are we celebrating it here?" James asked. Jesse shrugged.  
  
"Dumbledore thought it was a good idea-kind of a cultural thing." She looked around. "You don't have to celebrate it to eat," she said slowly. "Dig in!" Everyone exchanged glances again. All over the Great Hall, people were beginning to ignore the strangeness of the meal and simply eat it. Sirius shrugged and took a huge spoonful of potatoes.  
  
"Hey, I know what these are!" he said loudly after he'd shoveled a large forkful into his mouth. Everyone who heard him laughed, and suddenly the tension was broken. The students realized the food wasn't really very strange, and besides-it tasted great. Jesse relaxed when she saw everyone start to eat; she'd been worried there for a while.  
  
Remus took a small amount of food at first but, upon realizing how hungry he actually was, he threw pride to the wind and took great heaping piles of everything within reach. Jesse watched him out of the corner of her eye, a smile playing around her mouth. She'd hoped the meal would help him think more highly of her; she didn't know why he hated her so, but she hoped that bringing up happy childhood memories would make him feel better-and maybe he'd be more willing to talk to her tonight, after the meal.  
  
At the end of dinner, Dumbledore remembered to tell his students what the occasion had been; they all thought it a bit strange that so much work had been put into an American holiday, but they were too full and sleepy to care a whole lot. The four houses made their separate ways to their dorms and collapsed into bed, full of the rich foods.  
  
Remus passed Madame Pomfrey on the way to the Gryffindor tower. She was obviously very full and looked as if she wanted to crawl into bed and sleep for a year. He was in a good mood, so he told her he could make it to the shack on his own. If need be, a friend could escort him. The nurse was too tired to object, so Remus went up to the common room to relax a bit, knowing he wouldn't need to be in the shack for another hour at least.  
  
The common room was filled with a pleasant kind of drone; students were talking quietly as they sat by the fire or made their way up to the dorms. The Marauders and Lily and Jesse spread out on the floor by the fire, talking lazily or simply enjoying the feeling of a comfortable Friday night. One by one, they trickled off to bed until only Remus and Jesse were left by the fire.  
  
Jesse knew it was now or never. If she didn't talk to Remus when he was in a fairly good mood, she'd never get him to listen to her.  
  
"Remus," she began, but stopped when he sat up suddenly. He looked wildly around, but there was no one else in the room.  
  
"Sirius!" he called hoarsely. "James!" He clutched his throat and emitted a low whine. Eyes wide, he stumbled toward the portrait hole, still whining and growling. Jesse watched him, speechless. Finally as he began clawing his way through the portrait hole, she found her voice.  
  
"SIRIUS!" she screamed at the top of her lungs. In seconds, all three boys were at the top of the spiral staircase. Speechless again, Jesse pointed to Remus, who had sprouted claws at the ends of his fingers. Lily came running down just as the Marauders went to help Remus. They shoved hard, trying to get him through the portrait hole, but he dug in with his claws and growled savagely.  
  
"He doesn't understand," James said through gritted teeth. "We've got to stupefy him somehow!" All three boys drew their wands and uttered the spell, but Remus absorbed the beams of light and remained alert.  
  
"Werewolves are like giants that way, I guess," Sirius said grimly as Remus tried to howl. His mouth was changing shape as they watched. His yellow eyes took in everyone in the room, his wolf's nostrils flared as he tried to identify them...  
  
Suddenly, he launched himself at James. The transformation was nearly complete now, and a snarl burst from the throat of the wolf as he realized he was among a group of humans. James watched, frozen stiff, as the wolf hurled itself at him. Then he was on him, tearing and ripping with his teeth and claws. James tried to kick him off, but his legs were trapped under the wolf's large weight.  
  
There was a pop and suddenly a white stag lay under the wolf instead of James. The wolf looked very confused for a moment, then turned to the next closest person: Lily. She gasped and backed away, the wolf fixing his yellow eyes on her face. He tensed for the spring, but never got off the ground.  
  
"SIRIUS, NO!" yelled Peter-but too late. A poker from the fireplace came crashing down on the bridge of the wolf's nose. He yelped loudly and crumpled to the ground, his muzzle a mess of blood and cartilage.  
  
James changed back to human and crouched down by his friend to feel his furry neck. "There's a pulse," he announced. "But we've got to get him to Madame Pomfrey." Sirius, rather pale after what he'd just done to his own friend, nodded and picked up the wolf's hind legs. James grabbed his front legs and Peter led the way out of the portrait hole, wand at the ready should the wolf stir before they made it to the hospital wing.  
  
"Wait!" Lily called as they dragged him through. She ran up to the boys' dorm, then came rocketing down a moment later with James' invisibility cloak in her hand. "In case you run into any students," she explained, throwing the cloak over the unconscious wolf. The boys nodded their thanks and set out for the hospital wing at a run.  
  
  
  
Jesse was sitting on the couch by the fire when, two days later, Remus came back from the hospital wing. Sirius had hit him hard enough to knock out the much stronger wolf, and had therefore kept Remus out for a good long time. The bridge of his nose was horribly bruised, the only remnant of the injury.  
  
So, when Remus finally convinced Madame Pomfrey that he was fine enough to get back to his regular life, he wasn't particularly excited that the first person he saw upon returning was Jesse Philbin.  
  
She stood up as he walked in. Not caring about whether she bothered him or not, she stopped him at the portrait hole, pinning him against the wall with her intense glare.  
  
"Why didn't you tell me you were a werewolf?" she asked angrily. Remus took a step back into a solid wall.  
  
"Why didn't I-what?" he repeated, confused.  
  
"You heard what I said! Why have you been keeping this from me?"  
  
"I haven't been keeping anything from you!" he declared, feeling his temper rising. This was not the welcome back he'd hoped for. The bridge of his nose began to throb. Jesse opened her mouth to retort, but Remus wasn't in the mood to listen to her. Not thinking, just acting on his anger, he reared back his hand and punched her full in the mouth.  
  
Jesse stumbled back, holding her hand to her lip, which was swelling and bleeding. Fear clouded her eyes and, before Remus could apologize, she turned and ran to the girls' dormitories.  
  
Feeling absolutely horrible, Remus trudged up the stairs to his own room. It was empty, thankfully, so he closed the curtains around his bed and reached for the ivory pocketknife. There was a small red-brown stain near the blade; Remus frowned upon seeing it and cleaned it with his wand. He performed a charm on the handle that would repel liquids and opened the blade. He lined up the sharp, shiny edge with a line on his palm and gripped the knife tightly. Remus watched the blood drip down his arm and felt a kind of relaxation spread through him. He fell into a light sleep, clutching his comfort object.  
  
  
  
Sirius went to the common room instead of lunch on the day Remus was released from the clutches of Madame Pomfrey. He entered the common room about twenty minutes after Jesse and Remus had left it. Expecting Jesse to be at lunch, he went straight to his own dorm to check on Remus.  
  
The boy was enclosed in his curtains again. Seeing that gave Sirius the chills; the last three times he'd opened Remus' curtains, his friend had been holding that damned knife again. Sirius figured he'd be greeted with the same sight.  
  
And he was, sort of. Every other time, he'd see the handle of the knife sticking out of Remus' hand and would wake him up and take the knife. The cuts were rarely bad; once they weren't even bleeding.  
  
This time, however, the blood was dripping down Remus' arm and onto his sheets. He'd tightened his grip on the blade in his sleep and hadn't noticed the increase in pain. Sirius didn't even bother to wake him up before prying his hand open. It wasn't easy to do because Remus' grip was so tight-and his palm was slippery with blood.  
  
Sirius shuddered and shook his friend awake. Remus woke almost immediately, having been stirred by the attempts to open his hand, and looked around for a moment before gathering his surroundings.  
  
"Hey, Padfoot!" he said sleepily. "Good to see you again." He held out his left hand to shake, but Sirius ignored it.  
  
"Remus, open your hand," he commanded firmly, indicating the one clenching the knife. He did so, and the knife slid to the floor. Sirius kicked it angrily under the bed.  
  
"Hey, watch what you're doing with my shit!" Remus yelled, suddenly wide awake and angry. His nose was throbbing again. Sirius gripped his friend's arm tightly and held up his bleeding right hand.  
  
"Why do you do this to yourself?" he hissed, showing Remus his own bleeding palm. Remus stared at it for a moment.  
  
"Because it feels good." The answer was so soft, Sirius wasn't sure he'd heard correctly.  
  
"How can pain ever feel good?!" he yelled. Remus shrugged, staring at his palm. The cut was perfectly lined up on top of on of the lines on his palm. It was straight and clean and red, and leaking ruby tears. Remus thought it was beautiful. Sirius tightened his grip on Remus' wrist, pressing down hard with his fingers. "Does that feel good?"  
  
"No." Sirius released his wrist; there were white marks where his fingers had been. He fished around under the bed until he found the knife. Before Remus knew what was going on, Sirius had opened the window and chucked the ivory-handled pocketknife as far as he could across the grounds.  
  
Remus jumped to his feet, anger plain on his face.  
  
"What in hell was that for?" he yelled, pointing out the window. Sirius set his jaw, determined not to let his friend's fury make him regret the decision.  
  
"You don't deserve to own something if you can't be responsible about how you use it," Sirius said calmly, feeling awful about the words; he felt like an over-protective mother. But the blood dripping from his friend's hand was enough to keep him from backing down.  
  
"That belonged to me," Remus said slowly, jaw clenched. For a moment, his eyes blazed yellow. Sirius, shocked that he would see the wolf's presence this long after the full moon, took a step back. Remus sneered, sensing Sirius' uncertainty. "Don't do something rash if you can't take the punishment," he said quietly. He reared a hand back and aimed a punch at Sirius, but the older boy was quicker. He dodged the blow and swiveled so his back was to the door instead of the bed. Remus approached him, anger blazing in his eyes, and Sirius stepped backwards, closer and closer to the door.  
  
He finally reached it and fumbled behind him for the knob. He swung the door open and slammed it shut behind him just as Remus aimed another punch. There was a crunch and a splintering noise, and Remus' hand suddenly appeared through the wooden door.  
  
Sirius stared, dumbfounded, as the fist withdrew from the splintered wood. Suddenly realizing the strength and anger he was up against, he turned and ran for the Great Hall.  
  
  
  
Remus drew his hand out of the door, careful not to injure it worse. He spread out his fingers to inspect them and was more than a little surprised to see that he appeared unharmed. He flexed his fingers and pressed his knuckles against the palm of his other hand, but no bruises or scratches brought attention to themselves. He didn't even have a splinter.  
  
Oddly pleased by this indestructibility, Remus went to the window, which was still wide open, and drew his wand.  
  
"Accio pocketknife," he said clearly. In a few moments, he was again holding the smooth ivory handle of his comfort object. Pleased with how easily he'd defeated Sirius, Remus slipped the knife into his pocket and headed out of the room.  
  
  
  
"I swear, he punched right through the door!" Sirius told his friends breathlessly at the lunch table. He had a sandwich in one hand and was waving it around wildly as he spoke. Bits of meat and lettuce flew in all directions.  
  
"Why was he so mad?" James wanted to know.  
  
"'Cause I threw his knife out the window," Sirius informed him, taking a drink of juice.  
  
"You what?!" James yelled, standing up suddenly. Everyone stared at him in shock, but he ignored them. "Have you any idea what that thing means to him?" he hissed. Sirius glared at his friend over his glass of pumpkin juice.  
  
"I don't care what it means-I just care that he's been mutilating himself with it!" Lily put a hand to her mouth and gasped. James looked a bit paler. He sat back down.  
  
"He's...what do you mean by that?"  
  
"I mean he's been cutting up his hand with that bloody knife. It got worse today, so I chucked the knife out the window. Then he went berserk on me!" Peter shook his head.  
  
"Maybe you were right in interfering," he said quietly, "but that still belongs to Remus. You can't just toss out things that aren't yours." James and Lily nodded their agreement.  
  
"You need to apologize to Remus, Padfoot," James said seriously. "You don't want to make an enemy out of him right now-he must be under a lot of stress if he snapped that easily."  
  
"It's all his fault he's stressed!" Sirius countered indignantly. "He's still pissed off at Jesse, I can tell, but he won't talk it out with her. She's tried, but he's just being a stubborn dumbass. There's no reason he couldn't at least talk to her, even if he hates her so much." James nodded.  
  
"You're right about that, too, but again-it doesn't mean you should make him mad at you, too." Sirius took a bite of his almost empty sandwich and considered what his friends were telling him.  
  
  
  
The forest was cold, but at least it was sheltered from the wind. Remus wrapped his robe tighter about his frame, wishing he'd remembered a cloak. One hand was in his pocket, curled protectively around the ivory-handled knife.  
  
Remus found a flat rock sheltered on three sides by two large trees and a dense growth of bushes. He settled onto it cross-legged and pulled out the knife. It was warm in his palm; he rolled it back and forth and let his mind wander as he looked around the forest. Everything was rather dark; the day was overcast, the sun blotted out by dark rain clouds. There was a kind of silence, like the quiet that comes with a white-out. Remus leaned his back against a tree and rubbed his thumb up and down the ivory handle. His other fingers ran along the dull, harmless edge of the blade where it was folded into the handle. Thinking only briefly of what Sirius would say, Remus flipped open the knife.  
  
The blade was covered in dried blood. Remus drew his wand and meticulously cleaned it, angry at Sirius again for almost allowing the blade to rust. When the metal was shiny and clean again, Remus put his wand away and began running his finger up and down the flat side of the blade. It was so sharp, so inviting... He turned the knife over in his hand and placed the tip to his palm.  
  
But Sirius' face floated to the front of Remus' mind. He saw again the look in his friend's eyes when he saw blood dripping onto the sheets. He heard his voice chiding him, a note of concern all but hidden behind the anger. The point rested harmlessly against Remus' palm, two centimeters below the cut from earlier that day. He couldn't make the cut.  
  
A sudden noise to Remus' left startled him. His hand slipped and the metal penetrated his skin for the second time that day. A line of ruby red tears welled up on Remus' palm, threatening to spill over. He squeezed his palm into a fist and watched a few drops of blood fall onto the pine needles.  
  
"Does it hurt?" someone asked quietly. Remus spun on the rock to see Alyssa Mant standing next to him. She crouched on the ground near the rock, staring fixedly at his blood-stained hand.  
  
"Yes," he replied, feeling his heart speed up and catch in his throat. He hadn't seen the Ravenclaw in almost a week, and had nearly forgotten how it felt to be around her. She flipped her blonde hair behind her shoulder.  
  
"Why do you do it?" Remus hesitated. The first time, it had been an accident. He hadn't meant to cut himself, he'd just fallen asleep. After that...  
  
"It's relaxing," he told her. "It just...feels good." Alyssa looked perplexed for a moment, then smiled. Remus was amazed at how much prettier she looked when she smiled.  
  
"Could I see your knife? It's a pretty one," she commented, pointing at the ivory-handled pocketknife. Remus hesitated, then shrugged.  
  
"Yeah, okay." He started to wipe the blood off, but she took it from him before he had the chance. Alyssa ran her finger along the edge, seeming to test the sharpness. Her finger came away with a small, thin line of blood on it. She laughed lightly and handed the knife back.  
  
"What do you say we take a walk?" she suggested, standing up and rubbing her cold hands together. Remus looked up at her, bewildered.  
  
"S-seriously?" She shrugged.  
  
"If you don't want to, it's no problem," she said nonchalantly.  
  
"No! No, that sounds good." Remus wiped the blade on his robes, suddenly feeling stupid about his pitiful act of self-mutilation. It hardly compared to what some people did to themselves; he was probably too cowardly to really cut something badly. And now Alyssa Mant knew about his strange habit.  
  
The two walked through the forest, keeping close to the edge of the trees. They made their way out to the lake and wandered onto its shore. Alyssa began skipping stones across the dark water; the monster in its depths stirred, but the girl didn't seem to care. Remus considered mentioning something to her, but that would appear cowardly.  
  
"Y'know, my brother used to cut himself," Alyssa said casually. Remus glanced at her furtively, but she didn't appear to be upset. "He has scars all up his arm from it. I think he likes the scars, 'cause he could've gotten rid of them pretty easily." She laughed lightly. "He was a healer, believe it or not." Remus smiled, but he didn't see what was particularly funny.  
  
The two walked a little farther along the shore, then sat down at the edge of the water. Alyssa trailed her hand in the water, then placed her fingers to her cheek. She repeated the motion but touched Remus' cheek instead. The water was so cold it stung his cheek.  
  
"That's another form of mutilation," she said knowledgeably, taking her fingers away and shaking them dry. "Hot and cold. My brother tried burning once, but he didn't like the smell." Remus turned away, beginning to feel a bit sick. "I don't know anyone who uses ice or cold water, but I know it exists." She smiled. "Salt and ice-that freezes the top layer of skin, from what I've heard. It'd be kind of fun to have frozen skin, wouldn't it?"  
  
"Yeah," Remus said quietly, not looking at her. He couldn't imagine why a girl like this would know about such dreadful things. Alyssa suddenly pulled up her robes, revealing a pale calf. Her shin was covered with scars, some of them spelling things. There was a heart drawn jerkily into the skin just above her ankle bone. Remus felt a wave of shock, as if he'd been knocked backwards into the frigid lake.  
  
"I did this when I was twelve," Alyssa told him, something almost like pride in her voice. "School was really hard that year, and I thought I was gonna fail. I cut myself by accident first, then liked it and did it again." She shrugged. "It became almost an obsession for a while."  
  
She revealed her other calf. There was a series of small, circular burns surrounding her ankle, for all the world like a piece of bizarre jewelry. "This was last year. More for fun than for stress," Alyssa explained. Remus nodded, at a loss for words. Why was she doing this? A sudden thought hit him, made him furious.  
  
"Did Sirius send you here?" Remus asked in a low voice. Alyssa looked up from her burns.  
  
"Who? Oh, Sirius Black. No, I haven't seen him today. Why?" She frowned, inspecting a slightly misshapen burn right on the ankle bone. Remus relaxed a bit. So she had come of her own accord. Had she noticed his cuts and realized what he was doing, then sought him out to have this discussion?  
  
The wind picked up as time wore on. Remus watched the bleak sky, hoping the storm clouds would blow past before they could open up on the school. He sensed Alyssa watching him and turned to meet her eyes. She was staring at him with a strange look on her face. He blushed and turned away.  
  
"I should probably get back to the school," he said quietly, standing up from the shore. Alyssa caught his hand with hers. Her palm was warm and soft.  
  
"You're hands are cold," she observed, turning over the cut hand and inspecting the broken skin.  
  
"I'm...sorry?" Remus said hesitantly when she did not continue. Alyssa laughed.  
  
"No, no. I was just noticing." She winked. "'Cause you know what they say-cold hands, warm heart." Remus blushed furiously. Alyssa pulled him down to sit next to her on the shore. "Don't go back just yet," she implored quietly. "It gets awfully lonely out here sometimes.  
  
"Do-do you come out here a lot?" Remus asked, still conscious of the red rising in his cheeks. Alyssa was still holding his hand in both of hers, staring at the cuts on it as if she could derive some sort of meaning from it.  
  
"Oh, yes," she replied with a nod. "All the time. It's my place to think." She laughed. "Unfortunately, it happens to get very cold most of the year, so I often have to sit in my room and pretend I'm out here instead." She sighed and looked across the lake. Remus followed her gaze, but saw nothing of interest. When he looked back, she was staring at him again. He wasn't sure he liked the strange look in her eyes. Her fingers worked his, rubbing them almost as he rubbed the ivory handle of the knife. Just thinking about it made him want to hold the knife again... He closed his eyes and imagined having it, cool and smooth and heavy, in his palm...  
  
Something warm pressed against his lips. His eyes flew open and he found himself looking at the bridge of Alyssa's nose. She let go of his hand and put her arms around his neck. He would have loved to respond to the action, but he was too surprised to move. Alyssa let him go almost immediately, looking disconsolate.  
  
"Was that wrong?" she asked quietly. "I don't know why I did it-just thought it would be nice I guess." Remus struggled for words as the realization hit him: he'd just been kissed by the girl he'd had a crush on for most of the school year so far. Adrenaline began to pump through his frozen veins. Without thinking, he reached forward and cupped his hands around Alyssa's face. She tilted her head just so and closed her eyes. Remus brought his lips close to hers and closed his eyes, breathing her scent. He brushed his lips against hers briefly, teasing himself and her. Alyssa laughed lightly and put her hands in his hair.  
  
"Enough of that," she whispered before closing the distance between them once and for all.  
  
  
  
Sirius sat on the edge of his bed, tapping his leg nervously. James watched him from his own bed, amused; Padfoot had never been good at apologies-it meant he was admitting he was wrong.  
  
"Where is he?" Sirius grumbled for the fifth time as he stood and crossed the room to the door. He peered down into the common room, but Remus wasn't among the students there. Making an exasperated noise low in his throat, he paced to the window and pressed his forehead against the glass. His breath fogged up the pane and he turned away in annoyance. He perched on the edge of his bed again, incessantly shaking his leg. James stared around the room.  
  
"What are you going to say when he gets here?" he asked the nervous teenager. Sirius shrugged.  
  
"It'll come to me," he muttered. He hoped.  
  
The door creaked as it was pushed open. Sirius stood up expectantly, but it was Peter who walked through the door. Sirius glared at him and sat down on the bed again.  
  
"What did I do now?" Peter asked indignantly. James laughed and briefly explained what was going on.  
  
"You'll be waiting here a nice long time, then, Padfoot," he assured his friend as he sat on his own bed.  
  
"Why d'you say that?" Sirius asked with a glare.  
  
"I just saw Remus wandering around the grounds with Alyssa Mant." Sirius' jaw dropped.  
  
"Seriously?"  
  
"Sirius-ly." Sirius shot him a warning look and walked to the window again.  
  
"This is no time to be making jokes. If our Moony has finally got up the guts to talk to girls...this could be huge! We may have a ladies' man on our hands, yet!" He grinned happily and stretched out on his bed again. "And now I don't have to worry about what he's up to-he's not going to be cutting himself while he's on a date!" James cleared his throat.  
  
"That's not necessarily true, in this case," he said slowly. "Alyssa and her brother both have a history of self-mutilation. It's a little more than creepy to see what she's done to herself over the years." Sirius sat straight up in bed.  
  
"What?!" he yelled. He glared at the foggy window. "Well, this just ices the cake," he muttered.  
  
"Hey, don't freak out yet. For all we know, she'll hide her scars from him. Or, he'll see how creepy she looks with her legs all chopped up and will realize the seriousness of what he's doing to himself." Sirius nodded but didn't lie down again.  
  
An hour later, James got changed for bed and crawled under the covers. Peter followed suit, but Sirius remained sitting up, waiting for Remus.  
  
Shortly after midnight, Remus crept into the room, holding his shoes to minimize the noise he made. Sirius allowed him to get dressed and pull back the covers before he spoke.  
  
"You're back late," Sirius commented. Remus jumped a foot in the air and whirled around.  
  
"Don't do that!" he hissed.  
  
"Sorry," he said genuinely. It was no use annoying Moony before he even brought up the apology. Remus gave him a strange look.  
  
"Alright." He crawled under the covers and stared up at the ceiling.  
  
"I owe you an apology," Sirius said quietly. Remus looked at him warily.  
  
"This is new... What for?"  
  
"For losing my temper with you earlier." The result of Remus' lost temper, the hole in the door, had been repaired by James. Sirius thought it best not to mention that. "I had no right to handle your things that way. I'm sorry." There was silence for a moment.  
  
"Okay." Sirius pushed his breath out through his teeth. He knew the apology hadn't been enough. An idea hit him suddenly.  
  
"Hey, how about this?" he offered, standing up and crossing to the window. He opened it a crack, shivering in the chilly winter air. "Accio pocketknife!" he said softly, pointing his wand out the window. Something hit him hard in the back of the head. "Ouch! What the-" He leaned over and picked up the ivory-handled knife. "Why did it come from over there?" he asked, sure he already knew the answer.  
  
"I-I got it as soon as you left," Remus admitted. "I didn't want it to rust." Sirius felt his temper rise, but squelched it immediately. Forcing a smile, he handed back the knife.  
  
"That makes sense I suppose," he acknowledged. "I need to talk to you about that knife, Remus," Sirius added suddenly. Moony turned his head to face the wall. "I don't want you cutting yourself anymore," he continued without waiting for a response. "It scares me-it scares all of us. I want- " He swallowed nervously, knowing what he was about to say could set Remus off again. "I want you to promise you won't cut your hand anymore."  
  
Moony, to Sirius' relief, didn't blow up. He lay still for a while, then turned to look up and his friend.  
  
"Alright, I promise," he said seriously. Sirius let his breath out in a rush.  
  
"Thanks, Moony. You have no idea what that means to me." He turned and got ready for bed himself. Lying awake in bed, James couldn't suppress a proud smile. 


	4. Apologies?

Um, the song isn't mine either, so yeah. Otherwise, nothing else. Read on!  
  
Chapter Four  
  
Apologies?  
  
Monday morning it rained lightly, just enough to soak anyone who had to cross the grounds to Herbology. Which the Marauders and Lily did.  
  
They paired off as usual, James with Peter and Sirius with Remus. Sirius was doubly glad he'd made up with Moony the night before; Herbology was not his strong suit, as it was Remus'. Lily looked around.  
  
"What's up, Lily? Don't you have a partner?" James asked when he saw her standing idly by her pot.  
  
"Well, no-Jesse's not here. I was hoping I could work with her so I wouldn't get stuck in a group of three with one of you guys again." She flashed them a grin to soften her words. Sirius looked around and saw that Lily was right; Jesse was not in the greenhouse.  
  
"D'you s'pose she knows where the greenhouse is?" he asked. "She's never had an Herbology class here before." James nodded.  
  
"That's probably the thing-in which case she'll be escorted here by Filch, no doubt," he added with a sympathetic shudder. But Peter shook his head.  
  
"No-she wasn't at lunch yesterday, either, remember? In fact, I haven't seen her since Saturday night by the fire." His words sunk in as the others realized they hadn't seen Jesse in a day either.  
  
"Where could she be?" Lily asked, a touch of worry in her voice. "You don't think she wandered into the forest or something?" Sirius laughed lightly.  
  
"Lily, you're always making mountains out of molehills." He grinned at James. "Muggle phrase, picked it up last summer..." No one had to ask who he'd picked it up from. "At any rate, you need to quit worrying so much. As long as someone's at Hogwarts, they're safe."  
  
"Easy for you to say-you have an extra pair of hands working on your mandrake." James chuckled and waved a dirty hand.  
  
"Work with us, then, Lily. No big deal for one more day." The red-head nodded and moved her tools across the table. Remus moved the soil from around his mandrake's head, checking to see if it had reached adolescence yet.  
  
"See any pimples yet, Moony?" Sirius asked, trying to look over his partner's shoulder.  
  
"Yep, he's definitely a teenager now," Remus assured him. They turned to their second mandrake and began inspecting it.  
  
When Herbology was over, Remus halted halfway to Care of Magical Creatures and began rummaging madly through his bag.  
  
"Shit, I forgot my book... Do we need them today?" he asked the group. Lily nodded, eyes wide.  
  
"Ooh, yes, we do! Remember, we're going to have an open-book test on tree- dwelling creatures today. I heard a rumor that she requires quotes from the book!" Remus made a noise low in his throat and took off, yelling that he'd be right back. The others shot him sympathetic glances and took their seats on the sloping lawns, hoping he'd be back before class started.  
  
Remus ran as fast as he could across the grounds, into the school, and up the stairs to the Gryffindor tower. By the time he got to the portrait hole, he didn't have enough breath to speak the password.  
  
"Arrow-" he panted, leaning on his knees. "Arrowhead!" The Fat Lady swung forward without a word and admitted Remus. He crawled through, still catching his breath, and simply left his book bag in the portrait hole. He could get it on the way out and not risk forgetting it in his rush.  
  
As he stumbled through the common room to the spiral staircase up to the boys' dorms, Remus heard a soft voice to his right. He paused at the bottom step and peered around a curtain to see someone sitting in an alcove that sported a window seat and a large window with a lovely view of the grounds. Her features were obscured by a shimmery white curtain, but Remus knew who it was when he heard what she was singing.  
  
"I hope you don't mind, I hope you don't mind, That I put down in words... How wonderful life is, now you're in the world..."  
  
Remus closed his eyes, letting the song take him back to his childhood days, the days before the curse... Without realizing it, he walked toward the girl in the alcove and pushed back the curtain. He sat down on the window seat and leaned against the wall, losing himself in the feelings and memories that threatened to overtake him.  
  
The singing stopped before the song was over, and Remus looked up, surprised to see where he was. Jesse was staring back at him, waiting to see his reaction.  
  
"I remember that song," he said softly. She smiled.  
  
"Of course you do, we were obsessed with it. I'd be terribly upset if you'd forgotten that." She stared back out the window, humming the chorus. The CMC class was just visible near the greenhouses on the lawns below.  
  
"Why didn't you come to Herbology today?" Remus asked. "Lily needed a partner," he clarified quickly, not wanting her to think he'd actually cared. Jesse hid a knowing smile by yawning.  
  
"Didn't feel like it. I haven't been feeling well since I got here-I think it's the different food."  
  
"I think it's because you haven't been eating the food," Remus corrected her. She looked at him sharply.  
  
"And how on earth would you know?" He shrugged.  
  
"I'm observant, what can I say?" Jesse turned back to the window, visibly upset. She could tell that Remus wanted to talk to her, but he would never let her start a conversation. She was amazed that they were talking civilly now, and didn't want to ruin that by bringing up what was always on her mind.  
  
"You missed Double Potions the other day, and you're missing CMC right now- so who are you to talk?" Jesse said instead.  
  
"Yeah, but this isn't my first week at a new school. I know what I can miss and what I can't." And CMC is something I can't miss today...so why am I sitting in here talking to someone I hate? he wondered. Jesse was still staring out the window; he took the opportunity to study her face while she wasn't looking. He was surprised at how different she looked from what he remembered; if she hadn't recognized him, he would have wondered if he had the wrong person. Her brown hair was considerably lighter than it had been, her skin was darker and nicely tanned from living in America for so long. But her eyes were the same bright, clear blue that Remus had always loved, even at such a young age.  
  
Remus noted with some dismay that Jesse's shapely bottom lip was split in the middle. It had swollen quite a bit and looked red.  
  
"I'm sorry-" he began, pointing vaguely at her face. "For yesterday, I mean. I was out of control, I had no right to lose my temper like that."  
  
"I accept your apology," she said slowly, "as long as you promise to try to keep your cool around me from here on out." Remus stared at her, incredulous.  
  
"You can't strike a bargain with me! I apologized-I never guaranteed you'd accept it. That was your choice completely. I'm not going to agree to some cock-and-bull agreement to try to keep me from blowing up every time I see you! Simple words aren't enough to stop actions! In the face of emotion, promises mean nothing." Remus spoke the last words in a whisper, his face inches from Jesse's. Then he jumped up from the window seat, tore past the curtains, and stormed upstairs. Jesse sat watching the curtains slow their erratic movements, wondering what she'd done this time to make him so mad.  
  
Remus slammed the dorm room door shut and flopped onto his bed facedown. He didn't bother with the curtains, knowing no one would enter the room until lunch at the earliest, and he had plenty of time until then. Angry tears stung his eyes as he groped around on the shelf for the pocketknife. He found it and held it for a moment, blinking away his unreasonable tears. When he was somewhat more controlled, he flipped open the blade and pressed it against his palm.  
  
In the face of emotion, promises mean nothing. The words had made perfect sense when he'd spoken them to Jesse downstairs, but now he saw they were lies. His promise to Sirius rang in his head, made him feel terrible for even considering what he'd been about to do.  
  
I want you to promise you won't cut your hand anymore.  
  
And he wouldn't. He'd given his best friend his word, and that had to mean something. Remus let his knife hand relax; the blade slid harmlessly down his wrist and came to rest on the underside of his forearm.  
  
I want you to promise you won't cut your hand anymore.  
  
He'd made a promise...he couldn't cut his hand. But where did the hand end and the wrist begin? Or the wrist and the arm? Remus stared at the soft flesh under the blade. His other arm, he knew, had a large scar from a particularly bad transformation. Would anyone notice if he scarred this one too?  
  
Suddenly, he needed to cut. Needed to feel his skin give way under the sharp blade, watch the blood run down his pale skin, express his emotional trauma through physical pain. The knife point, almost of its own accord, pressed harder against his flesh. A single bead of blood welled up and dripped down the shiny blade.  
  
The first puncture made, Remus found it much easier to continue with his self-mutilation. He dragged the point down his arm towards the elbow, watching the blood well up like water overflowing a ravine. He stopped after having sliced a three-inch line along the underside of his arm, starting at the wrist. It was a shallow cut and would begin to heal quickly. That was what Remus wanted-to reopen the wound and watch it bleed afresh.  
  
Remus suddenly felt a shock of pain in his arm. He stared at the cut, dumbfounded. It actually hurt this time. The pain came again, and he realized it made him feel much more relaxed. This thin cut worked much better than all the slashes on his palm had done; he immediately felt lighter, more alive. It was an adrenaline rush.  
  
Remus cleaned the blade lovingly and replaced it on his shelf. He left his CMC book sitting on his bedside table where it had been since the night before and opened the dormitory door. He was halfway down the stairs when he heard the song again. Jesse was still there, and singing as before. Instead of feeling angry, Remus was calmed. His release of emotion upstairs had gotten rid of his anger at Jesse, too, and he found he was willing to talk to her again. He made his way down the rest of the steps and joined her by the window for the second time.  
  
"I'm sorry I yelled again," he said calmly. Jesse shrugged. She's stopped singing when he pushed aside the curtain, as though embarrassed that he should hear her. "I don't really know why I always lose my temper with you," he continued. "I'm usually pretty mellow, as far as I know. I don't even get pissed at Sirius that much."  
  
"Thanks, that makes me feel much better," Jesse said shortly. Remus was taken aback. Suddenly, they seemed to have switched places. Now he was trying to make civil conversation, and she was being waspish. He propped his right elbow on his raised knee and let the hand hang down so that he could twiddle with his wand. He felt a trickle along his arm and realized his cut was still bleeding a little. Before he could turn his arm up, a drop of blood fell onto the cushion for the window seat.  
  
Jesse saw the droplet fall out of the corner of her eye.  
  
"You're bleeding!" she cried out, taking Remus' wrist in her hand. He tried to tear it away, but she hung on tenaciously and pulled up his sleeve. "Remus, what on earth happened to you?" she asked, inspecting the cut. He finally managed to tear his arm away from her grasp and recover it.  
  
"That's my business alone," he hissed. As Jesse called for him to come back, Remus turned and strode from the room. He left his book bag in the portrait hole and wandered in the general direction of the library. At least there he wouldn't be punished for being out of class-he could simply say he was doing research for something.  
  
By the time Remus reached the library, the bell signaling the start of lunch had rung anyway. He considered turning and going to the Great Hall, but that would mean facing his friends and Jesse. He didn't feel like explaining where he'd been the whole class period.  
  
The library was empty, as he'd expected and hoped. Remus wandered among the bookshelves, reading a few titles here and there, but found nothing interesting. His hands were in his pockets, and he could still feel blood trickling down his arm.  
  
He turned to start up the next aisle and realized he wasn't alone, after all. None other than Alyssa Mant was sitting in the corner, curled around a large tome in her lap. She looked up and smiled as he approached.  
  
"Hey, what are you doing here?" she asked sweetly, setting the book aside and stretching her legs. Remus caught a glimpse of the heart carved into her ankle.  
  
"Don't really want to be with a lot of people," he said with a shrug. "I'm not really hungry, anyway." Alyssa nodded her agreement and looked around.  
  
"I know just how you feel. Sometimes you just want to be in a place like this, where it's totally silent and it smells like old dust." She laughed lightly. "It's too bad you're not in my house-we have so much in common, but we never get to see each other." Remus nodded and, in a moment of daring, took her hand.  
  
"We should arrange to get together more," he suggested in what he hoped was a casual voice. Alyssa nodded and leaned forward to kiss him lightly.  
  
"You're bleeding," she whispered, holding his gaze with her deep black eyes. He nodded, wondering briefly how she knew. She held up the hand she was holding and pulled back the sleeve of his robe to reveal the shallow cut. "Not much of a cut, for all it's bleeding still," she said casually. She ran a finger along the cut, sending a shiver of pain up Remus' arm, and nonchalantly licked her finger. Remus stared at her, eyes wide, but looked away quickly for fear of seeming rude. He instead focused his attention on his cut, which was, in fact, still bleeding as much as it had been when new.  
  
"Huh, I thought it would have started to close up by now," he commented. Alyssa placed a slender finger under his chin and tilted it up so he was facing her. She kissed him again without any warning. When she pulled back, she licked her lips.  
  
"Taste that?" she asked with a smile. He nodded, feeling a bit strange. "Isn't it lovely?" she said airily, more to herself than to him. He nodded again just to please her, but he was actually beginning to feel sick. He glanced at the clock on the wall.  
  
"I'd better get going if I want to have any lunch before the food all disappears," Remus said casually, standing up.  
  
"Good idea, I'll go with you!" Alyssa said cheerily, hopping up from the floor as well. She took his hand, but he released it to scratch his ear.  
  
"No, don't bother. I've got to get my books out of the common room first. I'll just see you down there, shall I?" He summoned a smile and was rewarded with the same from Alyssa.  
  
"Okay, see you at lunch." She took off ahead of him and waved over her shoulder. As she turned the corner, he thought he saw her lick her lips and laugh.  
  
  
  
Remus jogged to the nearest bathroom, which was thankfully nearby, and burst inside. He leaned over the only toilet and emptied his breakfast into the bowl. He sat for a few minutes afterward, kneeling in front of the toilet with his eyes closed and chiding himself for becoming so sick over such a silly thing... So she'd licked some of his blood off her finger. Was it really that bad?  
  
No, it was the realization that came with it...  
  
He shook his head as hard as he dared and scolded himself for thinking such thoughts. With a sigh, Remus stood on shaky knees. He wiped blood that had dripped down his arm off the toilet seat, threw the square of red- stained toilet paper into the toilet, and flushed the lot. He went to the sink and washed his face with cool, clear water. Pulling his sleeve back, he dabbed at some of the blood that still ran down his arm in tiny trickles. The towel soaked up the blood, but didn't stem the flow.  
  
Making sure he didn't look too terrible, Remus left the bathroom and headed for the Great Hall. He wasn't sure he could eat anything at the moment, but he figured his friends would get upset if he skipped the meal entirely.  
  
The hall was almost empty when Remus got there, but all his friends (not Jesse, to his relief) were still sitting at the Gryffindor table. He greeted them as heartily as he could manage, but Sirius was not to be fooled.  
  
"You look sick, Moony," he said immediately.  
  
"And good day to you, too," joked Remus. Sirius would not be swayed.  
  
"What's wrong?" he asked as if Remus had not said anything. Remus shrugged.  
  
"Nothing, I feel fine." He looked around at the food, all of which made him want to throw up again, and picked up a sandwich. He knew Sirius would be on his case all afternoon if he didn't eat something now. But the first bite of the sandwich tasted horribly like blood, and Remus put it down in disgust.  
  
"Remus, you're bleeding again." He snapped his head up to see Lily looking at him, concern shining in her eyes. Her hand shook as she reached across the table to grab Remus' fingers and pull them back to get a better view. He twisted out of her reach and picked up the sandwich again.  
  
"Don't be ridiculous," he told her angrily, angling his arm upward so the blood would drip to his elbow and not his wrist. But this proved to be a mistake: his sleeve fell below his wrist and exposed the top of the cut to everyone. Sirius, who'd been watching him carefully since he'd arrived, grabbed his wrist firmly and pulled it towards him. He pushed Remus' sleeve out of the way and took one glance at the cut before releasing his friend's hand.  
  
"You made me a promise," he said in a low voice as he stood up from the table. Remus found the excuses he'd made for himself sounded flimsy and childish now. He watched Sirius go without saying a word.  
  
  
  
Sirius strode from the Great Hall, trying to keep his hands from shaking. He didn't think he'd ever been so furious; that a friend would break a promise, betray him and deceive him... It was unforgivable. He jammed his hands into his pockets to hide them from the Slytherins and tried to look calm and normal as he shoved the door open with his shoulder.  
  
The entrance hall was empty, to Sirius' relief. He slowed his pace and took a few shaky breaths, then began to walk upstairs. Perhaps sitting by the fire in the common room for a while would calm him down. On the way, he passed a couple talking quietly behind a suit of armor. He peered out of the corner of his eye as he walked by and recognized Alyssa Mant and Severus Snape. Alyssa was kissing Snape's neck tenderly and rubbing his shoulders. Sickened, Sirius turned away and quickened his pace.  
  
The Fat Lady glared at him as he approached; he supposed this was because he'd charmed her to have a high, squeaky voice for the entire month of March last school year. He wasn't in the mood to banter with the portrait, so he uttered the password and crawled through the portrait hole, ignoring the book bag that someone had stupidly left in his way.  
  
The first thing he heard upon entering the common room was a soft voice singing a song he didn't recognize. He tiptoed towards the voice and located the singer in an alcove separated from the room by a shimmery white curtain. Sirius pushed back the curtain and was surprised to see Jesse sitting on the window seat. She stopped singing as soon as she saw him and blushed furiously.  
  
"What's up?" he asked casually, sitting next to her on the window seat. Jesse shrugged. After a moment's silence, she turned suddenly and collapsed on Sirius' shoulder, crying her heart out. Sirius wrapped his arms around her instinctively, but was taken quite by surprise. When she'd calmed down some, she sat up again and wiped her puffy eyes.  
  
"Oh, Sirius! I just don't know what to do anymore!" she wailed between sobs. "I missed two classes already today, and it's only my first week of school! Plus, my mother's getting sick again, and Remus is mad at me all the time-and I feel awful about telling you this, but I need to get it off my chest, but I think he's hurting himself!" Jesse collapsed into tears again.  
  
"Quiet, Jesse," Sirius said sternly. He found it was often better to be strict in these situations-it made the other person feel like someone was in control of their problems. "I already knew about Remus, so you don't need to feel guilty. As for school, I have complete faith in your academic abilities. You'll have no problem making up a few missed assignments." He paused. "And your mum, well, if she's been sick before, then I'm sure she'll get over this one like the other times." A ghost of a smile passed over Jesse's lips.  
  
"Thanks for trying, but she's not going to get better. It's a debilitating disease, and she may not live to see Christmas." Sirius looked at her in shock.  
  
"But that's not even a month away!" Jesse nodded.  
  
"It's possible she'll surprise the doctors again-they've been predicting her death for almost a year now. But looking at her..." The girl shrugged. "I'm kind of starting to think they're right." Sirius snapped out of his shock enough to give Jesse a big hug. She leaned her head on his shoulder.  
  
"Thanks for being here, Sirius," she said softly. "You're like the big brother I've always wanted." Sirius was surprised by this at first; he'd never been anything like a brother to girls before-they always either became infatuated with him or hated his arrogant guts. But upon thinking about it, he realized Jesse was more like family than anything else-much like Lily. He sighed contentedly and stretched out along the window seat. Jesse leaned back against the wall facing him and closed her eyes. It was then that Sirius noticed her split lip.  
  
"What happened?" he asked immediately, sitting up to inspect her lip more closely. "I'll bet it was those damned Slytherins." Jesse laughed at the anger in his voice.  
  
"No, it's not the Slytherins."  
  
"Who's been beating you up then?" She opened one eye and looked him up and down.  
  
"I hardly think a split lip shows that I'm being 'beat up,'" she said defensively. "And I can take care of my own problems, thank you very much." Sirius gave her a mock glare.  
  
"Hey, if I'm gonna be your big brother, I can't sit by and watch you get pummeled. Who's the jerk?" Jesse raised an eyebrow.  
  
"Alright then, if you must know, it was Remus." Sirius' jaw dropped.  
  
"Remus? Remus Lupin?" he asked incredulously. "I swear, there's something wrong with that kid lately. He can't just go around losing his temper like this!" Sirius growled. "I'm gonna have to have a talk with him..."  
  
"Please don't make him any more stressed out than he already is," Jesse said suddenly, an odd look in her eyes. "I don't know what I did to make him so angry, but I don't need you going and getting in a fight with him. He needs his friends right now, I think." Sirius was silent for a moment.  
  
"Well," he said slowly, thinking of the event at lunch, "he's not doing a very good job of keeping them." Jesse sighed.  
  
"I just wish he'd talk to me. I know I can fix things! But not unless I know what needs fixing." Sirius nodded.  
  
"Remus is like that," he explained. "Sometimes I think he should be 'Moody,' not Moony." Jesse laughed lightly and stared at her hands.  
  
"Well, I hope he gets over it eventually. At this rate, we're going to go home for the summer still mad at each other!"  
  
  
  
James stared blankly at his glass of pumpkin juice, trying to get up the courage to say something. The table had been uncharacteristically quiet since Sirius had walked off. He, and everyone else sitting there in silence, was starting to feel very uncomfortable.  
  
But the words that finally burst from his mouth were not the ones he'd expected-or wanted.  
  
"Aren't you going to eat that?" he asked, indicating the hardly touched sandwich in Remus' hand. The boy made an exasperated noise and tossed it down onto his plate.  
  
"Hell no." He stared up at the ceiling and leaned his chin on his hand.  
  
"You feeling okay?" James asked, again wishing he hadn't said anything at all. Remus hated being mothered.  
  
"No, I'm not, thanks," Remus snapped. There was another long silence. Peter picked at the food on his plate, having lost his appetite. Lily looked very upset at having started the whole thing. James put a comforting hand on hers and was rewarded with a smile and a soft word. Remus stared at their joined hands for a moment, then stood up, thinking of Alyssa. He had said he'd meet her at lunch, and had up until now ignored the promise.  
  
"I think I'm going to go to class now," he lied, looking around for his book bag. Realizing he'd left it in the portrait hole, Remus cursed softly and left without another word. James and Lily looked at each other, alarmed.  
  
"Did we offend him somehow?" Lily asked worriedly. Peter snickered.  
  
"No, of course not," he said as he tore his sandwich in half. "You made him think about Alyssa-he's probably off to find her now." Lily looked blank. "I saw them walking around like a regular couple the other day," Peter explained.  
  
"Alyssa-Alyssa Mant?" she asked carefully.  
  
"Yep," James informed her proudly. "Our boy's finally got up the courage to talk to her, I guess."  
  
"But she already has a boyfriend!" Lily exclaimed. "I'm surprised you didn't know-she's been dating Severus Snape for the past month and a half!" James and Peter stared at her, open-mouthed.  
  
"That would explain why he hasn't been bothering us for a good long time..." James muttered, but Peter shook his head.  
  
"That can't be right," he said firmly. "She must have dumped Sevvie-poo for Moony. There's just no other explanation."  
  
"I'm afraid there is, Peter," Lily said apologetically. "Alyssa's widely known among the girls as a kind of..." She looked around carefully. "Harlot," she whispered. James chuckled at her; no matter who she was talking about, Lily always felt guilty about saying bad things about other people.  
  
"But Remus doesn't like those kinds of people!" Peter claimed indignantly.  
  
"All guys do," James corrected him firmly. Then, at a look from Lily, "Except me, of course. I'm above that." He winked at Peter and got a punch in the arm from Lily. "Don't worry, sweets, I'd never cheat on you," he assured her, running a hand through his hair. Peter groaned and focused on his food when Lily leaned forward to kiss her boyfriend tenderly.  
  
"I know you wouldn't," she whispered lovingly. Her eyes narrowed. "It's that Alyssa girl I'm worried about." 


	5. A Sudden Death

Chapter Five  
  
A Sudden Death  
  
Remus crossed the Great Hall, hands deep in his pockets and shoulders hunched. He didn't know why, but the prospect of seeing Alyssa again was not particularly welcoming. There was something about her he didn't like. . .  
  
But that was preposterous! The girl was pretty, charming, and usually cheerful. She was smart, to say the least, and had lots of friends-which proved she was nice, and loyal to some extent. She was excellent in all classes except DADA, which Remus heard she was terrible at and generally hated. Plus, she seemed to like Remus as much as he had liked her. . .  
  
Had liked her? What was that supposed to mean? That he didn't anymore? He shook his head again and looked around the Great Hall one last time, looking for her pretty blonde head, but couldn't spot her at any of the tables. She'd agreed to see him at lunch, and where was he expected to look for her if not in the Great Hall?  
  
Maybe she waited for me so long, she just left without coming to find me, Remus thought. It was certainly a possibility. Not wanting to search all over the school for her and risk being late for History of Magic, he decided to look for her in the library, where he'd last seen her. It was close to the history room anyway.  
  
Walking quickly up the stairs and towards the Gryffindor tower, which was on the way to the library, Remus almost passed the couple behind the suit of armor without noticing them. Then he heard Alyssa's familiar light laugh and turned around in surprise. His jaw dropped when he saw her lean in to kiss Severus Snape, her slender fingers in his greasy hair. Not sure whether he was more angry or disgusted, Remus turned away quickly and half- jogged to the Gryffindor tower. Let them have their moment, he thought bitterly.  
  
"Troll's leg," he muttered. The Fat Lady swung open with a smile. The password had been changed in anticipation of the new month. Strange as it seemed to Remus, December was almost upon them.  
  
Remus crawled through the portrait hole, picking up his bag along the way. He was surprised to hear soft voices and the sound of someone crying; passing the curtained window seat, he realized who it must be and continued on his way. The stairs creaked as he mounted them towards his dorm room, but the occupants of the window seat did not seem to notice. Remus made it upstairs and to his bed without attracting any unwanted attention.  
  
As soon as he was alone, Remus' thoughts drifted to Alyssa Mant and Severus Snape. So he wasn't enough for her? Perhaps she'd been using him to get Snape, as many girls seemed to think it was okay to do. He thought painfully of his first girlfriend, Daisy Parkinson. She'd seemed to really like him last year, and he'd thought that perhaps he could have a normal life after all. . .  
  
But she'd been after Lucius Malfoy, a seventh-year and very popular among the Slytherins. A Slytherin herself, Daisy had been willing to use any means necessary to reach her goal. Her goal had been Lucius, and her means had been Remus.  
  
He shook thoughts of Daisy out of his head. Despite how she'd hurt him, Remus still thought of her as a pretty, smart, funny girl who was usually very kind and unlike a Slytherin. If not for the way she'd used him. . .  
  
Which brought him back to Alyssa. Had she really been following Daisy's example? Remus doubted this suddenly; it was hard to imagine Snape being picky enough to make a girl resort to such methods. It was hard to imagine a girl resorting to any methods for Severus Snape.  
  
So why was she cheating on him?  
  
Or could he even call it cheating? They'd never actually said anything about that. Maybe Alyssa saw him as just a fling. Or maybe she was cheating on Snape with him. That thought made him shudder; he didn't need Snape hating him more than he already did-plus, the idea that the person who liked him, also liked Snape, was just creepy.  
  
Remus realized with a start that he was holding the knife again. Since Sirius' first outburst, it had started to scare him a bit how much he depended on the comfort and relaxation this small weapon offered. He often slept with it curled in his palm, liking how cool and smooth it was even when the blade was folded in. Now he was holding it without even remembering getting it down from the shelf. It was warm from his hand, but when he flipped open the blade, the sharp edge was cool.  
  
Was Alyssa simply not satisfied with him anymore? Perhaps she thought him wimpy for making such small, insignificant cuts. He remembered the large scars she bore from her own obsession with the disturbing practice and wondered if he'd just guessed it. She must think him naïve, a regular neophyte in the way of self-mutilation. She must have thought it was cute at first, like girls seemed to do, but now she was bored with him and his cowardliness.  
  
For surely, only a coward would make such tiny scrapes. Someone with real guts, who really cared about what he was doing, wouldn't be afraid of a bit of pain. A pinprick such as what Remus felt must seem puny when compared to the pain of a real injury.  
  
Remus closed the blade. No. He'd promised Sirius he would stop, and look where breaking that promise had got him. The blade clicked into place when he opened it again.  
  
But Sirius would simply have to get used to this new habit. Remus could do what he wished with his life, and who was Sirius to stop him? The sharp edge grazed Remus' fingers when it slipped into its slot in the handle.  
  
A promise was a promise. Sirius was his friend, and wanted only the best for him. Light glinted off the blade. It was open again, though Remus hadn't remembered forcing it that way.  
  
Think of Alyssa! he told himself. What would she think if she knew he was being such a wimp? He closed the blade with a snap.  
  
Alyssa was cheating on him. He couldn't make his decisions based on her. The blade lay open in his hand again.  
  
If he wanted to win her back, he had to go through with this. He had to prove he was stronger than Snape. Had to prove he really wanted her back.  
  
A small voice in the back of his head chided him: but do you want her back? She grossed you out today, she's cheating on you with the guy you hate most in the school, and there's that feeling about her that you just can't stand. . . Remus ignored the voice and pulled back his sleeve. Of course he wanted her. . . He was startled slightly to note that the shallow cut on his arm was still bleeding as much as it had been when fresh. Ignoring the small worry that crept into his brain, he placed the knife against his skin and pressed down hard, pushing against the resistance and biting his lip against the pain. Blood began to drip heavily down his arm as he dragged the knife down his arm, following the same cut from before. It ran over the blood that had dried over the course of the day and spread onto his sheets. Remus was vaguely surprised at how much there was, but he didn't think about it much-he was too focused on the pain that burned along his arm.  
  
When he pulled the knife out of his wound and wiped it on the sheets, he noticed tears stinging at his eyes. He wiped them away angrily; what did it mean to cut himself if he was going to cry about it? So much for proving himself to be not a wimp. . . But Alyssa didn't need to know about his nearly-shed tears. She would only see the cut, the gaping wound, and would leave Snape in the dust as she turned to embrace Remus. . .but her face changed as she drew nearer to him. Her eyes became dazzling blue, her strikingly pale skin took on a bronze hue-  
  
The bell signaling the end of lunch rang, startling Remus out of his reverie. He jumped up, placed the knife on his shelf, grabbed his books, and ran for the door. He paused in the bathroom long enough to grab a paper towel, then ran for the portrait hole. Sirius and Jesse were about to climb through it when he got there. Sirius glanced at the paper towel clutched in his hand, narrowed his eyes, and crawled through the portrait hole without a word. Jesse shrugged and threw Remus a helpless glance, then followed suit. Ignoring both of them, Remus clambered in after her.  
  
The three barely made it to History of Magic on time. Professor Binns was already there, sitting behind his desk and watching the class file in. He was an old man, tiny and wrinkled like Professor Flitwick, but there the similarities stopped. Binns was quiet and subdued and not at all excited about his subject. He generally lectured the whole class period and assigned dreadfully long essays for homework. All the students disliked his class, but at least he didn't take points from anyone. Nor did he dish them out, but one couldn't have everything.  
  
The professor was uncannily still today as the class took their seats to the sound of the bell. He watched them lazily, not even blinking his half- closed eyes when the bell rang loudly in everyone's ears. When the students had settled down, he stood up.  
  
Or at least, something that looked like him did.  
  
Two girls screamed, Lily gasped and looked like she was going to faint, James raised his eyebrows, and Sirius laughed out loud. The professor looked around angrily.  
  
"What's this commotion?" he asked in his usual drone, focusing his eyes on Sirius, who was shaking silently in his chair. A boy sitting in the front row pointed a shaky finger at the professor, who looked himself up and down, obviously confused. He raised his eyebrows.  
  
"Oh," he said softly, turning around to look behind him. There sat his body, unmoved, in the chair behind his desk. He, a silvery-white ghost, stood facing the class. "I wondered when that was going to happen." Professor Binns' ghost turned back to his class. "Well, no matter," he said lightly, looking almost happy for an instant. "Will everyone get out a piece of parchment and a quill for taking notes, please?" The students looked at each other, horrified. He was still going to teach? "Move along now, please, we've wasted enough time as it is." Sirius had finally calmed down some, but at these words, he burst into peals of laughter again. His chair tipped over backwards and deposited him on the floor, but this only made him laugh harder.  
  
"Mr. Black!" the professor's ghost said sternly. "If you will please control yourself and do as I have said!" Sirius took a few deep breaths, nodded, and got out his note-taking materials. It was the first time he'd been the first student to follow a teacher's directions. The professor looked at the rest of the class menacingly. "Please follow Mr. Black's example." James grinned and winked at Sirius, then burst out laughing, knocked his chair over, and laughed even harder. Binns' ghostly face was contorted with rage. It was the angriest they'd ever seen him-almost as if he was more human now that he was dead.  
  
"Mr. Potter!" he fairly yelled. "You knew exactly what I meant, now please follow my instructions in a less literal way!" James calmed himself down and took out the necessary materials, feeling that the joke had run its course anyway. The rest of the class finally followed suit, slightly afraid of the ghost teacher's anger. Once they were all ready, Professor Binns' ghost attempted to sit down in his chair again-but he fell through his own corpse and the chair, only just managing to catch himself before falling through the floor. Sirius was cracking up again.  
  
  
  
"Well, that was an interesting experience," Sirius announced as he left the History of Magic classroom with his friends. "Although I must say-being taught by Professor Binns' ghost is no more interesting than being taught by the good man, himself." Jesse shot him a withering look.  
  
"Of course not," James said. "He's still Professor Binns, even though he's dead."  
  
"James!" Lily exclaimed, appalled. He looked at her innocently.  
  
"What? It's only the truth." She glared at him momentarily.  
  
"It still isn't polite." Sirius chuckled.  
  
"Since when is James ever polite?" he muttered loudly. James whacked him in the back of the head with his history book. "Hey!" Sirius yelled, too late to dodge the blow. "See what I mean?"  
  
Everyone laughed except Remus, who was trailing along behind the group, not sure if he was wanted or not. He'd fastened the paper towel around his arm with a spell at the beginning of class, and he could feel that the absorbent paper was already soaked. When they all turned the corner, headed for Transfiguration, Remus ducked into a nearby bathroom to inspect the damage.  
  
But he found that he couldn't do anything of the sort. Already in the restroom was none other than Severus Snape. Remus had to settle with washing his hands and pretending to check his hair before leaving again, not wishing to be late for McGonagall's class.  
  
The whole class was still talking about Binns' sudden death when the bell rang and Remus slipped into the room. The Gryffindors, who shared history with the Hufflepuffs, were excitedly explaining the events to the Ravenclaws, who mostly seemed amused. Professor McGonagall had quite a time quieting them all down, and that was a first for the strict teacher.  
  
"Now, honestly!" she finally yelled, ending the last of the chatter. "What could possibly be so interesting to all of you?" As if on cue, the whole class started to talk again, most of them Gryffindors yelling explanations to the professor. She held up a hand. "One at a time!" she yelled above the flow of words. "I can't hear you all at once!" Sirius stood up, a grin on his face.  
  
"I'll explain, professor, if you please," he offered. The rest of the class exchanged grins, anticipating some brilliant portrayal of the man's death, but they were disappointed.  
  
"No, Mr. Black, you'll sit down. I'd like someone more reliable to tell me this fascinating story." She looked around the room as Sirius sat down, discouraged. "Ms. Mant," she called out. "Would you please explain to me what is going on?" The blonde looked momentarily perplexed, then admitted,  
  
"I actually don't know, really. I wasn't present at the time-I suggest you ask a Gryffindor if you really want to know." McGonagall nodded and shifted her gaze to the person sitting across the aisle from Alyssa.  
  
"Alright, then, Mr. Lupin, you seem to be somewhat more responsible than your friends-" she shot Sirius a look, "-why don't you fill me in." Remus looked up, startled, and felt his face go red.  
  
"Actually, I don't really know what's going on, either," he mumbled, staring at his hands. He'd heard the conversations and rumors flying around, but hadn't been paying enough attention to comprehend what was being said. And all through History of Magic, he'd been staring at his parchment, doodling various things and occasionally wiping blood off his hand.  
  
McGonagall was looking a bit flustered now-and, despite herself, curious. The Gryffindors were staring at Remus as though he was mad, and Sirius, sitting next to him, hadn't noticed that his mouth was hanging open.  
  
"Well, then!" the professor said, looking around the room. "Ms. Evans! Please explain what everyone is so excited about!" McGonagall looked as if she'd hex her if she didn't do as asked, so Lily cleared her throat.  
  
"We-that is, the other Gryffindors and I-just came from History of Magic with Professor Binns." There were snickers from a few of the Gryffindors.  
  
"I know who my fellow teachers are, Ms. Evans. Please try not to waste class time." Lily got rather red in the face.  
  
"Well, I'm not sure you do know who's teaching that class now, Professor," she said calmly. "Professor Binns died in class today. I'm sure he'll be replaced soon enough." To the students' dismay, McGonagall did not seem at all perturbed by this news.  
  
"Oh, is that all? Honestly, such a fuss. . . Please take out your wands and open your books to page 113. Today we will be studying-"  
  
"Wait a sec, Professor!" a Ravenclaw boy called out. "What about Professor Binns?" McGonagall looked at him blankly for a moment.  
  
"What about him?" she asked impatiently.  
  
"Well, who's gonna replace him?" James elaborated. McGonagall frowned.  
  
"No one, of course. He'll continue teaching as he always has." The students looked at each other in surprise and disappointment.  
  
"But he's dead!" someone whispered. Professor McGonagall heard her.  
  
"Yes, Ms. Fletcher, he is. But his ghost seems perfectly capable of teaching, as none of you blew up his classroom after he died." She looked pointedly at James and Sirius. James grinned and turned to his friend.  
  
"Darn, why didn't we think of that?" he whispered. But Sirius wasn't really listening. He was glaring furiously at his desk, occasionally shooting angry glances at Remus. James looked at him in surprise, but didn't say anything.  
  
"Now, if you will please take out your books!" McGonagall said loudly. Everyone did so, even Remus and Sirius. "We've wasted too much time to actually try out this spell, so you can put your wands away. Open your books to page 113 and read the section!" With that, she sat down in her seat. To James' slight disappointment, she didn't fall through it and onto the floor.  
  
  
  
Dinner was a loud event that evening. James was happily telling the rest of the Quidditch team, none of which were fifth-years, what had happened in history. Lily chimed in once in a while and Peter listened with a little grin on his face, but Sirius and Remus were subdued and silent. Remus kept his right hand in his pocket so no one would see his bleeding arm and ate uncomfortably with his non-dominant left. Sirius noticed this, but said nothing. He was pretty sure he knew what was going on. It all fit together quite nicely: Remus had probably left during lunch to perform the sickening ritual, then had run to History of Magic with his arm hurting. This probably wouldn't have kept him from noticing his teacher's death, so there was probably something else on his mind as well.  
  
He'd done a sloppy job in keeping the information from Sirius, though. Usually he at least tried to act normal so as to not attract attention to himself. He was lucky today-Binns' death had kept everyone occupied. Sirius glared at his stew and poked a piece of tender beef. The aromas from the meal made his mouth water, but he felt nauseated just thinking about eating. He played absently with his food and occasionally glared at Remus. The werewolf was eating normally again; in fact, he seemed to be quite hungry.  
  
Yeah, I bet all that cutting really works up your appetite, Sirius thought bitterly, watching Remus spoon more potatoes onto his plate. He felt a light touch on his shoulder and looked up to see Jesse, who was sitting next to him, looking at him knowingly. She looked to Remus and back, and Sirius nodded. Jesse's face fell.  
  
"You have to talk to him," she whispered. "I think it's only going to get worse." Sirius shrugged and looked back to the food in front of him. He took a bite as an excuse not to talk and chewed the savory meat slowly, looking around the Great Hall. He glared at Alyssa Mant when he saw her, disgusted with what he'd seen earlier. James, sitting next to him on the other side, had finished with his tale and now followed his friend's gaze.  
  
"Yeah, she's got some nerve, eh?" he commented before taking a bite of green beans.  
  
"She can go out with Snape if she wants, I guess-it's her hands getting greasy," Sirius said with a shudder.  
  
"So she is going out with him, then?" James asked softly, shooting a glance across the table. Remus was focused on his food and hadn't heard anything; James wanted to keep it that way.  
  
Sirius glanced at him, confused. "Isn't that what you were just talking about?" he asked, staring back at Alyssa's blonde head. James shrugged.  
  
"Not exactly. I don't care who she dates and who she doesn't-but cheating is another story." Sirius raised an eyebrow and met his friend's eyes, his curiosity peaked despite himself.  
  
"Cheating? I wouldn't blame her if she's only got Snape. . ." he said with a sneer. James was looking at him oddly.  
  
"That's right. . ." he muttered. "I guess we forgot to tell you-she's been cheating on Remus with Snape-or, I suppose, the other way around." Sirius stared at James, incredulous.  
  
"What?!" he hissed. James nodded.  
  
"Yeah, and according to Lily, this is normal behavior for her. She's kind of a whore-even Lily admitted it."  
  
"And Peter saw her with Remus. . ." Sirius trailed off, remembering the night he'd apologized to Moony, and what Peter had said. He clenched his fist and banged the table, all earlier anger at Remus forgotten. "Damn her!" he growled, attracting the attention of Peter, who was next to Remus, and Lily from next to James.  
  
"What's he pissy about now?" Peter asked with a smirk. Sirius shot him a warning glare, and Wormtail shrank slightly in his seat. James was quietly explaining to Lily, who gave Peter a meaningful look and nodded almost imperceptibly towards Remus. Peter shrugged. "What's new?" he muttered. Sirius glared at him again; he knew he'd been angry with Remus a lot lately, but this time he was pissed off for his friend, not because of him. Jesse squeezed his shoulder gently; he turned around, having forgotten she was there. She certainly was quieter than she had been when she'd first met them.  
  
"He can handle it himself, Sirius," she assured him in a whisper. "You know he'll only get mad if you try to handle his problems for him." Sirius nodded, glanced at Remus, and took another bite of stew. Sick as he might feel at the moment, he knew he'd be hungry later if he didn't eat something.  
  
After dinner, Remus slipped away from the group to find Alyssa before she could leave the Great Hall. He found her still at the Ravenclaw table, gathering her things as she prepared to leave. Remus didn't notice Snape smirk as he left the room, nor did he see Sirius turn around at the door.  
  
"Where's Moony?" Sirius asked when they were almost at the door. He turned and looked around, then spotted his friend standing by Alyssa Mant at the Ravenclaw table. His fist clenched and a muscle in his face twitched. "That's it, I'm telling him now," he muttered as he strode towards the table. Someone grabbed his wrist with surprising strength. He looked around to see Jesse shaking her head at him.  
  
"You don't know why he's there," she said sternly. "What if he already knows? You'll just offend him by mothering him, and it will have been for no reason, besides." Sirius considered this, then shook his head.  
  
"But what if he doesn't know? It's not worth it to take that chance." Jesse gave him an appraising look.  
  
"Honestly, I thought you were smarter than that. How much is it really going to help for him to be told now, rather than later? How much less will it actually hurt?" She tugged his arm gently. "Come on, let's just go up to the common room. We can wait for him there, if you like."  
  
Remus saw none of the exchange; he was watching Alyssa gather her books and shove them in her bag. She'd been reading a novel while eating, and she was careful to mark the page before sticking it into her book bag. She stood up, swung her bag over her shoulder, and flipped her hair out of her face. She turned to leave, then saw Remus.  
  
"Oh!" she said, surprise evident on her face. "I didn't see you there." Remus smiled faintly. That had been the idea.  
  
"Can we talk?" he asked casually. She hesitated.  
  
"Okay, but let's walk as we do. I've got to get to the library before it closes." Remus agreed and they walked out of the Great Hall. It wasn't until they were halfway up the marble staircase that Remus spoke.  
  
"I skipped most of lunch today," he began, already feeling uncomfortable. Alyssa looked at him sideways.  
  
"That's nice. . ."  
  
"I went up to the Gryffindor tower instead, just to think about things." They walked past the spot Remus had seen her kissing Snape. The mental image made him shudder. "I thought about some pretty upsetting stuff. . ." he trailed off, unconsciously putting a hand to his bleeding arm. Alyssa stopped when she saw the movement and pulled him against the wall, behind that same suit of armor. She pulled up his sleeve and smiled at the blood running down his arm. She pulled his arm up and kissed the bleeding wound lightly. Remus shuddered and turned his head away. He felt a hand on his chin, turning him back to face her. She was right in front of him, as she had been that day by the lake. Before he could stop her or pull away, she kissed him passionately. Her touch was anything but gentle; she put her hands in his hair and pulled him forward, trying to deepen the kiss.  
  
Remus pushed her away, the taste of his own blood on his lips. He stared at her in disgust.  
  
"I saw you kissing Snape today," he blurted out. Alyssa looked mildly surprised.  
  
"Is that so?"  
  
"Y-yes," he stammered, his vision swimming. He felt like he was about to throw up. Controlling himself, he continued. "That's not okay with me," he managed to say with some conviction. "It wouldn't even be okay if it had been someone other than Snape, though it scares me that you can find something to like in both of us. . ." Alyssa laughed.  
  
"If it makes you feel any better, I like him for. . .for him, but I only like you for this." She pressed a slender finger to his bleeding arm, pushing her manicured nail against the cut. Remus felt as if he's just been slapped.  
  
"No, that doesn't make me feel better!" he yelled, pulling his arm away and covering it with his sleeve. "How would that make me feel good at all?!" Alyssa laughed again.  
  
"Don't worry, it doesn't mean you don't mean as much to me as he does. I just want you for different things." She leaned forward and put her arms around his waist, placing her lips against his neck. She kissed a trail from the collar of his shirt to the hollow where his jaw joined his ear. There she paused and inhaled deeply. Remus shuddered and pushed her away.  
  
"I'm sorry you aren't satisfied with just one of us, but you'll just have to settle for what you can get," he muttered, then turned and walked away. When he was sure he was out of sight, he ran the rest of the way to the Gryffindor portrait hole. "Troll's leg!" he gasped. As if sensing his urgency, the Fat Lady swung forward without comment. Remus launched himself through the portrait hole and ran through the room, not even noticing the two people sitting on the couch in front of the fire. He ran up the stairs to the landing between the fifth- and sixth-year dorms and dashed into the bathroom. Almost before he could kneel in front of the toilet, he relaxed his jaw, which he'd had clenched shut, and threw up his dinner as he had his lunch.  
  
  
  
Sirius and Jesse said good night to the others, then settled onto the couch to wait for Remus as promised. They watched the fire in silence, expecting a long wait. But after only about five minutes, the portrait hole opened and Remus ran in. Without sparing them a glance, he dashed upstairs and into the bathroom on the landing. There was the unmistakable sound of retching, and Sirius looked at Jesse in alarm. Silence prevailed again, until a few minutes later, when Remus opened the door and stumbled out looking very ill. Sirius jumped to his feet, color rising in his cheeks.  
  
"So is that why you were so hungry at dinner today?!" he yelled accusingly. Remus stared at him in surprise, having not noticed him before. "Have you been throwing up your meals every night?" There was a moment's silence, in which Jesse tried to pull Sirius back onto the couch. He shook her off.  
  
"What? No-I mean, yes, today I did, but-" Remus was cut off by a triumphant "aha!" from Sirius.  
  
"I knew it! Cutting wasn't enough for you, was it? You just had to torture yourself some other way, stress out all your friends even more by starving yourself!"  
  
"Bulimia is generally more common in girls, Sirius," Jesse said, hoping to break the tension with a joke. But Sirius had never heard of the Muggle name for the disease and ignored her.  
  
"I'm not bulimic," Remus told her firmly. "I just threw up today, I felt sick-"  
  
"Yeah, from loss of blood!" Sirius interrupted. Remus glared at him, but felt too sick to get into the fight.  
  
"For Pete's sake, Sirius," he said with a shake of his head. "Can't a guy talk?"  
  
"So now he wants to talk. . ." Jesse murmured, not intending for Remus to hear. But his sensitive ears picked up the comment.  
  
"Don't you start with me, Jess," he scolded. She was relieved that he didn't go any further than that. "Sirius, I'm telling you the truth-or trying to. I only threw up today. I'm feeling sick, and that's what people do when they're sick."  
  
"Shut up, Moody," Sirius scoffed. "I've only thrown up twice in my life." Remus raised his eyebrows.  
  
"'Moody?'" he repeated. Sirius swallowed nervously; he hadn't meant to say that name out loud.  
  
"Moony, I meant Moony," he muttered, but the damage was done.  
  
"So that's how you see me? As a hormonal, moody teenager?" Remus said softly, his anger apparent on his face, though it was absent from his voice.  
  
"No, Remus, of course not," Sirius tried to tell him, but Remus talked over him.  
  
"I'm sorry if I've been a little stressed out lately," he growled sarcastically. "Of course I'm overreacting to everything! Y'know, what with changing in the common room, getting whacked over the head with an iron rod. Then, of course, there's the usual-making up Potions and CMC in my spare time, dreaming constantly about my brother's death, and being cheated on by a vampire." He smiled grimly. "No, my life's pretty simple right now." With that, he stalked off to the dorm room, leaving Sirius and Jesse speechless.  
  
"Oh, my God, I had no idea. . ." Jesse murmured, placing a hand to her mouth and staring unseeing into the fire. Sirius nodded.  
  
"I know. . .who would've guessed that Alyssa was a vampire?" he whispered incredulously, perching on the edge of the couch and leaning his chin on his hands.  
  
"No, I meant-" Jesse stopped, shaking her head.  
  
"What?"  
  
"It's just. . .I didn't know he still thought about his brother. I guess it's unavoidable, but I can see how anyone would be stressed out by that." Sirius looked at her curiously.  
  
"What do you mean by that?" he asked. She looked at him sharply.  
  
"You mean. . .he's never told you?" she whispered. Sirius shrugged.  
  
"Yeah, he's told us that his brother died, but so did my mom. I don't dream about her." Not much, he corrected himself silently. But Jesse didn't need to know that.  
  
"Oh my goodness. . .I thought he'd have told you all by now. I mean, because you're so close and all." She sighed. "I guess he really is kind of quiet about some things, huh?" Sirius nodded.  
  
"Well, yeah. He doesn't like talking about his past much-says it's behind him, and he'd rather not dig it up." Jesse laughed.  
  
"I guess that means he's never mentioned me, either?"  
  
"And why would he have?" Jesse shrugged.  
  
"Well, we were friends as kids. Maybe I'm just weird, but I told all my friends about him." Sirius looked at her sharply.  
  
"You didn't mention his-condition, did you?" he asked warily. Jesse shook her head. "Oh, good. . .'cause that would certainly explain why he's so upset with you."  
  
"No, I actually didn't know about him being a werewolf until I saw him transform right in front of me. When we knew each other, he hadn't been bitten yet." She paused. "When was he bitten, anyways?" It was something she'd wondered since Thanksgiving.  
  
"I don't actually know," Sirius said with a shrug. "Just that he was young at the time-I think four, or maybe five. Again, he doesn't talk about things like that." Jesse resisted the urge to cry out. She carefully hid her surprise; she didn't want to tell Sirius anything until she was sure. . .  
  
"I guess we'd better get to bed," she suggested finally. Sirius nodded.  
  
"I'll see you tomorrow," he said with a smile. They went up their separate staircases and joined their sleeping roommates in their respective dorms.  
  
Jesse dressed for bed silently and went to bed immediately, though she stayed awake for a long time to ponder what she'd just learned from Sirius. But Padfoot walked into the room and stood by Remus' bed for a long moment. The curtains were drawn, and he debated whether he should risk Moony's wrath and open them, or just leave things be.  
  
"Remus?" he finally called quietly. There was no response. He carefully drew the curtains aside enough to peek through. Remus was fast asleep, and the knife was safe on the shelf above his bed. 


	6. Karaoke Night

I want to say thanks to Rena Lupin for reviewing! Anyone else want to follow her example? Hint hint, nudge nudge.  
  
This is my last update for a while. I'll be on a camping trip until Sunday, and I won't be able to write any more until Monday at the earliest. I may try to write some stuff by hand on the trip, but that all depends. So, hopefully I'll have some reviews waiting for me when I return! More hints, more nudges. Ahem.  
  
One warning, there is some singing in this one. It's karaoke night at the Three Broomsticks (hence the title), and they have some fun. There's other stuff besides that, but it was my favorite part. Heh heh... So, enjoy! It's not too terrible.  
  
Chapter Six  
  
Karaoke Night  
  
Remus woke up before the sun and rolled over to survey the semi-dark room. His hand brushed against something wet and he looked down, horrified, to see a large blotch of blood on his once-white sheets. He looked at his arm, which he was appalled to notice was still bleeding profusely. Swallowing nervously, he slipped out of his blood-soaked sheets and tiptoed to the bathroom. He was surprised and slightly angered to find it locked.  
  
After a few moments, Sirius emerged from the room. He tried to smile at Remus, but the expression on his face stopped him cold.  
  
"Remus, are you-" he began, but stopped at a glare from his friend. "Never mind..." he muttered as he walked back to the dorm room. Remus slipped into the bathroom and locked the door. He pulled back his sleeve and leaned his bare arm on the counter, then placed a dry paper towel against the cut. It immediately began soaking up blood, and he soon had to find a drier place on the towel to work with. When this, too, became soaked and the wound showed no sign of beginning to close up or stop bleeding, Remus began to get a little worried.  
  
He carefully washed the cut with a wet paper towel and inspected it as fresh blood began to spill out of it. It wasn't incredibly deep, but the amount of blood coming out of it was astounding. Within moments, Remus had to wash it all away in order to see better. He noticed that the cut looked fresh, as if he'd just inflicted it upon himself five minutes ago. He wiped away more blood and inspected it further, but found nothing else strange about it. After searching for a bandage or a roll of gauze fruitlessly for about five minutes, Remus finally grabbed some paper towels and retreated back to his room, where he dug around in his trunk for a while. Soon enough, he sat back against his bed with a pair of old pajamas clutched in his hand. As quietly as he could, he ripped away a few long strips of cloth and set them aside. He wrapped the paper towels around his bleeding arm, then tied them in place with the makeshift bandages. It wasn't much, but surely it would do until the cut closed up. At least it would keep blood from running down his arm during class.  
  
But two hours later, when the rest of the Marauders where finally awake, the towels and the strips of cloth were already soaked with blood. The sight made Remus sick; he carefully covered it with his sleeve before going downstairs. He'd probably have to change the towels after breakfast.  
  
Breakfast was interesting for Remus; he tried desperately to listen to the conversations going on around him, which were all focused on Professor Binns' death, hoping to figure out exactly what had gone on. He felt a little upset that he'd missed such an event-Hogwarts simply didn't get this much excitement every day. And to think, he'd been there but hadn't even noticed!  
  
But paying attention was difficult to do: between owl post, eating breakfast enough to make up for two lost meals, and trying to ignore suspicious glares from Sirius, Remus found himself hard put to keep his mind focused on one thing.  
  
Sirius was by far the most annoying of the various distractions around Remus. He was sitting across from him and pretending to eat, but was actually staring straight at Remus. It was a disconcerting feeling, made all the worse by the fury in Sirius' eyes. Finally, as breakfast was drawing to a close and the Great Hall was emptying out, Remus stood suddenly and slammed his hands palm-down on the table. Everyone around him, including Sirius, looked up in surprise.  
  
"Alright Sirius, I get it! You've rubbed it in enough with your guilt trips, your lectures, your temper tantrums, and your angry looks! I'm not dense, as you seem to think-I can take a hint, especially when applied with a sledgehammer! Now, having made your point, would you kindly LEAVE ME ALONE?!" The last words he screamed at the top of his lungs, attracting the attention of everyone who hadn't been staring at him already. A few Slytherins snickered from across the room, but Remus ignored them.  
  
There was a moment of complete silence in which everyone in the Great Hall waited for Sirius to respond, but he was spared having to say something by another shocking event-Lily suddenly burst into tears.  
  
James, sitting next to her as always, put an arm around her shoulders and looked at her with concern plain on his face. Peter looked up from his plate, startled, then looked back with a red face; he hated seeing people cry. Jesse stood up and moved around Sirius to comfort Lily as well, and Sirius himself looked completely lost. Remus stared at her in shock, obviously uncomfortable with making her cry. The rest of the school looked from her to Remus to Sirius, thoroughly enjoying the drama as it unfolded.  
  
"Lily, Lily I'm sorry..." Remus murmured, leaning over the table towards her. She shook her head and tried to get control of herself.  
  
"It's-it's not you...I just h-h-hate seeing y-you all screaming at each other!" she managed between sobs. Remus looked alarmed. "The wh-whole group is breaking apart!" she sobbed loudly. James, shocked, tightened his grip on her shoulders, almost as if comforting himself as well.  
  
"No, no, don't say that! Never say that! We're brothers-we could never break apart. We'll be together forever, all of us. Nothing can break up this group...we're the Marauders!" he said finally, as if this explained everything. "No silly fight is going to have a lasting effect on us," he continued, looking pointedly at Remus and Sirius. They nodded vigorously and exchanged an uncomfortable glance. Neither had realized how much strife their tension was causing.  
  
"Lily, we're sorry," Sirius said quietly, taking her hand. "We had no idea...we're guys! To us, this was just another fight. Just something more to work through-and we will work through it! And we'll come out all the stronger for it," he concluded firmly.  
  
"Wow, Sirius," Remus said quietly, obviously impressed. "That was pretty deep-for you," he added, almost as if to take the seriousness out of his words. James laughed nervously, trying to get everyone to lighten up, but the sound echoed hollowly in the hall. As if suddenly realizing how much attention they were getting, Remus sat back down, red in the face. He carefully avoided Sirius' gaze as he finished eating and gathered his books.  
  
"I'm going to class now," he announced to the group as he stood up. "I'm not storming out in a huff or anything," he clarified with a touch of a smile around his eyes. Lily gave him a watery grin and nodded. The others said they'd catch up with him later, then turned back to their meals.  
  
"I'll go talk to him," Sirius muttered, grabbing his books as he did so. He gave James a knowing glance. "Again." James grinned and patted his friend on the arm. Jesse gave Sirius an encouraging smile.  
  
"You want me to come along?" she offered, but Sirius declined.  
  
"I don't think that's a good idea-he might feel cornered or something. Remember-Moony's got animal instincts." Jesse laughed lightly and nodded, leaving Sirius to follow Remus alone.  
  
Sirius finally spotted his friend just outside the boys' bathroom on the second floor. He followed him inside unobtrusively, hoping he wouldn't anger his friend by this simple action. But Sirius was a short way behind Remus, and when he entered the bathroom, he hissed at what he saw.  
  
"Cutting again, I see," he couldn't help but comment, gesturing at the blood-soaked bandages around Remus' arm. Remus glared at him, but thankfully didn't explode.  
  
"Actually, I'm not," he said in a surprisingly calm voice. He seemed to have taken Lily's words to heart. "This is all that same cut." Sirius raised an eyebrow, his anger fading along with his friend's.  
  
"Bleeding kind of a lot, isn't it?" he asked casually, setting his books on the counter and approaching his friend. Remus shrugged.  
  
"I guess it's just deeper than I thought."  
  
"Take all that crap off," Sirius said impatiently, now standing right next to Remus. "Let me see for myself." Remus shrugged and began untying the ragged strips of cloth. The paper towels came away reluctantly, clinging to the sticky, half-dried blood on his arm. Before letting Sirius inspect the cut, Remus carefully washed it with warm water, hoping to make it look better than it really was. Sirius snorted, guessing why Remus was stalling.  
  
"Don't bother, buddy-it looks bad enough, you're not helping anything." Remus glared at him, but held out his arm for inspection nonetheless. Sirius was surprised at how cooperative he was being. He leaned forward over his friend's outstretched arm and tried to see what was so terrible about the seemingly thin cut on his arm. Other than the amount of blood spilling from it, it didn't look too serious.  
  
"It doesn't look half bad, actually," Sirius finally admitted out loud. To his surprise, Remus looked relieved.  
  
"You really think so?" he breathed, unsuccessfully trying to keep the relief out of his voice. "Is it healing, d'you think?" Sirius shrugged.  
  
"I'm not a doctor-though we have a perfectly nice nurse here at Hogwarts, as I'm sure you know," he said, raising an eyebrow. "I'm sure she'd be delighted if you paid her a visit before your next change-she really doesn't get to see enough of you as it is, I'm sure she sees you as a sort of son." Remus gave him a withering look and took a few paper towels.  
  
"I hardly think this is worth a visit to the hospital wing," he scoffed. "I'll take care of my cuts and scrapes myself, thanks." Sirius shrugged.  
  
"Makes no difference to me, long as you take care of them, rather than add to them." He shot Remus a meaningful look. The other boy shook his head.  
  
"No, I don't think I will be anytime soon," he admitted, meeting Sirius' eyes in the wall-length mirror. "I wanted to apologize, by the way," he said slowly. "I've been a real prick to you-to you all-for the past week or so, and I realize I've been pushing my friends away just when I need you most." Sirius smiled, a genuine smile that lit up his face.  
  
"My choice of words exactly, Moony," he joked. "I should apologize too, though-I haven't been exactly understanding," he continued more seriously. Remus shrugged.  
  
"When have you ever been understanding?" he said with a perfectly straight face. Sirius gaped at him for a moment, then a smile crept across his face.  
  
"You did not just say that," he said in mock anger. Remus maintained his straight face.  
  
"Yes, actually, I did." Sirius grinned.  
  
"It's the first words of truth you've spoken in a long time, then." Remus' face finally broke; he laughed heartily and clapped his friend on the shoulder.  
  
"Hark! I hear the bell summoning us," he said, reverting to formal speech for no reason at all. It was a joke he and Sirius had, one that none of the others could understand. Sirius carefully composed his face.  
  
"Ah, I see the wondrous werewolf hath not lost his senses as the moon hath lost her shine!" Remus looked at him quizzically.  
  
"That made no sense at all." Sirius grinned and tapped his temple.  
  
"The joys of having my mind," he said wistfully. Remus laughed and picked up his books, heading for the door. He noticed as he pushed it open that Sirius wasn't following. He looked back questioningly. "It's good to have you back, Moony," Sirius said seriously. Remus smiled.  
  
"And it's good to be back, Padfoot." Sirius grinned back and grabbed his books, then followed his friend into the crowded hall.  
  
  
  
James, Lily, Peter, and Jesse were amazed when Remus and Sirius walked into the classroom, laughing and joking as if they'd never fought a day in their lives. They greeted everyone cheerfully, Sirius raising his eyebrows meaningfully at James, and seated themselves in their usual seats. James knew from that simple gesture what had happened, and he smiled. Both Sirius and Remus were so stubborn about some things, and he'd actually feared for their friendship for a while.  
  
Professor Flitwick was particularly cheerful that morning as he stood on his pile of books in front of the class.  
  
"Today we'll be reviewing Cheering Charms, with a twist!" he squeaked.  
  
"He looks like he's been hit with a stray one," James commented to Sirius.  
  
"Can't have been-we're his first class today, remember?"  
  
"I've been practicing the new charm with Gregory Grimely," he continued with a giggle. Grimely was their caretaker-a very old and very morose wizard who hadn't much control of his wand. Then, in a very loud, overdone whisper, Flitwick said sneakily, "I figured he could use some cheering himself!" Everyone laughed loudly, more to see their teacher acting drunk than at the comment itself.  
  
"I rest my case," James whispered triumphantly. Sirius was looking very happy. "Why are you so pleased this morning?" James asked, though he was sure he already knew. Sirius continued grinning happily.  
  
"'Cause I haven't seen Moony this happy since-" he frowned slightly. "Actually, since he was dating Daisy last year." James grimaced at the memory.  
  
"Let's keep to a lighter topic, shall we?" he suggested. Sirius nodded.  
  
"My point is, I think everything's going to be fine, after all," he concluded. James was mildly surprised by his friend's choice of words.  
  
"You had doubts, then?" Sirius shrugged.  
  
"It seemed pretty bad at times," he replied, remembering the first time he'd found Remus with a knife clutched in his bloody hand. He gave an involuntary shudder. "I've honestly never seen him that angry before. Not at me, anyways...and that's saying something. He really loses it with me sometimes." James chuckled.  
  
"That's true, he does... But y'know, I think he's just stressed out about some stuff lately. I honestly don't think he would've been so harsh towards you if there wasn't something else." Sirius gave him a sideways glance.  
  
"I honestly don't think he'd have started cutting at all if there wasn't something else." James raised an eyebrow.  
  
"I never thought of it that way...I wonder what's actually wrong?" Sirius shrugged, considerably subdued. It looked like they'd need those Cheering Charms, after all.  
  
A few minutes later, they all started cheering each other up. When the professor deemed them ready to move on, he wrote a new incantation on the board and demonstrated the somewhat complicated hand movement that went with it.  
  
"Many people get frustrated and un-cheerful just trying to work this one out!" he squealed with a long laugh. The students, some of them already giggling from the charms, joined him. "Now, this one can have strange effects if overdone. Some people come out of it looking positively drunk," he explained to the class happily.  
  
"How much you wanna bet Snape hit him with a hard one?" Sirius whispered to James, who was his cheering-up partner. James laughed a bit too hard at the joke, actually slapping his knees in mirth. The professor giggled when he saw him.  
  
"It appears Mr. Potter already feels that way," he joked. Everyone burst into peals of laughter, especially James. When they'd finally calmed down, their cheerful teacher pointed to the board. "Okay, get cheering!" They did, and once they'd gotten the hang of the tricky movements, they were all considerably happier. When the bell rang, the halls echoed with their drunken laughter.  
  
  
  
"Y'know," Sirius pondered as they all sat around the table at lunch that afternoon. Peter grinned.  
  
"Uh-oh, Sirius is thinking," he teased, still feeling the effects of Lily's cheering charm. "That can never be good." Everyone laughed heartily, also still feeling a tad tipsy. Sirius grinned along with them.  
  
"Yeah...you're right. And I've been thinking-about what Flitwick was saying-and I think it's high time we paid Rosmerta a visit at the Three Broomsticks." James perked up at the idea, but Lily looked rather worried.  
  
"Sirius...I don't like what happens to you when you go there," she said firmly, hardly feeling Peter's weak charm at all. "You either, James. Or, in fact, you, Remus. I don't think that place is good for you." Sirius stared at her in shock.  
  
"Not...not good for us?" he spluttered. "But it's for re-lax-ation!" he exclaimed, enunciating the word to emphasize it. "We need an occasional bout of fun!"  
  
"Today was fun enough to last you a good long time," Lily said firmly. "If you ever want to feel happy, come to me-I've got this charm down, I'll perform it in a second." Sirius was not convinced.  
  
"Lily, you know it isn't the same!"  
  
"I'm sorry Sirius, but I've watched you guys do so many stupid things- become Animagi, play pranks, pick fights with Slytherins-and this time I'm going to have to put my foot down." She looked at James for support. "It just isn't right. You're fifteen years old, for Pete's sake!" Peter looked up.  
  
"I heard my name," he announced. James and Sirius laughed.  
  
"No, you didn't," Sirius explained. "Lily was just cursing-or as close as she comes to it." She glared at him.  
  
"I'm serious about this," she said firmly, starting to get angry.  
  
"No you're not, I-" Sirius started, before realizing she'd carefully worded her phrase to prevent him from making the usual joke. Remus, James, and Jesse burst into laughter. Sirius grinned too, then looked at Jesse as if noticing her for the first time.  
  
"Hey, Jesse-you should come with this time!" he suggested happily. "It'll be-"  
  
"Have you been listening to one word I've said, Sirius?!" Lily practically screamed. He went silent and the smile slid from his face. "I don't want you to go-and I'm certainly not letting you corrupt Jesse!" Jesse shook her head with a smile.  
  
"A bit late for that..." she muttered to Remus. He laughed, forgetting for a moment that he was angry with her. A result of the Cheering Charm, of course. "Sirius," she continued in a normal tone of voice, "give it a rest. You can't win against Lily." The red-head smiled at her gratefully, not noticing her wink slyly at the black-haired boy.  
  
"That's right. And don't think I'm going to back down from this-I'm serious." Sirius grinned.  
  
"You can't be-I am." Everyone groaned, then burst into giggles.  
  
  
  
Sirius burst into the boys' dorm with a huge smile on his face. It was shortly after midnight on Friday night, and the others were all awake and waiting for him. He had a bag slung over one shoulder and was clutching a bright green piece of paper in his hand.  
  
"Look at this!" he whispered excitedly, holding out the paper. James took it and held it between the other two so they all could read it.  
  
The Three Broomsticks  
  
Karaoke Night!!!  
  
The Three Broomsticks is holding a free karaoke night this  
Saturday at 9:00! Bring your friends, bring your voice, and  
bring an appetite-there will be free food for all singers!  
  
Choose from a large selection of songs, both magic and Muggle!  
Then stand onstage and sing your heart out, while reading the  
words from the air in front of you. It's sure to be good times  
for all!  
  
Sirius grinned at the others when they looked up from the flyer.  
  
"Karaoke night?" James muttered in disbelief. "That's a Muggle thing!" Sirius shrugged.  
  
"So? What are you, a Slytherin? We've picked up plenty from the Muggles- they really know how to have fun sometimes!" James glared at him.  
  
"Don't," he warned, "call me a Slytherin."  
  
"Then don't knock karaoke night before you've tried it!" Sirius countered. Remus, to everyone's surprise, grinned.  
  
"Yeah, James-it's jolly good fun!" James raised an eyebrow.  
  
"And you would know?"  
  
"Sure, it was a huge thing at a bar near my house when I was a kid. We lived near a Muggle city, and there was a great little pub at the edge that held karaoke nights every week. It was a tradition for me and Jesse." His smile faded slightly, but he quickly perked up again. "We should go, it'll be worth it."  
  
James looked sideways at Sirius, who was giving him puppy-dog eyes. He switched his gaze to Peter, who shrugged.  
  
"I'll go, but I'm not singing for any amount of food," he said firmly. Sirius smirked.  
  
"We'll cross that bridge when we get to it, little buddy," he said evilly. Peter blanched, but didn't reply. Sirius turned back to James. "C'mon, Prongs! You don't have to sing, I promise!" James laughed.  
  
"I wasn't planning on that, anyway-I'm a terrible singer."  
  
"It'd make a nice date with Lily," Sirius goaded. James hesitated.  
  
"Are you sure about that? It seems like it'll be loud and brackish."  
  
"Brackish? Ha! I don't even know what that means!" They all laughed. "But seriously, James, Lily likes that kind of stuff more than you'd think. It'll be a nice change for her!"  
  
"But you heard her-she doesn't want us going to the pub at all." Sirius shrugged.  
  
"If she honestly thinks we can get drunk with all those other people there, she's crazy!"  
  
"Sirius, you can get drunk anywhere," Remus pointed out with a grin. Sirius blinked at him innocently.  
  
"Who, me?" He shook his head sadly. "You just go on thinking that... But back to more important matters! If you don't come, I'll drag you there by your ears!" Peter suddenly spoke up.  
  
"How are we going to get there? We're not allowed even out on the grounds this late at night, much less in Hogsmeade on a non-designated weekend." Sirius gaped at him.  
  
"Wormtail! Are you even worthy of your nickname anymore? How could you have forgotten our lovely tunnel, right into the heart of Honeydukes?" He held up the bag he'd been holding to prove his point. "Where did you think I got that flyer?" he said with a grin, dumping a load of candy onto the floor. Remus' eyes lit up, and he immediately joined Sirius on the floor and opened a chocolate frog.  
  
"C'mon, Peter, James," he said through a mouthful of chocolate. "It'll be great, and you know it. Stop being such babies and learn to live a little!" At this, James looked offended.  
  
"Babies-!" he exclaimed. "Well! That does it-I'll show you who's a baby when we get up onstage!" Peter nodded in agreement, and when they had joined the others on the floor to devour the candy, Sirius nudged Remus in the arm.  
  
"Good one-I couldn't have put it better myself," he muttered. Remus smiled happily, his teeth covered in chocolate.  
  
  
  
"C'mon Lily-it'll be fun!" James pleaded in the common room the next evening, an hour before it was time to go. She shook her red head.  
  
"I'm sure it will be, James, but I don't want to sit there while you guys get drunk!" James looked shocked.  
  
"I'm not going to get drunk!" he said defensively. "I can't vouch for Padfoot, but I promise you I won't do anything stupid!" She hesitated.  
  
"So this really is about the karaoke, not the pub?" James nodded. To his relief, her face broke into a smile. "Well, then, I'll just have to go change!" He grinned happily and dashed up to his own dorm to relay the good news.  
  
"Great," Sirius said when he heard. "That makes six of us, then. Jesse's coming too." He glanced across the room, where Remus was digging through his clothes looking for something to wear. "Just don't tell Moony, if you can help it. I don't want him to get all pissed off before we even get going." James nodded, then noticed what Sirius was wearing for the first time.  
  
"What are you wearing?" he exclaimed, jaw dropping. Sirius grinned and looked down.  
  
"Don't you like them?" he asked in mock offense. Remus looked over.  
  
"They're...pretty tight, aren't they?" he asked slowly. Sirius looked at him in amazement.  
  
"They're supposed to be, duh," he replied, rolling his eyes. He proudly inspected himself in the wall-height mirror between his and James' beds. He was dressed in a pair of very black, very shiny, and very tight leather pants.  
  
Jesse knocked and entered, mouth open as if about to say something. When she saw Sirius, however, she burst into a fit of giggles and couldn't speak for several moments.  
  
"Why does everyone hate my pants?" Sirius asked, looking rather hurt. Jesse shook her head.  
  
"No, no, it's not that-they look fine, Sirius. In fact, they look pretty damn good." Sirius grinned triumphantly at his friends. "It's just...seeing you in leather pants...that's more of a Muggle thing, isn't it?" Sirius shrugged.  
  
"So is karaoke night." Jesse nodded.  
  
"I suppose that makes sense. Well...I hope you're prepared to be bombarded by girls-single or not." Sirius wiggled his eyebrows.  
  
"Hey, that's the norm for me!" Everyone laughed happily and Jesse informed them that they should be leaving soon. She left them to continue dressing and went downstairs to wait.  
  
Remus was surprisingly good about keeping his temper around Jesse. He seemed to have realized that his tension with her wasn't doing his friends any good, either, and was trying desperately to be civil towards her. But his thoughts were far from civil, and it was hard to be kind to someone like her...  
  
The six were lucky that evening; there was no one near the statue when they arrived, dressed as they were, and slipped into the tunnel. James and Peter were in their usual robes, but Remus had put on Muggle jeans for the occasion. The Marauders and Lily thought he looked strange in baggy jeans and a bright red t-shirt, but Jesse understood his motives and left him alone. She was dressed in Muggle clothes as well, and seemed to match Remus if one looked closely. She wore tight jeans that flared from the knee and a dark red spaghetti-strap shirt that showed her stomach. Lily swore she'd freeze, but Jesse knew how hot the pub would get once everyone got into the music.  
  
The Three Broomsticks pub was, indeed, packed. Sirius' face lit up when he saw all the girls dressed their best and milling about with butterbeers, but James kept close to Lily and did his best to ignore them all. He knew he'd get a lecture if he did anything worse.  
  
Shortly after nine, the six found themselves seated relatively near the stage, butterbeers in hand. They were chatting contentedly, Sirius rather surprised at how nice Remus was being to Jesse. He seemed to have set aside all their differences so as not to ruin the evening, and Sirius made a mental note to thank him for being so considerate. Suddenly, the pub quieted down, and everyone looked up to see Rosmerta, the owner, standing on a makeshift stage and beaming down at them all.  
  
"I'm so pleased with the turnout tonight!" she began, her voice magically louder. "We haven't done this since my mother owned the place, and I thought it would be a nice treat. Now, in front of you you'll find a paper that lists all the songs available-Muggle songs on one side, magical on the other. We figured that since this is a Muggle tradition, we might as well offer some of their songs, as well." There was a murmur of agreement around the room. "I've only been to one of these, and that was when I was very young, so excuse me if I do some things strangely. To get things going and loosen everyone up, I've got a few people who will do their songs first. So sit back, drink up, relax, and please welcome Miranda Miller and Bertie Drange, who'll be singing "Do You Believe in Magic," a great Muggle song!" There was a round of applause as the two took the stage and performed the sonorous charm on themselves.  
  
Jesse grinned as the two waited for the music to start. A golden ribbon appeared in front of them, sporting the first five words of the song. When the music started and the two began to sing, the ribbon changed, like a scrolling screen sporting the words to the song, in order. Miranda Miller obviously knew the song very well, but Bertie Drange was a bit off at parts. The song was not made to be a duet, and didn't sound quite right as one, but no one in the pub cared. It was all part of karaoke night to screw things up.  
  
Remus listened happily to the song, letting the conversations around him go unnoticed. Just being in a pub again, listening to someone sing a strange song only halfway in tune, made him feel like nothing was wrong with his life, and Jesse had never run off, and he had never been bitten. He shook that thought from his mind; it would only destroy the fun of the evening.  
  
Many songs later, when everyone was in the mood and some people were singing from their seats, not even bothering to get up on stage, Jesse moved around the table and sat next to Remus. He swallowed nervously, knowing what was coming next.  
  
"They have our song, Remus!" she whispered excitedly. "And no one's done it yet-let's do it! Just for old time's sake!" she pleaded. He looked up at the stage, where the previous act had just gotten off and the next one was wandering on. It was like a sign from some higher power: on the stage were two small children, no more than five years old, beaming around at the crowd. Sure, the boy had black hair and the girl bright blonde, but the meaning was there. They had already been charmed, and were trying to whisper to each other without letting their audience hear. The boy took the girl's hand and cleared his throat, looking embarrassed when the sound echoed in the small pub. The words to the song appeared in front of them, and the music began. It was a song by a wizard group that Remus didn't recognize. He looked back at Jesse, who was practically on her knees in front of him.  
  
"You know you feel it, too," she whispered, her voice almost inaudible over the children's loud singing voices. He sighed and nodded.  
  
"Alright, but just that one song!" Jesse beamed and stood up, dragging him with her.  
  
"C'mon, we have to go get in line if we want to use the stage!" Remus sighed again, wondering what he'd just gotten himself into. "I'll be right back," Jesse told him, leaving him to hold their place in line. She returned a moment later, her smile even bigger. She held two microphones in her hands. "I knew they'd be able to conjure something up!" she said excitedly, handing Remus one. "You'll still have to use the charm, and these don't actually do anything, but it's the thought that counts!" Remus couldn't resist a smile. Jesse was so obsessed with keeping up traditions, silly as they might be.  
  
It seemed like only seconds later that they were being ushered onstage by Rosmerta herself.  
  
"What song are you singing?" she hissed as they passed her.  
  
"Your Song, Elton John!" Jesse told the woman quietly. Rosmerta nodded and signaled to someone at the bar. Remus, his stomach churning, followed Jesse onstage.  
  
"Don't look so nervous!" Jesse whispered before performing the sonorous charm.  
  
"I'm not!" he growled, then performed the charm as well. Before long, the music started and the ribbon of words appeared in front of them.  
  
"It's a little bit funny, this feeling inside," Jesse began when it was time. Remus was amazed at how good her voice sounded. "I'm not one of those who can easily hide. I don't have much money, but boy! if I did, I'd buy a big house where we both could live!" Remus turned to her and sang his part.  
  
"If I was a sculptor, but then again, no  
  
Or a man who makes potions in a traveling show,  
  
I know it's not much but it's the best I can do.  
  
My gift is my song and this one's for you!"  
  
They sang together:  
  
"And you can tell everybody that this is your song!  
  
It may be quite simple, but now that it's done,"  
  
Remus took over:  
  
"I hope you don't mind, I hope you don't mind,  
  
That I put down in words,  
  
How wonderful life is, now you're in the world."  
  
They harmonized on the last few words. The music picked up a bit, and Jesse began to sing again.  
  
"I sat on the roof and kicked off the moss  
  
Well a few of the verses, well, they've got me quite cross,  
  
But the sun's been quite kind while I wrote this song,  
  
It's for people like you that keep it turned on."  
  
Remus sang again:  
  
"So excuse me forgetting but these things I do,  
  
You see, I've forgotten if they're green or they're blue!  
  
Anyway, the thing is, what I really mean,  
  
Yours are the sweetest eyes I've ever seen!"  
  
Jesse lost track of the rest of the song; she sang it as though in a dream, remembering vaguely to put some emotion into it. Remus' eyes, the expression on his face when he'd sung that last verse, had startled her. She knew how much of an actor he could be, and how seriously he took everything he did, and tried to convince herself that he'd simply been getting into the song. But that didn't help; whatever he'd meant by that look, it didn't matter-the feeling she got thinking about it gave her the shivers. The good kind.  
  
The song ended and they jumped off the stage and returned to their seats, where the others were grinning and congratulating them. Sirius was gone; he gave them a thumbs up from his place in line.  
  
Jesse took her seat between Lily and Remus, immediately regretting doing so. Suddenly it was very different sitting next to him; it made her feel self-conscious, and she had to keep her hand firmly on the table to keep from brushing her hair behind her ears over and over-an obvious sign of nervousness. It didn't help that Lily was shooting looks at her, and even James had a little smile on his face. Peter didn't seem to have noticed anything, so she talked mostly to him.  
  
Jesse felt bad that she didn't even listen to Sirius' song; she didn't recognize it anyway, but it would have been nice to hear him sing. When he came down and sat across from her, she grinned at him and told him he'd sounded great, anyway. He gave her a strange smile.  
  
"So did you two," he said slowly. Jesse beamed.  
  
"Thanks," she said, trying to keep her voice nonchalant. "It's kind of a tradition...it's from a long time ago, when we were next-door neighbors."  
  
"You were neighbors?" Sirius asked in surprise. Jesse nodded, but didn't continue. If Remus hadn't mentioned any of this, it was likely he didn't want them to know, for whatever reason. Lily stood up, holding her butterbeer.  
  
"Hey, I'm all out," she announced, shaking her empty bottle and looking around. "Anyone else need more?" Sirius held out his bottle, as did Jesse. "Oh, no, you're coming with me," Lily muttered to Jesse, picking her up by the elbow. "I'm not navigating these crowds of horny guys alone..." Jesse laughed and followed Lily towards the bar.  
  
"So what's this really about?" she asked suspiciously when they reached the bar and Lily ordered three butterbeers. Lily glanced at her sideways.  
  
"What's that supposed to mean?" Jesse scoffed.  
  
"Don't play dumb with me! You dragged me up here, what do you want to tell me?" They sat on stools at the bar, sipping from the bottles they'd just received.  
  
"Actually," Lily said slowly, "it's more something I want to ask." Jesse raised her eyebrows, suddenly realizing what was going on.  
  
"There's nothing to tell," she replied quickly. Too quickly. Lily got that knowing smile.  
  
"Yes there is! I can tell from your face," the red-head teased. Jesse forced herself to look natural.  
  
"Well, I have nothing to keep from you, so you can ask away-but you're not going to learn anything worth knowing." Lily grinned.  
  
"Good, I'm glad I'm in the clear, then." She took another sip and considered how to word her question. "First off, I guess I should know the basics-how do you know Remus? And don't try to tell me you only met him here," she warned.  
  
"You already know better than that," Jesse said with a shrug. "I was his next-door neighbor until we were ten years old. Well, he was ten, I was almost there. I haven't seen him since then-except, of course, here at Hogwarts." Lily pondered this.  
  
"Who moved-you or him?"  
  
"I did. I moved to America, actually, to live with my uncle. My parents came, too, of course, but we lived in his house 'cause it was so big."  
  
"How come you moved at all?" Lily wanted to know. Jesse had decided to answer her frankly up until now, but she knew that answer was none of Lily's business.  
  
"My uncle was lonely," she said with a shrug. Lily smiled.  
  
"That was a lie, and you know it. But I don't really care why you moved, so I'll let that one go." Jesse swallowed nervously. If Lily could detect that lie...she'd never been good at keeping things from people. "Next question: why is Remus pissed at you?" Jesse sighed.  
  
"I don't know, honestly. If he'd only talk to me, maybe I could fix things... But he's so stubborn! Even as a kid, he'd never talk if he didn't want to." She smiled wistfully. "Ah, the days of fighting over toys and things..." Lily laughed.  
  
"Alright, we'll have to come back to that. How come you guys sang that song just now?" Jesse smiled.  
  
"Tradition, like I told you. We had a pub near our houses back when we were kids, and our parents liked to go to karaoke night together, just as friends. We tagged along, of course-all ages were aloud inside on karaoke night-and it became a tradition to sing that song together. I don't know why we chose it-I just think we liked the music."  
  
"Okay...how about those clothes? You guys match, or I'm crazy." Jesse laughed happily.  
  
"I'm glad you noticed. That's tradition, too. The pub was run by Muggles, and we always had to dress up like them in order to go. After a while, when our little act became popular at the pub, we started to dress as a pair, just to make it more interesting. When we were really young, this was just a charming thing that all the Muggles loved to no end. By the time the charm wore off, it was a set tradition." She paused. "I don't know how he knew what to wear tonight-or how I did, for that matter. Jeans was all I had in terms of Muggle clothes, and I'd assume the same goes for Remus, but the red shirt...that's almost uncanny." Lily grinned, but said nothing more about that.  
  
"Next question: do you love him?" Jesse was taken aback, despite herself. She'd known the question was coming, judging by Lily's sly glances, but it was still very sudden.  
  
"No," she said truthfully. "I'm fifteen years old, and I don't even know what love is. Plus, he hates my guts-it's hard to feel that way about someone who won't even talk to you except on rare occasions." Lily pondered this.  
  
"But you feel something?" she pressed on.  
  
"I suppose," Jesse admitted with a sigh. "It's hard not to, but I wonder sometimes if it's just this whole night. It's really strange, like I'm ten years old again. The last karaoke night before I moved was a lot like this, though I guess they're all pretty much the same. I remember I'd been joking around with some of my girl friends the night before, and they were teasing me about him because we spent so much time together. Y'know, we were getting to that age... Well, onstage, when he looked in my eyes and sang that verse..." Jesse trailed off, her chin in her hand and her eyes focused on the memory. Lily smiled and let her think, looking back to the stage to see who was singing what. She almost laughed out loud when she saw that Sirius was up there again.  
  
"Some people call me the space cowboy,  
  
Some call me the gangster of looove!  
  
Some people just call me Maurrrice..."  
  
Lily burst into giggles when she heard Sirius roll the 'r' and give a girl in the front row a wink. Someone backstage, who apparently knew the song, gave the catcall at just the right moment. She poked Jesse out of her reverie.  
  
"Sorry to bug you, but this is something you're gonna want to see..." she said with a laugh. Jesse looked at Sirius in surprise, then burst into peals of laughter. She managed to control herself enough to hear him say, "I really love your peaches, wanna shake your tree-e!" This almost made her lose it again, but she controlled herself, wanting to see the rest of the song.  
  
"I don't recognize that song," Lily said when it was over and Sirius had jumped off the stage, his leather pants catching the light. "What is it?" Jesse shrugged.  
  
"I've heard it before, but I don't know who it's by." She laughed again. "Do you think they'll have missed us by now?"  
  
"Oh!" Lily gasped. "I'd totally forgotten about that...yeah, we'd better get Sirius his butterbeer."  
  
"'Cause he's gonna need it after a song like that," Jesse joked as they made their way through the crowd. When they got within sights of the table, Lily groaned.  
  
"Of course...we've attracted every girl in the place!" Jesse laughed. Surrounding their table were girls of all shapes and sizes, all vying for Sirius' attention. He was basking in the glow of it all, obviously very pleased with himself. Jesse and Lily skirted the group and took their seats.  
  
"Should I give him his drink?" Jesse asked. Lily was about to respond when she noticed the gleam in her friend's eye.  
  
"Uh-oh, what's going to happen if I let you?"  
  
"You'll see..." Jesse replied vaguely, a mischievous grin on her face. She took the butterbeer and pushed through the crowd of girls, approaching Sirius. He looked up at her with a grin.  
  
"Ah, fame!" he said happily. Jesse smiled seductively and leaned over the back of his chair, holding the bottle out in front of him with one hand and rubbing his chest with the other.  
  
"Your drink, sweetie," she said, loud enough for most of the girls to hear her. Sirius took it, looking at her in surprise. She winked and whispered in his ear, "You know what they say about having too much of a good thing..." To the girls watching this, it looked as though she were whispering something much less innocent. Most of them snorted in disgust, gave her a dirty look, and walked away. The remaining ones redoubled their efforts. "There ya go-that should be enough to keep you busy for the rest of the night without clogging our table." She walked away, swishing her hips and laughing. Sirius watched her go, shaking his head, and took a long drink of butterbeer. He'd ordered his own when the girls hadn't come back right away, and had since had at least five. They were starting to get to him, just enough to make him voice his thoughts even more than usual. He did so then, as Jesse was swishing back to her seat.  
  
"You're a damn lucky guy, Remus," he said to his friend, who was sitting next to him. Remus had been watching the whole ordeal and looked at Sirius strangely.  
  
"Why would that be?" Sirius looked at him.  
  
"What?"  
  
"You just said I was a lucky guy," Remus explained exasperatedly.  
  
"Oh, yeah, that." Remus waited for him to elaborate, but he didn't. Remus rolled his eyes and leaned back in his chair. Well, at least Lily hadn't had to watch Sirius get drunk...she'd come back just in time to see him already at that stage. He stood to get himself and Peter drinks, then thought better of it when he saw the crowd he'd have to maneuver. The karaoke night was, apparently, a huge success. 


	7. A Brush with Death

This is cool, I've gotten some reviews. So, they're all from my friend Mallory and Rena Lupin, but who cares? It's the thought that counts, eh? I guess I should reply. . .  
  
Rena Lupin: Glad you like it so much! It's nice to see someone's been keeping up with it.  
  
Mals (Winged Seraphin, duh!): Sorry I'm creeping you out. Honestly, I don't know how I know about all the different mutilation things. I think it was a movie. But I promise I won't go suicidal or anything on you! What I've done is enough, if you know what I mean. Glad you like this story, I do too, creepy as it is. I will not abandon it, no matter what. I have to finish at least ONE of my fics, why not this one? Okay, that's it.  
  
There's the replies, and I WILL reply to you if you review. Is that an incentive? Probably not. But review anyways! I like them, I feed off them. . . Just review, okay? And do try to keep them nice, I'm depressed enough as it is because I just got a terrible score on an AP test. So, yeah.  
  
And the chapter. . .*cue drumroll.* I wouldn't probably have ended it where I did, except that I really wanted to get it posted. I hope chapter eight will come soon, before my next bout of writer's block kicks in!  
  
Chapter Seven  
  
A Brush with Death  
  
The Marauders stumbled back into their dorm room at roughly two in the morning. James muttered something like "Thank God it's Sunday" before dropping off to sleep. Sirius didn't even make it all the way to his bed before the large amount of alcohol in his blood caused him to collapse into a deep sleep; he ended up lying across his bed with his legs hanging off. Peter, who hadn't had much at all to drink, actually changed clothes before getting into bed. Remus let them all do this, then slipped out of the room and into the bathroom.  
  
He pulled up his sleeve, a tricky business because it was smaller than the sleeves of his robes-after all, he was wearing a Muggle shirt. He was pleased to see that his charmed bandage had worked-no blood had leaked through, though the cloth was completely soaked. He carefully unwrapped it, stuck it under running water, and eventually tossed it out when it wouldn't come clean. His arm was covered in a thin layer of dried blood; he washed this off and placed a paper towel to the bleeding cut.  
  
Why in hell won't this thing close up? he thought angrily. The paper towel was already soaking up his dark blood. With a sigh, he tiptoed back into the dorm room and grabbed another roll of gauze (he'd found some when getting ready for the karaoke night). He charmed it as he'd charmed the other one, dressed his arm with it, and charmed it to stay in place. This done, he collapsed into bed and fell into a deep sleep.  
  
  
  
Sunday passed quickly for the Marauders. They all slept until after noon, then stumbled out of bed and into clean clothes just in time for the end of lunch. They stuffed themselves quickly and went back to the common room to get started on their neglected homework. They didn't have too much, which was good, because Sirius kept falling asleep on his paper and Remus found he couldn't focus at all. By the end of the day, he was starting to get really annoyed by this. He felt perfectly awake, but his eyes wouldn't focus on the paper and his muscles seemed to have melted into mush.  
  
It was a very tired and relieved Remus that finally climbed into bed around ten o'clock that evening. He'd barely managed to finish his homework, though he wasn't confident about the quality. His arm had been throbbing dully all day, and was still bleeding as heavily as ever.  
  
The following morning, James, Peter, and Sirius had a tough time waking their friend. It wasn't that he protested; on the contrary, he didn't seem to notice their shakes and yells. He slept through it all like a rock until finally, Sirius performed a spell that shot icy water at him from his wand. Remus sat up immediately, spluttering and shaking. Sirius rolled his eyes.  
  
"Finally! Geez, Moony, did you sleep at all last night?" Remus glared at him, then pulled himself out of bed to dry off and get dressed. He didn't have time to dry his hair before running to class, and was too tired to think of using magic. As a result, he was still shivering when they all arrived at Transfiguration.  
  
"Remus, are you cold?" James asked incredulously. True, it was a chilly December day outside, but the school was wonderfully warm as of yet. Later in the season, it would cool down considerably, but for now the fires kept burning within were enough to keep all but the corridors warm.  
  
"Just a bit," Remus replied with a shrug. "I think it's because of my wet hair." James rolled his eyes, pointed his wand at Remus, and muttered something. Immediately, his hair dried and fell loosely around his eyes. "Oh. Thanks."  
  
They were learning to transfigure dogs into pigs that day, and Remus knew it was a very important lesson. McGonagall had been hinting for weeks that it would likely be on the final. But he found, to his annoyance, that he couldn't concentrate any better today than he'd been able to the day before. It was as if he kept falling asleep with his eyes open; one minute, he'd be uttering the spell and pointing his wand at the dog, the next he'd be staring blankly at Sirius' perfect pig, thinking it was his own and feeling very pleased with himself.  
  
Sirius noticed this after about twenty minutes had passed and Remus' dog remained the same. His own dog/pig had long since been graded, and he'd just turned it back into a dog. He looked up to see Remus glaring at the newly returned dog.  
  
"What's up, Moony?" Sirius asked. Remus stared at him blankly for a moment.  
  
"Huh? Oh. . .my pig just turned back into a dog, and I don't know why."  
  
"Uh. . .Remus?" Sirius said slowly. "That was my pig. Yours is still a dog." Remus looked from Sirius' dog to his own, then scratched his head.  
  
"You're sure about that?" he mumbled. Then, with a sigh, he sank back into his chair.  
  
"Remus, what's wrong?" James asked from nearby. Remus shook his head.  
  
"I don't know. I can't seem to concentrate today. I think I'm still tired." James raised his eyebrows.  
  
"How late did you get to bed last night?"  
  
"About ten, I think." Sirius grunted.  
  
"That should've been plenty of sleep, especially considering how much we all got Saturday night. Pull yourself together and get to work on this dog!" Remus glared at him half-heartedly, then held out a shaking hand, pointing his wand at his dog.  
  
"Are you still cold?" James asked, indicating Remus' hand, which was shaking so much he couldn't keep his wand trained on his dog. Remus shrugged.  
  
"Well, it is winter, y'know."  
  
"Not inside," James muttered, putting a hand to his friend's forehead. "Moony, you've got a fever," he announced immediately. "You shouldn't be in class."  
  
"And you're looking pretty pale," Peter pointed out, joining the conversation now that he'd finished transfiguring his dog. "Maybe you caught something at the pub." James nodded.  
  
"That's possible. After class, we'll take you to Pomfrey. She'll give you something for your fever and probably let you skip the next class." Remus shrugged again, completely indifferent; he was having a hard time following the conversation. James exchanged a glance with Sirius, then turned to finish off his dog. A few minutes later, McGonagall came around to check on Peter and Remus' dogs.  
  
"Good job, Mr. Pettigrew. Just make sure your tail is a little curlier for the final." She turned to the black lab sitting at Remus' feet. It looked up at her endearingly and thumped its tail on the stone floor. "Mr. Lupin, I thought I told you not to change your pig back to a dog until I'd come around to check it?" Remus stared at her for a moment, his mouth slightly open, trying to gather what she'd just said. Sirius saw his predicament and came to the rescue.  
  
"He totally forgot, Professor," Sirius explained quickly. "He isn't feeling too well, and probably turned it back absent-mindedly." McGonagall stared at Sirius warily for a moment, then placed her quill against her grade sheet.  
  
"Alright, I'll let it go this once-but only because I know you're good at this, and because you've done an excellent job changing your pig back to a dog. I will mark you down for not following directions, though." Remus had the sense to nod and smile, and the professor walked away.  
  
James gaped at him.  
  
"You are so lucky, Moony!" he breathed. Remus blinked slowly, then toppled out of his chair in a dead faint.  
  
"Remus!" all three of them yelled, rushing forward to catch him before he hit the floor. From across the room, Lily and Jesse looked up to see what was going on. Most of the rest of the class did, too. McGonagall strictly ordered them to get back to work, then hastened forward.  
  
"What is going on here?" she asked sternly. Her face went slightly pale when she saw Remus unconscious on the floor. "Mr. Potter and Mr. Pettigrew, take him to the hospital wing immediately! Mr. Black, explain to me what just happened." While James and Peter levitated their friend and led him out of the room, Sirius turned to the professor.  
  
"Nothing really happened, exactly," he explained carefully. "He was just kind of staring at us, and then he fainted." McGonagall frowned.  
  
"Any idea as to why?" Sirius shrugged.  
  
"Like I said, Professor, he isn't feeling too well. He's got a fever, and we were actually going to take him to see Madam Pomfrey after class." McGonagall nodded.  
  
"Well, Poppy will know what to do with him," she said confidently before turning and walking back to her desk. Seconds later, Lily and Jesse were at Sirius' side.  
  
"What's going on?" Jesse asked quickly.  
  
"Is Remus okay?" Lily breathed, wide-eyed. She was, as usual, imagining the worst.  
  
"I don't really know," Sirius said quietly. "He's been acting funny all morning-really tired, like. I think he's just sick. He's got a fever, and of course you just saw him faint. Pomfrey will know what to do," he assured them, sitting down in James' seat. Lily sat next to him, Jesse leaned on the desk.  
  
"I guess we'll find out soon enough," she said with a shrug. Sirius knew she was just as worried as he, but there was no point in panicking just yet. Lily, apparently, didn't see things that way.  
  
"D'you think it's some sort of disease?" she breathed. "What if someone slipped him something at the pub! Oh, I knew we shouldn't have gone!" She said this in a sort of wail. Jesse squeezed her hand reassuringly.  
  
"There's no need to worry just yet," she reminded her friend. "It could just be the flu or something."  
  
"Flu?" Sirius echoed. "What's that?" Lily quickly explained it to him, to Jesse's relief. The red-head tended to over-exaggerate things, and in this case it was totally unnecessary. She'd only make the others more upset.  
  
  
  
"It's loss of blood," Madam Pomfrey diagnosed after a few minutes of checking Remus over. James and Peter exchanged a glance. The nurse had a slight frown on her face. "Has he been in any fights recently?" she wanted to know, holding up Remus' bandaged and bloody arm.  
  
"No," James told her as she carefully cut the bandage off. He swallowed nervously; would she know right away how he'd gotten the cut? And what would she say? And why was it still bleeding? He felt his anger rise; he'd thought Remus had sorted all this out, but apparently he was still cutting. Sirius would not be happy to hear this.  
  
The nurse peeled away the blood-soaked gauze and threw it in a nearby trash bin, then carefully washed Remus' arm. She seemed a little surprised at the clean cut, but said nothing while she inspected it.  
  
"This is very odd indeed," she announced after a while. "This is an old cut, a few days at least, but it hasn't cauterized in the least. The skin has been trying to heal, it seems, but there's something stopping it." She looked up at the two boys in front of her. "Do either of you know where he got this injury?" Peter shifted uncomfortably.  
  
"Yes. . ." he said slowly, looking to James for help.  
  
"He's been cutting himself for a while," James finally explained, knowing hesitation wouldn't stop her from finding out. "We thought he'd stopped a few days ago, but apparently he didn't." He gestured at Remus' arm, which was dripping blood onto the clean hospital sheets.  
  
"No, he probably did stop when you thought he did," Pomfrey corrected. "As I've said, this is an old cut. I don't know why it's still bleeding-yet. But he hasn't aggravated at all recently." James looked surprised, but said nothing. Madam Pomfrey pulled out her wand and quickly healed the wound. All that remained was a faint pink line on is skin. She washed away the last of the blood and placed a cool cloth on Remus' forehead.  
  
"I want to keep him here for a day or two until he gets his strength up. You two may go back to class now." Reluctantly, James and Peter turned to leave. As they reached the doorway, Madam Pomfrey hailed them. "And one more thing! I'd like to see the knife he used to make this cut." James thought this a strange request, but nodded before leaving the hospital wing. He'd drop it off on his way to Quidditch practice.  
  
When James and Peter got back to the Transfiguration room, they were bombarded with questions. Sirius, Lily, and Jesse surrounded them and immediately began interrogating them about Remus.  
  
"Is he okay?"  
  
"What was wrong?"  
  
"Was it the flu?"  
  
"Has he woken up yet?"  
  
"It was the flu, wasn't it?"  
  
"What did Pomfrey say?"  
  
James quickly hushed them all, then sank into his chair. Peter sat next to him, and the remaining three stood eagerly in front of them, waiting for answers.  
  
"Pomfrey said it was loss of blood," he explained quietly, avoiding Sirius' gaze. "It's from when he was cutting himself. The cut never healed, even though he left it alone. Of course, the idiot never told anyone, so he just kept bleeding. Obviously, he got weaker as time went on, until it led up to today." There was a short silence, then the questions came bursting out again.  
  
"Is it still bleeding?"  
  
"Did she heal it?"  
  
"It wasn't the flu, then?"  
  
"Why didn't it heal up?"  
  
Peter stopped them this time.  
  
"Geez, how do you expect us to answer so many questions all at once?" he muttered angrily. "Pomfrey healed it up easy as pie, but we don't know exactly why it never healed. She must think it has something to do with the knife he used, 'cause she asked to see it." Sirius raised his eyebrows.  
  
"Well, well," he said softly. "Perhaps we should have let it rust, after all." James sighed.  
  
"Sirius, Remus didn't know what was going to happen. Just be glad he stopped when he did, or maybe it would be worse. This isn't his fault, not entirely." Sirius shrugged and leaned on the desk. There was a short silence, and then the bell rang. The five stood and gathered their things, then walked to their next class. No one spoke; they were all absorbed in their own thoughts.  
  
  
  
James went straight to the Quidditch field after dinner. He was nearly there when he remembered Remus' knife. With a sigh, he turned and ran back to the common room, up the spiral staircase, and into the boys' dorm. He threw aside the curtains to Remus' bed and was relieved to find the ivory knife right where it should be, on the shelf above his friend's bed. He grabbed it and ran for the hospital wing, praying he wouldn't be late for practice.  
  
Madam Pomfrey was holding a bucket for some poor first year, who was emptying his stomach into it. James caught her eye, indicated the knife, and placed it on Remus' bedside table for her to retrieve later, then ran outside again. He thought with a smile that he would at least be more warmed up than the other players.  
  
The rest of the team was just arriving as James joined them, panting heavily. He got a few odd looks from the beaters, but ignored them and turned to listen to the captain's speech.  
  
It was a hard practice that day, and seemed to last longer than usual. By the end of it, James was absolutely beat. He'd been hit by a bludger twice, the quaffle at least six times, and had almost fallen from his broom during a particularly frantic lunge. Being keeper was certainly not easy.  
  
So when he stumbled into the common room after practice, the last thing he felt like doing was staying up to talk. But Peter obviously had something important to say, so James sank onto the couch to listen. Lily got up from her chair and sat behind him, massaging his shoulders gently; Jesse took Lily's abandoned seat next to Peter.  
  
"What's up, then, Wormtail?" James asked wearily when they were all settled.  
  
"Lily and I just went to see how Remus was doing," Peter explained. "He's awake, and seems to be doing fine. Pomfrey came over when we were talking to him and told us she'd just figured out why his cut wouldn't heal." James perked up slightly.  
  
"And?"  
  
"And, it had to do with the knife, after all. There was a spell placed on the blade that rubbed off on Remus' skin when he made the cut, and it prevented his blood from cauterizing."  
  
"Just like Pomfrey thought," James mused. "So that leaves us with a few questions, I suppose. Who put the spell on the knife, and why? Is there really someone in this school who wants Remus dead?" Though they all gave the matter some thought, no one could come up with a theory. When James began to snore in Lily's lap, everyone decided it was time to go to bed. They left James to sleep on the couch and tiptoed upstairs to their dorms.  
  
James was still on the couch, fast asleep, when Remus entered the common room the next morning. He'd spent the night in the hospital wing against his will, and had left as early as possible the next morning. He didn't expect anyone to be sleeping downstairs, so he didn't bother trying to be quiet. As a result, James woke up when Remus walked past and began climbing up the stairs to the dorm room.  
  
"Moony?" James called out hoarsely. "What're you doing up so early?" Remus looked around in surprise.  
  
"Oh, didn't see you there. I just got back from the hospital wing, thought I'd get my stuff before going to breakfast." James nodded. Something was prickling at the back of his mind. Something he'd meant to talk to Remus about.  
  
"Oh! I almost forgot," he said finally. "I suppose Pomfrey told you about the spell on your knife?" Remus nodded. "We were wondering-d'you know how it got on there?" Remus paused. He hadn't given the matter much thought.  
  
"No, I don't think so. No one's touched that knife but me and Sirius, and I know Padfoot wouldn't have done that." James nodded.  
  
"Think on it real hard. It would've had to have been after you stopped cutting your hand and switched to your arm, otherwise your hand wouldn't have healed either."  
  
"Okay, I'll think about it. But I honestly can't think of anyone." He continued up the stairs, leaving James to drift off to sleep again.  
  
  
  
It was the night directly after the full moon. The incident involving the knife had been all but forgotten. No one could think of who might have put the spell on Remus' knife, or for what reason, but it didn't seem all that important now that the wound was healed. Even Madam Pomfrey didn't appear too concerned about it. The spell had been lifted, Remus had his knife back as it was supposed to be, and the matter was dropped.  
  
Remus had gotten his strength back long before the full moon, to his relief. He didn't know how long his weakness from loss of blood would last, and hadn't been looking forward to transforming when he felt more like vomiting. The transformation had gone smoothly, though. The Marauders had accompanied him as usual and they'd all explored the grounds for as long as they dared. It was great fun for Moony-possibly more fun than he'd had in a long time.  
  
Remus glared out the window. He was sitting on the window seat within the curtained alcove in the common room, watching rain streak down the glass in long silver rivers. It was literally pouring outside, the rain coming down with a vengeance.  
  
And me without an ark, Remus thought dryly. He sighed and leaned his head against the wall, closing his eyes against the moonlit rain. Now that he wasn't watching it drench the grounds, the rain actually sounded quite nice. Soothing. Repetitive. He felt himself dropping off to sleep.  
  
A sharp tap on the window brought him quickly from his doze. Remus looked up to see something just outside the window, flapping its wings hard against the driving rain. Expecting an owl, Remus pushed the window open and allowed the poor, drenched creature entrance. He closed the window and turned to see if the owl had a letter for him, but there was no bird nearby. Instead, there was Alyssa Mant.  
  
"You! How did you get in here?" he asked in shock. She smiled, her teeth uncannily white against her bright red lips.  
  
"You've forgotten that I'm a vampire," she said softly. "Or hadn't you figured that out yet?" She laughed lightly. So it had been a bat, not an owl, outside the window.  
  
"What do you want this late at night?" Remus asked, slightly annoyed. What right did she have to be sitting in the Gryffindor common room, talking with him as though she'd never cheated on him, as though he hadn't been avoiding her for the past few weeks?  
  
"It's not really what I want," she explained quietly. "It's more what I need." Before Remus could reply, she'd drawn her wand and uttered something Remus had never heard before. He felt a peculiar floating feeling, and then all was black.  
  
Hard drops fell on Remus' face, waking him from his stupor. He noticed vaguely that he was wet, and very cold. Rain was hitting him in the face, blinding him with its heavy droplets. But there was no rain falling on his body. He looked up and saw, through watery eyes, that someone was lying on top of him.  
  
That explains it, he thought nonchalantly. It took a moment for him to realize what he'd just seen. What? Who the fuck- But his question was answered before it was fully formed. Alyssa Mant placed her hands on his shoulders and leaned forward, holding her face close to his. The rain stopped falling into his eyes, and he blinked them clear.  
  
"I hadn't expected you to wake up so soon," she whispered. Her eyes were very bright. Remus realized she was holding his right wrist in her hand. "But no matter, now you can explain to me how this cut healed." Remus stared at his right arm, which was exposed to the wind and rain. He was still feeling groggy from whatever spell she'd used against him.  
  
"Uh. . .oh, Pomfrey," he muttered. Something clicked in his brain, but he couldn't quite focus on it. It slipped away when Alyssa spoke again.  
  
"Of course, I should have known you'd go running to her. Well, what's done is done. I won't need that particular source again anyway." She grinned at Remus, and he was again struck by how white her teeth were. Her canine teeth were particularly long, something he'd never noticed before.  
  
Well, they should be if she's a vampire, he told himself. His thoughts suddenly hit him. She's a vampire! And she has me completely overpowered, alone, outside and away from the others, at night. What the hell was I thinking, letting this happen? But he was thinking too slowly to realize that as he thought these things, Alyssa was caressing his neck with her lips. She moved closer and closer to that hollow behind his jaw, just under his ear. He finally noticed what she was doing when he felt something sharp, something quite unlike lips, against his skin.  
  
"Stop, don't! What are you doing!" he yelled, finally finding his voice. She paused long enough to laugh lightly and say:  
  
"I thought that was obvious enough." Then she pressed more firmly on his shoulders, settled her body weight against him, made sure he couldn't move away or overpower her. Her sharp canine teeth pressed against his skin again. She gave a soft hiss of anticipation and sank them into his neck, puncturing his jugular vein. Bright blood, thick and red, came spilling out of Remus' neck. He gave a kind of whine and Alyssa began to drink the liquid as it pumped into her waiting mouth.  
  
Remus suddenly felt his heartbeat more vividly than ever before. He could hear and feel every beat, could sense the blood pumping through his veins and into Alyssa's mouth. There was no pain, only the feeling that his life was slipping away as he watched. He began to feel lightheaded, then that familiar sensation of wanting to vomit. As his heart pumped still more blood out of his body, he turned his head a fraction of an inch and retched. His dinner ended up all over his cheek and the stone floor next to him, but he didn't notice. He didn't notice much of anything; just the rain on his face and the beating of his heart. Everything was faded to nothingness except those two things, and soon they, too, began to disappear. His heartbeat slowed, his breathing became shallow, his senses dulled. Not for the first time in his life, Remus felt death's claws take hold of him.  
  
But this time they did not let go.  
  
Finally, he couldn't even feel the rain on his face. The feeling of Alyssa's teeth in his neck disappeared, his heart stopped, and he couldn't breathe at all. For a split second, panic gripped him, and fear. Then these were gone and there was nothing at all.  
  
  
  
Sirius woke the next morning to the sound of rain on the window. He groaned as he sat up to look out the window. It was raining even harder than it had been the day before, if that was possible, and the grounds looked soggy and unappealing. He wondered if CMC and Astronomy had been moved inside. They'd better have been.  
  
He stumbled out of bed and changed quickly, then went into the bathroom. After splashing water on his face, he felt considerably more awake and willing to go through his morning routine.  
  
By the time Sirius was done with the bathroom, James was up and waiting for his turn. Sirius greeted him as they passed, then went back to the dorm room to grab his books before breakfast. Peter was still asleep, so Sirius shook him awake.  
  
"C'mon, up, you don't have a whole lot of time before breakfast," Sirius told his friend. Peter groaned, but got out of bed. It was something Sirius had never understood about Peter; he always seemed so willing to do whatever was asked of him, no matter how he felt at the time. Sirius supposed it was a good quality, but at times Peter bordered on being totally subservient.  
  
Remus was already out of bed. In fact, from the looks of his sheets, he hadn't slept in the dorm room that night. It was common for Moony to spend the whole night downstairs near the full moon, so Sirius didn't think twice about his friend's absence. They'd find him at breakfast, certainly.  
  
But they didn't. This was enough to get Sirius worried; it wasn't like Remus to miss a meal shortly after a full moon-he was usually famished at this time of the month. Sirius voiced his thoughts to James, but the latter told him not to worry so much. Remus had probably gone down earlier, or would be there later. Or perhaps he was stuffing himself in the kitchens.  
  
That sounded like something Remus would do, so Sirius forced himself to concentrate on an unfinished essay that was due for Astronomy that afternoon. He had just finished it when Professor Dumbledore stood up and announced that Care of Magical Creatures had been moved to the classroom to the right of the library due to weather. Information on Astronomy classes would be given to the students later, in case the weather cleared up.  
  
Sirius followed his friends when they all grabbed their things and headed for the temporary CMC classroom. Breakfast wasn't quite over yet, but they were all finished eating and there was no harm in getting to class early when it was a different classroom than usual. Sometimes temporary classrooms decided to have fun with their students and move around the corridor.  
  
The Marauders, Lily, and Jesse were lucky that morning; the CMC classroom was just where Dumbledore had said it would be. They seated themselves near the back and began talking about various things. Without realizing it, Sirius sat with one eye on the door so he could keep watch for Remus.  
  
But the bell rang and the missing Marauder didn't show. The professor began his lecture and the students began falling asleep, but still Remus didn't appear. Important notes went up on the board and the students copied them down, but still no sign of Moony.  
  
"Where do you suppose he is?" Sirius whispered for the fifth time. James glared at him.  
  
"Sirius, honestly! A guy can miss a class once in a while!"  
  
"Yeah, but usually he tells us when he's skipping!"  
  
"Maybe it was a spur-of-the-moment thing."  
  
"Well, you can't blame me for being worried. Last time Moony skipped class without telling us first, it was to cut himself." James considered this.  
  
"True. . .but I still say you're overreacting. He's probably in the Three Broomsticks right now, laughing at us all." Sirius chuckled and turned to copy down the latest notes.  
  
The class finally ended and they all made their way to History of Magic, where they spent another class period sleeping and whispering. Remus still didn't join them, but Sirius had accepted James' theories and stopped worrying about it.  
  
Lunch went quickly-too quickly. Sirius was dreading Astronomy; the weather had cleared enough that they would be using their regular space atop the Astronomy tower. Professor Sinistra told them that if the rain picked up again, they'd simply move inside the tower.  
  
"Really, I don't see the point of studying Astronomy outside," Peter grumbled as they dragged themselves upstairs after lunch. "It's not like we can see the stars in daylight anyways."  
  
"Probably for the same reason we study CMC outside. It makes for a nice change of pace!" Lily said brightly. Peter rolled his eyes.  
  
"Yeah, when the weather's nice!" They pushed open the door at the top of the tower and emerged into the watery sunlight. In front of them, there was a large crowd of upset students, gathered in a circle and staring at something on the ground. Professor Sinistra, who'd arrived moments after the Marauders, pushed through them.  
  
"What's going on here?" she asked irritably, separating the students and trying to see what they were so agitated about. She finally broke through the crowd and gave a kind of scream. She sank to her knees on the stone floor, and Sirius thought she'd fainted. But no, she was kneeling in front of something. Someone. His breath left him suddenly as a student moved aside, giving him a clear view of what had caused the commotion. His mind spun, and he felt dizzy. Remus was sprawled on the wet stone floor, his skin very pale against a bright red patch on his neck. A puddle of watery blood partially encircled his head.  
  
Beside him, Sirius heard James talking quietly to Lily, who had fainted. James' voice was shaking, and he seemed on the verge of tears. With a start, Sirius realized that tears were running down his own face. It was the second time in his life he'd cried.  
  
Then the professor was standing, Remus floating beside her. Her face was very pale, her eyes somewhat dead. She didn't look at her students as she passed them, taking Remus with her downstairs. Sirius watched her go, watched as a single drop of blood fell from Remus' neck and splattered onto the rain-soaked stone floor of the Astronomy tower.  
  
There was complete silence for a few minutes as everyone stared from the Marauders to each other. Sirius was still watching the door the professor had just gone through, his mind numb. James was holding Lily tightly, more for his own comfort than hers; Lily was sobbing into his shoulder. Peter had sunk to the ground and was staring at his hands in shock. Jesse was leaning against the battlements, a hand clapped over her mouth and tears streaming from her closed eyes.  
  
Finally, the inevitable gossip began. Students began asking each other questions, telling each other what they'd seen and what they thought must have happened. One boy yelled that he'd seen bite marks on Remus' neck, and this stirred Sirius from his stupor. He quietly moved to stand next to Jesse and touched her shoulder. Her eyes fluttered open and she lowered her hand.  
  
"Yes?" she whispered.  
  
"Did you hear that kid just now?" Sirius asked quietly. She nodded.  
  
"I know. . .but it seems so strange. How could it have been her? She's a student. Our age. Not capable of m-murder." She swallowed a few times, trying to keep the contents of her stomach where they belonged. James, Peter, and Lily joined them by the battlements.  
  
"We should go," James said softly. Sirius nodded, and the five left their classmates to gossip atop the tower while they made their way downstairs and to the hospital wing. When they got there, they heard Madam Pomfrey talking to Professor Sinistra. Dumbledore was there, as well, though he said little. They slipped in and hid within the curtains of a vacant hospital bed to listen.  
  
"Honestly, Professors, it's the strangest thing. By all means, Mr. Lupin should be dead," Madam Pomfrey said, disbelief in her voice. Lily buried her face in James' shoulder again and Peter flinched. "But he's not," she went on. "He's still breathing, but his heart has all but stopped and he's cold as ice. I've never seen anything like it. His jugular vein has been punctured, and if he was lying out there even just today, he should have bled to death long ago. By the looks of it, he's been out there all night, too. There's no way he should be alive," she repeated. Professor Sinistra muttered something.  
  
"Just treat him as best you can, Poppy," Dumbledore said slowly. His voice held a melancholy tone that chilled the five eavesdroppers to the marrow. "That's all we can do for now. There is someone I need to talk to now, so if you'll excuse me." He slipped quietly from the hospital wing and down the corridor.  
  
"I'd best be getting back to my class," Sinistra said after a moment. "If Mr. Lupin's friends come by, tell them they need not return today. I hardly expect them to be able to learn anything." Madam Pomfrey said she'd do that, and the Astronomy professor left the wing as well. The nurse puttered around for a while. The eavesdroppers couldn't see what she was doing through the curtains, but they heard vials clink together and the occasional scuff of her shoe on the tile. They were comforting noises; they meant something was being done to help Remus.  
  
Sirius realized he was crying again and hurriedly brushed away the tears. There was no need to upset the others even more. But he soon saw there was no need; every face he looked at was shining with silent tears.  
  
"Let's get out of here," he whispered, quietly slipping through the curtains. His friends followed him and they all tiptoed out of the hospital wing and away from the dreaded place, back to the Gryffindor common room. Madam Pomfrey saw them go, but said nothing. She'd expected as much.  
  
  
  
In the common room, things didn't look much better. Lily still sobbed into James' shoulder, James still stared straight ahead in shock, Peter still remained uncannily motionless, Jesse still cried silently, and Sirius still found tears running down his face. As often as he brushed them away, they came back every time. The memory of Remus' cold, pale, blank face haunted him.  
  
The fire was no comfort today, either. The flickering flames only reminded Sirius of little death demons, reaching up to engulf the log that had taken Remus' shape. It was a sickening sight, but nowhere near as bad as the one that flashed before Sirius' eyes every time he blinked.  
  
When the bell rang signifying the end of class, they all jumped. None of them had realized how long they'd been sitting there. As it stopped ringing, James stood up and stretched. Lily dried her eyes and took a few shuddering breaths.  
  
"We can't just sit here and dwell on this," James announced in a surprisingly clear voice. "We all heard Pomfrey, Remus is alive. There's no need to sit around mourning if there's nothing to mourn. If we want to help him, we've got to get moving." The others nodded, relieved at the prospect of doing something about all this. Sirius exchanged a glance with Jesse. Now was as good a time as any to tell the others what they knew.  
  
"Remus was bit by a vampire," Sirius said suddenly, the loudness of his voice shocking everyone, including himself. Jesse nodded.  
  
"And Alyssa Mant is a vampire," she said slowly. James, Peter, and Lily looked at her in shock. She nodded again. "Remus told us, sort of, about a month ago. When he found out she'd been cheating on him." Peter frowned.  
  
"So you think she's the one who did it?" he asked dubiously.  
  
"Of course she was!" James yelled, startling everyone again. His fists were clenched at his sides, his face contorted with anger. Lily put a hand on his arm, but he ignored her. "She was probably pissed at Remus for ditching her, or maybe she figured he didn't have enough to deal with, being a werewolf. Or maybe Snape put her up to it!" At this suggestion, Sirius felt anger swell in him, also. Of course, that was just the thing Snape would do!  
  
"James," Lily said softly, still hiccupping slightly. "James, you know that isn't true. Snape doesn't know about Remus being a werewolf, and I doubt Alyssa does either. And as for getting back at him for breaking up with her. . .wouldn't she have done that a little sooner after the break- up?" There was a moment of silence as everyone thought about these things. Lily was right, of course. James had been rather irrational in his accusations.  
  
"Alright, then why did she do it?" he asked finally, some of his anger seeping away under his girlfriend's gentle touch. Lily shrugged.  
  
"Maybe being a vampire is like being a werewolf," she suggested. "If Remus ever bites someone, it won't be because he dislikes the person. I mean, he almost bit you on Thanksgiving! Maybe Alyssa just needed the blood." Jesse looked up at James.  
  
"By the way, James. I had been meaning to ask you. . .did you really turn into a stag on Thanksgiving? I only saw you for a second, and I wasn't sure if I was dreaming or what." James shifted uncomfortably.  
  
"I guess you might as well know. Sirius, Peter, and I are all Animagi. Illegally, of course. . .we just completed the process this year, shortly before you transferred here. I am a stag, yes. Sirius is a dog, Peter is a rat."  
  
"That explains Prongs, Padfoot, and Wormtail," Jesse said with a nod. "Okay, thanks for clearing that up." Sirius smiled at her; he'd long since explained their Animagi forms, but she'd brought up the subject again to make them think about something besides Remus for a little while. "Hey, how come you didn't become an Animagus, Lily?" she asked a moment later, hoping it wasn't something Lily didn't like to talk about. To her relief, Lily gave a small smile.  
  
"And break the law? I don't think so." Everyone laughed lightly, and the depression slowly lifted from each of them. Soon they were all talking happily about their Animagus forms, and the adventures they'd had with Moony. Lily and Jesse speculated about what animals they would be as Animagi, and everyone laughed heartily when Jesse said she'd like to be a mosquito eater.  
  
"I live by a lake, and the mosquitoes are vicious!" she explained defensively. "I'd love to get rid of them all!" This got them talking about her home in America, which was in California, and she promised to take them there someday. Sirius reminded James that he still hadn't shown them his house like he'd promised, and so they started to plan their summer. Remus was on everyone's mind, of course, but they were happy to talk of other things for the time being.  
  
  
  
Two agonizingly slow days later, Remus woke up. He was feeling terribly weak from having lost so much blood; Madam Pomfrey wanted him to make it all back on his own if possible. He had a month left to get his strength back, and if he wasn't better by then she'd simply have to step in and help him out. He squinted against the bright lights in the hospital wing and took a few deep breaths. Oh, to breathe again! He felt as if he'd just come back to life: every little thing was so wonderful, every heartbeat made him feel stronger, every breath made him happier. He flexed his fingers just to feel them move and swallowed to see how it felt. He brought a hand up and touched his face, then blinked to feel his eyelashes move against his coarse fingers.  
  
Madam Pomfrey came towards him with a potion in her hand. He relished the sound of her shoes on the floor, the smell of her breath and of the potion she held. When she saw him awake, she cried out in delight and he drank in the noise happily. These were the signs that he was alive, and they were sweeter than anything Honeydukes could ever dream up.  
  
The potion the nurse gave him was vile, but he loved the taste. It slid down his throat like a slimy frog, but he relished the sensation. Everything was so perfect, there was nothing that smelled or felt or tasted bad. No person was ugly, no fabric was coarse. Everything was perfect.  
  
Before moving away, the nurse helped Remus to sit up against his pillows. He sank back against them, feeling more comfortable than he had in his entire life. He kept his eyes open despite how tired he felt, reluctant to look away from the beautiful world around him. Not five minutes later, the best thing that could have happened to him, did.  
  
The Marauders arrived.  
  
They were on their way back to the common room after dinner. It was routine now to check in on their friend whenever possible, and this was no exception. They paused outside the door and peered into the hospital wing. A great shout erupted from Sirius' throat when he saw Remus sitting up in bed, a bottle of potion in his hand.  
  
In seconds, James, Sirius, Lily, Peter, and Jesse were standing around his bed, looking at him happily and chatting excitedly. Remus was too tired and weak to gather a word of it, but he didn't care. Their faces, the sounds of their voices, their specific and familiar scents, were enough to keep him happy. He was surrounded by his friends, and he was alive.  
  
They finally calmed down and decided to take turns talking. They seemed to have realized that Remus wasn't saying anything, but was just staring at them happily.  
  
"How are you feeling, Moony?" Sirius asked casually. Remus smiled widely.  
  
"Never better!" he said hoarsely. His voice surprised him; it was so unlike his own, so harsh and quiet. But it felt so good to talk again, to feel sound come from his own mouth! He took another sip of his potion in an attempt to clear his throat. "Honestly," he reassured them, for they were looking rather dubious, "I don't think I've ever been happier in my whole life." James grinned and clapped his friend on the shoulder.  
  
"Well, as soon as you're up and about, we'll have to beat this record, too!" Remus smiled to humor James, but knew nothing would ever feel quite like this. It was like being born anew, but knowing it. He knew he'd never have trouble with a Patronus again.  
  
"What day is it?" he asked. Peter chuckled.  
  
"That's an interesting question. You've been out for two days, so that makes today a Friday," he informed his friend. "We just got back from dinner, but there's still some left if you want anything." Remus shook his head. As wonderful as it sounded to taste food again, he knew his stomach couldn't handle it. He downed the rest of his potion and set the vial on the bedside table.  
  
"So what's happened in the past two days? You guys have to tell me everything, even if it's not interesting." Remus just wanted to hear them talk. They all drew up chairs except James.  
  
"I'm really sorry Moony, but-"  
  
"Quidditch practice?" Remus interrupted with a laugh. "No problem. Have a good time." James grinned back and ran from the room, waving good-bye.  
  
"Remus, you honestly didn't miss anything," Sirius informed him when James had gone. "We all missed Astronomy of course-" Remus noticed that Sirius' voice had gotten very tight, but he didn't know what to say to comfort his friend. "-and dinner was just kind of slow that evening. The whole school had heard about you by then, of course, and we all expected Dumbledore to say something. But he didn't, which was really strange, and set off more rumors than ever. Next day, we had Transfiguration, Charms, and CMC-"  
  
"No we didn't, we had Transfiguration, history, and CMC!" Lily interrupted. Sirius looked at her quizzically.  
  
"Are you sure?" he asked carefully. She nodded, but Peter frowned.  
  
"I thought it was history, Transfiguration, then Charms." Jesse laughed, and Remus was surprised that he thoroughly enjoyed the sound. In fact, he found that he liked having her there just as much as he liked the company of the others.  
  
"Does it matter?" she interrupted them all. Sirius rolled his eyes.  
  
"Not for you, you skipped first period that day!" Jesse shot him a look.  
  
"Well, it was on your suggestion, Padfoot," she said defensively. He laughed half-heartedly, remembering why he'd sent her back to the common room after breakfast. She'd looked so awful, with dark circles under her red and puffy eyes. Her normally tanned skin was very pale, and there was no hint of a smile on her face.  
  
"You need some rest," Sirius told her sternly. "Get back to your dorm room and sleep for this class-I'll come get you before our next one." She'd protested, but only slightly. It was obvious that she needed the sleep.  
  
"Well, the other girls were up all night whispering about Remus," she said quietly. "I don't think Lily slept either." Sirius glanced at the red- head, and she did indeed look almost as bad as Jesse.  
  
"I'll have James work on her," he assured her. "You just worry about you. We don't need two people falling sick!" She smiled slightly, but something flickered in her eyes and Sirius knew it had been an inappropriate comment. "Sorry," he said quietly. "Do you want me to walk you back up there?" Jesse shook her head.  
  
"I can make it on my own. I don't want you late for class."  
  
"Sirius? Padfoot!" Someone snapped their fingers directly in front of Sirius' eyes, and he came out of his reverie with a start. Everyone laughed as he stared blankly around.  
  
"Sorry, I must be tired," he said with a shrug. Remus grinned.  
  
"Would you rather someone else continued telling me about your exciting two days?" Sirius chuckled.  
  
"Sure, have at it Lily." She sat forward a bit and leaned her elbows on her knees.  
  
"Sirius was right, there's nothing to tell. Professor Binns fell through the floor yesterday, that was kind of funny. I guess he's still getting used to being a ghost." She paused, then shook her head. "Unless you want to see all my notes from classes, that's about it!" Remus looked at each of them in turn, a bit dismayed.  
  
"You mean, no one played any pranks or discovered anything new? What about Snape, didn't anything happen with him?" Sirius looked at his friend with an odd expression on his face.  
  
"We weren't really in the mood for that, Moony," he said quietly. The others nodded solemnly. "I don't think you realize-you really looked. . ." he swallowed a few times. "You looked dead, Remus. According to Pomfrey, you should have been."  
  
There was a long pause during which Remus let this sink in. He'd felt death, two nights ago. He'd felt his life slip away in a pool of blood. He knew then that he must have looked like he'd felt, and that was enough to subdue most anyone.  
  
"I'm sorry," he whispered hoarsely. Peter looked shocked.  
  
"Why are you sorry?"  
  
"For putting you through this, making you all upset. . ."  
  
"None of this was your fault, Remus!" said a soft voice by his elbow. He looked up into Jesse's clear blue eyes. She seemed so different, now that he was alive again. He found it hard to waste his energy hating her when he'd just discovered how short life really was. "It's Alyssa Mant who should be sorry!" As soon as the words were out of her mouth, Jesse knew she'd said the wrong thing. It had been a random comment, something she hadn't even thought about before saying it. And it had been a mistake.  
  
Remus stiffened at the sound of that name, the memory of what she'd done coming back to him quite suddenly. He felt drenched again, as though he were still lying atop the Astronomy tower in the rain. Her lips against his skin, so soft and warm, but replaced by those cold, sharp daggers that had sucked the very life from his body. . .  
  
He shivered and closed his eyes. That wasn't something he wanted to think about just then.  
  
"I'm sorry, I didn't mean that, it just slipped out," Jesse was murmuring, a light hand on his elbow. She glanced up at Sirius, fearful that she'd done something terrible. But Sirius only shrugged.  
  
Finally Remus looked back at her.  
  
"No problem," he said with a smile. She heard in his voice that he meant it. He knew she hadn't meant any harm. He looked around at the others. "I guess you're all waiting to hear what happened, then," he said slowly. Reluctantly, almost as if they were ashamed of their curiosity, they nodded. He smiled. "Well, I'm sorry. I don't really feel like talking about that right now. . .but I will tell you that you're right in thinking it was. . .her." He didn't know why, but something stopped him from saying her name. Maybe it was the thought of hearing it again, and seeing and feeling what had happened that night. That made sense. No one would want to relive that experience.  
  
Sirius opened his mouth to say something, but Remus cut him off with a yell. They all looked at him in shock as he brought his knees up to his chest and clutched them tightly, his face contorted with pain. Madam Pomfrey came running over.  
  
"What's happened?" she asked quickly, looking to Lily for her answer. The red-head shrugged, surprise plain on her face.  
  
"I don't know! Nothing happened, he just yelled and-" She was interrupted by a whine of pain from Remus. He was pressing his forehead into his knees and clenching his teeth against some unspeakable pain. Everyone looked at him in shock, half expecting him to explode.  
  
"Mr. Lupin!" the nurse said loudly, placing a steady hand on his shoulder. At her touch, Remus did explode in a way. He jumped up from the bed, knocking Jesse out of her chair, and slapped the nurse's hand away. His eyes grew large and flashed yellow. He hissed, and his teeth shone brightly in the hospital light. His canine teeth were longer than the others.  
  
Despite her efforts to keep quiet, Jesse let out a small, dry sob from where she lay on the floor. The fear instilled in her by his face, so ferocious and unlike the Remus she knew, could not be quieted. Her noise attracted Remus' attention, and he stared down on her with his baleful yellow eyes. He bared his sharp teeth and reached down to grip her by the arm. The others, even Madam Pomfrey, were watching numbly, frozen with fear. Remus pulled Jesse up until her face was level with his own, held her close to him, and brought his open mouth against her neck.  
  
Sirius jumped up suddenly, startling Madam Pomfrey out of her daze as well. They both lunged for Remus while Lily tore Jesse out of his grasp. He hissed, growled, whined, and screamed eerily, but they held him down against the cold tiles. Peter jumped up to hold down his flailing feet, but was soon sent to fetch Dumbledore. He nodded and set off for the Headmaster's office at a dead run.  
  
By the time Dumbledore came back with Peter, Remus had calmed down some. Once, he'd screamed horribly-a human scream, one that spoke of terrible pain-and then had fallen silent. After that, he'd been fairly still and easy to keep pinned to the floor.  
  
Dumbledore kneeled beside his pupil, worry etched on his face, and looked Remus over. His eyes lingered on the boy's sharp teeth and wild yellow eyes. A few minutes later, he looked up to address the others.  
  
"I've never seen this before, so I may be wrong," he began. "I believe the werewolf and the vampire are both inside Mr. Lupin, and they don't like each other much at all. They are warring for ownership of his body, and neither will rest until the other is defeated." Sirius exchanged a shocked glance with Peter. It made sense, he supposed, but it was frightening to think about.  
  
"I don't believe there is anything we can do to help him," the Headmaster continued. "We can't simply purge him of one of the monsters, or we would have gotten rid of his werewolf long ago. The only ways of our defeating the vampire are unacceptable." He sighed heavily. "We will just have to wait." He looked around at the students gathered nearby. "In the meantime, Mr. Lupin is highly dangerous-but only at night. In the daytime, the vampire is dormant. As for the wolf, it is dormant most of the time- but when the vampire awakens at night and tries to fight it, the wolf will do as it has done now-it will wake up and fight back. Therefore, I forbid each and every one of you-and Mr. Potter, too-from visiting or coming anywhere near Mr. Lupin after dark." Sirius opened his mouth to protest, but Dumbledore held up a hand. "It is for your own safety, Mr. Black. And for Mr. Lupin's as well. And yes, this means he will be spending his nights in the hospital wing. I want you all to be very careful about getting him up here before dark every single evening. Do I make myself clear?"  
  
The students nodded, quite subdued. The thought of Remus' body battling against itself was not a pleasant one.  
  
Professor Dumbledore sadly aided Madam Pomfrey in tying Remus to his bed to prevent him from hurting himself or others, then escorted the others out of the hospital wing. When they were almost to the entrance hall, they heard one of Remus' awful screams echoing through the corridors. 


	8. More Apologies

Chapter Eight  
  
More Apologies  
  
James was in an excellent mood when he returned to the common room later that evening. Quidditch practice had gone really well, he'd made a spectacular save that had more than made up for last week's abysmal one, and Remus was getting better.  
  
But when he crawled through the portrait hole and joined his friends by the fire, his joy was not reflected in their faces. Lily looked about to cry again, Peter was staring disconsolately into the fire, Sirius was glaring at his fingers, and Jesse was avoiding looking at all of them. He stared around in confusion and sat down next to Lily on the couch.  
  
"What's wrong?" he asked, fearing the answer. Surely Remus hadn't relapsed in that short amount of time? He'd only just begun to get better!  
  
"Remus, of course," Sirius told him fiercely. James knew his friend wasn't mad at him and dismissed the tone in his voice. "And that bitch Alyssa. She's-" His voice choked, more from anger than anything else. "She's turned him into a bloody vampire!" James closed his eyes and let this sink in. It made sense, of course. Remus had survived a bite from a vampire, so he was doomed to live with that curse. As if he didn't already have enough to deal with.  
  
"And that's not all," came a soft voice from his side. He looked down at his girlfriend's sad face. "The vampire and the werewolf...they don't agree. Dumbledore says they're fighting each other for control of Remus' body. They're killing each other, and it's hurting him something awful." Her voice shook, and James put his arms around her, holding her close. From her armchair, Jesse saw this small comfort and felt a twinge of jealousy. She missed having that kind of person in her life. Then again, she couldn't say that she ever had, exactly. The only person she'd been that close to was Remus, and that had been years ago.  
  
Peter was saying something, his voice heavy. Jesse looked up at Sirius. She was rather worried about him; he was really upset about what was happening. Of course, they all were, but Sirius tended to dwell on things when they were really bad. And this was looking really bad.  
  
"I'm sure he'll be fine," James said firmly, always the rock of support in the group. Jesse wondered briefly if he ever wanted someone else to take that role. "Remus is strong, he's proven that plenty of times. If anyone can handle this, it's our Moony." Lily smiled encouragingly and settled her head against his shoulder. It was so wonderful to have a boyfriend who had such faith in his friends.  
  
"Hey, why don't we go see him before we go to bed? I don't think anyone feels like sleeping much, and I haven't gotten to talk to him a lot yet." Peter shifted uncomfortably.  
  
"We can't. Dumbledore says he has to be isolated at night, because that's when the vampire is awake and fighting the werewolf. With both creatures alert, he's simply too dangerous." He shivered. "We had to tie him down to the bed, or he might have hurt someone-or himself." James stared at his friend in shock.  
  
"You're serious?" No one made the familiar joke, and the silence hung heavier than usual.  
  
"He'll still be going to classes and all that," Peter explained after a while. "We just have to make sure he's back in the hospital wing before dark." James shook his head in disbelief.  
  
"What about his change? That's less than a month away. What'll happen if the vampire is still in him?"  
  
"We don't know," Sirius said angrily. "We just have to wait," he spat out the word like poison. "Wait and hope." James sighed.  
  
"Then there's no use in dwelling on it," he said, all practicality again. "Let's get some sleep, we can see him tomorrow. Thank God it's a weekend." Everyone nodded and reluctantly got up to go to their respective dorms. Lily gave James a tight hug before following Jesse up the stairs to their dorm room.  
  
"See you in the morning," James called out, managing to sound halfway cheerful. Lily smiled at him but didn't reply.  
  
  
  
Saturday was overcast and gray, but the rain had all but stopped. A light drizzle kept everything at its soggy best, but it wasn't enough to soak anyone who needed to go outside.  
  
Nevertheless, the five disconsolate teenagers stayed within the walls of Hogwarts. They'd all gotten up very early, after having slept little, and had gone to see Remus. But he'd been fast asleep, exhausted after the night-long battle. They'd left him quietly and decided to come back later that day.  
  
In the meantime, they had to find something to do to occupy their minds. It was no good trying to talk-every conversation somehow turned back to Remus, and that was not what they needed to think about. James got out a pack of Exploding Snap and a chess board, and they began having tournaments. No one was really into the games, but they served to pass the time until lunch.  
  
Lunch was a loud affair. Everyone had heard by now that Remus was awake, and most had heard his screams of pain throughout the night-especially the Hufflepuffs, who had their common room near the hospital wing. They were used to being the bottom of the school, generally ignored without being disliked. Now they knew something the others didn't, and they were milking it for all it was worth. Their table was crammed with students, and the Ravenclaw and Gryffindor tables were all but empty.  
  
The Slytherins, most of them, didn't seem to care much. This was no surprise to anyone, especially the Marauders. They sat with their backs turned to the mass of people at the Hufflepuff table and ate their lunches in silence. They were about to visit Remus again, and all of them feared what they would find.  
  
Remus was awake when his friends entered halfway through lunch. He'd just finished his own meal, which consisted of a thick liquid that held all the nutrients he needed. He was glad he'd already finished; it made him feel rather ashamed that he couldn't even keep down solid food.  
  
He smiled genuinely when they pulled up chairs and circled around his bed. To them, his smile was heart-wrenching; he looked so small and pale, propped up against his pillows, and the smile looked as if it was too big for his face. But they grinned back and greeted him casually, knowing how much he hated being mothered and worried over.  
  
"How're you feeling?" James asked offhandedly.  
  
"Not too bad," Remus replied with a shrug. "Kind of tired, but I'll get over it."  
  
"How did you sleep?"  
  
"Better than all of you, it would seem," he commented, raising an eyebrow. "I told you not to worry about me." Sirius rolled his eyes.  
  
"And when have we ever listened to you?" They laughed lightly, feeling a bit nervous around each other. No one really knew what to say to Remus, what would make him mad and what would make him feel better.  
  
"How was Quidditch practice?" Remus asked of James. James' face brightened. This was something he could talk about happily. He immediately launched into a play-by-play of the night's practice, re- enacting his spectacular save and making humorous comments on various mistakes the team had made. He kept them all entertained for at least half an hour, going over everything that had happened. Remus watched with genuine interest; Quidditch was something James really, truly loved, and hearing him talk about it made it seem like the best thing in the world.  
  
Just as James was finishing up, Madam Pomfrey came over, a vial of potion clutched in her hand.  
  
"That's quite enough, Mr. Potter," she said sternly. "No need in exciting my patient more than necessary. He needs his rest now, so you five had best be moving along." She gestured towards the door with the bottle of potion, then turned to Remus.  
  
"This is for a dreamless sleep, as I'm sure you know. It should help you get some rest before tonight." She glared at the others, who were still huddled around his bed, and they reluctantly went on their way, waving good- bye to Remus. He gave them another happy grin and took the potion from Madam Pomfrey.  
  
"What d'you think she meant, 'before tonight'?" James asked as they trooped out of the hospital wing.  
  
"Before the vampire wakes up, of course," Peter said unhappily. "I doubt he can sleep with that going on inside him." James nodded, feeling the familiar sadness settling over the group at these words. He searched for something to say that would brighten them, but in vain. He began wishing for Monday to come so they would have something to do to pass the time.  
  
  
  
Remus was still under the effects of the sleeping draught when night fell, but a shock of pain from deep within his body startled him awake. He stared around the darkened room groggily, unable to figure out where he was. Pain wracked his body again, and he forgot to care.  
  
The monsters in his body were battling again. He tried to subdue them, but they were a part of him and would not be beaten that easily. Wave after wave of pain ripped through him as the monsters tore at each other, but he clenched his teeth and refused to cry out. He would not give in to the pain, he would not be that weak.  
  
The next morning, Remus could tell from the look on Madam Pomfrey's face that he had been unable to contain his screams completely. He looked away in shame, wondering what he sounded like and whether he kept her or anyone else awake. It was only by pure luck that there were no other students in the hospital wing.  
  
But that was about to change. Just as Madam Pomfrey gave Remus a potion for sleep, a second-year stumbled in, retching something terrible. The nurse quickly got him settled on a bed across the room from Remus and went to get her bucket. The student didn't look very sick now that the nurse was away, and he kept looking over at Remus curiously. Remus gave a low, exasperated growl and downed the potion. The sooner he fell asleep, the better.  
  
  
  
When James, Sirius, Peter, Lily, and Jesse entered the hospital wing after lunch that Sunday, Remus was still fast asleep. They turned to go, then noticed something different about the hospital wing.  
  
"Where did all these people come from?" Sirius asked, looking around at the many occupied beds. There were students everywhere, vomiting, coughing, sneezing, or even clutching broken bones. Madam Pomfrey was bustling about in a fury, trying in vain to attend to all the sick or injured students. As she passed the five healthy teenagers, James stopped her.  
  
"What's going on?" he asked. She looked up at him, her face drawn and tired.  
  
"Sick! Everyone's sick or hurt! It's like a huge epidemic has swept the school, but everyone is complaining of something different!" She looked ready to faint.  
  
"Do you need some help?" Lily asked immediately. She was rather good at helping sick people, and had actually been considering training to be a medi-witch. Any experience she could get would be needed.  
  
"Oh, you're an angel!" the nurse said, grabbing Lily in a huge hug and practically breaking down in tears. "In my office, you'll find everything and anything you need. You have no idea what this means to me!" With that, she rushed off with the barf-bucket.  
  
Lily looked at the others.  
  
"What say we pass the time in here?" she suggested. "We're going to need something to do over the rest of the day. Besides," Lily added, "this way we'll be here if Remus wakes up or needs help." At this, everyone agreed to stay.  
  
"Good idea, Lily," James murmured, giving her a light hug. The moment was broken by the sound of violent vomiting nearby.  
  
"Let's get going, then," Jesse said in a sarcastically bright voice. They laughed and went to the nurse's office to gather materials.  
  
The time passed much more quickly when they were busy helping people. It soon became apparent that most of the students had made themselves sick or hurt just so they could get a close-up view of Remus; no one knew that he was both vampire and werewolf, but it was apparent that something odd was happening to him. The students' curiosity was rather annoying, but there wasn't much anyone could do about it. Sick students were sick students, whether they wanted to be ill or not.  
  
As night fell, a kind of hush came over the hospital wing. Everyone began to watch Remus more closely, and all the students were pinching themselves to stay awake. The unlucky ones who had been given sleeping potions carefully dumped their draughts into their pitchers of water or vaporized them with their wands. No one was going to miss what they'd come to hear.  
  
Madam Pomfrey approached her five helpers.  
  
"I suppose you'd better be off, then," she said with a small sigh. "I can handle anything that happens in the night."  
  
"Maybe one of us should stay with you," Jesse said quickly. "We won't get much sleep tonight anyways, and this way you have help if you need it." The nurse hesitated; she obviously wanted to accept, but it was against her better judgment.  
  
"But Professor Dumbledore-"  
  
"Professor Dumbledore said we couldn't visit Remus at night," Sirius interrupted. "Not that we couldn't help you out." To everyone's relief, a smile crossed her face.  
  
"Alright then," she consented, then became stern again. "But one word from the Headmaster, and you're out!" They all nodded, and she turned to go back to her office. "Whoever is staying to help me, there's a student in bed 12A who needs a sleeping potion."  
  
They looked at each other uncertainly, then Sirius spoke up.  
  
"Who's got dibs on that guy?" Jesse volunteered and went to get the potion while the others spread out, continuing whatever they'd been doing before.  
  
Jesse filled a vial half-full of sleeping potion and took it to the student in bed 12A. He obviously needed it, so she stood by his bed to make sure he actually drank it. He did, but not happily. In moments, he was fast asleep.  
  
She took the vial back to be cleaned, then looked around the room. A few students were still vomiting; they seemed to have used spells on themselves, and one or two had been a bit too strong for their own good. One girl was vomiting nonstop, and Lily had given her a bucket to keep by the bed.  
  
Jesse turned to help a student next to her, who was coughing horribly. Suddenly, the coughs were drowned out by a blood-curdling scream. It echoed through the hospital wing and down the corridors, chilling everyone who heard it. Some of the students began to think they didn't want to be there, after all-the Marauders and the girls among them.  
  
Jesse quickly tended to the coughing boy, who was looking very pale, and turned to find Remus. He was lying in his bed, wide awake. His arms were tied to the posts at the headboard, his legs at the other end. It was a humiliating position, and he seemed to realize that. As Jesse watched helplessly, he twisted and pulled at his bonds, his eyes that frightening yellow again. She reached out a shaking hand and touched his wrist lightly; he felt the feather-light touch and turned to her as if noticing her for the first time. His eyes flashed gray for a split second, and she shuddered at the anguish in them. No one deserved that kind of pain.  
  
His face suddenly contorted in pain, his eyes squeezed shut and his mouth opened in another scream. Jesse kneeled by his bed and leaned her forehead against the side of the mattress, her hands wrapped loosely around his wrist. Perhaps her touch was comforting somehow, for he calmed down quickly afterward. She stood slowly and looked around the room, remembering her duties. A girl in the bed next to Remus' looked about to throw up, although she had come in complaining of a broken arm. Jesse ran to get a bucket, but Lily had it covered. On her way back out of the office, Jesse passed the mirror over the sink in Madam Pomfrey's bathroom; she was shocked to see tears streaming down her face.  
  
"Now that won't do," she told her reflection firmly, wiping them away. "No need to upset the patients even more." She grabbed a sleeping potion and went back out to see who was in need of it.  
  
The rest of the night was spent dishing out sleeping potions. Once the students realized there was nothing exciting or cool about Remus' suffering, they were keen to escape from it. As they weren't allowed to leave the hospital wing until the next day at the earliest, they suddenly wanted their discarded potions again.  
  
But there simply wasn't enough of the potion to go around. Jesse gave everyone a half dose and hoped it would at least get them started on sleeping, even if it wouldn't stay in effect the whole night. She was tempted to give Remus a dose, as scream after scream ripped from his throat, but Pomfrey was adamant.  
  
"The Headmaster says he needs to be awake during this time, or the monsters won't fight."  
  
"But how is that bad?" Jesse asked incredulously.  
  
"Isn't it better that he suffer now, and get rid of one of them, rather than take a sleeping draught before going to bed every night for the rest of his life?" Jesse nodded and turned to administer said potion to a student nearby.  
  
  
  
Monday was far from fun for all of them. They'd gotten up early to pick up Remus before breakfast, but the nurse wouldn't let him leave. She told them firmly that he needed sleep more than food, and that they could come by shortly before class.  
  
They'd done as told, though none of them were excited about letting him go to class on an empty stomach. James grabbed a piece of toast for him, but Remus didn't eat it, saying he didn't need anything. It was shoved in James' book bag and saved for later.  
  
Classes had passed slowly. James, Sirius, Peter, Lily, and Jesse stared warily at Remus all day, half expecting him to collapse in seizures or something. This annoyed him greatly, as he felt perfectly fine in daytime- except for the fact that he was very tired, and direct sunlight made him feel sick. But, aside from those things, there was nothing wrong with him. He got enough odd looks from other students, some of whom he didn't even know, and he didn't need that from his friends as well.  
  
After their final class, Sirius ate dinner quickly and escorted Remus up to the hospital wing on his own. They'd decided to take turns doing this, so Remus wouldn't feel too mothered. When they got back to Remus' bed, the ropes were already tied to the headboard and footboard, laying in ominous coils on the carefully made bed.  
  
Sirius glanced cautiously at his friend, but Remus said nothing. He sat down on the bed, not bothering to use the sheets and blankets, and dutifully began tying his feet to the ropes. Reluctantly, Sirius helped. That done, Remus stretched out on the bed and held his hands up for Sirius to tie them down. Sirius was relieved when Madam Pomfrey arrived to help him; he felt sick tethering his friend to the bed, like a dangerous animal. And Remus' quiet acceptance was not helping-Sirius almost wished his friend would start kicking and screaming, put up some sort of fight...  
  
When Remus was safely tied down, Sirius bade him a dull "good night" and left the hospital wing. There was only one person Sirius could blame for all this: Alyssa Mant. She'd bitten Remus, she'd started all this, and now she was going to hear from Sirius.  
  
Sirius turned down a well-lit corridor, headed for the Ravenclaw common room. He'd been there many times, as he mostly dated girls from Ravenclaw, but realized when he got to the familiar portrait that he didn't know the new password. At the beginning of the school year, it had been 'butternut squash,' but it usually changed every month. How was he supposed to guess it now?  
  
"Sunglasses," he tried, saying the first thing that popped into his head. The golden retriever wearing glasses and reading a book blinked at him sleepily, woken from his nap. "Purple cow, hedgehog spine. Uh...pumpkin patch? Christmas spirit. Yule log. Shit! How in hell-"  
  
He stopped short when he saw the dog portrait swing forward. Before he had the chance to turn and hide, a young boy crawled through the hole in the wall and dropped to the ground. Sirius guessed he was about second year. The brown-haired boy looked up warily, checking to see that the hall was empty. When he saw Sirius, he gave an audible gasp and backed against the wall.  
  
"Who are you?" he whispered as the portrait swung closed. The dog glared down at him disapprovingly but remained silent.  
  
"Sirius Black," Sirius said amiably. "And you?"  
  
"Er...Bobby Wilkins." Sirius grinned.  
  
"Your real name? Don't worry, I'm not going to get you in trouble for being out past curfew. Have you noticed that I'm not in bed, either?" The boy seemed to relax a bit.  
  
"That's true...alright. I'm Jason Mant." Sirius looked at him in surprise.  
  
"You wouldn't happen to be related to Alyssa Mant?"  
  
"Sure, she's my sister. I know I don't look like her, but she takes after my mom and I after my dad." Sirius nodded.  
  
"I'll buy that. Odd, though. Your sister is who I'm here to see. She wouldn't happen to be up, would she?" Jason rolled his eyes.  
  
"She has a boyfriend," he pointed out exasperatedly, as if he'd done this many times. Sirius laughed.  
  
"I'm not here for that. I just...need to talk to her. Is she up, or what?" Jason shook his head.  
  
"I don't think so. She isn't feeling so good. You can come back tomorrow, maybe after class. Password's 'leopard spots.'" Sirius thanked him and walked away from the portrait hole with him, hoping he'd be able to sneak back later that night.  
  
"So what are you up for?" Sirius asked casually after a while. To his annoyance, they were walking in the general direction of the Gryffindor tower. With his luck, they'd walk all the way there before he'd be able to turn around and backtrack.  
  
"Goin' to the kitchens," Jason admitted. "My friends dared me a few days ago. We're all taking turns doing stuff, and this was my assignment." Sirius grinned, pleased that there were others Marauding the school at such a young age.  
  
"You got the good job," Sirius told him in a fatherly tone. "The kitchens are easy, and the elves will give you anything." Jason looked a little brighter.  
  
"Yeah, that's what I've heard. Is it really that easy to get in there? It seems like it'd be better protected if it was forbidden to students." Sirius scoffed.  
  
"Protected? The only thing you have to watch for is Filch, and he doesn't go down there much. Mrs. Norris, of course, loves the place-there's more rats there, 'cause of the food." Jason nodded, absorbing all the advice eagerly. Sirius looked sideways at him. "You do know how to get in there, right?" Jason looked away uncomfortably.  
  
"Well...I know where it is, and I know which portrait it's behind, but I don't know the password or anything. I figured I'd just guess or something." Sirius laughed softly, careful to remain quiet now that they were in the heart of the school. Filch could be lurking anywhere.  
  
"There is no password. On the portrait, just tickle the pear and it'll let you right in."  
  
"Pear? What pear?" Sirius raised an eyebrow.  
  
"What pear?" he echoed. "Well, well. Seems you have the wrong portrait, after all." He paused, weighing his options. "Tell you what: I'll go with you-just this once. Show you what to do, how to act around the elves." Jason grinned up at him.  
  
"That'd be great!" Sirius shushed him quickly.  
  
"Lesson number one: don't talk above a loud whisper except when absolutely necessary. Mrs. Norris could be anywhere." Jason nodded, looking as if he wished he had a notepad to write all this down on. Leave it to a Ravenclaw, Sirius thought to himself, rolling his eyes. But he found he quite liked the kid; he showed signs of being the next James Potter, or even (dare he think it?) the next Sirius Black. He grinned as this thought crossed his mind and decided then and there to take the boy under his wing, bring him up as the Marauder he had the potential to be.  
  
They reached the corridor where the kitchens were and Sirius watched happily as Jason glanced around the room, looking for the pear. He spotted it quickly and tickled it just so-and the painting swung forward.  
  
"Cool," Jason whispered, looking past the painting. There was no portrait hole, like in the common rooms, but a large hole cut out of the wall that reached from floor to ceiling. The painting was big enough to cover it all.  
  
Sirius steered his charge through the doorway and into the kitchens, which were brightly lit as always. Immediately, half a dozen elves converged upon them, holding out platters covered with food and chatting happily to the boys. Jason looked around in awe, amazed at how easy it was to just take a bit of food and stick it in his pocket. Sirius was already filling his robes with food, occasionally eating some. Jason eventually followed suit, gathering enough to fill himself and his friends. Even when he was done, the elves offered more and more types of food.  
  
"Are they always this chipper?" he asked around a piece of donut. Sirius nodded, swallowing a bite of freshly baked pie.  
  
"Yeah, they'll always help you out-whether you want it or not. But don't tell your friends that," he added quickly. Jason looked up at him quizzically. "Lesson number two: play a prank whenever possible. When you go back tonight, give them the food and force them to thank you a million times for what you've done. Tell them you had to dodge both Filch and Norris, and that getting past the portrait involved answering a complicated riddle, and that the elves were vicious and tried to beat you up as you took the food." To Sirius' joy, Jason grinned.  
  
"And that I barely made it out with my life, only to run into Mrs. Norris again," he added, getting into the spirit. "I had to run and hide in an old classroom for ten minutes before she finally left." Sirius laughed.  
  
"Now you're getting it! Then, when they all come down with you next time, you'll have a great laugh."  
  
"I think I've heard of you," Jason said suddenly. Sirius waited for him to continue. "I wasn't sure before, but now I am...you're one of the Marauders, right?" Sirius grinned.  
  
"You got it! The one and only Sirius Black. Remember that name-it'll be all over the papers someday!"  
  
"This is so cool! Now I can tell everyone that I was taught by the infamous Sirius Black! You have no idea how popular this will make me among the guys." Sirius laughed, flattered.  
  
"Well! Never realized how much of an impact I have on the little ones..." He grinned mischievously. "This calls for some serious corruption of young minds..." Jason looked up at him expectantly, but Sirius shook his head. "No, no. You'll find out what I'm planning when the rest of them do." Or when I do, he added silently. Lesson number three: never let anyone know when you haven't got a plan. But Jason would have to learn that one by himself; it was getting early, and they had to get moving before someone got up and found them.  
  
"Okay, back to bed. We can't get caught now that we've performed the deed, that'd be even worse than beforehand." Jason nodded and followed him out of the kitchens. Sirius left him at the entrance hall. "You think you can get back to Ravenclaw without getting caught?"  
  
"Sure I can, I've been taught by the best!" Sirius laughed and waved good- bye. Jason didn't realize it, but he still had plenty to learn if he wanted to live up to his teacher.  
  
Sirius made it to the Gryffindor common room without incident and sank into an armchair to wait for the others. It was already dawn, and there was no use in going back to bed so soon before breakfast. Despite all he'd eaten, his stomach growled in anticipation of the meal.  
  
It was odd, now that he thought about it. He'd gone to the Ravenclaw portrait in anticipation of finding Alyssa and chewing her out about Remus. Making her feel awful. Making her do something to stop his pain. Instead, he'd found her brother and had spent the whole night pleasantly teaching him a bit of what he knew. He'd grown to like the boy, despite how much he hated Alyssa.  
  
Sirius eventually dropped off to sleep, despite himself. James and Peter left him there when they went down to breakfast, and as a result, he was only able to catch the last few minutes of it. He'd been woken up by Lily and Jesse, but had been slow in dressing and getting ready. He crammed a sausage into his mouth and watched sadly as the rest of the food disappeared.  
  
"Alright, we've got Charms first," James announced as they stood up and gathered their things. "Let's go get Remus and see if he's feeling up to going to class." They followed James to the hospital wing and to Remus' bed. It was empty.  
  
"He's already on his way to class," Madam Pomfrey explained, approaching them and looking quite worn out. She had a bucket in one hand and a pepper- up potion in the other. "Too bad you all have to go to class today...I could really use some help." They all sympathized, then thanked her for telling them where Remus was. She sighed heavily when they went off to join him, and James had the distinct feeling she was hinting at them to skip class and help her out.  
  
Professor Flitwick was his usual perky self that morning. He beamed at each student as he or she filed into the classroom, then hopped up onto his pile of books just as the bell rang. James, Sirius, Peter, Lily, and Jesse all sat next to or near Remus, who was already seated in the second row. He smiled at them, but said nothing. He looked very tired, even more so than Sirius. Nevertheless, when the professor had explained what charm they'd be practicing and had set them loose in pairs, he jumped up from his seat, his eyes alight, and looked actually excited about practicing the charm. Charms and Transfiguration were Remus' best classes, and he usually didn't care much about practicing them since they came to him so easily.  
  
"Why so excited today?" Sirius asked casually. He was partnered with James, Remus with Peter, and Lily with Jesse. They were all working right next to each other, though, and basically acted as one large group. Remus shrugged in response to Sirius' question.  
  
"Anything's better than lying in that damned hospital wing all day." Sirius agreed with a nervous laugh, then turned to perform the charm on James. A beam of purple light shot out of the end of his wand, and James' hair turned bright orange.  
  
"Oh, excellent, Mr. Black!" Professor Flitwick exclaimed, hurrying over to inspect his student's hair. "You've performed a perfect Color-Change charm on Mr. Potter's hair!" Half the class laughed behind their hands; they were supposed to be performing the charm on various blocks of wood and strips of parchment. James gave Sirius a friendly glare as the professor went away again, squeaking excitedly.  
  
"Perfect except that you missed," he pointed out in an undertone. Sirius flashed him a Marauder grin.  
  
"Who says I missed?" Everyone nearby laughed happily, and Lily changed James' hair back to normal.  
  
After all their classes that day, it was James' turn to take Remus to the hospital wing for the night. Sirius gave him a sympathetic glance and went back to his dinner. Shortly afterwards, though, he stood and grabbed his things, a strange look on his face.  
  
"Where are you going?" Jesse asked with a slight frown. She didn't like the odd gleam in his eyes. "Sirius?" He shook his head.  
  
"Just to the common room." She stood up, too.  
  
"Then I'll join you. I'm done here anyways." Sirius shot her a meaningful glare, which she ignored.  
  
"I can make it up to the common room on my own, I think I know where it is by now," he told her lightly, rolling his eyes. But Jesse knew he was planning something else. By the looks on Peter's and Lily's faces, they knew too.  
  
"Well, you can help me with my books, then," Jesse said cheerfully, but firmly. Sirius looked at Peter and Lily, who were staring at him, and realized that if he didn't let Jesse go with him, they all would.  
  
"Fine, you can walk along in my presence," he said with a grin. "But you're carrying your own damn books." Jesse laughed and grabbed her bag, then followed Sirius out of the hall. He was walking quickly, as if trying to lose her. She matched his pace.  
  
"It's not going to be that easy," she scolded, panting along beside him. Sirius was certainly stronger than she, and appeared to be rushing along effortlessly. He shot her a look when she continued to keep up with him. He was obviously annoyed, and not very good at hiding the fact.  
  
"Why do you insist on coming with me?" he asked irritably. She gave him an appraising look.  
  
"Because I know that look in your eye as well as anyone else, and I don't like it. You're planning something, and nothing good can come of it." Sirius rolled his eyes.  
  
"So you think you're going to stop me."  
  
"Yes, I do." She grinned. "That's the job of the little sister, isn't it? To keep her older brother out of trouble?" Sirius couldn't help but smile back, but he was still annoyed that he wasn't going to be able to shake her off.  
  
"Well, if you won't leave me alone, you're going to have to witness what I'm going to do." She shrugged.  
  
"So I will."  
  
"You're not going to like it," Sirius warned.  
  
"It's not going to happen," Jesse reminded him. "I'm not going to let it." Sirius rolled his eyes again and turned right towards the Ravenclaw common room. The dog looked at him in confusion when he supplied the correct password, but swung forward anyway.  
  
"How did you know the password?" Jesse asked suspiciously.  
  
"Marauder-in-training," was all he replied.  
  
They climbed through the portrait hole and into the Ravenclaw common room, which was practically empty. No one spared them a second glance as they entered the room, which was remarkably like the Gryffindor common room. Sirius glanced around, then approached an armchair by the fire. The back of someone's blonde head was barely visible over the top. Jesse grabbed his arm and held him back, realizing whom he'd come to see.  
  
"What do you think you're doing?" she hissed, dragging him back to the portrait hole where they could talk without Alyssa hearing them. He glared at her, trying to pull out of her grip.  
  
"Giving that bitch a piece of my mind!" Jesse tightened her hold on his arm.  
  
"Like hell you are! What d'you think you're going to say?" Sirius shrugged.  
  
"Whatever comes out. Let go!" Jesse glared at him furiously and held on even more tightly.  
  
"No. I'm not letting you do this-it's completely pointless! We're all upset about Remus, but screaming at Alyssa isn't going to help anything!" Her voice was about normal volume again, and Alyssa heard her name. She turned around in her chair to see who was talking about her.  
  
"Black? What are you doing here?" she hissed, getting up and approaching them. An essay for Professor Binns was clutched in her hand. "How did you get into my common room?"  
  
"You have a very kind brother," Sirius replied with a sneer. Alyssa blanched.  
  
"What did you do to him?" she whispered dangerously. Others in the common room were now staring at them, having realized there were two non- Ravenclaws in their midst.  
  
"Nothing. He gave me the password willingly." Sirius paused a moment. "He really is a cool kid." Alyssa glared at him venomously.  
  
"What are you doing here, Black?" She glanced from him to Jesse and back again. Sirius finally tore his arm from Jesse's grip and turned to face Alyssa squarely.  
  
"I want to talk about Remus," he said bluntly, then glanced around the room. "Let's go somewhere less...public, though." Alyssa looked around as well, then glared at him again.  
  
"And why would I want to do that?" she hissed. "I don't particularly feel like talking to you, I have an essay to finish." With that, she turned to go back to her chair. Sirius grabbed the essay as she turned and whipped it out of her hand.  
  
"What essay?" he murmured, shoving it into his pocket. Jesse gaped at him, Alyssa glared at him, and their audience muttered angrily amongst themselves. Sirius crossed his arms in front of him, waiting for Alyssa to say something. She glanced around, then rolled her eyes.  
  
"Fine, come up to my dorm room," she finally agreed, though she looked far from happy about it. Sirius followed her up the spiral staircase, her essay still crammed into his pocket, Jesse at his side. She looked ready to hex him if he did or said anything too stupid.  
  
Alyssa pulled chairs from one corner of the room and sat them facing her own bed, then gestured for Sirius and Jesse to sit down. She sat on her bed, leaning against the wall and watching them warily.  
  
"What do you want to say, then? Just get out with it, and then I can get back to work." Sirius stood behind his chair and leaned on it, staring angrily at Alyssa. He suddenly realized he didn't know what he wanted to say; he'd expected the words to just come to him, but they weren't. He looked to Jesse for help, but she shook her head firmly and looked away. "Well?" Alyssa prompted, annoyance prominent in her voice.  
  
"You-" Sirius began, hoping that by starting to talk, something would happen. But his mind remained blank. "Come with me," he said finally. If he couldn't tell her, he could show her. Alyssa snorted.  
  
"Like hell I will. If you don't have anything to say, just give me my essay and get out of my common room." Sirius glared at her furiously. She wasn't cooperating! How was he supposed to prove a point to her if she wouldn't do as he said? He grabbed her essay out of his pocket and held it up for her to see, then turned and strode from the room.  
  
Jesse watched him go angrily. Sirius was being such an idiot...what was he hoping to gain by doing this? Alyssa's face was turning red, and she glared at Jesse as if this was her fault.  
  
"Get your boyfriend to give me my essay back!" she yelled. Jesse looked at her in surprise.  
  
"He's not my boyfriend, and I have no control over what he does," she said evenly. Despite herself, she was getting rather angry; what right did Alyssa have to get angry with her? She hadn't done anything.  
  
Alyssa bit back a frustrated scream, then followed Sirius out of the room. Jesse sighed, then joined her.  
  
They followed Sirius all the way to the hospital wing, always a step or two behind him. He kept her essay in plain view, but was careful to keep her from getting it. He wondered, as they entered the wing, why she didn't go straight to Madam Pomfrey and report him. The truth was, she was a bit curious, despite herself.  
  
Sirius went straight for Remus' bed, hoping Madam Pomfrey wouldn't kick them out before he could prove his point to Alyssa. She came up behind him and, before he could stop her, grabbed her essay.  
  
"You idiot!" she hissed, shoving the paper into her pocket. "Don't you ever do that again! Stay away from my things, stay away from me, stay-" But she was cut off mid-sentence by a loud scream from the bed next to her. She looked in shock at the bed, staring through the darkness to see who it was. Remus stared back at her, his eyes blazing yellow and narrowed ferociously. She watched, transfixed, as his scream subsided and his eyes became steel gray again. He looked at her, trying to figure out who she was, or perhaps why she was there. Only moments later, his eyes became pain-filled, then flashed yellow again. He opened his mouth in another scream, showing sharp vampire teeth. Sirius turned to Alyssa angrily.  
  
"See what you've done to him?" he hissed when the hospital wing was silent again. Jesse had moved around them and was at the head of Remus' bed, gently stroking his arm, which was tied to the head of the bed. Alyssa shuddered and looked away, straight into Sirius' eyes.  
  
"I don't know what you're talking about. I did no such thing." She was visibly shaken, the echoes of the screams replaying in her mind, but her voice was clear and even.  
  
"Don't try to deny it!" Sirius said warningly. "You made him a vampire, knowing full well that he's already a werewolf!" Alyssa gasped, her eyes suddenly very wide.  
  
"He's a-a what?!" she hissed. Sirius stared at her for a moment.  
  
"You mean...you didn't know that?" His voice had lost all of its anger, his expression was almost perplexed now. Alyssa shook her head. "Then...all this...it was an accident?" She stared shamefully at her feet.  
  
"I wouldn't say that," she mumbled. "I-I meant to bite him, I just didn't know it would...do this." Sirius shifted his weight.  
  
"You followed your instincts, you mean," he said quietly. "That still wasn't right. You knew you'd either pass on the curse, or kill him." Alyssa nodded.  
  
"I know, but I couldn't control myself. It had been so long...and I knew his taste by that time, it was awful to know that he was within my reach, but I wasn't doing anything about it. Then one night, I just...couldn't take it anymore. I lost control, let the vampire do as she wished..." She heaved a sigh and looked up to meet Sirius' eyes. "I'm sorry. I know it was wrong, but..." Then, to her surprise, Sirius nodded.  
  
"You followed your instincts," he repeated. "I understand." He sighed and looked her straight in the eye. "And I forgive you. You didn't wish this," he gestured to Remus, who was lying quite still, "on him, you just acted without thinking. You couldn't have known." Alyssa stared at him in shock, then threw her arms around his neck.  
  
"Thank you, thank you! I never thought you'd understand..." Sirius shrugged, and she let him go.  
  
"Well, I figure it's kind of the same with werewolves as with vampires..." Alyssa nodded, tears in her eyes.  
  
"I'm so sorry, for you and for him!" she whispered. "I never meant for this to happen...I even felt bad the next morning, after I'd done it, even though I didn't know I'd done more than infect him. I hate cursing other people...but it just comes naturally." Sirius sighed and nodded.  
  
"You can go, I guess," he said finally. "But you'll have to tell all this to Remus when he's feeling better." Alyssa looked rather pale at that, but agreed. It was, after all, only to be expected. She flashed Sirius a thankful smile, then retreated back to her common room.  
  
Jesse half listened to the conversation, making sure Sirius didn't get out of hand. She was rather shocked that he told Alyssa of Remus' curse, but the girl needed to know about it to understand what was really going on.  
  
Most of her attention, however, was focused on Remus. He was looking at her, his gray eyes boring into hers, with an odd expression on his face. She rubbed her hand up and down his arm, wrist to elbow and back, hoping it was somewhat comforting. He seemed to have stopped screaming, at any rate.  
  
But the look in his eyes was somewhat disconcerting. It wasn't malicious, or anything bad, but Jesse couldn't quite understand it, and it bothered her. She had been best friends with Remus for ten years, and was used to knowing everything he was thinking. But since she'd come back to England and found him again, she'd realized she never knew just what was on his mind. He was almost always angry with her, which she couldn't even begin to understand, but there was more than that. He never looked at her as he used to, and he seemed forever careful to keep his thoughts hidden from her. From her first day at Hogwarts, she'd found herself drifting away from him. The more time she spent with him, the more he felt like a stranger.  
  
But that wasn't quite right, either. Recently, he'd been acting more civil towards her again. He still closed off his thoughts, still refused to let her get as close as they used to be, but he was more friendly now. Jesse supposed it had started on karaoke night; he'd certainly seemed different then. But shortly afterward, he'd closed off and become cruel towards her again. So when had she noticed a definite change?  
  
A few days ago, she finally decided. The day he woke up after Alyssa's attack. He'd given her this same, strange look that day, too, as if deciding something about her. Whenever she'd visited after that, he'd been just as friendly with her as with the others.  
  
Had he forgiven her for whatever terrible thing she'd done?  
  
But that didn't seem possible. They hadn't talked about it even once-Jesse still didn't know why he was so angry.  
  
Then again, that was just like Remus. He rarely wanted to get into rows about things, preferring to ignore the topic until it went away. Hadn't he done that to her enough times, especially the first few days? Refusing to discuss a sensitive topic, necessary as it may be to talk about, was something Remus was known for among his friends.  
  
Jesse sighed and pulled a chair forward with her free hand. She settled onto it and leaned forward, her right hand still on Remus' arm.  
  
"How are you feeling?" she whispered. He smiled slowly.  
  
"I'm okay, actually," he replied in a quiet voice. He was hoarse from screaming so much, but did indeed look relatively calm.  
  
"Does it-does it still hurt? Even now?" He considered her question.  
  
"No...only when they're actively fighting." Jesse knew from his eyes that it had been a lie, and wondered briefly why he'd said that.  
  
"That's good," she said, playing along. If he was going to lie, he had a reason, and she didn't want to put him in an uncomfortable situation. As if he already isn't, she thought bitterly, eyeing the ropes around his wrists with hate. He followed her gaze and gave another little smile.  
  
"I hardly notice they're there, half the time," he lied again. Why is he lying about all this? Like he's shielding me from the truth or something...  
  
"That's good, too." She paused. "They seem to be pretty calm right now. It's been a few minutes since anything has...happened." Remus nodded.  
  
"Don't know why, they're usually really active right now. Maybe one of them is finally winning..." A glimmer of hope welled up in Jesse. If one of the monsters was beating the other, that meant he'd soon be free!  
  
"That's wonderful!" she whispered. Remus gave a light laugh and looked away, and the hope died in her. It had been another lie. She looked up at Sirius to find him receiving a tight hug from Alyssa. This shocked her greatly, and she almost laughed out loud. So Sirius had quelled his anger, after all. That was certainly a first...  
  
Jesse looked back at Remus, who was staring at her again. She noticed, not for the first time, how interesting his eyes were. Though mostly a dark gray, they were shot through with silver and black. There was a twinge of color, a dark green, around the outer edges of his irises. She thought she could remember a time when his eyes had been all green, but that had been so long ago...when they were toddlers. And besides, that didn't make any sense. Why would his eyes have changed so drastically?  
  
Something Sirius had said a long time ago came to the surface of her mind. "...he was young at the time-I think four, maybe five." Jesse gave a small gasp. Then...his eyes had once been green! They must have changed when he was bitten.  
  
She shook her head. But Sirius must have been wrong. Remus couldn't have been bitten when he was that young, or she would have known! How could he have hidden it from her for five years?  
  
Remus had heard her gasp, and was staring at her expectantly. She locked eyes with him and gave his wrist a gentle squeeze.  
  
"Remus? We need to talk."  
  
  
  
Sirius watched Alyssa go, not quite believing what had just happened. He'd forgiven her...was he even allowed to do that? It was Remus' place to forgive or not to. He was the one who was truly suffering.  
  
But that wasn't quite true. Remus had to deal with the physical pain, but his friends had to live knowing that he was suffering so much, and they could do nothing. Sirius had simply forgiven Alyssa for bringing that kind of tension upon the group, not for biting Remus. Well, he'd done that too...but she understood that it was only his forgiveness, not Moony's.  
  
Didn't she?  
  
Sirius shook his head to clear it. Whether she understood or not, she would soon enough. As soon as Remus was feeling better-and he would be, and very soon-they could talk. Not that Remus would want to...it wasn't really his thing to discuss delicate subjects. But they would talk eventually. They had the whole school year, for goodness' sake!  
  
He was about to turn and see how Remus was doing when he heard something he wasn't sure he was ever going to hear.  
  
"Remus?" Jesse whispered. "We need to talk." And then, unbelievably, miraculously, Remus agreed.  
  
"Okay." Did he understand what she meant? For it was obvious to Sirius, just from the tone in her voice. But perhaps Remus didn't quite know what she wanted to discuss... "I guess I've put this off long enough."  
  
Well, that settled it. Remus knew exactly what he'd gotten himself into. Sirius smiled and slipped away without saying anything. He found Madam Pomfrey and pulled her aside.  
  
"Remus and Jesse are talking," he said quietly. Her eyes narrowed, and she looked about to say something, but Sirius was quicker. "I know Dumbledore said not to visit him at night, but this is really important. And besides, he's tied up and she has enough common sense to keep her distance." The nurse glanced over to where the two were, still looking disagreeable. "They really need to talk," Sirius repeated. Pomfrey gave an exasperated sigh.  
  
"Fine. I'll give her half an hour." With that, she walked off. Sirius grinned as he left the hospital wing. He knew that, despite what she said, she'd give them as much time as they needed. Madam Pomfrey's definition of half an hour was very different from most.  
  
When Sirius finally crawled into bed that night, he fell asleep almost immediately. He'd made peace with Alyssa, Remus was making peace with Jesse, and everything was beginning to look much better... 


	9. Dumbledore's Worst Fear

Okeeday, here's the next chapter! I haven't gotten even the customary TWO reviews for chapter eight, but Mals reviewed and that's enough for me! This one is...rather depressing. I'm sorry, they all seem that way! But I promise things are going to cheer up really soon, I think even in the next chapter! Broom racing is coming! And you shouldn't know what I mean by that, because it was invented by Mals and Corie! You'll see...  
  
The title for this one sucks, but that's life for ya. I hope you enjoy the chapter, or rather I hope you don't because that would make you rather sadistic...but it isn't all dark, there's some humor in it, so please enjoy SOME things! Right, enough of that-on with the chapter!  
  
Chapter Nine  
  
Dumbledore's Worst Fear  
  
"Okay," Remus said with a small sigh. "I guess I've put this off long enough." Jesse merely gaped at him for a moment, unable to believe her ears. He'd agreed? He was willing to talk?  
  
"Um, good, okay," she mumbled. Out of the corner of her eye, she saw Sirius walking away, giving them privacy. She made a mental note to thank him later, then tried to collect her thoughts. "I...okay...um, first of all-" she stopped. Remus was laughing. "Are you laughing at me?" she asked in mock indignation. He bit his lip and shook his head.  
  
"No," he replied, still chuckling. "Well, sort of. It's just...you're the same as before. You never could talk about serious stuff very well..." They were silent for a moment, staring at each other somewhat sadly.  
  
"What happened to that?" Jesse asked quietly. She paused, amazed that she finally had the opportunity to voice the question she'd been wondering for so long. "Why do you hate me so much now?" Something flickered in his eyes, and he looked away.  
  
"I don't. At least, not anymore, I don't think."  
  
"Well, why did you before? And don't deny that-I saw how you looked at me all the time, I knew what you were thinking." Sort of, she thought to herself. She never really knew what he'd been thinking, but she could guess.  
  
"Well, why shouldn't I have hated you? After what you did to me, going against everything you'd said!" She stared at him, perplexed.  
  
"What I did to you? I didn't do anything! We were on excellent terms before I left!" Suddenly, it dawned on her. "Wait, this is all because I moved? This is all because my parents dragged me off? I can't believe you'd get-"  
  
"Oh, come on!" Remus interrupted. "Don't try to blame this on your parents. You wanted out of there too, once you found out about me." Jesse frowned, truly confused now.  
  
"I-I never wanted out! I don't know what you mean, Remus. Found out what about you?" He rolled his eyes and gestured with his chin towards his bound hands.  
  
"About all of this! You left for the same reason my father did."  
  
Jesse stared at him, at a loss for words. That didn't make any sense...  
  
"I don't understand...how could you think that?" she asked quietly. "I didn't even know...not until I saw you with my own eyes."  
  
"Yeah, and then you up and moved. It was a lot harder pretending you liked werewolves once you lived next door to one, wasn't it?" Remus' voice was harsh and bitter, and he stared at Jesse with the hatred she'd seen only in her first few weeks at Hogwarts.  
  
"But...I didn't know about that! Not until I got here!"  
  
"Don't lie to me," he spat, and for a split second his eyes flashed yellow. He closed them and took a few deep breaths.  
  
"Are you okay?" Jesse asked warily, pressing on his wrist lightly. He shivered slightly under her touch, but looked up at her again.  
  
"You saw me that night," he said angrily, though keeping his voice low so the other patients, most of whom were gone by now anyway, wouldn't hear him. "Two nights before you left, you saw me changing back. You knew what I was, and from that moment on, I was just another werewolf, just a monster." Jesse was shaking her head, mouth slightly open in disbelief.  
  
"No, no! You've got it all wrong!" she whispered when he was done. "I never saw you...not until Thanksgiving night. We moved because-" She stopped herself. That was private, he couldn't know that. But he was waiting expectantly, and she couldn't leave it hanging. "Because my mother really wanted to see the States," she finished lamely. Remus scoffed.  
  
"Like hell she did..." he muttered, turning his head away. Jesse saw immediately that if she didn't tell the truth, she would lose her chance. He'd go on thinking she'd left because he was a werewolf, and that would be the end of any friendship they'd ever had.  
  
"Remus," she said softly. "Remus, I'll tell you the truth, but you have to look at me. I won't say it to the back of your head." He hesitated, then turned and met her eyes.  
  
"Go on, then," he said irritably when she didn't continue. She sighed.  
  
"We moved because my uncle needed us. He was living in the States at the time, and he was having trouble with the police. Magical police, mind you. Ministry men." She paused, wondering if she was doing the right thing. It was her uncle's business, after all, not Remus'. Then again, he would understand...he'd have to. "My uncle is a werewolf," she said finally. No reaction from Remus. She continued. "He was visiting us in England all those years ago...he'd come for my fourth birthday."  
  
Jesse held her breath, waiting to see what he'd do. But there was still no reaction.  
  
"So?" he finally said, annoyed that she'd stopped, that she'd expected that to mean something to him.  
  
"So... Remus, what happened three days after my birthday?" He flinched. She knew exactly what had happened that night, she didn't need to hear it again. When he remained silent, Jesse sighed. "My uncle was the werewolf. The one that attacked your brother-and, as I realized on Thanksgiving, you- that night."  
  
Remus felt as if all the wind had been knocked out of him. He stared at her, wide-eyed, trying to catch his breath. That couldn't be...that would mean...her uncle was responsible for his curse. For his brother's death...  
  
"That's why we had to leave so suddenly four years ago. He'd been found out by American Ministry officials. They somehow tracked him down over the years, with the help of the Ministry here. Because the Ministry of Magic here found out he'd run away to America after the attack, and they got help..." Jesse stopped, realizing he wasn't really listening. "Remus?" she asked tentatively. He was staring straight up at the ceiling, breathing very fast. "Remus, I'm sorry..."  
  
"Why didn't you tell us?" he whispered after a few minutes of silence. "We searched for years, and you knew about it...but you never told us." Jesse took a deep breath and blinked back tears.  
  
"I know," she whispered. "I know, we should have told you right away. But, Remus, you have to understand. We all loved my uncle, he was a wonderful man...we couldn't turn him in like that. You know what happens to werewolves who kill..." She blinked more rapidly and looked away to compose herself.  
  
"But you could have told me!" he protested. "You knew how it killed me, not knowing who the werewolf had been. You could have at least told me!" Jesse shook her head, locking eyes with him again.  
  
"No, my parents wouldn't let me. They knew you might tell your parents, or somehow let it slip, and then our uncle would've been caught. We couldn't take that risk, for his sake. Besides," she added, staring down at her knees, "you might have gone after him yourself."  
  
Remus had to admit that was true. He had been so angry in the months after the attack...having to deal with the loss of his brother, plus the painful transformations, plus his father leaving... He would have loved to take the law into his own hands, hunt down the werewolf responsible for the steady deterioration of his life.  
  
"Remus, I'm really sorry," Jesse said again. "I didn't even know he'd bitten you-that you'd been bitten at all-until Thanksgiving of this year! I swear it! I never would have left, even if I had known. I meant what I said about not judging werewolves...I mean, look at my uncle! I love him almost as much as I love my dad." Remus sighed heavily.  
  
"Then I owe you an apology, too," he admitted finally. "I assumed too much...I jumped to conclusions. I saw you in the woods the morning after my transformation, running back to your house, and I was sure you'd seen me. Then you didn't talk to me for two days, and you moved without even telling me...what was I supposed to think?"  
  
"I can see why you would think that. I did hear you in the woods that morning, though I didn't know it was you. I ran back because I wasn't sure if it was safe for me to be there. When I got back to the house, my parents had just received notice about my uncle being in trouble with the law, and they told me all about it. We decided we had to help him, so we started packing up right away. I didn't tell you I was moving because I knew you'd want to know why so fast, and I didn't trust myself not to tell you the truth. It was my last chance to give you the real truth, and I desperately wanted to. But I couldn't, especially now that my uncle had been found out, so I avoided you. It was wrong, and it led you to believe the wrong things...but I really didn't know what else to do. Lying to you seemed even worse of an option."  
  
"So," he said slowly, a strange look on his face, "this has all been a misunderstanding. For four years, I've hated you. Thought you were prejudiced, and that you had gone back on your word. Of course, I didn't hate you all that time...just for a while. But when you came here all happy to see me, it was like seeing my father come back and pretend he'd never left. It was just...awful." He looked at her, something like a smile on his lips. "Rather ironic, I would say." Jesse let out a nervous laugh.  
  
"Yeah..." There were a few moments of thoughtful silence. "I'm sorry for making you feel that way." Remus smiled.  
  
"I forgive you. And I'm sorry for assuming you were a prejudiced bitch." Jesse laughed.  
  
"And I forgive you." They stared at each other, each at a loss for words. Finally, Jesse spoke up.  
  
"So, are we back?" she asked warily, not sure what he'd say.  
  
"I think so," he replied. She let out a sigh of relief, then looked up just in time to see Madam Pomfrey approaching.  
  
"It's been half an hour," the nurse said firmly. "That's all the time I promised Mr. Black. You'd best be going back to your bed, Ms. Philbin." Jesse looked from the nurse to Remus, then back.  
  
"Just a bit-" she began, but Madam Pomfrey shushed her.  
  
"No. I've already gone against Dumbledore's word enough this week, and this is the last time! Back to bed, or I'll drag you bodily from this wing!" Jesse sighed and stood up, her hand still on Remus' wrist. She'd hardly noticed that it had been there throughout the conversation.  
  
"I guess I should go, then," she said dejectedly, looking down at him. He nodded, and she pulled her hand away. "I'll see you in the morning." Remus nodded again, then closed his eyes. Jesse sighed and turned to leave.  
  
  
  
Remus watched her go, painfully aware that the monsters within him had woken up again. Perhaps it had been the distraction of talking with her, or perhaps her touch had soothed them, but they had both stayed quiet during the conversation, except the few times he'd gotten really worked up. He sighed and settled into his pillow, waiting for the fighting to start up again. Moments after the nurse had turned to leave as well, it did. The familiar wave of pain washed over him as the vampire made the first strike, leaving him breathless and sore. He closed his eyes, knowing they were bright yellow once again, and waited for the werewolf's retaliation.  
  
Half an hour of the usual battle passed, and Madam Pomfrey was throwing him worried looks again. Remus was too preoccupied to notice, though; he found it hard to concentrate on much of anything except the war waging inside his body. Suddenly, around midnight, he felt a definite change.  
  
The werewolf had just made a particularly angry attack on the vampire, leaving Remus gasping for breath. But this time, there was no retaliation. The vampire stayed quiet, didn't make any kind of counter attack.  
  
Had the werewolf finally killed it?  
  
But no, it was still there, still alive. But barely...it appeared to be weak, unable to attack the wolf, which had quieted down as well. That part was normal; the wolf, usually dormant this far from the full moon, often rested when it wasn't being attacked.  
  
But it was almost always being attacked. The vampire hated the wolf's presence, and rarely left it alone for very long. Whenever it did, it was only to gather its own strength for a renewed attack. And that wasn't happening this time. The vampire was actually weakened this time, wounded somehow...  
  
And that simply couldn't be. Remus had been told only yesterday by a very grim Dumbledore that the vampire was the only one who could win. Vampires could only be killed in a few ways, such as a stake in the heart or the death of its "master." No werewolf could do that, and therefore Remus' only hope was that the vampire would eventually wound the wolf enough that it would die.  
  
But that had been a scary thought, too. The wolf was so much a part of him now, it was like having it killed would mean having half of him cut away. He'd voiced his worries to Dumbledore, and for once the wizard had not had an answer. In fact, he'd been worried about the same thing, and had written to St. Mungo's hospital. The answer was presumably in the post at the moment...  
  
Remus was distracted by a strange feeling inside him. He concentrated on it, trying to identify it...it was something he'd felt before...  
  
He shuddered, suddenly realizing: it was death. The vampire was dying.  
  
At that moment, Professor Dumbledore ran in, clutching an official-looking letter. He looked around wildly for a moment, then approached Madam Pomfrey quickly. He said something to her in a hushed voice, then came to Remus where he was tied up in bed.  
  
"Mr. Lupin, I have just received a letter from St. Mungo's. They informed me that our fears were correct: the death of the werewolf in this fashion would mean your death, as well." Remus stared up at him, startled-but not at the news. He'd suspected as much; what surprised him were the tears brimming up in the Headmaster's eyes.  
  
"Professor-" he began, but Dumbledore shook his head.  
  
"I'm having Madam Pomfrey give you a sleeping potion, so the vampire will go to sleep as well. It will stop fighting the wolf, and we'll have some time to think about what to do. I'm only relieved we're not too late..." The nurse approached with the potion.  
  
"Wait, Professor-" Remus began again, but this time Pomfrey shushed him.  
  
"Just drink your potion, dear," she said calmly, though she was obviously very scared. "We can discuss this in the morning."  
  
"But wait!" he said, turning away before she could pour it into his mouth. Some of it splashed onto his pillow. "You have to listen to me, Professor- the vampire is dead!"  
  
There was silence. Madam Pomfrey forgot to tip the potion vial up again, and more sleeping potion was spilling out of it. Dumbledore calmly took it from her and set it on the bedside table.  
  
"You're sure of this?" he said slowly. Remus nodded, feeling his wet pillowcase rub against his head.  
  
"It just happened, just as you came in." Dumbledore considered this information a moment. Remus was wonderfully relieved that the headmaster no longer looked on the verge of tears.  
  
"Did the werewolf win, then?" Dumbledore asked after a moment. Remus shook his head.  
  
"You said yourself that's impossible. The vampire was about to attack again, but then it...it just...died." There was simply no other way to describe it. Dumbledore straightened up, worry on his face again.  
  
"I will be back in a few minutes, Mr. Lupin," he said quickly, then turned and left.  
  
Ten minutes later, he hadn't returned. Despite himself, Remus felt his eyes growing heavy...he hadn't slept in a long time, it seemed, and the prospect of a peaceful night's sleep was almost too good to be true...  
  
The next thing he knew, it was morning.  
  
Remus sat up; the ropes had already been removed from his wrists and ankles. He looked around at the nearly empty hospital wing, out the windows at the overcast sky, and sighed happily when he realized he wouldn't have to spend another night there.  
  
Madam Pomfrey came over, alert as always, and gave him his usual breakfast of a sludgy brown "nutritious drink." Remus looked up at her skeptically.  
  
"You don't think I'm ready for some real food?" he asked hopefully. Madam Pomfrey made an exasperated noise, snatched the drink from him, and sent him off to breakfast. Remus flashed her a grin and ran to get dressed.  
  
Breakfast was just getting started when Remus entered the Great Hall. He ran to his seat and grabbed some sausages and toast without even using a plate, then commenced to eat it over a napkin. His friends were all staring at him.  
  
"Hey, Moony, we were just gonna come get you..." James said with a smile. "You're feeling better, then?" He gestured at Remus' hastily disappearing breakfast. Remus nodded, his mouth full of sausage. He swallowed quickly and set his food down for a moment to tell his friends what had happened.  
  
"It's all over!" he said excitedly, pausing to take a drink of juice. The eyes of everyone listening to him lit up, and he stared cheerfully at each surprised face in turn. "It happened last night...just after you left, Jesse! The vampire just...up and died!"  
  
"That's wonderful!" Lily cried, getting up to give him a huge hug.  
  
"Thank goodness for that," Sirius said with a grin, covering up his relief with a casual grin. "Now we can all get back to normal." He was feeling especially cheerful; Jesse had told him the basics of her talk with Remus- that it had all been a stupid misunderstanding, and that they'd talked everything over and were on good terms again. His friends were all happy again, and that was all that mattered to him.  
  
James, sitting next to Remus, clapped his friend on the shoulder wordlessly, while Peter grinned at him from across the table. Jesse, sitting next to Peter, was smiling rather tearfully.  
  
"So, how does it feel to be out of that hospital wing?" James finally asked. Remus grinned, his teeth slightly orange from the pumpkin juice.  
  
"You can't imagine! I think I would've gone crazy if I'd had to spend another night there." Not that I ever really noticed where I was anyways, he thought to himself. But that didn't matter-it was over, and everything was going to be fine.  
  
Jesse, who was staring about as she ate, nodded towards the Ravenclaw table, which was next to theirs.  
  
"What's up with them?" she commented, speaking in a rather low voice. They all turned in their seats to see what she meant. It was quite obvious to the Marauders, now that they were paying attention, that there was a definite gloomy feeling to the house table. Almost everyone was staring around disconsolately, or talking quietly; a group of girls at one end were crying silently and hugging each other.  
  
The Hufflepuff table, in contrast, was chatting excitedly-though not particularly happily. There were intense, grim expressions on most of the students' faces as they gossiped amongst themselves. The Slytherins, beyond them and the farthest away from the Gryffindors, were snickering with a little less fervor. Sirius noticed that Snape, in particular, was looking uncharacteristically upset.  
  
"What's going on?" James wondered aloud, the toast forgotten in his hand. At that moment, one of the girls on the Gryffindor Quidditch team came rushing over.  
  
"James-have you heard?" she whispered anxiously, sitting down between him and Remus. James shook his head, as did the others. They all leaned forward, listening intently. The girl, a sixth year by the name of Mandy Mitchell, was looking much more pale than usual. She glanced nervously at the Ravenclaw table, then lowered her voice even more.  
  
"It's the Mant siblings-they were-" But whatever she had to say about the two, she didn't get the chance. At that moment, Professor Dumbledore stood up at the staff table and cleared his throat for silence. Everyone shushed immediately and turned to stare at him. James and Sirius exchanged a glance, then shifted their attention to the headmaster.  
  
"Ladies and gentlemen," Dumbledore began, his voice rather low and melancholy. Remus had never heard him speak that way before. His face was drawn and pale, and he looked terribly old and sad-quite unlike the Dumbledore they all knew and loved. "I am afraid that I have terrible news for you all this morning." One of the girls at the Ravenclaw table burst into fresh tears; she was immediately comforted by the girls on either side of her.  
  
"Last night, a terrible crime was committed within the walls of this school. Someone took the 'law' into his or her hands and murdered two Hogwarts students."  
  
There were a few scattered gasps from those who hadn't heard the news yet, and many of the Ravenclaws-boys and girls both-began sobbing again. Remus gaped at Dumbledore, unable to believe what he'd just heard. Murder? At Hogwarts? It wasn't possible...it simply wasn't...  
  
Dumbledore held up his hands to stem the flow of gossip that had begun to start up again.  
  
"I ask that we all take a few moments of silence in respect for Alyssa and Jason Mant, who were killed in the Ravenclaw corridor last night." Remus closed his eyes and hung his head, feeling his stomach sink to his shoes. So that was what had happened...his "master" vampire had been killed, and so he'd been freed from her curse.  
  
Some time later, the students sensed that it was time to look up again. They stared up into the sad eyes of their headmaster, waiting to be told what to do next. He looked over his students, and intense anger filled his face.  
  
"The culprit will be apprehended," he assured them all, his voice dangerous. "This is unacceptable, even for of-age wizards. Certain circumstances arose, and a fact about Mr. and Ms. Mant was brought to light that had been unknown before, but the actions taken were rash and illegal." Remus suddenly realized what Dumbledore was talking about: whoever had killed Alyssa must have known she was a vampire, and had perhaps heard that she'd bitten him, Remus. They'd decided to punish her, and had killed her... He knew that, at one time, it was legal for of-age wizards and witches to "eliminate" vampires that posed a danger to society-the same had been true for werewolves. But recent laws had stopped the killing of these creatures, and instead had come up with alternate punishments for them, varying depending on what kind of crime they committed... Rarely was a vampire sentenced to death anymore, and underage wizards certainly couldn't take matters into their own hands like this. Whoever had done this to the Mants would be punished.  
  
But, thought Remus bitterly, they'll probably only get a few years in Azkaban. It isn't as much of a crime if the victim was "dangerous..." He shook his head angrily and looked around to see how his friends were taking this news. Lily and James were comforting each other as usual, Lily moaning something about "and I said she was a harlot..." Sirius had a shocked look on his face, and was staring blankly at the Ravenclaw table. Jesse, to Remus' surprise, was staring straight at him. When he locked eyes with her, she looked away to the Ravenclaw table. Peter was leaning on one hand, poking his fork into his eggs with the other. Every so often, he would heave a sigh.  
  
"Sirius?" Remus said finally, thinking his friend needed to be shaken out of his daze. He jerked, snapped his mouth shut, and turned to Remus.  
  
"Yes?" he said quietly. Remus was surprised at how sad he looked; it was his understanding that Sirius had hated Alyssa, though they had made peace somewhat next to his bed last night...  
  
"Are you okay? You're looking kind of..." Remus trailed off, realizing that everyone at the table was looking equally shocked and pale. He shook his head. "Never mind." Sirius gave him an odd look, then stared at his plate. James, who was still holding a disconsolate Lily, turned his head to look at Remus.  
  
"This explains it then, doesn't it?" he said quietly. "Why the vampire...left you last night. You really should tell Dumbledore," he added grimly. "It would help them figure out who did it, knowing about what time it happened."  
  
"Dumbledore already knows," Remus explained calmly. He was surprised at how well he seemed to be taking the news; it seemed so unreal, he couldn't quite accept that it had really happened. "He came running in just after it happened, with a letter from St. Mungo's." Remus decided not to tell his friends what the letter had said; they didn't need to know how close he'd come to death, not with all that was going on now. "I told him about it, and he went off again. I think he guessed what might have happened..." James shook his head disbelievingly.  
  
"Too bad he didn't pass them while it was happening, maybe he could've stopped the killer, or at least have caught him. You'd think he'd have gone right by Ravenclaw corridor on his way, if he came from his office." Remus shrugged.  
  
"Maybe he wasn't coming from his office. He had just received a letter; maybe he'd been up in the owlery." James nodded and turned to stare at the Hogwarts coat of arms on the wall facing him. He, like Remus, seemed very calm, as if the news hadn't quite sunk in yet.  
  
"This is so surreal..." he muttered, staring at the wall hanging. "I can't believe something like that could happen here, in Hogwarts..." Remus nodded; he felt the same way. He'd come to accept that Dumbledore was unbeatable, that he could solve anything and that there was nothing that could hurt him while Dumbledore was there. After all, hadn't he survived many terrible things while staying at Hogwarts? The latest had been by far the worst, but he'd survived it anyways.  
  
But he'd only survived because of someone else's death, he reminded himself. What would have happened if Alyssa hadn't been discovered, and killed? It made Remus feel terribly guilty to have such selfish thoughts at a time like this, but he couldn't help feeling slightly...grateful...  
  
No, that was wrong. He shook his head to clear it of such awful thoughts. A terrible thing had happened, and he was being rude and selfish in thinking it had had good side effects. He looked around at the Ravenclaw table, staring at all the tearful students, and suddenly, he began to grasp what had happened.  
  
Alyssa was dead. Her, and her brother, were dead, gone. They wouldn't come back at lunch, looking pale but feeling fine. They wouldn't go to their classes, or visit their parents over Christmas break. They wouldn't have snowball fights with the rest of the students once the snow came, they wouldn't go to the next Quidditch match and cheer on their team. They wouldn't laugh, cry, scream, or smile. They would never again feel the joy of a warm sweater on a cold day, or try new candies from Honeydukes while their friends watched apprehensively. They wouldn't celebrate another birthday, or another Christmas, or another Halloween. They wouldn't learn how to make a love potion in time for Valentine's day, or practice transfiguring cows at the end of the school year. They wouldn't go to Hogsmeade, huddled up in cloaks and fighting the wind as they made their way to the Three Broomsticks for a hot butterbeer...  
  
Remus was startled to feel hot tears running down his cheeks. The intensity of what had happened suddenly hit him, the absoluteness of the event. He thought he knew death that cold night as he lay on the Astronomy tower, letting his life wash away in the rain. But there had been no time, then, to think about what it really meant...he simply would have died, had he not become a vampire, and that would have been that. Alyssa and Jason probably didn't realize what was happening until it was too late. They probably hadn't had time to think about all the things they'd be missing...they'd just...gone. It was those left behind who really had to suffer.  
  
He sighed, brushed away his tears, and tried to shake such thoughts from his mind. Maybe it would be best just to go to class...he grabbed his things and stood up, vaguely noticing that most people were doing the same. It seemed everyone was keen to get their minds off the tragedy, but things just weren't that simple.  
  
The Gryffindors had Transfiguration, with the Ravenclaws, first. Ten minutes before the bell was due to ring, everyone was settled into their seats, staring around or talking quietly. One of Alyssa's good friends was sobbing uncontrollably into Professor McGonagall's robes; when the bell finally rang, the professor spoke to her quietly. The girl nodded, took a few shuddering breaths, and returned to her seat, among her equally tearful friends.  
  
"I realize some of you may think I'm being horribly insensitive by saying this," McGonagall began in a voice much less strict than usual, "but I feel it is best we practice yesterday's spell as usual. The best way to get over such a tragedy is to grieve, and then move on. I hope I haven't offended anyone by saying this..." She paused, but no one looked daggers at her, and she took that as a good sign. "Alright then, you may begin. The plants are in this corner of the room, you may take one if you wish, though I will understand if you'd rather not..."  
  
Everyone stood and took a plant, then returned to his or her seat. It seemed to Remus as if everyone was moving through water, or molasses. No one spoke, except to utter the spell, and they all moved slowly, as if they weren't sure they wanted to or not. There was a look of shock on every Gryffindor's face, and of sadness on the visage of each Ravenclaw. It seemed impossible to Remus that they would ever snap out of this state and move on.  
  
Defense Against the Dark Arts was next. Since the Gryffindors didn't share this class with any other house, it was a rather small number of students that stared sadly up at their teacher when the bell rang. Professor Grae gave them an encouraging smile and informed them that they weren't going to work that day, but would have a talk instead. She told them it was best to discuss some things openly, and perhaps this would help them all to feel better.  
  
"We should try to remember Alyssa and Jason in the best way possible," she said softly, looking at each of her students in turn. That was one thing Remus liked best about Professor Grae: she always included everyone, and made them feel particularly important and special. "Let's not dwell on how sad we are now that they're gone, but instead think of the many ways they've affected us and our lives. What we've learned from them, how they've made us think differently, and so on. Does anyone have a story to share about either Alyssa or Jason?" She looked around hopefully, but everyone was rather shocked at this different approach. They looked at each other uneasily, each thinking that his or her own story would somehow offend someone else.  
  
Finally, to the surprise of the Marauders, Lily, and Jesse, Sirius raised his hand.  
  
"Yes, Mr. Black?" Professor Grae asked kindly. Sirius swallowed a few times and glanced around; it was the first time anyone had seen him nervous in front of other students.  
  
"I-I met Jason for the first time two nights ago," he began quietly. "He was about to sneak into the kitchens for the first time, and I-sorta helped him out." James smiled knowingly. That was just like Sirius... "He was a good kid, caught on quick like most Ravenclaws do. He would've made a good Marauder." This got a few nervous laughs, and Professor Grae smiled, ignoring the fact that Sirius had broken a school rule.  
  
"I'm sure Jason's friends would like to hear about what happened that night, Sirius," the professor told him. "Perhaps you could talk to them sometime." Remus was surprised at this; none of his professors ever called students by their first names. He was glad she had, though; it made everything feel a bit more friendly.  
  
Sirius' story, though short and simple, had broken the ice-now nearly everyone had a hand raised. Remus decided not to offer anything, as none of his stories about Alyssa were particularly appropriate. He was surprised, though, at how many people had known either Alyssa or Jason-many knew the boy from their little brothers or sister, but they still had things to share about him. By the end of class, they were all laughing heartily at a crazy prank Jason had pulled on his next-door neighbor. Sirius wiped a tear from his eye, though Remus wasn't quite convinced that it was from laughing.  
  
  
  
Professor Grae repeated her form of comfort for each class, and soon people were swapping stories even in the corridors. It became common to hear groups of people laughing over Jason's antics or smiling at Alyssa's acts of kindness as they made their way to class. Within a couple of weeks, most of the school was able to put the tragedy behind them to some extent; they would never forget the crime that had been committed within the walls, but they could at least stop dwelling on how sad it was.  
  
But that wasn't true for everyone. Alyssa's closest friends and admirers, including Snape, remained disconsolate even throughout the memories and stories. They were still upset that the killer hadn't been caught, and had begun making up theories of their own. The Marauders went down to breakfast one morning about a week after the tragedy to find Snape and three Ravenclaw girls waiting for them just inside the doors. Snape immediately jumped forward and blocked their path to the Gryffindor table, his face an angry red.  
  
"Black!" he spat, positioning himself directly in front of Sirius. "You had something to do with this, Black!"  
  
Sirius stared at Snape in total bewilderment. The girls came up behind Snape, surrounding Sirius and attempting to isolate him from his friends. But James and Remus kept them back, glaring at them and standing protectively next to their friend.  
  
"What are you talking about?" Sirius asked, genuinely confused. He thought he knew what Snape meant, but surely that was too far-fetched even for him?  
  
"You know what I mean!" Snape snarled. "You killed my girlfriend!"  
  
Sirius staggered back as though he'd been slapped. Indeed, he felt as though he had. Him, capable of murder?! Not even Snape was dim enough to think that...  
  
"What are you on about, Snape?" James asked slowly, carefully keeping his voice even. "Sirius isn't a murderer." Snape sneered at him.  
  
"Is that so?" he said quietly. "Then explain what he's just done!" James glared back, his face inches from Snape's.  
  
"I don't know where you got this cock-and-bull theory," he hissed, "but you'd better give it up right now. Sirius had no reason to harm Alyssa."  
  
"Other than the fact that she was a vampire? That's the only reason they were killed, you know. And I wouldn't put it past this creep to go after them just for that-" James reared a hand back and aimed a punch right at Snape's nose-  
  
But his fist connected with Sirius' palm instead. Sirius had collected his wits just in time to stop the punch. He glared meaningfully at James.  
  
"I can fight my own battles, Prongs," he said in a low voice. James hesitated, then nodded and backed off, though he still remained at the ready in case something should happen. Sirius turned to say something to Snape, but at that moment, Professor McGonagall arrived. She looked angrily from Snape to Sirius to James, then beckoned all three of them to follow her.  
  
"As for the rest of you," she said sternly as the three moved to join her on her way out of the Great Hall, "I trust there will be none of this behavior while I'm away. Please go to your tables." They did so quietly, Remus and Lily shooting occasional glances at their friends as they were escorted out of the hall.  
  
"What d'you think she'll do to them?" Peter asked calmly. Remus had noticed that he seemed a bit...strange lately. As if the deaths of the Mant siblings had shaken him deeply, changed him in some subtle way. Lily shrugged and sighed as she sat down to her breakfast.  
  
"I don't know...probably detention as usual. I don't know what it is about you boys," she continued scoldingly, glaring at Remus and Peter. "Why do you always have to get into fights?" Remus held up his hands innocently.  
  
"Hey, how many fights have you seen me in? Ever?" Peter nodded vigorously, but Jesse chuckled as she speared a bit of sausage on her fork.  
  
"What?" Remus asked defensively.  
  
"You can't say you don't fight, Remus," she said with a smile. "Remember that Macmillan kid down the street? You used to get into rows with him almost every day." Remus rolled his eyes.  
  
"Well, that was different," he explained. "He kept stealing my stuff, remember?"  
  
"Oh, yes, of course..." she said wistfully, staring up at the ceiling as though in remembrance. "We will forever mourn the loss of your bright pink blankie..." Remus turned very red as Peter laughed loudly and Lily snorted into her juice.  
  
"I was three," he said firmly. "And it was nothing to her neon green teddy bear!" he added suddenly. "What was his name? Mister Ninnykins?" Jesse laughed at the memory.  
  
"Yeah, whatever happened to him?" Remus got, if possible, a bit redder.  
  
"Well...Beryd and I sort of...set him on fire." Jesse stared at him in shock, her mouth hanging wide open. While Jesse began berating Remus for destroying her favorite toy, Lily studied Remus' face. He'd never mentioned his brother so casually before. In fact, as well as she could remember, he'd never even said the boy's name. But now he was talking about Beryd as if he were just away on vacation or something.  
  
"What! Madam Phyllis too?!" Jesse exclaimed, still laughing through her surprise. "You two were just regular pyros!" Remus grinned apologetically and nodded.  
  
"Well, it was Beryd more than me-no, really, it was! Everything bad we did was always his idea, I swear it. I actually liked Madam Phyllis-she was a natural color."  
  
"Until Beryd changed her hot pink with orange stripes," Jesse reminded him. Remus laughed appreciatively.  
  
"Yeah, he was pretty good with dad's wand," he commented. Lily was surprised yet again; Remus never, under any circumstances, mentioned his father. Whenever he did by accident, it always created a very tense silence. But not this time-he just continued reminiscing as if nothing uncomfortable had been said.  
  
"Well, I suppose I can forgive you for Madam Phyllis," Jesse was saying. "After all, you did buy me a new one after she...ahem...went missing." She grinned. "I'd always wondered why you did that...and here I thought you were just generous!"  
  
The four of them talked happily about Remus' childhood with Jesse throughout the rest of breakfast. Peter asked lots of questions, to Lily's surprise; he was usually very quiet. Well, the day was just full of surprises, wasn't it?  
  
A/N: I forgot to mention this, but this chapter was dedicated to Dan and Joe Scafidi, who died in a car wreck in my freshman year. I didn't know Dan, but Jason in this chapter was kind of based on Joe... 


	10. The Fight

Didn't expect this, didja Mals?  
  
Well, I somehow found the time to write one more chapter before I go. Yes, it's short, but at least it's happy. Thought I'd leave you all on a good note. And now you have something really cool to look forward to: BROOM RACING! It's not in this chapter (sorry Mals), but it will be in the next one-I promise! So, for now, just enjoy The Fight and I'll see you in two weeks.  
  
I honestly shouldn't be writing this at all-I have massive amounts of summer reading to do for English, as well as packing for my two-week camping trip (I'm leaving tomorrow at like five a.m.). But, that's me for you: a person with really screwed up priorities.  
  
And here's the result! I hope you enjoy this chapter, it's much happier than the others have been (they deserve a break from all the drama, don't you think?). I think the story will have a much happier tone from now on, though there are some not-so-happy things coming up as well. You'll just have to see I guess...  
  
Let the fight begin!  
  
Chapter Ten  
  
The Fight  
  
Professor McGonagall stood behind her desk, her hands resting on a few un- graded papers and a quill with a red tip. She glared sternly at the three boys in front of her, nodding to indicate they should sit down. They did so, but rather reluctantly, as if they were more vulnerable when sitting. Come to think of it, they probably were.  
  
Severus Snape edged his chair away from Sirius Black, who was sitting next to him. Black rolled his eyes and leaned back in his chair unconcernedly, crossing his arms in front of him and staring impatiently at McGonagall. James Potter, on Black's other side, was glaring at the floor and clenching his fists to control himself.  
  
McGonagall sighed and sat down in her chair, looking at each boy in turn.  
  
"Would someone please explain to me what is going on here?" she asked sternly, leaning forward and resting her arms on the aforementioned papers. She noticed with some surprise that one of them was Black's, and that it had received a perfect score. And yet, here he was, after picking a fight in the Great Hall.  
  
As soon as she said the words, Potter and Snape leaned forward and began yelling explanations at her. She held up a hand to stem the flow, but they were beyond caring about that. Snape was so angry he actually stood up and screamed at the top of his lungs:  
  
"Black killed my girlfriend!"  
  
There was complete and sudden silence after this. Black shook his head, almost sadly, as if pitying Snape for making such a rash accusation. Potter let this sink in a moment, then started yelling again. He stood up as well and began defending his friend, but Black put a hand on his arm and pulled him back into his seat.  
  
"What did I say about letting me fight my own battles?" McGonagall heard him mutter. Potter nodded, looking sullen, and settled quietly into his seat.  
  
"Please, Mr. Snape, sit down and tell me how you came to such a rash conclusion." Snape glared at her venomously and didn't sit down.  
  
"Black has hated Alyssa ever since he found out that his stupid suicidal git of a friend-" It happened in a split second. One moment, Black was sitting calmly in his seat and listening to Snape's rant. Before McGonagall could even begin to ponder who Snape meant, Black was out of his seat and punching Snape with all his might. They toppled to the floor and Black began pummeling Snape, yelling in time to each punch.  
  
"Never-talk-about-Remus-that way!" McGonagall jumped up and stopped Potter before he could join in, then pulled Black bodily off his victim. Snape sat up slowly, his nose bleeding heavily and a cut above his eyebrow, and stared up at his attacker, who was struggling furiously against McGonagall's grip.  
  
"Mr. Black!" she yelled into his ear. He stopped struggling, but continued to glare at Snape, breathing hard. "You are in enough trouble as it is for fighting in the Great Hall-"  
  
"But I didn't fight in there!" he cut her off. Potter nodded vigorously behind him.  
  
"He stopped our fight, Professor!" he said quickly, indicating himself and Snape. McGonagall looked to Snape for confirmation of this fact.  
  
"Is this true?" she asked when he didn't say anything. He sneered at Black and pressed the heel of his hand to the cut above his eyebrow.  
  
"Of course not," he snarled. Black looked even angrier, if that was possible, but didn't go after him again. Potter looked like he was about to say something, but stopped at a look from his friend.  
  
"Professor, if you'll let me go, I will tell you what happened," Black said slowly, careful to keep his voice even. McGonagall looked him up and down, then shook her head.  
  
"Mr. Snape was in the middle of telling us something, and I think I'll let him finish. As for you...if you can keep your hands to yourself for the duration of this meeting, I will let you sit down." Black glared at her momentarily, then nodded. She let him sit down, then turned to Snape, who had stood up and was leaning on the back of his chair.  
  
"May I continue then, Professor?" he asked quietly. She nodded and sat against her desk, wanting to be nearby in case they went at each other again.  
  
"Right. As I was saying, Black has always had a grudge against Alyssa because of her relationship with Lupin." McGonagall was relieved that, even though he was speaking as though it sickened him to think about Lupin, Snape was at least keeping his words civil.  
  
"When she bit Lupin-and yes, I know she did it, she told me everything the next day-something happened, I don't know what. Maybe an allergic reaction." Black shot McGonagall a meaningful look, and she nodded slightly. She knew what had really happened that had left Lupin bedridden. "I guess that pissed off Black even more, because he came after her. First he yelled at her in the Ravenclaw common room-I heard that from a number of eye witnesses-and then dragged her off somewhere, presumably to yell at her even more. She didn't return to the common room that night. I saw her around eleven, sitting in the corridor and crying because of something Black had shown her-she wouldn't say what. I had to leave because it was after curfew, and her brother had come to bring her back inside anyway. Not half an hour after I left, he-" Snape pointed a shaking finger at Black, anger and other emotions clouding his dark eyes. "-came back to finish her off! Must've known that he could save his friend by killing her, that it was the easy way out! He probably did away with Jason just for good measure, maybe to teach the vampire population a lesson!"  
  
McGonagall held out a hand to shush him. She didn't want him to make everyone angry again. She turned to Black and raised her eyebrows.  
  
"What do you have to say to this?" Black sighed, relieved that she hadn't immediately accepted Snape's theory. She shook her head inwardly, amazed he didn't give her more credit than that.  
  
"I don't deny yelling at Alyssa in the common room," Black said slowly, "but I do regret that. I was angry at what she'd put Remus through, and didn't realize the whole truth behind the matter. I took her History of Magic essay and basically blackmailed her into coming with me to the hospital wing. Jesse was there, she can vouch for me. I only wanted Alyssa to see what she'd done to Remus, I guess make her feel guilty or something. She did, and she apologized and all that. It turned out she'd had no idea Remus was a-" He stopped suddenly, shooting a wary glance at Snape, who was watching him curiously. Potter sucked in his breath and held it.  
  
McGonagall nodded. "I understand what you mean, just go on." Potter let out his breath and Black looked relieved.  
  
"Right. Well...she didn't know what her bite would do to him, even though she knew it would've been wrong anyways. She couldn't control it, it had been so long...and so I forgave her, because I figured Remus would understand what that meant." He spoke haltingly, as though not sure he should be saying so much. "I figured they could talk when he was feeling better."  
  
"And you knew he'd feel better, because you were planning to do away with her!" Snape yelled suddenly, flecks of spit flying from his mouth. McGonagall shot him a warning look.  
  
"Mr. Black remained silent while you spoke, and I expect you to exert the same courtesy towards him." Snape stiffened and turned away, and Black continued.  
  
"She and I were actually on better terms than ever before when she left the hospital wing. We weren't friends or anything, but we didn't hate each other either. It was kind of...a mutual agreement not to bother with it. Just to be acquaintances, and that was it. It would have worked out fine, I'm sure...she'd have talked things over with Remus, and we could have all just gone our separate ways." He sighed. "But obviously that didn't happen. She must've stayed up late to think things over, and then..." he shrugged helplessly. "But I didn't kill her, Professor. I had no reason to, especially after we'd just made peace. And I certainly had nothing against Jason...I actually kind of liked him...I guess I kind of thought of him as a kid brother, someone I could pass on my 'knowledge' to. I never wanted him dead..."  
  
McGonagall nodded. "I understand. I believe I heard of your kitchen escapade from Professor Grae-just as a friendly story, nothing to get you into trouble, I assure you." She looked back at Snape. "After hearing Mr. Black's side of the story, are you still convinced he was responsible for this tragedy?" Snape was shaking with fury.  
  
"Yes. I know he did this, I don't care what lies or excuses he has." McGonagall sighed.  
  
"Well, I'm sorry you feel that way," she said quietly. "This means the two of you will have to go through questioning by Ministry officials...a tedious and easily avoidable process." But Snape said nothing, and she sighed again. "That settles it, then. When we're done here, you two will have to go up to the headmaster's office and talk it over with him." She turned to Potter.  
  
"And now, the real reason I dragged you all in here. Potter and Black, you claim you didn't fight in the Great Hall?" Potter shook his head.  
  
"Not quite, Professor. Snape cornered us as soon as we came in for breakfast, shouting about Sirius killing Alyssa, and I guess I got really pissed off. I went in to punch him, but Sirius stopped me and told me not to fight his battles for him. Then you came over and took us up here."  
  
"Is this true, Snape?" He sneered again.  
  
"No. I did accost Potter and Black, and their...ahem...friends, but that's where the truth in Potter's story stops. They both came at me, much like Black did in here. If you hadn't stepped in so early, Professor, they would probably have kept at it." McGonagall raised her eyebrows.  
  
"Interesting. But, as I recall, when I approached you all, Potter was standing a few feet away and no punches were being thrown by either party." Snape paled momentarily.  
  
"Well, perhaps you just saw us...at that particular moment...when nothing was happening..."  
  
"There is an easy way to fix this problem," McGonagall said quickly. "I will simply ask the witnesses what they saw. I believe there were three Ravenclaw girls and four Gryffindors, two girls and two boys?" All three boys nodded. "Can I trust you three to remain in your seats while I go down to fetch them?" They hesitated, glared at each other, then nodded again. "Excellent. But if you're fighting or yelling when I return, your punishments will be much more severe." They nodded once again, and she left.  
  
Sirius stared straight ahead, completely ignoring Snape. James fiddled with a rubber band he'd found on the floor, and Snape paced slowly from the desk to his chair and back. They were still like that when Professor McGonagall returned more than half an hour later.  
  
"I questioned the Ravenclaw girls during the rest of breakfast," she said when she was standing in front of them again, "and the others shortly afterward. They are all at class now, as you will be soon. I have determined that they were telling the truth, because all their stories were the same, and they hadn't yet talked to you three. It seems that Potter's story was closer to the truth, so that's the one we are going with. Since none of you actually fought in the Great Hall, you will not be punished severely. Potter, you have detention with me tonight for trying to punch Mr. Snape. Mr. Black, you have detention with me tomorrow night and the night after that for what you did to Mr. Snape in here this morning. And Snape, you have detention the night after that for lying to me." She looked around at them. "Is that clear to all of you?" There was a collective nod. "Good. Potter, go to class. You two, up to the headmaster's office. He'll meet you at the bottom to ensure you get there without incident." She glared at them meaningfully, then sent everyone off.  
  
"And don't forget your detentions!" she called out as they left.  
  
  
  
Christmas Break was upon them all before they knew it. They spent the last few days of term studying like crazy for their end-of-term tests, the worst of which were in Transfiguration, Potions, and Charms. Remus and Jesse tested each other on Divination, memorizing the meanings of certain shapes and patterns, while the others worked together on Arithmancy, a class only Sirius and Lily truly enjoyed. James and Peter groaned over confusing number charts and stared longingly out the window, where the first snow of the year was finally falling.  
  
"It's so perfect for packing!" James whined, getting up to stand at the window. The snow was the perfect balance between hardness and wetness, and stuck to itself perfectly. James opened the window and grabbed a handful off the windowsill, packed it into a snowball, and chucked it at Peter. It hit him rather hard in the back of the head, splattering all over his hair and melting down his back in the head from the fire Peter was sitting with his back to. A few drops ran off Peter's face and dripped onto his number chart, which was nearly complete. He slowly raised his head and stared at James wide-eyed. James was looking rather nervous; he hadn't meant to throw it that hard.  
  
"That is soooo cold," Peter whispered, then his face broke into a grin. Everyone laughed happily, including Peter; he'd never been the recipient of the first snowball of the year. "And this means war!" He made to stand up, but Lily cleared her throat.  
  
"This means war after term is over," she said firmly. Peter grimaced at her, but settled down and stared at his rather smudged number chart again. James eventually closed the window and went back to his own studying.  
  
Finally, they all met at the dinner table after their last tests, Divination and Arithmancy, and grinned at each other.  
  
"CHRISTMAS BREAK!" Sirius yelled. About twenty students, mostly boys, responded with a happy cheer before going back to their dinners. "Shall we eat first, or does Peter wish to get dearest Prongs back for his terrible sneak attack?" Peter grinned.  
  
"That's already been taken care of," he said smugly. James glanced at Sirius in alarm, then looked around frantically.  
  
"What d'you mean?" he asked quickly. "Nothing's happened to me yet!" Peter only grinned, and suddenly Jesse burst out laughing. She pointed at James' bag.  
  
"James-your bag!" she said between laughs. Everyone stared at it, and Remus, Sirius, and Lily joined Jesse in laughing as he pulled out a stack of papers, soaking wet and dripping ink. He looked back into his bag to see the remains of a snowball melting at the bottom of it.  
  
"Wormtail!" he yelled, barely concealing a grin. Peter smiled back.  
  
"Yes?"  
  
"You little bugger, I never knew you had it in you!" James began laughing as well, and quickly performed a charm that dried out his bag, then another that repaired the damage done to his books and papers. That done, they all sat down to eat-they needed their strength before the start of The Fight, the biggest ongoing snowball fight in Hogwarts history.  
  
  
  
"And let the fight begin!" Sirius yelled, cupping his gloved hands around his mouth. They were all outside, bundled up against the pre-dawn chill. The gray light of disgustingly early morning made everyone harder to see, and that was an advantage to them all. They needed this time to build forts and start stocking up on snowballs before they had to defend themselves against attack. They started out 'every man for himself,' but it was common to pair up or get into groups during the fight. Sirius tended to stay on his own, preferring to sneak up on people and ambush them; James always worked with Lily, no matter what; Peter generally switched sides multiple times during each battle, betraying his team members when they needed his help in an all-out war-he found it easier to do this, as he had awful aim over long distances and needed to get close to someone before he could hit them; Remus did whatever he felt like at the time, though he often stuck with James and Lily. He was the only one smart enough to keep an eye on Peter, and the only one who could guess when the boy was going to switch sides.  
  
This year, Jesse and Remus joined James and Lily, while Peter started out with Sirius. They built as many forts as they could in that stretch of time before real daylight hit, occasionally stopping to add to the various piles of snowballs behind each defensive wall. James had been right: the snow, though not as deep yet as they would have liked, was perfect for packing.  
  
And conditions only improved as the sun rose. Just as they were about to start the real fighting, snow began to fall again in big, thick flakes that built up quickly. Sirius grinned, knowing this would help camouflage him as he sneaked around. Peter was glad because it would provide cover for him while he approached someone, though he knew it would make it even harder to aim. The others became slightly more paranoid, looking around constantly to make sure Sirius wasn't approaching under cover of the snowfall.  
  
Ten minutes later, the first snowball was thrown-from behind James and Lily's fort. Lily screeched as it hit her in the back of the head, whirling around to toss one back at her attacker, but Sirius was already gone. She glared into the falling snow; it was getting even thicker, and she could barely see the tree not ten feet away from her. She'd never be able to protect herself from Sirius.  
  
"We need to build another wall," she whispered to James. He nodded and they began piling up the snow, packing it down so it would be stronger and harder to break through. It was almost waist height when the second snowball came flying over it. This one grazed James on the ear, and in two seconds he was returning fire. There was a great "HA!" from the direction the snowball had come from as Sirius dodged James' attacks. Snow crunched under boots as Sirius moved away, presumably to go after Remus and Jesse, who were guarding the next fort over.  
  
Remus heard Sirius' triumphant yell and glanced meaningfully at Jesse. She nodded and grinned; they'd have to be on the lookout now, he was coming for them... Sure enough, a few minutes later, a snowball came flying at them from out of nowhere. Remus dodged it, but barely, and Jesse tossed one towards where she hoped Sirius would still be. But he got away; moments later, they heard a war cry off to the right, and Sirius came running towards them, hurling snowballs as fast as he could pack them. Jesse cried out and began returning fire, and Remus rolled out of the way of his friend's feet. Sirius threw himself to the left as a particularly big one of Jesse's nearly hit him, and he disappeared into a snow bank. Or perhaps it was behind a tree; no one could really tell through the thick snow.  
  
"We should build up our defenses," Remus whispered to Jesse, and she nodded. They began packing up snow for another wall, facing where Sirius had disappeared. As they were building, snowballs came flying at them from behind-Peter was nearby. There was precious little snow around, and they wanted it for building walls, so Remus offered to make an emergency run to their sister fort and get some more ammunition.  
  
"Be careful!" Jesse whispered melodramatically as he ran away, crouching low. He grinned and waved, and that moment of distraction cost him-a snowball hit him smack in the side. He looked around frantically and, seeing that he was almost at James and Lily's fort, picked up speed. Suddenly, he was being bombarded with snowballs from either side. He couldn't possibly dodge them all, so he gave a yell and launched himself at the fort, as high as he could so as to clear the wall...  
  
But he was a bit too far away. With a soft thud, he landed directly on top of the wall Lily had just completed. She gave a little scream and began bombarding him with snowballs, thinking he was Sirius. James laughed and, though he knew full well it was Remus, joined in. Remus scrambled up off the wall as fast as he could and ran back to his own fort, grabbing an armful of snow as he did. When he got back, covered in snow and panting heavily, he collapsed behind the walls and dumped his snow next to him.  
  
"They-they're all against us!" he panted to Jesse, who was now using his snow to finish her wall. "It's three sides now-us, James and Lily, and Peter and Sirius!"  
  
"That's Sirius and Peter!" Sirius yelled from a few feet away. He tossed a snowball lazily into their fort, where it landed harmlessly on the pile of snow Remus had just brought back.  
  
"Thanks for the ammo, Padfoot!" Remus called out, sitting up. This was a mistake; he was immediately smacked in the face with a rather wet snowball. The snow ran down his neck and under his cloak, making him gasp at how cold it was. Jesse stifled a laugh and returned the fire for him while he tried desperately to get the chunks of snow out from under his clothes.  
  
"Ooh, I'll get him for that one..." Remus grumbled, though he was grinning. "Time for drastic measures!" He grabbed a handful of snow and packed it as hard as he could, then crawled through the break in the wall on his belly. "I'll be back!" he whispered to Jesse, but she was following him.  
  
"No one's going to attack the fort while we're gone," she explained in a whisper. "And you're going to need some help if you're planning to corner Sirius." Remus grinned his thanks and they set off, half-crawling through the snow, in the direction they'd last heard Sirius yell from.  
  
Ten minutes later, they'd spotted him hiding behind a tree, occasionally tossing snowballs into their fort. He didn't realize they'd left it. Remus and Jesse exchanged a grin, then launched themselves at him, tossing snowballs and chunks of snow and anything they could get their hands on. Sirius gave a yell of surprise and stood up, dripping with snow.  
  
"And that is why you don't work alone," Remus laughed, thumping Jesse on the back. Sirius gaped at them, then grinned Marauder-style.  
  
"Alright you little-" But whatever Remus was, they never found out, because at that moment Peter decided his team member was losing, and it was time to find a better ally. Sirius got a wet one right in the cheek.  
  
Remus and Jesse burst into laughter, leaning on each other for support as they gasped for breath. Peter gave a little diabolical giggle and turned to run for the safety of the fort of the team he'd just joined. Sirius glared after him.  
  
"Ooh, this means war..." he growled, packing a snowball and approaching the fort at a crouch. Remus and Jesse knew they should have taken the opportunity to chuck snowballs at him while his back was turned, but that seemed dishonorable. Besides, they were still trying to catch their breath.  
  
An hour later, Peter was working with James and Lily, Sirius was nowhere to be seen, and Remus and Jesse were trying to repair the damage done to their fort. During the short time Peter had been on their team, James and Lily had suddenly attacked from their fort, doing their best to lob snowballs over the relatively high walls of the enemy's defense. Peter, seeing that he was in the perfect position to attack, began destroying the fort from the inside. Before Remus or Jesse could stop him, he'd knocked down the highest wall, exposing them to attack from James and Lily. They'd promptly chased him out and begun rebuilding their wall. Luckily, the snow had picked up even more, and there was plenty to work with.  
  
Now, there was a rare moment of silence. Sirius was still missing, so everyone was wary, but the two groups had stopped attacking each other for the time being. James and Lily had finally decided to give their enemy time to regroup and repair their fort, and they were now stocking up on snowballs with Peter's help.  
  
Jesse sneaked out to grab some more snow from the snow bank around the nearest tree. They were wishing they'd built closer to it, as the snow was always deepest there, but it was too late to move now. Their walls were steadily getting higher; one was almost in danger of toppling over, so Remus and Jesse got on opposite sides of it and packed snow into it, making it thicker at the bottom and supporting it at the sides. Remus had to admit-they made a pretty good team.  
  
He pressed a handful of snow against the wall, feeling Jesse do the same on the other side, and smiled at that thought. Ever since they'd talked in the hospital wing, everything had been so much better between them. Remus couldn't believe how stupid the whole fight had been-a misunderstanding! But now it was all fixed, and they were as close as they'd ever been, if not closer. Over meals, they talked constantly about their childhood, reminiscing about the good times they'd had. The Marauders and Lily loved to hear about Remus' days before Hogwarts, since he rarely talked about them, and they all listened raptly to the funny and embarrassing stories being shared.  
  
And now Jesse was a part of The Fight. To Remus, that was the final proof that she'd been accepted into the group. She'd never be a Marauder, just as Lily wasn't one, but she was still their friend, and that was all that really mattered.  
  
Remus' thoughts were interrupted by a scream from the fort next to his. He packed a last handful onto the wall and ducked behind it, joining Jesse in the protection of their fort. They listened to the sounds of Sirius attacking James, Lily, and Peter with smiles on their faces. Ah, winter.  
  
Remus turned to Jesse to suggest they start making snowballs, of which they had precious few, but stopped with the words only half-formed in his mind. She was staring through a porthole they'd left in their thickest wall, the one that faced the opposing fort, which was now being attacked. Her dark hair, flecked with snow, was falling loosely around her face. Her cheeks and nose were red from the cold, and her eyes were shining from excitement. She grinned and turned to face him.  
  
"They're putting up a good fight," she said, then stopped at the look on his face. He blushed and looked up at the porthole, but from his spot on the ground he couldn't see anything but gray sky. He raised himself up and looked through it, simply trying to distract himself, but that was a mistake. Jesse was still close to the little window, and he could feel her warm breath on his cheek. He blushed again and pulled away, sitting against the wall opposite, as far as he could get from her in the small fort. She looked at him, an odd expression on her face.  
  
"Are you okay?" she asked softly. He nodded quickly and began packing a snowball with the snow next to him.  
  
"We should start making more ammo," he said firmly. "Sirius could come after us any minute." Jesse nodded, her grin back in place, and joined him in adding to their growing pile.  
  
Remus let his mind wander as he made snowballs and piled them up in their designated spot, a little alcove protected by extra snow coming out from the walls. What had that been about? He'd never thought of her that way before...she'd always just been his best friend, like Sirius and James were his best friends. So why had he looked at her differently just then?  
  
Then it dawned on him. The moon. It was a full moon tomorrow night, so he must be feeling those primal urges that came with being part wolf. It had happened once before, he suddenly remembered, that night shortly after she'd arrived at Hogwarts. She'd come down to the common room to talk to him, and he'd felt that same strange feeling as he took in her scent. Something bordering on lust...  
  
No, said a voice in the back of his mind. It was different that time. You'd wanted her then, just as you occasionally wanted other girls around the full moon. That was certainly lust, the wolf coming to the surface. This time was different...you didn't want anything, you just...saw her differently, somehow.  
  
Remus shook his head to clear it. It didn't matter what he'd felt, it was entirely because of the wolf. He could ignore it.  
  
But he couldn't.  
  
The rest of the day, all up until lunch, he kept finding himself uncomfortably close to her. When before it would have been no big deal to work next to her building a wall or packing snowballs for later, now it was strange and made him uncomfortable. He always came up with some way to work farther from her, where he couldn't see her and smell her and sense how close she was.  
  
Then, when Sirius was attacking one last time before lunch, she'd lost her balance trying to dodge a snowball from James. Remus had been crouched behind their lowest wall, trying desperately to pack a snowball and let it fly before he could be attacked again, when suddenly she'd fallen directly on top of him, knocking him flat. She was laughing crazily, snow all over her face, and he was staring, bewildered, at the girl whose head was on his lap. He sat up and leaned over her, suddenly concerned.  
  
"You okay?" he asked, brushing snow off her forehead. She stifled her laughs and nodded, completely oblivious to how cold the snow on her face was.  
  
"Never better!" she yelled excitedly, helping him get the snow out of her eyes. He found he was quite disappointed when she sat up to get revenge on James.  
  
Just as another snowball came flying over Jesse's head and right at Remus, the bell for lunch rang. Remus dodged the snowball by rolling over in the snow, but he accidentally rolled into the tallest wall of their fort. It had been weakened by numerous attacks, and this was the last straw for it. Before anyone knew what was happening, it broke off at the base and collapsed on top of Remus.  
  
Remus sat up, spluttering. About three inches of snow was coating him, and as he sat up it fell off in chunks. Jesse was laughing maniacally, though she was also holding a hand out to help him up. He accepted it and stood, brushing the rest of the snow from his clothes. It stuck to his cloak and hung off in large, icy chunks. Jesse helped him clean off, and they were soon joined by Sirius, James, Lily, and Peter, who were also red from laughing. They'd all seen the wall collapse, but hadn't realized anyone was under it at the time.  
  
When everyone was relatively clean, they left their forts for the younger kids and went off to lunch. It was a wonderful feeling, sitting in the warm Great Hall and eating hot stew with stiff, frozen hands. They laughed and talked over the meal, mostly discussing the snowball fight. Afterwards, they all retired to the common room for a not-so-quiet game of Exploding Snap. The common room gradually got more crowded as it became dark and others came in from outside, and they eventually had to give up their seats by the fire for some of the wetter students.  
  
Around ten o'clock, Lily and Jesse said good-night to the boys and went off to get some sleep before the next day, so they'd be alert for the continued snowball fight. An hour later, the Marauders decided it was late enough to go to bed and they climbed the stairs to their dorm, quietly discussing what they would do with Moony the next night. 


	11. Forbidden Lightning

This chapter is FUN! Broom racing is here! Here's my disclaimer: my friends Corie and Mallory (Winged Seraphin, on ff.net) invented this form of broom racing (the illegal kind, hehe), based on drag racing/street racing. Mallory came up with "Forbidden Lightning," which is basically what the racers call themselves. Sort of. Some of the broom names in here are Mallory's, like the Hummingbird and the Dragonfly. The rest are mine or JKR's. Oh, and Mallory has a cameo in here, so whee! Just thought I'd mention that. I'll leave you all to guess who she is. Probably won't be hard...  
  
Now, I know you'll all come to a point in this story where you'll start thinking "oh, groan, a Mary-Sue!" But don't fret, she really isn't! Just don't give up on me yet, and you'll see. I'm trying to keep away from the clichés, I promise.  
  
Oh, one more thing. I realize now that James wasn't a keeper, and I'm sorry for saying that he was. But I really don't feel like changing it, and I like him as a keeper, so I'll leave it as is. Hey, at least I'm not calling him a seeker, right?  
  
Okay, on with the chapter then! This time, let the RACES begin!!!  
  
Chapter Eleven  
  
Forbidden Lightning  
  
Exactly halfway through Winter Break, McGonagall had scheduled a Hogsmeade weekend. Students were forbidden to visit Hogsmeade without permission even during break, though most of them ignored the rule, which was barely enforced. So, usually, the scheduled weekend wouldn't have been very special.  
  
But this weekend was going to be far from the usual.  
  
Mandy Mitchell, the Quidditch player, casually walked around the Great Hall the morning before the Hogsmeade weekend. She had a quill in one pocket, a slip of parchment in the other. Her schoolbag held a paper envelope, already half full of galleons and sickles, and a few knuts. She went from table to table, starting with the Slytherins as they were the nearest to the door. At each table, she would approach every group of students in turn and talk with them briefly. Occasionally, the parchment and quill would come out, to be put away again quickly with a handful of coins. Then Mandy would move on.  
  
By the time she got to the Gryffindor table, the envelope was so full of money that she had to walk slowly to avoid making noise. She meandered towards one end of the table and approached a group of three second-years, who were laughing hysterically as they ate their breakfasts. She grinned at them and sat down across from them, laughing with them as if she'd heard the joke. They looked at her with a mixture of fear and awe. Was there really a sixth year sitting with them? Was she really laughing with them? Was that a quill in her hand, or a wand?  
  
Half-expecting hexes to come their way any second, the twelve-year-olds glanced at each other, and then back at Mandy. She smiled reassuringly and began to speak, gesturing with her quill. When she'd finished, they were all looking much happier-positively ecstatic, in fact. One of them nodded vigorously and dug around in his bag; the other two followed suit. They each handed Mandy a few sickles, grinning widely, and she put them away as she got up to speak to the next group. As she left, the boys immediately began talking excitedly again.  
  
Mandy laughed to herself at how excitable first- and second-years always were. They were still so young, and everything was so new to them. She was very glad the minimum age had been raised from last year...  
  
The next nearest group of students was one Mandy was familiar with. She sat down next to James Potter, a fifth-year and an excellent keeper on their team. He glanced at her, eyebrows raised in question. Sirius Black, who was sitting across from them, noticed her as well.  
  
"What's up?" he asked casually, though he was pretty sure he already knew. It was getting to be that time of year again, and Sirius' thoughts had been filled with only this for the past few days...  
  
"You know what's up," Mandy teased, pulling out the quill and parchment and handing both to Sirius. "You're signing up this year, right? The first race is tomorrow, next one's day after. The other races don't start until next week sometime-we're still trying to work out a way to get half the people out of this school." Sirius took the parchment with a grin. He reached back across the table for the quill, but another hand grabbed it before he could. He looked up angrily into the face of Severus Snape.  
  
"What're you trying to pull this time?" Sirius asked in a low voice. Snape sneered down at him, twirling the quill between two fingers.  
  
"Thought I'd stop you before you signed a binding contract," he said smugly. Sirius rolled his eyes and tried to swipe the quill, but Snape was just a little faster.  
  
"I appreciate your concern, but I don't plan on trying to drop out of the races." Snape sneered again.  
  
"Hard to be in two places at once, isn't it?"  
  
"What are you talking about, Snape? And get out with it-I don't feel like staring at your mug all through breakfast."  
  
"Nor do I wish to look at you, but it seems I don't have that kind of luck. Our next meeting is tomorrow, remember? The ministry person won't be very pleased if you miss it." Sirius' jaw dropped, and he stared at Snape with a mixture of disbelief and hatred.  
  
"Meeting? What meeting?" Mandy demanded, obviously rather upset. Snape turned his gaze on her.  
  
"Mr. Black here has been accused of murder. We're too young for a real wizarding trial, so they've set up little...meetings, as they call them. Basically a trial, but one-on-one, in the Headmaster's office. A little more severe at times...but a fair 'trial' nonetheless." Mandy looked at Sirius, wide-eyed.  
  
"Murder? You?" There was a pause, and then she burst out laughing. "What kind of idiot would accuse you of murder?!" Snape, who'd been looking rather smug, took on a sour expression.  
  
"It doesn't matter what you think of the affair. What matters is that Black can't attend tomorrow's little...get-together. I'd suggest finding a new 'star player.'" With that, he threw the quill down onto the table and stalked away.  
  
"What a creep..." Sirius mumbled, restraining himself from using fouler language because of Lily's ever-sensitive ear.  
  
"Good God, he can't be serious," Mandy groaned, rolling her eyes. "'Get- together'? 'Star player'?" She chuckled softly, then looked up at Sirius. "Well, looks like we'll have to work something else out." His eyes lit up.  
  
"You mean...I can still do it?" he whispered excitedly.  
  
"I should think so! I can't imagine not letting you, of all people, sign up. I'll get you into some of the smaller races-but I can't promise anything on the big one." Sirius grinned.  
  
"That's good enough for me! Hand it over!" Mandy returned the smile and passed him the quill. He quickly signed the parchment and handed it and the quill to Remus, poking his friend in the arm to get his attention. "Moony, you doin' it this year?" Sirius asked when Remus had taken the items from his friend. Remus looked over the parchment, which appeared to be blank, and a slow smile spread across his face.  
  
"Hell yes...I've been waiting for this since January 30th of last year!" Jesse, who was sitting next to Remus and looking over his shoulder curiously, spoke up.  
  
"What happened on January 30th?"  
  
"He fell off his broom twelve feet from the finish line and was disqualified," Sirius explained with a laugh. "Poor guy, almost won, too..." Jesse looked from Sirius to Remus quizzically.  
  
"What?" Remus shook his head.  
  
"I'll explain later..." He didn't feel like reliving the ignominy in front of all his friends, who would be happy to add in little details...  
  
"No, you'll explain now. Otherwise she won't have a chance to sign up!" Sirius said pointedly. Remus scribbled his signature on the parchment and watched it dissolve.  
  
"That's true," he said thoughtfully before turning to Jesse. "Alright, but don't listen to anything they say," he warned her. Jesse laughed and agreed.  
  
"Every year, Knockturn Alley hosts illegal broom racing, sponsored by the company Forbidden Lightning. They're from Germany, I just can't pronounce the real name. Anyways...the races always start around this time, shortly after Christmas, and go through January, sometimes into February. They're set up so that Hogwarts kids can come during their breaks and participate in the races-or at least watch them. Half the money FL makes is from us.  
  
"Last year, the minimum age for participating was twelve, but this year it's thirteen because of some...injuries. It can get pretty dangerous sometimes. Well, Sirius and I have been racing since we were twelve, and Lily raced last year. Peter always works for them, selling stuff or setting up. He gets paid pretty well, and he's usually willing to help us pay for repairs on our brooms. James can't race 'cause he plays Quidditch.  
  
"I never came close to winning except last year, but I fell off my broom in the second-to-last race and was disqualified from the running. So...I'll have to do better this time," he added, gesturing with the parchment. He glanced at Sirius, then looked back at Jesse. "Do you think you want to give it a shot? I can't guarantee anything, since you've never raced before-"  
  
"Wait a sec! Who says I've never raced before?" Jesse cut him off. She was more excited than he'd seen her in a long time. "I can't believe you guys have this here! Though I guess it makes sense, since FL's a European company..."  
  
"What are you babbling about?" Sirius asked, quickly flashing her a grin to show he was joking.  
  
"I used to race all the time in the States! There were races for younger kids there too, so I got a year of practice before I entered the real competition. FL had a few reps at our school, and they'd come around just like Mandy did, and get people to sign up. Oh, I thought I'd never get to dig my chassis lights out again!"  
  
Remus looked from her to Sirius and back, eyes wide. He'd never have imagined this kind of response...it always seemed to him that Jesse would be like Lily had been at first-reluctant, maybe even angry at them for doing something illegal. Not that she was always the goody-goody, but she never really went for anything bad either.  
  
Sirius burst out laughing at the look on Remus' face.  
  
"You don't know her as well as you thought, I guess!" he crowed. Jesse was smiling too.  
  
"Sorry if I've surprised you or something, but it's been four years...a lot can happen in four years." Remus found he didn't like that thought at all, and wondered what else had changed about her, but he merely shrugged and smiled.  
  
"I just didn't expect it, that's all." He scrutinized her for a moment. "So, just how good are you?" Jesse grinned.  
  
"You'll see soon enough, won't you?" she replied as she reached for the parchment and quill.  
  
  
  
The next day, to everyone's relief, it wasn't snowing as hard as it had been for the past week. Remus fairly jumped out of bed, surprised at himself for being so alert this early in the morning. But, to his immense surprise, Sirius was already out of bed and dressed. He was sitting impatiently by the door, tapping his foot and running a hand through his hair every few seconds. The black locks were hanging loosely around his face, and looked rather flat from being mussed so often. Remus grinned and quickly got dressed.  
  
"A little nervous, are we?" he asked when he was ready and had joined Sirius by the door.  
  
"No, just waiting for you," Sirius replied testily. Yep, Remus thought to himself. He's nervous.  
  
"Alright, then, let's go, if you're so anxious. Got your broom?" Sirius jumped and ran back across the room to grab his broomstick while Remus shook his head and laughed lightly.  
  
"Don't laugh at me!" Sirius warned as they exited the room, closing the door quietly so as not to wake up James. Peter had long since left to begin setting up. "I'm just excited, that's all."  
  
"Okay then."  
  
"I am!" Sirius objected.  
  
"I know, I agreed with you." Remus smiled to himself; it was fun seeing Sirius, usually so cool and calm, feeling this apprehensive. But Remus knew that by the time they were at the racetrack, Sirius would be back to his usual self. That was all the more reason to tease him while he had the chance...  
  
"We meeting Jesse and Lily here or downstairs?" Sirius asked when they were almost to the portrait hole.  
  
"At the Great Hall. They wanted to get an early start, I think."  
  
"Girls always want an early start," Sirius groaned. "But that's okay, I'd rather be able to eat while we wait..."  
  
They made it downstairs quickly, both masking their brooms with a simple spell Mandy had taught them the day before. The Great Hall was noisy, though not very crowded, as all the racers ate their breakfasts, invisible brooms at their feet. Those working for FL were already gone, Mandy was wandering around and making sure everyone was ready, and the audience members still had another few hours to sleep.  
  
"I can't believe we had to get up at six in the morning!" they heard one girl complain as they passed the Ravenclaw table. She looked incredibly tired and was eating her bacon very slowly.  
  
Remus and Sirius found the girls and sat down across the table from them. Lily was looking rather tired, but excited, and Jesse seemed to match her. Both smiled at the boys as they sat down, but they each had large bags under their eyes.  
  
"Wow, I've never seen perfect Lily looking this bedraggled!" Sirius teased, running a hand through his hair.  
  
"What, and I look just as I always do?" Jesse replied with a hint of indignance.  
  
"You look beautiful," Remus assured her without thinking, quickly grinning and winking to make light of the comment. To his relief, Sirius didn't seem to have noticed, though Lily and Jesse were looking at him rather strangely. He ignored them both and casually took a piece of sausage from the serving dish.  
  
"So, Lily-what's your name this year?" Sirius asked once he'd eaten a bit. She shrugged.  
  
"I'm still thinking about that one," she replied. "I'll probably end up using my name from last year, though I don't like it much."  
  
"What kind of broom do you have?" Jesse asked before taking a sip of pumpkin juice.  
  
"Osprey."  
  
"That's in the same line as the Hummingbird, isn't it?" Lily nodded. "Well," Jesse continued, "I'm using a bird name to go with my broom-you could do the same. It makes it easier for the audience to remember you."  
  
"True...got any ideas?" Lily looked around at her friends hopefully.  
  
"Osprey!" Sirius suggested immediately. Lily rolled her eyes.  
  
"How did I know you'd say that? Anyone got any good ideas?" she asked again.  
  
"Well, don't ask me for help anymore!" Sirius replied, pretending to be affronted.  
  
"How about Firebird?" Remus spoke up. "Because of your red hair, y'know." Lily looked at him, surprised.  
  
"Hey, that's not bad..."  
  
"Don't let her use it, Moony-she'll just stab you in the back next chance she gets!" Sirius warned, gesturing with his fork. A chunk of sausage flew off the end of it, flying and landing on the floor just inches from the hem of someone's robes. Sirius looked up to find, once again, the angry face of Severus Snape sneering down on him.  
  
"Oh, goody, you again, here to brighten my morning," Sirius said dully.  
  
"Up a little early, aren't we?" Snape commented. "The meeting isn't for another few hours."  
  
"Up as early as you are," Sirius replied. "And thanks for reminding me when the meeting was-you only told me twelve times yesterday, but thirteen's a charm!" Snape glowered at him.  
  
"I do hope you're not planning on...missing the meeting?"  
  
"Of course not. Even your face for two hours is better than Azkaban. Though not much..." he added in an undertone. Remus snorted, but he knew there was nothing Sirius feared more than prolonged exposure to Azkaban- which was ironic, due to his knack for getting into trouble.  
  
"I'll see you later, then," Snape said in an almost cordial voice. He turned on his heel and went back to the Slytherin table.  
  
"What a-"  
  
"Creep," Lily cut him off lazily.  
  
"Yeah, that," Sirius said with a grin.  
  
Remus ate slowly, lost in his mixed-up thoughts. As excited as he was about the race, he couldn't focus on the event looming in his future. His thoughts kept reverting to the comment he'd made to Jesse a few minutes ago. It had been a joke, right? A mocking response to her equally mocking indignation? But as much as he tried to convince himself otherwise, he couldn't help but think that it might have been something else.  
  
It had been about a week since that first day of the Fight, when Remus had suddenly seen Jesse differently. He'd thought about her that way more than once since, and it had become increasingly hard to blame his thoughts on the moon and the wolf. But there was no other way to explain it, was there?  
  
Of course there was, and he knew it. But that wasn't possible, it seemed. They'd always been best friends as kids, but only that. It was hard to imagine anything beyond a close friendship.  
  
Sirius stood up suddenly, startling Remus and making him drop his fork.  
  
"What're you so jumpy about?" Remus asked irritably. Sirius was practically skipping in place, he was so excited.  
  
"Mandy just came by, they're ready for us to head outside!" he hissed. Remus rolled his eyes. Was that all?  
  
"Sirius, you know it'll be another hour or more before we get to actually leave the grounds. Calm down!" Sirius ignored him and grabbed both their brooms, unobtrusively handing Remus his. Jesse and Lily were both standing there, ready to go as well, so Remus took a few more pieces of toast and stood to join them. The four left the Great Hall, chatting casually and holding their brooms as naturally as possible, and joined the other racers out in front of the school. Some of them remained inside, knowing how long it would be and how cold it was outside, but most of the racers were outside, playing around in the snow. Sirius picked out a tree with a very low branch sticking out over a snowdrift and set his broom down next to it. When the others had piled theirs on his, he performed a quick charm that turned the snow under them faintly red. They'd be able to find them later, and still be able to keep them invisible for the time being.  
  
"Right, this calls for a mini-Fight!" Sirius announced happily.  
  
"What calls for it?" Lily wanted to know. Sirius paused and pondered her question.  
  
"Er...this wonderful event?" he tried. "I don't know, it just does!"  
  
"Okay then," she said with a laugh. Then, before Sirius could start the fight, Lily grabbed a handful of snow off the nearest branch and dropped it down the front of his robes. Sirius let out a strangled cry and, eyes wide with shock, grabbed a double handful to throw at her. Lily shrieked and ran, just barely dodging the flying snow. Sirius took off after her, and the fight had begun.  
  
Remus wasn't really in the mood for running around; his nerves were finally getting to him, and his stomach was knotted very tightly. He found it helpful to imagine a hollow pinkish rope, rather like an elongated stomach, tied in an intricate knot. In his mind, he slowly and carefully undid the knot. When it was undone, he retied it and began the process all over again.  
  
Jesse watched Sirius chasing Lily around, laughing as each of them got steadily wetter. She noticed eventually that Remus seemed to be staring off into space, not paying attention to anything at all, and decided to take advantage of the situation. As unobtrusively as possible, she took a small handful of snow from a branch near her head and approached Remus with it. She managed to get just a few inches from his back without him noticing, but decided not to push her luck. She reached her hand forward to tip the slowly melting snow down his robes, but accidentally brushed his neck with her cold, wet gloves. He flinched and turned quickly, before she could react. She suddenly found herself standing in front of him, her face inches from his. She could actually feel his warm breath on her cheek. Thinking he'd be angry with her for trying to ambush him, she smiled sheepishly and lowered her hand slowly. But as she opened her mouth to apologize, he did something she never would have expected. He caught her hand in his and leaned forward slightly, eyes half closed. She gasped softly, and he stopped moments too soon, pulling back and turning away, his ears reddening.  
  
For a split second, Jesse wondered what had just happened. Then, before her mind could grasp the situation, her body took control. She grabbed Remus' elbow as he turned away and pulled him back around. Before either of them could think, she planted an awkward kiss on his lips.  
  
Now it was Jesse's turn to pull away, rather embarrassed. She looked at Remus expectantly, waiting for his reaction. He stared at her blankly for a moment, then smiled slowly and returned the kiss. It was much more natural the second time around.  
  
Sirius and Lily had long since gotten tired and decided to head back to see what the other two were doing. When they were nearly there, Sirius realized with a start just what was happening under that tree. He stopped short and stared at them in shock, and then a grin spread across his face. Lily, who was also looking rather surprised, noted his grin and shook her head at him.  
  
"Oh, no you don't, Sirius!" she warned in a low voice. "You leave them alone!"  
  
"And why would I do that?" he replied before running for the tree. When he neared it, he slowed his pace considerably and began to walk very quietly toward the couple. He got to within arm's reach of Remus and tapped his friend firmly on the shoulder. Remus whipped his head around quickly and got very red, very fast. Sirius grinned and wagged his finger at them.  
  
"Now, now, this kind of lightning is most definitely forbidden on school grounds!" Jesse laughed lightly and chucked a pinecone at him, but Remus glared at him and got even redder.  
  
"Alright, enough torment," Lily said from next to Sirius. She grinned knowingly at Jesse and winked so that Remus couldn't see her; he was looking very upset at being caught. "I think it's time we get in a group for going to Knockturn Alley." Remus nodded quickly and they all walked to the edge of the Forbidden Forest, where Mandy was standing with her little cluster of Portkeys. When they got there, she looked up and smiled.  
  
"Oh, good, I was wondering when you'd all show up. I have a Portkey leaving in like, thirty seconds-grab onto this branch quick." They each found a place to touch the branch she'd indicated, which was already being held up by three other racers. They got situated just in time; almost as soon as they were settled, the Portkey took off in the direction of London.  
  
The group landed in a dark corner of Knockturn Alley moments later, still clutching their invisible brooms. Sirius undid the masking charms on all the brooms and they all headed for the racetrack, which was easily found due to the bright blue fireworks bursting above it. The stands were nearly set up, but of course no one was in them yet. Jesse looked around excitedly-it was so different from the racetrack in the States. She was about to comment on this when she felt someone jerk her arm. She looked around and saw Lily, smiling mischievously, grasping her sleeve.  
  
"What're you doing?" she asked, trying to free her arm.  
  
"Talking to you. Come over here," Lily replied, pulling Jesse away from Sirius and Remus, who were discussing the race and hadn't noticed a thing. Lily led Jesse under a set of bleachers that was entirely set up and completely deserted. They sat down beneath the steps, their brooms at their sides.  
  
"So," Lily said shortly. Jesse blinked her eyes innocently.  
  
"Yes?"  
  
"You know what I dragged you over here for. Now spill!" Lily ordered, laughing.  
  
"What do you want to know?" Jesse asked, leaning back on her elbows and stretching her legs out in front of her.  
  
"Everything, of course! C'mon, you have to tell-that's what girlfriends are for!" Jesse laughed.  
  
"Alright then..." For the next fifteen or so minutes, strange giggles emanated from the seemingly empty bleachers.  
  
  
  
Sirius and Remus found their starting places and set their brooms down, then wandered off to explore the racetrack. It was about the same as last year, a simple loop with bleachers ringing it, inside and out. Only half the bleachers were completely set up, and of course they were all empty-the track wasn't open to the public for another hour or two.  
  
But that didn't mean there weren't any people milling around. All the racers save a few from Hogwarts had long since arrived and were wandering around, checking out the track and talking to each other. Sirius greeted many racers that Remus didn't recognize and flirted with various pretty girls, all of whom were now immune to his charms and only laughed him off. Finally, Remus saw someone he recognized: Reggie Scott. She'd been racing, though not always professionally, for about eight years, and always came back from her private school in France for the FL races. She'd been the one to show Remus and Sirius the ropes when they'd first tried racing in second year. Remus hailed her, and the fifteen-year-old came over, smiling and waving.  
  
"I knew I'd see you guys here!" she said when she was closer. "Racing again, I see...planning on finishing this time, Remus?" Remus rolled his eyes.  
  
"Har, har. If I recall, you didn't do very well last year either," he reminded her. It didn't really bother him when Reggie teased him about his mistakes-she was a very good racer, and had the "authority" to bug him about stuff like that. Unlike Sirius, who had only been racing as long as Remus and made nearly as many mistakes-when he wasn't wowing the audience with his daring tricks and stupid stunts.  
  
"If you can consider second in the country 'not very well,'" Sirius commented. Remus couldn't help but smile; Sirius revered Reggie as a championship racer and looked up to her as his sort of mentor. When he wasn't flirting with her, that is.  
  
"I only got that rank because of how well I did in the timed races. I really botched the finals in the relays." Sirius shrugged.  
  
"The point is, you got second. Way more than I could manage!"  
  
"Oh, but Sirius-you're the star player!" Remus reminded him, laughing. Sirius chuckled along with him, explaining to Reggie what Snape had called him. As if suddenly reminded of something, he frowned and looked around the track.  
  
"Does anyone know what time it is?" he asked, looking around for some sort of clock. Reggie checked a Muggle wristwatch she was wearing.  
  
"Just after seven," she told him. "Why?"  
  
"I've got to be back at the school by eight. That means I'll miss the first races! Oh well-at least I can sign in and hang around a while." Sirius sighed and started walking toward the registration desk.  
  
"Why do you have to go so early?" Reggie asked, astonished.  
  
"Trial...Snape just being stupid again..." he muttered as he approached the desk, Remus and Reggie right behind him. Remus quickly explained about Snape's accusations while Sirius looked at the times for the races and signed up for the ones he'd be able to attend.  
  
"When will you be back?"  
  
"I'm guessing about noon, but I'm not signing up for anything earlier than one, just to be safe," Sirius replied, signing his name by a six o'clock race, the last one of the day. "Snape better not do this next time..." he growled, looking at all the races-not counting the main championship race- he'd be missing. "I can't believe I don't get to try for the cup this year." Reggie snorted.  
  
"I never liked that Snape kid...one of the reasons I'm glad my parents moved me to France. I get to study racing all the time, and I don't have to deal with all the prats at our school."  
  
The three of them walked around the track, talking about past races and Reggie's foreign schooling, until it was time for Sirius to go. He parted with them reluctantly, heading for the nearest store. Since he didn't have to take his broom back with him and there wouldn't be any traffic anymore, he'd be able to use Floo powder and go straight to the Gryffindor common room.  
  
The nearest shop sold rather disgusting slimy things, mostly for use in potions. He avoided looking at any of them-most of which had a strange likeness to the shopkeeper himself-and went straight to the back of the room, where the fireplace stood between two shelves sporting jars of strange animals, floating around in preserving fluids. He put two knuts in a little box and was rewarded with a packet of Floo powder. He threw it into the fire and watched it turn green.  
  
"Gryffindor common room," he said loudly, stepping into the flames. He had just enough time to tuck in his elbows before the spinning began. In moments he was stepping out of the flames in the common room, to the surprise of a few first years sitting in armchairs by the fire.  
  
"Sorry about that," he said with a smile, brushing himself off and walking away. They gawked at each other, then began whispering excitedly. Sirius chuckled to himself and left the common room.  
  
He was only slightly sooty when he arrived at Dumbledore's office. Snape was already there, even though Sirius was five minutes early. They glared at each other and waited for the Ministry person to arrive.  
  
At exactly eight o'clock, the Ministry official arrived. She was a short, wide woman with a rather stretched-out looking face: her mouth was wide and flat, her nose rather squashed, and her eyelids half-shut. She looked distinctly toad-like.  
  
She smiled happily when she saw them both there. The smile did nothing to reduce the toady-ness of her face, but it did unnerve Sirius a bit; she seemed almost too sweet. Rather saccharine.  
  
"Good morning!" she said in a rather high voice. "If you'll just follow me..." She spoke the password, cherry gumdrops, and led them past the gargoyle onto the revolving staircase. To Sirius' surprise, it carried them past Dumbledore's office and to a room some distance beyond that. The door was painted all white, with a silver handle. The woman opened the door and gestured for them to enter ahead of her; they did, rather hesitantly.  
  
The room was very large, and very empty. The walls were a very pale gray, just a shade lighter than the floor and ceiling. There were no windows and the door, when snapped shut behind them, was the same color as the walls. The only furnishings in the room were three wooden chairs, sitting in a little triangle in the center of the room. They looked terribly small in the vast expanse of grayish-white.  
  
Sirius took a seat and looked around, feeling very disconcerted. There weren't even any lights in the room to break up the uniformity of it; the brightness seemed to emanate from the walls themselves. Whenever he moved, coughed, or spoke, each sound echoed infinitely in the giant chamber.  
  
"Well, now that we're all settled!" the woman said brightly. "My name is Miss Umbridge, and I'll be your judge, jury, and lawyer for the remainder of the trials. Mr. Hollenbach had to abandon this duty as he was called away for some more important matters, and I was appointed this job." She beamed at them in turn, waiting for a response. When there was none, her smile did not fade; in fact, it seemed to grow wider.  
  
"Alright," she said happily, staring at them with her flat, blank, bespectacled eyes. Sirius met them and immediately looked away; they were magnified strangely by her thick glasses, and seemed to pop out at him while still disappearing in her fleshy face. He shuddered and stared at the floor.  
  
"Shall we begin? I have all of the notes from your previous trials, so we won't have to repeat any of that. We should be able to start right in." Her voice echoed eerily in the room, seeming to grow louder each time it bounced back to Sirius' ears. He had the strong urge to block it out, but kept his hands firmly at his sides.  
  
"It seems you left off with Mr. Snape telling Mr. Hollenbach of the possible motives Mr. Black might have had. Mr. Hollenbach did not take extensive notes here, so if you'd please to repeat these ideas?" She beamed expectantly at Snape, and Sirius almost felt sorry for him, having her gaze trained on him like that-but then he remembered what he was missing for this stupid trial, and decided Snape deserved it.  
  
Snape managed to keep his cool under the frightening gaze, and repeated to Miss Umbridge all the things he'd told Mr. Hollenbach. The woman made no sign of comprehending, or even listening-she only stared until he had stopped talking. There was a rather tense, expectant silence during which Snape and Sirius waited for Miss Umbridge to reply, but she said nothing and did not move. Sirius shifted uncomfortably; it was as if the woman had fallen asleep.  
  
Then, quite suddenly, she sat back in her chair and spoke.  
  
"Thank you, Mr. Snape. Mr. Black, please explain to me why these motives do not apply." Sirius was shocked; she'd worded the request as if he was presumed guilty, and had to prove himself innocent.  
  
"Er...well, the first one, about my hating Alyssa..." he began, but then he made the mistake of meeting Miss Umbridge's eyes. They were flat, blank, ever-staring, and unblinking. No expression showed there, no sign of life even. He felt lost in that sickening gaze, and could not find his thoughts.  
  
Instead of commenting on his lack of explanation, Miss Umbridge did nothing. As she had with Snape, she merely sat there and stared at him. He blinked a few times and tried to remember what they were talking about.  
  
"That is...I mean...it isn't true. I don't hate her-didn't, I mean. I mean, yes, I did sort of at first, but only because of what she'd done to Remus, and I didn't hate her enough to hurt her, certainly not to kill her. And then we talked and stuff and I didn't hate her at all then, so I certainly wouldn't have killed her, I didn't kill her!" Sirius stopped his bumbling defense and put his hands over his face, trying to collect his wits. He'd never been so nervous and unprepared in all his life.  
  
"You don't make a very strong defense," Umbridge said sweetly. Sirius stared at her in surprise. What was he supposed to say to that? He chose to remain silent.  
  
"And the second possible motive? Why do you claim that one is untrue?" Again, as if he were guilty from the start. Sirius made sure to remain calm this time and carefully explained why Snape's second reason made no sense. Things went on like this, until Umbridge abruptly changed topics.  
  
"Wonderful. Now, Mr. Snape, please explain how Mr. Black killed Mr. and Ms. Mant."  
  
"Now wait a second!" Sirius said suddenly, unable to take this any longer. Umbridge stared at him as though he were insane. He managed to keep himself calm and said, "You're saying this as though I really did kill the Mants! There's no proof of that, and you're supposed to presume me-"  
  
"Mr. Snape, please explain how Mr. Black killed Mr. and Ms. Mant," Umbridge repeated, ignoring Sirius and turning back towards Snape, who was looking astonished but rather pleased.  
  
"Well, he was last seen in the hospital wing with Mr. Lupin, but long before the time of the murders. He could easily have followed Alyssa from the wing-he left shortly after she did, as I understand it-and killed her and her brother in the hall outside the Ravenclaw common room. Jason's being there was completely unconnected-he just happened to be in the right place at the right time, from the viewpoint of the murderer."  
  
The trial continued like this, Umbridge having Snape explain how Sirius had done it, then making Sirius defend himself and prove Snape wrong. As it wasn't like a real trial, the witnesses could not be called in right then- Umbridge would be interviewing them individually.  
  
Sirius found the whole process to be unnerving and unjust. He did his best to keep up a strong defense, but he knew that he'd be talking to Dumbledore about it first chance he got.  
  
  
  
Lily and Jesse emerged from the bleachers only when the people working at the races discovered them and asked them to leave, for safety reasons. The bleachers next door were being set up, so the girls nodded and left, searching the crowded track for Remus, Sirius, and anyone else they might recognize.  
  
When Remus and Sirius proved unable to be found, Jesse suggested getting their brooms ready for the first race, which was due to start in an hour. Lily agreed, though more out of curiosity than necessity-her own broom had very few additions to it, but she wanted to know what Jesse had acquired over the years.  
  
Jesse handled her Hummingbird lovingly; it was a wonderful broom, originally with a mahogany handle and light-colored twigs. Once she lifted certain masking spells from it, it revealed its "true" identity-the one she'd given it. The broom was now dark red with a black design along one side. The twigs were black and shiny, and some of them showed red when held at a certain angle. Jesse did another charm that lit up her chassis lights; they were red as well. Lily had never handled a broom with chassis lights before, and she was curious to see how they were mounted. She was surprised to see that the lights were actually built into the handle-some sort of magic enabled them to fit in the slim handle without cracking the wood. They couldn't stick out, Jesse explained, or they'd decrease the aerodynamics of the broom.  
  
Other than that, Jesse's broom seemed normal-so far. She assured Lily that there were some surprises in store once the race started. But for now, she turned off the chassis lights and left her broom safely in its starting position.  
  
Lily had lifted a few masking spells, as well, and her broom was now bright emerald green. There seemed to be little rhinestones in a pattern along the handle, glinting in the sun. The twigs were a dark, pretty shade of yellow-green and coordinated very well with the handle. They were carefully trimmed and placed for the best aerodynamics. Jesse nodded in approval and set the broom down.  
  
She and Lily took to wandering the track again. Lifting the rather complicated spells had taken some time; the stands were now filling with people. Jesse felt her heart race as time continued to move forward, bringing her ever closer to her first race in England. She hoped she didn't terribly embarrass herself in front of everyone; first impressions really were everything in some situations.  
  
Lily ducked into the restroom before the race, and Jesse said she'd meet her at the starting line-she still hadn't turned in her nickname, and the lines were getting long. Lily agreed and the two girls parted ways.  
  
Jesse only had to stand in line for a few minutes before she was at the front. The young man looked up at her with a smile.  
  
"Name?" he asked pleasantly.  
  
"Jessica Philbin."  
  
"Yes, here you are," he said after a moment of searching through a card box. "You've signed up for your races already, you've paid your fees, and you've registered your broom. All that's left is to pick a name and number."  
  
"Number? That's new... Okay, well, my name is Flicker," she said hesitantly, knowing it was her last chance to change it. But it seemed good enough, so she kept it. The young man wrote it down in carefully neat handwriting. "Number...just any number?"  
  
"Keep it simple, if you please," he requested with a smile. "The announcer generally uses it to keep track of where you are, so he'll be saying it a lot."  
  
"Okay. Um...forty-two?" The man wrote it down and waited. It burned green.  
  
"You're in the clear, no one else has chosen it." He smiled again and handed her a strip of cloth. "Tie this around your waist with the knot in front. The number will appear on the back when the race begins. Good luck, Flicker!" Jesse smiled back, took the cloth, and turned to head back to the starting line.  
  
Before she'd gone five feet, she heard someone calling her name. She looked back over her shoulder, and her face broke into a wide grin when she recognized Remus coming through the crowd by the desks. He met up with her presently and returned the smile.  
  
"Thought I'd never find you!" he said when they started walking again. "These crowds are incredible."  
  
"We looked for you guys earlier, but even then there were just too many people. I was beginning to think I wouldn't see you again except on the racetrack." There was a moment of rather awkward silence.  
  
"Listen, about earlier-"  
  
"Please don't apologize," Jesse interrupted quickly. "I don't want you to apologize, there's no reason to." Remus smiled, looking rather relieved.  
  
"I wasn't going to...I actually wanted you to know that I meant it. That may not make much sense, but-"  
  
"It makes perfect sense," Jesse cut him off again. She stopped, grabbing his hand so he'd stop too, and turned him to face her. She kissed him slowly, ignoring the jostling crowd around them. When they broke the kiss, both were blushing slightly.  
  
"I'm glad," he said quietly with a small smile. Jesse grinned back and moved forward to kiss him again, but they were interrupted by an announcement booming over the crowd.  
  
"ALL RACERS PLEASE REPORT TO THE STARTING LINE! THE REGISTRATION DESK IS NOW CLOSED, AND IF YOU HAVE NOT SUPPLIED ALL THE REQUIRED INFORMATION YOU WILL NOT BE PERMITTED TO PARTICIPATE IN THE FIRST RACE. PLEASE SIGN UP DIRECTLY AFTERWARD. I REPEAT, ALL RACERS TO THE STARTING LINE!"  
  
Jesse gave Remus a rueful smile, which he returned.  
  
"To be continued, then," he said with a wink. Jesse couldn't help but giggle; this was a side of Remus she doubted many people saw.  
  
Jesse joined Lily at the starting line, holding her broom carefully and looking up and down the line of racers. Remus was at the far end of the line, staring determinedly forward. He seemed to be collecting himself. Lily followed Jesse's gaze and smiled.  
  
"Aw, isn't he cute when he's concentrating?" she teased. Jesse gave her a sneaky grin.  
  
"Hell yes..." They burst into giggles, but stopped quickly when the announcer's voice was heard again.  
  
"AUDIENCE, PLEASE TAKE YOUR SEATS, THE RACE WILL BEGIN SHORTLY!"  
  
Jesse rolled her shoulders a few times and took a deep breath. She held it, released it, and took another one. The sounds of the crowd seemed to become muffled as she focused all her concentration on the track, and the race ahead. At a signal from the announcer, she mounted her broom. There was a long, loud whistle, and when it stopped, she kicked off from the ground, nearly in unison with the other racers. They all leaned forward over their brooms together as well, and the line sped forward along the track.  
  
Once in the air, Jesse found she was much less nervous. All thoughts and emotions, even the strong ones, were blown away in her slipstream. She grinned into the wind and leaned even further down on her broom.  
  
She quickly learned that the British races were similar to, but not the same as, American ones. The British tended to be more aggressive, but somehow in a more orderly way. She found it hard to get past the larger males; they were using their bulk as a bulwark, blocking the safe paths. Once she dropped under a clump of racers, skimming the ground, and came up again five feet ahead of them.  
  
Another difference was that in America, each racer was supplied with an earpiece that relayed the announcer's comments directly into their ears. Here, she had to actually listen above the crowd for information on other racers, or use her own observations. It made things harder, but in an exciting sort of way.  
  
It was rather annoying, though, when she found herself practically isolated at the front of a large group of racers. There was one other girl at about the same level as she, but Jesse had no idea if they were anywhere near the front of the race-the others could be around the next bend already, out of her sight. She strained her ears for some news on who the winners were, but the crowd was cheering too loudly for the announcements to be discerned.  
  
Jesse nearly fell off her broom as she rounded the next bend; two racers seemed to have crashed here, and were heaped on the ground, surrounded by medi-witches. Jesse had just done another ducking maneuver to avoid someone gaining on her, and nearly crashed into the mess of people on the ground. She did a quick barrel roll to avoid hitting someone, but this combined with the turn threw her off balance, and she went spinning off to the edge of the track. She was lucky to be able to gain control again before hitting the fences surrounding the track, protecting the audience from just such happenings, but her mistake had cost her dearly in time and stance; she had to struggle to keep up from then on.  
  
The end of the race came suddenly to her. In the top right hand corner of her sunglasses made especially for the race, the lap number changed to the word FINAL, which glowed green. Jesse rounded the last turn and lay flat on her broom for the home stretch.  
  
When she passed the finish line, the word FINAL turned bright red and started to blink. A tiny "congratulations" burned beneath it. Jesse grinned and took off her glasses, making a smooth landing next to the other finished racers. They were all talking excitedly and looking up at the scoreboard, which could be easily seen from their little pit. Jesse turned to find her number and check her placing and score. She was vaguely surprised-in a pleasant way-to see that she'd ranked twenty-seventh out of sixty-two racers in placing. Her score was eighty-six, but that meant nothing until the other racers had finished. So far, she was in twentieth place overall.  
  
Beaming, she turned to see who else had finished. She didn't recognize most of the racers, although a few were seventh-years at her school. One of them was in Gryffindor, the others in Hufflepuff. She was shocked to notice that number ten, who'd placed first and had a score of one thousand sixty-three, was a Hufflepuff. Then she felt bad for being surprised; Hufflepuffs always got a bad rap for being the "armpit" of the school. She hoped they'd prove everyone wrong by doing well in this area, at least.  
  
Jesse watched all the others as the finished the race: Lily finished thirty- seventh, but looked rather pleased for having finished at all. She stood with Jesse, also watching for racers she might recognize, and both were shocked and concerned when the final racer crossed the finish line, and Remus still had not been seen.  
  
"D'you think he was in that accident on the first bend?" Jesse asked breathlessly; it had looked rather serious. Lily shook her head, suddenly laughing.  
  
"Look!" she exclaimed, pointing at the scoreboard. "Remus is number twelve, like last year-he finished seventh!" Jesse looked up at the board, disbelieving. She looked back to Lily.  
  
"I though he said he wasn't that great!"  
  
"I guess he's been practicing..." Lily mused. "Wonder where he is?" Chatting excitedly, the two walked through the racers' pit to the area reserved for racers needing medical attention. Nearly all the early placers were here, as they were the most aggressive. Jesse scanned the faces of those nearby, and quickly spotted Remus to their left.  
  
"C'mon, he's over there," she said quickly, pulling Lily along with her to where he was seated. He didn't look up as they approached; he was inspecting a long gash on his left bicep. It wasn't bleeding anymore, but Jesse found herself starting to worry despite herself. She kneeled next to him, announcing her presence with a quiet "hello." Lily stood next to her, leaning on Remus' chair.  
  
He smiled a greeting and turned his attention back to his cut. He inspected it closely, then tugged at something Jesse couldn't see. After a moment, his hand came free, a two-inch-long splinter between his fingers.  
  
Jesse gasped and Lily gave a little cry. Remus looked at them quizzically.  
  
"What? It's just a splinter," he said, slightly amused. Jesse carefully took it from him.  
  
"That's a damn long splinter, Remus," she commented, inspecting it. It was bloody except for a small bit at the top, where Jesse was holding it. "How did it get in so far? And how on earth did you see it?!" Remus merely shrugged and held out a trash can for her to put it in. She dropped the splinter in with a shudder and gently took his arm in her hands, pulling it closer for examination. There was a very small hole in his arm, which was bleeding just the slightest bit. That was the only evidence of the splinter.  
  
"Weird-you'd hardly know it was there...but I suppose your muscle was torn a bit?" Remus nodded.  
  
"I suppose, but no more than a needle would tear it, really. It'll heal just fine on its own." He tried to crane his neck around to see his cut more closely, but Jesse was holding his arm at too odd an angle. "See anything else?" She looked at it for a while, occasionally opening it a bit with her fingers for a clearer view, but found nothing.  
  
"Nope." She paused, pulling at the edges of the cut. There was no resistance. "How deep is this, anyway?" she asked curiously.  
  
"About as deep as the splinter, I should say," Remus replied casually. Jesse gasped.  
  
"But-your muscle! It must be torn to shreds-doesn't it hurt?!" Remus laughed and shook his head.  
  
"No, of course not. I've been given a pain reliever and the cut is on its way toward healing. It should be fine by the next race." Jesse nodded; sometimes she forgot the wonders of magical healing, as medi-witches were never present at the races in America-the races were too illegal there to publicize this way.  
  
"How did this happen, anyway?" Jesse asked, finally releasing his arm. Remus took one last look at it and turned back to her.  
  
"I was passing some guy, headed for second place, when the girl next to him lost control and they crashed. His broom splintered, and a bit of it cut into my arm as I passed. I was going fast enough that some of it broke off, which explains the splinter." He sighed dejectedly. "That was on the home stretch! If I hadn't been slowed down that fraction of a second, I could've placed second instead of seventh." Jesse took his hand in hers and smiled at him proudly.  
  
"I'd say seventh is good enough for most anyone here," she said reassuringly, "especially for the first race of the season. You have plenty of time to catch up." She looked over her shoulder for Lily to back her up, but the red-head had disappeared.  
  
"Off to find James, I expect," Remus explained with a grin. "To comfort him that he couldn't be in the races..."  
  
"Speaking of which-I noticed Sirius wasn't listed for this race. Didn't he want to be in it?"  
  
"Yeah, but he had that meeting, remember? I wonder how that's going for him..." Jesse shrugged, hoping he'd be back in time for the next race, and stood up.  
  
"The next race isn't for another hour-what are we expected to do until then?" she asked as Remus stood up with her.  
  
"Mingle," he replied with a grin. "Or waste money. There's concession stands at the far end, but they're terribly overpriced. I'd suggest waiting for lunchtime at least." Jesse nodded and they left the racers' pit, feeling like getting some fresh air. But the crowd was so thick on the track, too, that they didn't feel much better.  
  
"Ugh, let's find a less crowded place," Jesse muttered, feeling stifled. Remus nodded fervently and led the way, cutting a path through the crowd in the direction of the edge of the track.  
  
"If we're lucky, they'll have a gate open or something," he explained. Sure enough, when they broke through to the edge of the racetrack, the protective fence was wide open, leading into the streets of Knockturn Alley.  
  
"We can always get lunch here or in Diagon Alley if there's time," Remus suggested.  
  
"I vote Diagon Alley..." Jesse muttered, looking around at the frightening Knockturn Alley shops with some fear and disgust. "I don't fancy eating my lunch with a view of the pickled frogs across the street." Remus laughed.  
  
"Depending on where you go for food, you could possibly be eating those frogs..." Jesse wrinkled her nose in disgust and laughed at the thought.  
  
They walked as far as they dared without risking not being able to hear the announcer and found a bench to sit down on. It was right outside a potions shop, but as their backs were to the window, they didn't have to look at the preserved creatures floating on display.  
  
Knockturn Alley was even better than its sister alley for people watching, as the shoppers were so much more interesting and strange here. Remus and Jesse had great fun making quiet comments about the shoppers-until an old woman in a cloak overheard them from across the street and threatened to give them a beating. They took that as a sign to stop their cruel jokes and walked back to the racetrack.  
  
The audience was starting to settle into their seats again, so the track was nearly clear when Remus and Jesse approached it. Neither Jesse nor Lily had been accepted into this race-it was for a mini-championship and was only for racers who'd placed above tenth in the previous race. Jesse bade Remus a quick good luck before she was swept up into the bleachers by the fast-moving crowd. Lily took her to where James was sitting, and the two settled down next to him to watch the race.  
  
Jesse felt as if she were still down on the racetrack as the signal was given to mount up. She felt that familiar dull fear, mixed with a huge rush of adrenaline, and she clenched her fists excitedly as the whistle was blown. The sound stopped, and the racers kicked off.  
  
Remus strayed behind at first, though Jesse couldn't understand why; his broom was much faster than those of many of his opponents, at least when accelerating, and he should be near the front by now. But after worrying briefly that something was wrong, she decided that he must have some kind of plan in mind.  
  
Indeed, he did. As they began the first bend, Remus put on a burst of speed and took advantage of his Meteor 360's excellent steering to hug the inside of the track. In no time, he'd left the others behind and was speeding at the front of the pack, neck-and-neck with the boy in first place. Jesse found his number: fifty-two. She borrowed James' program and looked up the number to read more about the racer.  
  
Number fifty-two's nickname was Silverbolt; his broom was the famed Silver Arrow, one of the most expensive and accurate brooms available. It had excellent speed when going straight, but lost a lot of momentum in the curves. It's acceleration was unbeatable, and in America was called the "ten-second broom" as a reference to drag-racing cars. According to the description, Silverbolt's broom had actual silver in the handle and twigs. It made for a stronger, if somewhat heavier, broom.  
  
Jesse looked up to see how the race was going. Remus was dropping behind Silverbolt just a bit, but Jesse saw that he'd easily be able to make up for that at the next turn. Unfortunately, he wasn't able to get far enough ahead to counter the effects of the next straightaway-in no time, Silverbolt was slightly ahead again.  
  
Remus seemed to be tiring of this-for good reason, as there was only one lap left in the race. He leaned forward and urged all the speed he could get out of his broom. He was gaining, steadily but oh-so-slowly he was gaining.  
  
Then something happened that Jesse hadn't expected. In an effort to keep Remus behind him, Silverbolt fishtailed a tiny bit. His twigs brushed Remus in the face, just for a moment. Instead of ignoring the distraction or avoiding it, Remus turned his head away abruptly, accidentally jerking his broom sharply to the right. The sudden change of direction was too much for even the Meteor 360, and it spun a full circle. It smacked into Silverbolt's broom as it did so, throwing him off course as well. Remus quickly corrected his broom's spin, only to find himself facing a wildly fishtailing Silver Arrow directly in front of him. He ducked to avoid being hit by the broom, and put on a burst of speed, streaking under the Silver Arrow and rounding the last bend. It was the home stretch, and Remus was ahead!  
  
But Silverbolt had his broom under control again, and he was gaining on Remus impossibly fast. He tried to pass his opponent on the right, but they were a bit too close to the fence; he moved left a bit, his broom barely bumping into Remus'. The Silver Arrow pulled forward just a bit. . .they were almost at the finish line. . .the brooms bumped again, very lightly, and Remus jerked sharply to the left, seemingly to avoid the other broom. The Silver Arrow quickly pulled ahead while Remus corrected his error, leaning forward even further in an attempt to catch up. . .  
  
But it was too late. Silverbolt had crossed the finish line, to much loud cheering from the audience, and Remus followed him across at a very close second.  
  
Jesse let out a long breath; she hadn't noticed that she'd been tense throughout the whole race. Lily glanced at her, amused, and turned to say something to James. He smiled, too, and Jesse rolled her eyes; she knew what this was about, and didn't feel like giving them their fun. Instead, she went straight for the racers' pit to see Remus.  
  
But, since she hadn't raced this time, she wasn't allowed inside the pit. She waited just outside the fence, watching the scoreboard and waiting for Remus to appear. After half an hour, nearly all the racers had come back out, but he remained within the pit. The guard at the entrance merely shrugged when she asked again if she could go find him; now that the pit was nearly empty, it didn't matter so much. Jesse was allowed in.  
  
She went straight for the medi-center, and sure enough, Remus was in the same seat, this time trying to dress a wound on his hand using the other one and his teeth. Jesse kneeled in front of him again and gently took the gauze from his hand.  
  
"You've done this all wrong," she said teasingly. Remus rolled his eyes and grinned.  
  
"And I suppose you're the expert?"  
  
"Better than you are," Jesse retorted as she undid his sloppy bandages. He stopped her before she reached the end.  
  
"That's far enough," he said firmly. Jesse looked up at him, surprised.  
  
"What, don't want me to see your battle scars?" she teased with a grin, pulling at the bandage. But Remus kept his hand firmly over the gauze that covered his knuckles.  
  
"Actually, that's about right," he said quietly. Jesse met his eyes again, concerned now.  
  
"Why not? Are they that bad?"  
  
"No, just ugly." Jesse laughed.  
  
"You think I care?" She carefully pried his hand away and removed the gauze.  
  
Despite Remus' warning, Jesse was shocked to see the damage done to his hand. The knuckles were raw to the bone in some places, the skin jagged and torn. The bleeding had been stopped, but the wound was still raw and open. Something glinted on his middle knuckle, and Jesse used a tweezers to carefully extract what looked like a metal splinter.  
  
"What happened to you?" she breathed, holding up the splinter. Remus eyed it nervously.  
  
"Silver," he said simply. Jesse's eyes widened; she'd completely forgotten about that when reading about Silverbolt's special broom. She threw the silver shard into the trash can, set the tweezers down, and looked at his knuckles again.  
  
"Do the medi-witches know? They have to treat you specially for that, I heard my uncle talking about it," she said quickly, looking around for the nearest nurse. But Remus shook his head.  
  
"No, don't tell them-they can't know. . .about me. I'd be kicked out of the race." Jesse stared at him in shock. "Yeah. . .that's why I've kept it a secret as best I can. I'll get Pomfrey to look at this when we get back."  
  
"But-how will you explain how it happened? The races are illegal, remember?"  
  
"Don't worry about that," Remus said with a laugh. "Pomfrey gets so many injured kids on racing days, she's learned to just ignore the sudden influx and treat the patients as usual." Jesse nodded, somewhat reassured.  
  
"Well, at least we can wrap this up until then," she said practically, taking the gauze in hand again. "Hold your hand steady so I don't hurt you," she told him. He did so as best he could while she carefully wrapped the gauze around his knuckles and charmed it in place. Remus thanked her and inspected his face in the mirror.  
  
"I think his twigs got me too," he said quietly, indicating a few scratches on his cheek and forehead. Jesse looked at them and shrugged.  
  
"Nothing visible, but Pomfrey should still have a look." Remus nodded. Jesse thought back to the race, and the odd jerks he'd made nearing the end. "So that's why you pulled away whenever he hit you," she said, thinking out loud. He nodded again, this time looking disgusted.  
  
"Yeah, and that's what cost me first place. I should've had it, if not for- " He stopped short; a medi-witch was walking by. "Let's get out of here. Where're James and Lily?"  
  
"Up in the stands still, I think. There's a two-hour break before any of us race again, for the personal races-bets and such. It's nearly eleven. D'you think we should get lunch now, so we don't have to worry about it later?" Remus nodded, and they went off to find James and Lily and get something to eat. 


	12. Adrenaline Rush

Whee! Squee! Yee!  
  
Enough of that. I'm excited, as you can see-I actually liked how chapter eleven turned out, though I had my doubts at first and it took me quite a while to write. I actually put it up in installments, to stop myself from freaking out and deleting the whole thing (yes, I get this way when writing). But now it's up, and I'm happy with it, and hopefully my readers are happy with it, and now it CONTINUES! YAAAAAAAY!  
  
If you'll remember, Sirius was last seen in the trial with *gasp* Umbridge, and had not had the chance to race yet. Well, I can't be done with broom racing already, so here's the next bit of it-Sirius included!  
  
I hope you like it, I hope I like it, I hope there isn't a nuclear war so no one CAN like it, and blah blah blah. Enjoy!  
  
PS: Don't forget to check out Winged Seraphin (once she gets something posted. . .grr. . .), the inventor of Broom Racing. She writes good HPness (well, she's in the midst of writing good HPness and WILL have it posted soon, won't you Mals?!). So read, review, and enjoy!  
  
Chapter Twelve  
  
Adrenaline Rush  
  
A bell tolled somewhere in the room, its sound echoing and reverberating off the hoary walls. The bell cut off Sirius mid-sentence, and was so loud he could not speak over it. But when it finally stopped its clangor, Umbridge cut him off yet again by standing up from her chair.  
  
"That adjourns today's meeting. I can't wait to see you back here next week!" Umbridge said cheerfully before turning and exiting the room. Snape remained behind for a moment, but Sirius couldn't wait to get out of there; he sprinted through the door and took the revolving stairs two at a time. He didn't know what time it was, but he could tell it was getting late. His first race was at one o'clock, and he simply could not be late. . .  
  
The common room was empty when he burst into it a few minutes later, clutching his side and breathing heavily. He tossed some Floo powder into the fire and stepped into the green flames, catching his breath long enough to say "Knockturn Alley!"  
  
A few quick revolutions later, Sirius was tumbling out of the fireplace in the Knockturn Café, the main Floo connection in the alley. He brushed soot off his clothes, a black t-shirt and jeans, all under his school robes, which were open for greatest freedom of movement. He'd borrowed James' Quidditch gauntlets and charmed them to be black temporarily; he was, in essence, his own namesake.  
  
Sirius went straight to the registration desk to make sure he'd told them everything. The old lady at the head of his line checked his card with agonizing slowness.  
  
"Sirius Black? Number seventeen? Broom is. . .Kagerou?" Sirius nodded impatiently, ignoring the fact that she butchered the pronunciation of the Japanese word for "dragonfly." "You'll need a nickname, Mr. Black," she said slowly. Without hesitation, he supplied his name:  
  
"Black Phoenix. Is that all you need? My race starts in a few minutes. . ." The old woman gave him a scrutinizing look.  
  
"Alright then, Mr. Black Phoenix. Good luck with your race." Sirius turned and ran as fast as he could through the crowd toward his starting position. He was relieved to find his broom there, brought down by the people working for FL. He grabbed it and drew his wand from his pocket, quickly removing the masking spells from the broom. The broom handle was smooth, shining black; being made of Japanese design, it was long and thin, perfectly formed and very nice to look at. The twigs were clipped and shaved down to maximum thinness. They were a dull silver in color.  
  
Another spell was removed; a flaming phoenix decal appeared on the side of the handle. Sirius muttered something, and harmless black flames engulfed the twigs. The silver shone through the fire, giving the impression of great movement.  
  
With a grin, Sirius put his wand away. He lightly touched the front of his broom and revealed a row of red buttons. Sirius' neighbor, a third year by the look of him, stared in awe at the transformed broom. Sirius rolled his eyes and ignored the kid.  
  
The announcer informed them all that the race would be starting shortly. Sirius shed his robes and folded them carefully at the starting point; they'd be picked up by FL workers and put in the racer's pit once the race started. He didn't want the extra weight and wind resistance while flying. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw the third year doing the same, watching Sirius all the while.  
  
A moment later, the announcer told them to mount up. Sirius did so, listening for the extra surge from the adrenaline-pumped crowd. Quite unlike Remus, who ignored the crowd's cheering, Sirius fed off the energy. He never flew as well without an audience.  
  
The whistle was blown; as soon as it stopped, Sirius kicked off from the ground. the others rose high into the air before speeding ahead, but Sirius stayed low to the ground, saving all his momentum for forward movement. He quickly outstripped the main body of the group, catching up with the racers at the front-all of whom had Silver Arrows. They were shocked to see a Kagerou, a broom thought to have terrible acceleration, catching up with them so fast. Sirius grinned at them as he passed the one at the back.  
  
The Silver Arrow group worked together to try and force Sirius back, where he wouldn't be a threat. But just as they'd positioned themselves for such a tactic, they all rounded the first bend-and Sirius rose high above them, escaping their trap. Before they could move up with him, he put on an impossible burst of speed and took the lead on the next straightaway.  
  
Sirius whooped as he passed the Silver Arrows, releasing the red button as he did so. He immediately felt the broom slow down, but not enough to drop back into the group again. The flames on his tail died down to their normal height; he'd merely fed them an influx of oxygen to cause a small explosion, propelling himself forward at a speed even the Silver Arrows couldn't match. It was a legal racing tactic that most racers hadn't yet figured out.  
  
But the foremost of the Silver Arrows was soon catching up again. The racer was a teenaged boy, probably a fourth year. Sirius caught a glimpse of his number as they became neck-and-neck at the front of the race: number fifty-two. He didn't recognize it, and figured this was probably a new racer.  
  
His broom was incredible, though. It was much faster than Sirius' on the straightaway, though it tended to drop back a bit on the curves. It glinted silver in the sun-from what Sirius could see, it appeared to have silver in the handle and twigs. That would make it sturdier and harder to throw off course. Sirius wouldn't be able to win this race by aggression- he'd have to resort to tactics.  
  
But another broom was catching up with them. Sirius chanced a look back and was surprised to see Remus slowly gaining on them. He silently cheered his friend on and turned back to worry about his own placing. Number fifty- two was now easily five feet ahead of Sirius; that would have to change.  
  
At the next turn, Sirius carefully hugged the inside of the track. His broom was not as easy to steer as Remus', and he found this hard to do. He was startled and nearly went off course when he noticed Remus speeding along below him, slowly passing him and gaining on the Silver Arrow rider. Sirius grinned; he'd soon leave them both behind.  
  
As soon as the track straightened out, Sirius pressed the second red button on his broom handle. Another burst of oxygen fed his flames and made a small explosion at the back of his broom. He jerked a bit but managed to stay pretty straight as the broom sped on, quickly outstripping Remus and the other racer. The crowd cheered loudly at this second display and Sirius let out a long whoop of adrenaline. He didn't have to turn around to know that the Silver Arrow rider was glaring at him with disgust, and perhaps some curiosity.  
  
But his speed didn't last as long as Sirius had hoped; in no time, the Silver Arrow racer was directly behind him again. Sirius longed for his wand to toss a curse over his shoulder, but wands had been outlawed from the races two years ago when someone had been killed by a simple curse that had knocked him off his broom-just as two racers behind him collided. He was caught in the splintering mess and crushed onto the track when they all fell.  
  
Sirius lay flat on his broom, trying for as much speed as he could muster, and rose a little higher into the air. At the next curve, he could huge the inside a little closer, as the fences didn't reach this far up and it was hard to determine whether or not he was within the limits. As long as he was careful and didn't use this tactic too often, the judges wouldn't penalize him for it.  
  
The next curve kept him a few feet ahead of his opponent. He half expected Remus to appear again, but he didn't seem to be nearby anymore. Sirius therefore turned all his attention to the only opponent who seemed able to keep up.  
  
On the home stretch, though, they were joined suddenly by another racer Sirius hadn't noticed before. He came out of nowhere, zooming along below them and quickly gaining speed. Sirius glanced down at this new threat; it seemed to be a girl, with wavy brown hair flowing out behind her-  
  
Jesse? he realized with amazement. And it was almost definitely her-he vaguely heard the announcer say something about "Flicker" and recognized it as Jesse's nickname, as she'd told him the day they'd signed up.  
  
Jesse or not, she was nearly passing Sirius and the Silver Arrow. Sirius grinned and pressed the last button on his broom handle. . .  
  
And nothing happened. He must have forgotten to refill the oxygen canister. His stomach dropped; there was no way he could stay ahead of the Silver Arrow and this other girl on a straightaway-his broom just wasn't built for it. He lay flat on the handle, urging his broom forward with all his might. He was still barely ahead of the Silver Arrow, though the other was steadily passing him. . .and that girl below! She had now outstripped both of them and was headed for the finish line.  
  
Sirius decided to let her go-there was simply no way he could catch up with her now. But if he could at least beat the Silver Arrow-  
  
But that racer seemed to have some tricks up his sleeve as well. When they were only ten feet from the finish line, less than a second away from the end, he leaned forward and zoomed ahead. Apparently, he'd been keeping up with Sirius without even using his broom's full potential.  
  
Sirius slowly spiraled downward and alighted on the track next to the racers' pit. He sighed when he looked up at the scores: third place, but only by .47 second.  
  
He had no injuries for once, having had no reason to be aggressive with the Silver Arrow rider, so Sirius didn't even enter the racers' pit. He went straight to the stands to watch the remainder of the race. They hadn't been too far ahead of the next group of racers, but there were still racers long behind those. Most of them were trying to earn points if they couldn't place well, and were doing tricks and stunts whenever possible. It was quite entertaining to watch.  
  
When the race was over, Sirius waited at the entrance to the racers' pit for people he knew to emerge. Whenever they did, he'd talk briefly with them about the race and let them go on their way. Finally, Remus, Jesse, and Lily came up to the track. Lily had a bandage on her arm and Remus had one around his hand, but Jesse seemed to be fine. When Sirius asked Lily how she'd done, she admitted she'd finished among the last-someone had knocked her from her broom at the very beginning, and she'd only just managed to hang on and keep from being disqualified. Once she realized she had no chance of catching up, she decided to rack up her score-which was now over seven hundred when combined with the score from the last race. Sirius realized that one of the trick-racers he'd been watching must have been Lily and complimented her on some of the stunts he remembered.  
  
Remus, apparently, had finished twentieth. His bandage, he explained to Sirius, was from his last race, the mini-championship. He didn't bother telling him what had happened, but let Jesse talk-he didn't feel too keen on telling Sirius about that right now anyway.  
  
Jesse had been, in fact, the brown-headed racer to finish first. She was positively beaming as she explained how she'd managed this-after a slow start, she barely managed to keep up with the second group of racers. She saw Sirius pass but stayed focused on her own problem: trying to get out of the clump she was in. She was stuck with them for most of the race until, during the final lap, she managed to break free and used her broom's incredible speed to catch up with and pass Sirius and Silverbolt.  
  
"Silverbolt? Is that the guy who got second?" Sirius asked when she'd finished. They all nodded.  
  
"He was in the mini-championship, too. He got first in that one," Remus explained. Jesse frowned, obviously disapproving. Sirius cocked an eyebrow at her questioningly.  
  
"Only because he's got silver in his broom," she said defensively. Remus laughed.  
  
"No, he's a good racer too. That was just lucky." Sirius was looking confused, so Jesse explained.  
  
"Silverbolt's Silver Arrow is streaked through with actual silver. When he and Remus were fighting for the lead, he bumped into him a few times, and the silver did quite a bit of damage. It threw Remus off enough that Silverbolt was able to take the lead. . .but he wouldn't have been able to otherwise, I'm sure of it!" Remus smiled again but said nothing.  
  
"So what did the silver do to you?" Sirius asked in what he hoped was a casual voice.  
  
"Just cut up my knuckles some, where it hit."  
  
"You get it treated yet?"  
  
"You know I can't until we're back at school," Remus said wearily. He hoped fervently that Sirius wouldn't put up a fight about this. "I can't let them know. . ." He shrugged, and Sirius got the message.  
  
"Okay, as long as you go straight to Pomfrey once we're back." He looked around. "Where's James?" Lily looked up at the stands, holding her hand up against the sun.  
  
"Up in this stand somewhere. . .there, talking to that girl with the dark hair." She frowned suddenly and started walking briskly up the steps. Sirius smiled and shook his head; the girl James was talking to was Reggie Scott, and there was no chance of anything happening there. As far as James was concerned, there was no one in the world but Lily Evans.  
  
They all followed Lily up into the stands and soon joined her sitting next to James and Reggie. Lily was sitting next to her boyfriend, a protective arm around his shoulders. He looked amused and a bit annoyed, but had his arm around her waist and seemed to understand why she was suddenly so protective.  
  
The next race was another mini-championship. Both Jesse and Sirius were in it, having placed among the top five, so the rest stayed with James to watch their friends race.  
  
  
  
Remus watched the race carefully, reading up on each player as he or she posed a threat to either Sirius or Jesse. James eventually got sick of loaning Remus his program and gave it to him for the remainder of the race.  
  
When he read about Silverbolt, he remembered his injured knuckles. Now that he was focusing on them, they immediately started to throb. He shook his bandaged hand impatiently, trying to get the dull pounding to go away. They'd been bothering him every once in a while and, though they didn't hurt too badly, he was still annoyed-and vaguely worried. He didn't know what prolonged exposure to the tiny silver shards in his hand would do, and he found he didn't want to think about it. He simply put his trust in Madam Pomfrey and hoped his hand was healed by the time he next had to write something.  
  
The aching eventually went away, and Remus focused on the race again. He found that whenever he wasn't thinking about the race or his sore knuckles, he was thinking about Jesse. It wasn't that he didn't like thinking about her-he very much did-but he found that he blushed and smiled whenever she surfaced in his mind, and he'd gotten quite a few odd looks from James.  
  
Sirius was losing his lead as the other racers put on speed. Jesse always kept ahead on the straightaways, but generally fell behind on the curves. Her broom, the Hummingbird, was built much like the Silver Arrow in that way.  
  
As they all rounded the last bend and started up the home stretch, Sirius did something very brave and very stupid: he was in fourth place, behind Jesse, Silverbolt, and a foreigner who called himself Verboden. He positioned himself directly behind Verboden and Silverbolt, who were neck- and-neck behind and to the right of Lily, and pressed one of the buttons on his broom. He'd been unable to use his replenished supply of oxygen due to cramped flying conditions, but now he seemed to be flying with the purpose of knocking the others from their brooms. The oxygen-filled flames exploded and his broom shot forward, slamming into the two racers ahead of him. Sirius lost nearly all his speed, but Verboden was knocked to the left. He made a sharp right turn to avoid the fence, but this caught him off balance and he fell from his broom. He was disqualified.  
  
Silverbolt's sturdier broom had stayed almost perfectly on course, though the racer himself seemed shaken. He, too, lost a lot of speed, and both strained to regain what had been lost as Jesse approached the finish line. The racer behind them, a novice girl nicknamed Bittersweet, didn't react fast enough to take advantage of Sirius' and Silverbolt's lost speed. When they were back to normal, she fell behind again.  
  
Sirius decided it was now or never-he pressed the second button on his broom and was kicked forward again. But Silverbolt had expected this, and as soon as he saw Sirius press the button he swerved to block him. The Silver Arrow was only barely knocked aside, but Sirius nearly lost control of his broom in the unexpected crash. He dropped a good five feet before realizing what had happened.  
  
Silverbolt left Sirius behind, no longer worried about him catching up: his only concern now was Jesse, who was nearly at the finish line. He lay flat on his broom, urging the Silver Arrow on and willing it with all his mind to go faster. It picked up speed and was gaining on her. . .  
  
Two feet from the finish line, Silverbolt caught up with Jesse. He didn't spare her a glance as he inched ahead of her, and still wasn't sure if he'd beaten her or not when they crossed the finish line at what seemed like the same time. He gave her a genuine smile when they'd landed and stuck out his hand, still catching his breath.  
  
Jesse shook his hand politely, though she still felt prejudiced against him because of the silver in his broom. Silverbolt was grinning from ear to ear, and he stepped a bit closer to her so he could talk without yelling.  
  
"That was excellent!" he said happily. "The best competition I've had in years! You're really a wonderful racer-you've got some interesting tactics I've never seen." Jesse looked at him in surprise.  
  
"Oh. . .I suppose I learned some different things in America. . ."  
  
"America!" he said with a laugh. "That explains the accent. . .did you come all the way here for this race?"  
  
Jesse shook her head and explained that she was living in England now. Silverbolt stuck out his hand again.  
  
"Well, let me welcome you to this wonderful country! I think you'll find it quite nice, though nothing like where you're from I'm sure-"  
  
"Actually, I lived here until I was ten before my family moved to America. We've only just recently moved back," Jesse interrupted him curtly. She found she didn't quite like this boy; he seemed a bit arrogant, just in the way he held himself and talked to her, and she still felt miffed about the silver in his broom. . .  
  
"Oh! Well, please excuse me for being overzealous! I get rather excited at the races, you see. . .my goodness!" he yelled suddenly, slapping his forehead in a rather over-dramatic way. "I've completely forgotten to tell you my name! I'm Geoffrey Williamson," he told her, sticking out his hand yet again. Jesse shook it one more time.  
  
"Jesse Philbin," she said, just to be polite. As soon as he let her hand go, she began looking around for Sirius, who would surely have landed by now. She spotted him quickly and hailed him, relieved when he came over to talk to her. Now at least she didn't have to face this kid alone.  
  
"This is Sirius Black," she told Geoffrey politely, placing her hand on his shoulder. "Sirius, Geoffrey Williamson has just kindly introduced himself to me." She gave him a rather tight smile, and he understood as much as he needed to.  
  
"Why, Geoffrey Williamson!" Sirius exclaimed with a pompous accent. "I can't believe I'm meeting him at last-I've heard so much about you!" He took Geoffrey by the shoulder and steered him away from Jesse, talking randomly about various broom races where he thought he'd heard the name mentioned. Luckily for him, Geoffrey didn't seem to be listening-he kept looking over his shoulder at Jesse, who was pointedly ignoring him.  
  
A few minutes later, Remus, James, and Lily came down to congratulate her and Sirius. They all looked rather sympathetic that she'd gotten second-by only .07 of a second-but Jesse assured them that it was good enough for her. Lily sensed she wanted to talk to Remus alone for a while and steered her boyfriend away to join Sirius and Silverbolt's discussion.  
  
Remus turned to Jesse when the others had gone, smiling widely.  
  
"I can't believe you nearly won!" he said happily, taking her hands in his. Jesse laughed.  
  
"What, didn't you think I could do it?" she teased. Remus shook his head.  
  
"You know that's not what I meant," he replied, still smiling. "You did a wonderful job, anyway. Not to sound condescending, but I'm very proud of you." Jesse smiled up at him.  
  
"You don't sound condescending at all." She gave him a quick kiss and turned to see how the others were getting on. Staring right at them, an odd expression on his face, was Geoffrey Williamson. He seemed to have lost track of the conversation.  
  
"I think you have an admirer," Remus said softly. Jesse couldn't tell whether his tone was teasing or annoyed.  
  
  
  
The rest of the day passed quite well: Sirius won twelve galleons in a personal race against a Slytherin fifth-year, which put them all in a good mood; Jesse got second in another mini-championship; Remus got third in the final race of the day, which bumped him into fifteenth overall in the major race; Lily won five sickles from another girl who'd just gotten into racing and thought her Silver Arrow meant a sure win; and Geoffrey only bothered Jesse once more, after the last race.  
  
"You really don't like him, do you?" Remus murmured when Silverbolt had walked away from a relatively stony Jesse. She shook her head curtly and turned to join the others on their way to the Portkey area. It was six o'clock already, and they were supposed to be back in their common rooms by eight. "Care to tell me why?" Remus asked, matching her brisk pace. She hesitated.  
  
"He's arrogant."  
  
"So's Sirius," Remus pointed out with a laugh. "What's the real reason?"  
  
"Well. . .he hurt you," she finally admitted, blushing and feeling rather stupid. She picked up his right hand and gently ran her fingers over the gauze.  
  
"He didn't mean to-it was part of the race. I would have done the same to him, probably." Jesse shook her head.  
  
"No, you wouldn't have. I've seen you race-you only get aggressive when there's no other option." She chuckled softly. "You're too much of a gentleman to race." Remus looked at her, shocked and rather offended.  
  
"I'm what?"  
  
"A gentleman," Jesse repeated. "It's not a bad thing-I find it rather endearing." She squeezed his hand gently, careful to avoid his sore knuckles. Remus repressed a smile.  
  
"That makes it less harsh," he admitted. "But I don't see what you mean- I'm very aggressive when I need to be."  
  
"Okay then."  
  
"I am!"  
  
"I agreed with you!" Remus rolled his eyes; Jesse was laughing, and obviously didn't agree much at all.  
  
"I'll show you-just wait until the next race."  
  
"What if I'm in it? Or Lily, or Sirius? Would you be aggressive to us?"  
  
"Well-of-of course not!" he stammered.  
  
"HA! I prove my point." Remus found he didn't have anything to say to that, so he let the matter drop. He'd just have to prove it to her when he next got the chance.  
  
They all managed to get a Portkey by seven o'clock, and were back in the common room ten minutes later. They all settled around the fire, Jesse sitting next to Remus and absently stroking his hand through the gauze. Sirius was watching this motion with a contended look on his face, but suddenly he sat up.  
  
"Moony! You forgot to go to Madam Pomfrey!" Remus looked up from the fire; he was feeling rather groggy after such a long day.  
  
"Oh, you're right. I'd better go do that now." He stood reluctantly, nodded to everyone, and left the common room.  
  
"Honestly, how can he take it so lightly? Who knows what kind of treatment he'll need-" James laughed at his friend.  
  
"Sirius, you're completely overreacting. He hasn't complained about it hurting, and it must not or he would've remembered. Just let him handle this, okay?"  
  
Sirius nodded, grinning rather sheepishly. He did tend to overreact when it came to his friends, but he felt he had a right to-if something were to happen to them, he'd be devastated. Better safe than sorry, he always thought. Well, when it came to someone else. . .for himself, well. . .he knew what he could handle and what he couldn't.  
  
Around eight, Sirius declared that he was falling asleep with his eyes open and opted to go to bed. Jesse and James wanted to stay up and wait for Peter, who was still cleaning up at the track, and for Remus. So Lily and Sirius went up to their rooms and the common room fell silent once again. Half an hour later, though, neither boy had returned and James was nearly asleep on the couch. Jesse shook him gently and told him he'd better go to bed if he didn't want to spend the night there. He smiled groggily at her and dragged himself upstairs without a word.  
  
Jesse sighed and stared into the fire, not the least bit tired. The day had been long, yes, and active, but somehow she wasn't feeling the strain at all. She kept remembering the events of the day, and each time she remembered a race, adrenaline pumped through her again.  
  
As it did when she thought of Remus. Something had changed between them that day-besides the obvious. It was like they were as close as they had been before her move, and even beyond that. She could read his expressions again, almost read his thoughts. It was as if he'd finally opened up to her.  
  
As this thought crossed her mind, the portrait hole opened and Peter crawled through, looking thoroughly exhausted. Jesse spoke with him about the race for a few minutes, but he was obviously impatient to get to bed, so she let him go. With a sigh, she sat back against the base of the couch and waited for Remus to arrive, hoping he'd be more awake than the others.  
  
Not ten minutes later, just as Jesse was thinking she might be a bit tired after all, the portrait hole opened again and Remus entered. He smiled to see her still sitting there and joined her on the floor, stretching his legs out and leaning one arm on the couch behind him.  
  
"Let me see," she said immediately, taking his hand in hers to inspect it.  
  
"Madam Pomfrey already wrapped it up," Remus told her. "I assure you, there's nothing to see-she healed it just fine."  
  
"Then why is it wrapped?" Jesse asked suspiciously.  
  
"To hold the ointment on. It's in the gauze." This made sense, of course, but Jesse wasn't convinced. She wanted to see the wound for herself.  
  
"Is it okay if I take a look, as long as I wrap it up afterward?" Remus hesitated, then shrugged and nodded.  
  
"Yeah, I suppose so. But I promise, it doesn't hurt in the least." Jesse found that this information worried more than calmed her-why would he have to tell her that? If it was truly healed, it shouldn't hurt anyway. . .  
  
She undid the charm that was holding the gauze on and slowly unwrapped it, feeling her breath go shallow. What was she so afraid of?  
  
The gauze finally fell away on its own and Jesse realized what she'd been fearing: the wound looked just as it had earlier, though the little glints of silver she'd seen before were now gone. She looked up at Remus, horrified.  
  
"I thought you said it was healed!" she whispered. Remus shifted uncomfortably and avoided her gaze.  
  
"I just didn't want you to worry. I feel as if it's healed-there's no pain at all, I promise." Jesse felt her eyes stinging with tears as she turned away.  
  
"And what is that supposed to mean? How do I know you're not lying about that too?" Remus sighed.  
  
"C'mon Jess-how much have I really lied to you?" She thought back to when he'd been tied to the bed, the night they'd talked and made up. He'd lied to her many times then. She voiced this memory and Remus was silent for a moment.  
  
"How did you know I was lying?" he finally asked quietly.  
  
"I know you quite well, believe it or not," Jesse said with a harsh little laugh. She stared down at the rug they were sitting on, tracing the patterns with her fingers.  
  
"I only said those things to stop you from worrying, just like now. I would never lie to you for any other reason than to protect you."  
  
"I'm not as fragile as you think." The statement was almost a whisper; Remus went silent again, considering what she'd said.  
  
"You're right," he said after a while. "I'm sorry, you're absolutely right. I shouldn't have lied-not then, not now." He tried to catch her eye, but she was still staring at the carpet. "Do you forgive me?" Jesse looked up then, meeting his eyes.  
  
"I suppose," she said with a small smile. "It's hard to stay mad at this face." She placed a gentle hand on his cheek. "But you have to promise me you won't lie again. I can't deal with not knowing if you're telling the truth or not." Remus nodded into her hand.  
  
"I promise," he said, placing his own hand over hers. "Just so long as you never take your hand away." Jesse laughed softly, surprised. Remus rarely said things like that, spreading his feelings out before her so openly. She twisted her hand around to hold his and brought them both down to rest on the carpet, moving a bit closer as she did so.  
  
"How's this instead?" she asked softly. Remus squeezed her hand.  
  
"Just fine."  
  
They stayed that way for a long while, just enjoying each other's company. After a while, Jesse shifted her weight and brought his hand up into the light again.  
  
"Do you want me to wrap this up again?" she asked, looking closely at the injury. It made her hurt just to look at it, the bone and muscle showing like that and the skin so torn looking, but she found she couldn't quite look away either.  
  
"Yeah, you probably should. I need the medicine in that gauze to counter the effect of the silver." Jesse gasped and grabbed the gauze, glaring at him while she started to wrap up his hand again.  
  
"Why didn't you tell me that!" she hissed. Remus looked surprised.  
  
"I though you already knew-I said it at the beginning." Jesse sighed.  
  
"Yes, but I thought you'd been lying about that, too." She looked at him meaningfully. "Do you understand why I don't like lies?" Remus nodded, and she turned back to his hand, being careful to cover the whole wound with the medicinal gauze. "What about your face?" she asked when she'd charmed it to stick again. "That got cut a bit too, didn't it?" Remus nodded.  
  
"Yeah, but all she did was put some of the ointment on the cuts and remove the silver. She says they'll be healed up before morning, they were so small. Even if they hadn't been treated, I would've felt a bit sick tomorrow at worst." He glanced at his freshly wrapped hand. "Thanks for this."  
  
"Think nothing of it-I'm the one who undid the gauze." They were silent for a little while, having nothing more to say.  
  
"Do you really hate that Williamson kid just because of this?" Remus asked finally, indicating his bandaged hand.  
  
"Yes. Plus, he's an arrogant brat." Remus laughed, but quickly became serious again.  
  
"It's nice to have someone who cares that much about me," he commented, staring at the carpet. Jesse shook her head.  
  
"You have four other friends who care for you deeply," she reminded him. He smiled and looked her right in the eyes.  
  
"Yes, but it's not quite the same," he explained softly. Jesse felt herself blush, but kept eye contact with him, not wanting to look away. His eyes flicked up and down her face briefly, and then he was leaning forward, bringing his hand up to lightly touch her cheek. Jesse closed her eyes, breathed his scent, and lost herself in his tender kiss, feeling adrenaline rush through her body once more. 


	13. Bad News and Bad Moods

I'm reposting this for the second time cause it won't show up properly. Hopefully this time it will work. Sorry for all the delays and such...as I said in my profile, don't expect updates to come often or quickly. School takes first priority.

**Chapter Thirteen**

**Bad News and Bad Moods**

Sirius slipped out of the dorm room in the wee hours of the morning to use the bathroom—he'd been so tired upon returning that he'd simply forgotten to use it earlier, and now the word "wee" took on a whole new meaning.

When Sirius emerged from the restroom feeling much better, he glanced around the common room, simply out of habit. He was surprised, and strangely pleased, when he spotted Remus and Jesse asleep on the floor before the dying fire. Both were leaned up against the couch, Jesse's head resting on Remus' shoulder. His bandaged hand was cupped lightly between both of hers.

Sirius leaned on the banister overlooking the room, smiling contentedly. So they'd not only become friends again—now Remus and Jesse were much more than that. He felt intensely happy for Remus, who'd had his share of bad experiences, in Sirius' opinion. It was time he found someone who'd treat him right.

A dark expression suddenly clouded Sirius' face at that thought. Suppose Jesse didn't treat him right? Suppose she wasn't like what they all thought—she could have so many secrets that none of them knew about...

Sirius shook his head. That was preposterous, he was just getting defensive about Moony. Besides the fact that they all trusted Jesse by now, Remus had known her for ten years before they even met her. Yes, they'd been apart for four years, but that didn't mean much. She wouldn't have changed that much, or Remus would have noticed by now.

Sirius relaxed and grew happy again. The scene below was just so peaceful...he considered covering them up, as the fire was dying, but decided it was best if they didn't know they'd been seen. It might make them nervous. Besides, if they got cold, they could just go up to bed for the remainder of the night.

After staring at the couple for another few moments, Sirius yawned hugely and decided to go back to bed himself. Now that he was feeling good, the cozy blankets only served to improve his mood. He was asleep in no time.

>>

Remus woke the next morning to find himself completely disoriented and rather stiff. He looked around groggily, trying to figure out why he was in the common room. Then he noticed Jesse at his side, holding his hand and sleeping on his shoulder, and remembered everything about the previous day. He woke up completely and smiled down at Jesse, finally comprehending what it meant to have her there.

He felt stiff from being in one position for so long, but didn't want to wake Jesse by stretching or moving. Instead, he settled back against the couch and leaned his head on hers, closing his eyes and breathing her scent, trying to figure out just what it was: some kind of fruity shampoo, sweat from yesterday's excitement, snow, and Jesse's own personal smell. And a trace of something Remus couldn't identify, almost like an animal...

He realized with a start: he was smelling himself on her. The thought made him a bit giddy and he couldn't resist a wide smile. There was something comforting and yet somehow frightening about it, but he didn't know why. He pushed the thought from his mind and focused on the smoothness of her hair under his cheek.

Eventually, Jesse stirred and woke. She knew where she was almost immediately, and looked up with delight and some surprise to see that Remus was still there, right where he'd been last night. He was wide awake, and yet he hadn't left.

"How long have you been awake?" she asked quietly, still feeling the clutches of sleep on her. He shrugged; his shoulder moved up and down against hers.

"No more than half an hour."

"You didn't have to wait for me," she said with a smile. Remus knew from the look on her face that she was glad he had, so he returned the smile.

"Yes I did. I would've woken you up if I'd moved." Jesse laughed softly and stretched, knocking the kinks out of her back.

"I don't think I've ever been this stiff," she commented. Remus agreed heartily.

"That was certainly one of the more interesting positions I've slept in. I'm glad I don't have to sit in a desk all day—I don't think I could take it." Jesse shook her head.

"No, I think I need a hot bath before I do anything else." She kissed him softly on the cheek and stood up. "Do you mind?"

"Why would I? I'll just see you at breakfast then?" Jesse nodded, smiled, and waved as she headed up the stairs to the girls' bathrooms. Remus watched her go, then went up to his own bathrooms to take a long, hot shower.

Jesse was still in her bath when Remus emerged from the steamy boys' bathroom, rubbing his head with a towel and wearing a bathrobe. He went to get dressed and was surprised to see that everyone else was still asleep. Shrugging to himself, he dressed quickly and went down to the common room to wait for everyone else to get up. There was no point in going to breakfast alone.

Shortly, Jesse and Lily emerged from the girls' room, talking quietly. They joined Remus to go down to breakfast, leaving the other boys to fend for themselves. As a result, breakfast was a bit quieter than usual.

When the owl post came, Jesse was surprised to see her own family owl land in front of her, a letter clutched in his beak. She stroked the barn owl's beautiful head and cooed something softly, then took the letter. The owl left before she even had a chance to open it, probably headed for the owlery to rest after such a long journey.

"Who's it from?" Lily asked curiously. Remus, looking over Jesse's shoulder, recognized the handwriting on the envelope immediately, though he hadn't seen it in a long time. It was Jesse's older brother, who was now twenty-three and working in the United States. The last time Remus had seen that handwriting had been just before the Philbins had moved. Dane had left a note on their doorstep explaining that they'd had to move suddenly and would be living in America now. He'd given his greatest thanks to the Lupins for all the years of fun and friendship, and had signed it "With Love, The Philbin Family." There had been no mention of a forwarding address, or a reason for their sudden departure, though Remus had had his own theories of course.

Jesse had opened the letter and was reading it slowly. Remus inspected the plain white envelope, giving her privacy while she read. The letter was addressed to "Jesse, Gryffindor Table, Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry." The paper had a British watermark; apparently, Dane was back in England, at least for now. There was nothing else on the envelope, so Remus soon set it down and went back to his breakfast.

Jesse gave a small gasp as she read, and Remus glanced at her curiously. He was shocked to see tears brimming in her eyes.

"Jesse?" he said softly. Lily too had noticed, and reached a hand across the table to touch her friend's fingers.

"What is it?" she asked as the tears spilled over and slid silently down her cheeks. Jesse made a strangled sort of cry as if holding in a much louder sob, and began to take deep, shaky breaths.

"Oh, God," she finally whispered, wiping the tears from her cheeks. She glanced at Remus, then Lily, and opened her mouth as if to explain, but the words stuck in her throat. She shook her head and handed the letter to Remus. Lily moved around the table to read over his shoulder, placing a comforting hand on Jesse's back.

_Dear Jesse,_

_I hate to give you such terrible news by post, but my idiot boss won't give me time off work to come visit you. Please feel free to come stay with me for a few days if you need the company; I understand you're on Christmas Break still. You're going to have to come out soon for the funeral anyway._

_Mum died, Jess. I just got the news from Dad, and he asked me to tell you. I don't think he could stand to write two letters, and of course he hoped I'd be able to tell you in person. She died in her sleep, so at least it was peaceful. The doctors knew it was coming, so Dad says he was with her at the time. He's been with her a lot lately. She was happy, at least, I'm sure of it._

_Please come see me, Jess, I really miss you. It's lonely out here without you and Dad. We'll go home together for the funeral. Dad misses you too. Write back as quick as you can and I'll tell you where you can Floo to._

_I'll see you soon—_

_Dane_

"Oh, sweetie," Lily murmured when she finished reading. She bent and hugged Jesse around the shoulders. Remus scanned the letter a second time, unable to believe the news. He remembered Mrs. Philbin well, she had always been kind to him if not a little distant. She'd been diagnosed with cancer shortly before they moved away, but the disease hadn't taken effect on her yet and she hadn't received any weakening treatment. He remembered her as a strong and healthy woman, and it seemed impossible that she'd simply drifted away in her sleep.

"I've got to go write him back," Jesse said suddenly, drying her face on a napkin and taking the letter and envelope from Remus. "I'll catch up with you guys at the track."

"You're not racing today, are you?" Lily asked in disbelief. "Don't you think—"

"Of course I am," Jesse snapped. "I'll see you there." She disappeared without a backward glance, and Lily stared after her, bewildered.

"I don't understand," she said softly, sitting down next to Remus. "How can she want to race at a time like this?"

"Her mum had cancer," Remus told her. "Maybe they've been expecting this for a long time."

"Oh," was all Lily could think of to say.

>>

Jesse, Sirius, and Remus were all racing for the secondary championship because of their overall placings so far: Jesse in eleventh, Sirius in fifteenth, and Remus in twentieth. The cutoff was twentieth place, so Remus felt especially lucky to be in this race.

The race stood alone, completely separate from the others. It was just a chance for racers to win some money and prizes: first place got fifty galleons, second place twenty galleons, and third place ten galleons. Fourth and fifth place both got five-galleon gift certificates to a racing store, which sold everything from decals to rockets.

At ten minutes to eleven, Remus, Lily, James, and Sirius met just outside the school. The Portkey was in the same place as last time, at the edge of the Forbidden Forest. Mandy was keeping control over it again, and she waved as they approached.

"This rock is leaving at eleven sharp, which gives you three minutes according to my watch." They gathered around it, all finding a place to touch, and waited in their rather awkward positions for three minutes. As Mandy had promised, they felt the familiar tugging at their belly-buttons at exactly eleven o'clock. There was a whoosh and a flying sensation, and then they were back in the dark corner of Knockturn Alley.

The bleachers were still up from the day before, though only half of them were full this early in the day; the real races didn't start for another couple of hours, and most people preferred racing to stunt work. Sirius, though, was not most people, and enjoyed watching the stunts probably more than anything else—except actually being in a race, of course.

As she'd promised, Jesse found them on the track as they waited in line to register for other races that would take place during the day. She looked perfectly normal, and Remus and Lily exchanged a glance. They hadn't told Sirius or James about Jesse's mother yet, seeing it as more of her business to decide when to tell them.

"Can I cut with you guys?" she asked cheerfully.

"No," James said sarcastically.

"Awesome, thanks," Jesse replied, standing with the group.

When they'd all registered they made their way toward the bleachers to wait for their first race. As soon as they sat down, they were accosted by none other than Silverbolt. He approached them with a wide grin, carrying his flashy broom despite the fact that he wouldn't need it for another few hours. Remus smiled to himself when he felt Jesse stiffen beside him, and she shot him a glare that said "don't you dare laugh at me!".

"Good day to you all!" Geoffrey said loudly when he was standing right in front of them. Everyone but Jesse greeted him politely, but he didn't seem to notice her obvious discomfort; he turned to her and immediately struck up a conversation with her.

"Are you racing in the big one today, Jesse?" he asked excitedly. She nodded. "Excellent! I've been hoping to go against you again sometime...you really do offer a good challenge." Sirius looked vaguely offended that Silverbolt had not said anything like that to him. Jesse was trying her best to seem distant but polite, hoping that perhaps he'd get the picture and go away.

But it seemed Geoffrey was either very dense or very stubborn—or perhaps both. He sat down next to her and began bombarding her with questions: what kind of broom did she have? Oh, really? When had she gotten it? Where did she come up with the color scheme—it was really very nice, and went well with her hair. At this Jesse rolled her eyes and Remus suppressed a snort; what did red and black have to do with brown hair?

Jesse wondered vaguely why Remus seemed to be taking this all so well. Shouldn't he be jealous, nervous, or angry? Here was another guy blatantly flirting with her, right next to Remus, and yet he did nothing about it. She wondered for a fleeting second if he didn't care enough to start something...

But this worry went quickly to the back of her mind. She seriously doubted that Remus would have gotten so close to her—physically and mentally—if he didn't feel something for her. It just wasn't in his nature to have "flings."

Fifteen minutes after Silverbolt had first approached them, the first stunt show was introduced. Jesse sat up straight and stared pointedly ahead, making it obvious that she was deathly interested in what the announcer was saying. It seemed even Geoffrey could read this hint—or perhaps he was interested as well—for he stopped asking her questions and turned toward the track.

The first stunt performers put on a kind of skit: three of them played criminals robbing a shop, two others played Ministry officials, and one more portrayed the shop owner. The skit consisted of a few interesting spells, most of which were thrown at the Ministry men; a fast maneuver performed by one of the criminals that allowed him to duck behind the shopkeeper and steal the three bags of "loot" without being hit with a spell; and the ensuing long, complicated chase that took a tortuous route back and forth across the one side of the track. It ended with one of the Ministry men bringing down one of the criminals, who did a very realistic crash scene. The other two thieves got away while the officials were distracted by the wreckage of the dead criminal and his broom.

As soon as the skit was over, Geoffrey turned back to Jesse and began talking to her about it with a renewed fervor, as if relieved to have something new to discuss. Throughout the performance, he'd been glancing at her to see her reactions to certain feats. Now he used what information he'd gleaned from her expressions to start up the new conversation, twisting his own opinions to fit hers, as though this would make him more wonderful in her eyes.

When Geoffrey was talking excitedly about the crash scene, Remus unobtrusively took Jesse's hand and held it. She smiled, feeling relieved and a bit amused; he was finally doing something to pass Silverbolt a hint, which meant the kid was getting on his nerves as well.

But if Silverbolt noticed the hint, he ignored it. His one-sided conversation continued as before, though Jesse thought she saw a kind of anxious intensity in his expression that hadn't been there before.

When, at the end of the next performance (a man in a cowboy costume doing complicated tricks with a flaming lasso while flying after a phoenix he was trying to capture), Geoffrey turned to Jesse and began talking once again, she decided this had gone on long enough. She turned to him with a sly smile, her sultry expression stopping him mid-sentence. His jaw dropped slightly as she reached out to place a finger under his chin. Gently applying pressure, she closed his mouth before he could start to drool.

"Geoffrey," she said softly, "do shut up before I punch you in the jaw." With that, she removed her finger and turned back to face the track again. Out of the corner of her eye, she saw him stare at her for a moment, then turn to watch the next performance quietly.

Jesse felt intensely relieved when, at the end of that performance, Silverbolt did not turn to discuss it with her, but sat silently while she talked to Remus and the others. She felt a bit mean when she saw his rather subdued expression, but reassured herself that she had had to make him understand early on, before he could become besotted with her. Remus seemed to know what she was thinking; he smiled at her and squeezed her hand comfortingly. This, somehow, made everything much better.

Throughout the rest of the performances, Geoffrey said not one word. Jesse began to get a bit worried when his saddened face became rather angry; by the end of the stunt shows, he was positively fuming in his seat. She blushed slightly and quietly alerted Remus to this change. He glanced at Silverbolt, eyebrows raised.

"Don't worry about it," he said very quietly. "I'm sure he'll get over it—he's only known you for a day, how bad can it be for him?" But Jesse wasn't quite sure Remus was right; Geoffrey looked really angry, and he glanced icily at her every once in a while. Maybe he had a bad temper problem or something.

Half an hour later, though, all thoughts of Silverbolt were gone from her mind: she was standing at the starting line, broom in hand, waiting for the whistle to blow...and there it went! All twenty racers waited for the end of the signal, then kicked off into the air. Jesse was amused when most of the racers, herself included, adopted Sirius' technique of staying low to the ground to preserve momentum.

Since the prize was money and points didn't matter, only placing, this race was far more aggressive than the ones preceding it had been. Jesse grew a bit nervous when, not two minutes into the race, three people had already crashed and gone down. The broom of the first racer to crash had actually burst into flames, and Jesse wondered if someone had sneaked a wand into the race.

But she tried to stay focused and not worry too much, as that would only make her more vulnerable and less able to think. After the second of ten laps, she was in fifth place, at the front of the second cluster of racers. Ahead of her were Remus, Silverbolt, and two racers she didn't recognize. One of them was a girl maybe her age with short, jet black hair; the other was an older girl with long blonde hair, pulled back into a lengthy braid that whipped in the wind.

Jesse hugged the curves as best she could and poured on the speed on the straightaways; by the fifth lap, she had nearly caught up with the girl in fourth—the black-haired one. Number eighty-two. Jesse pulled up next to her shortly and, before the girl had a chance to bump into her, dropped a few feet and passed from below. She was careful to stay on a different level from the girl until she was a safe distance ahead of her.

The next person to pass was the girl with the braid. As soon as she saw Jesse coming up behind her, she slowed down just a bit. This confused and worried Jesse; she must have some sort of trick up her sleeve... As Jesse quickly found out, the trick was actually up her hair. When Jesse was just barely ahead of the girl, the blonde reached back and drew her wand from where it had been hidden up her braid and, keeping it under her sleeve to hide it from the judges, began blasting spells at Jesse. The first two, simple _impedimenta_ spells, missed by a few inches; Jesse could actually feel their heat as they passed her face. The third one, a spell she didn't recognize, came at her in a zigzag pattern that was hard to dodge. Jesse waited until it was less than a foot from her face, then dived quickly. She moved over to the right a bit and rose as fast as her broom could manage, directly under the braided girl. The girl hadn't expected this and didn't have time to react; in moments, she was free-falling, her broom clutched uselessly in one hand.

Jesse sped on, hoping the medi-witches would slow or cushion the girl's fall. She was now in third, with Remus and Silverbolt ten feet ahead and the black-haired girl a few feet behind. The rest of the racers were hardly a threat at this point, though Jesse knew they could easily have some trick or plan that might catch her off guard. She tried to keep an eye on them, but most of her attention was fixed on the more immediate threats.

And, though she tried not to worry, Jesse couldn't help but keep an eye on Remus and Silverbolt. As of yet, Remus hadn't caught up with his opponent, but she was worried that he'd get hurt again when he did. She knew the wounds were pretty easily treatable by magic—at least the pain was—but she didn't like to think of more injuries like the ones on his knuckles. It just looked...painful.

At the next curve, the black-haired girl suddenly caught up with Jesse. She wasn't sure this had been done quite legally, as there was no real explanation for the sudden speediness of the girl's broom, but there was no time to ponder this. They were now finishing their seventh lap, and the stakes were getting higher. Jesse forced herself to leave Remus to take care of himself, which he could certainly do quite well, and focused on the problem at hand.

The black-haired girl was now neck-and-neck with Jesse. To Jesse's surprise, the racer flashed her an almost friendly grin before moving over to slam into her. Jesse wondered if the smile had been to catch her off guard; if so, it had certainly worked. She was nearly knocked into the fence with the force of the collision, but managed to swing up and to the left just in time. This left her almost directly above the black-haired girl; using her technique from earlier, she dove sharply and collided with the other racer. But the girl was not so easily beaten—she clung tenaciously to her broom and actually managed to shake Jesse off, leaving Jesse worse off than she had been before. No doubt about it, this girl knew what she was doing.

But so did Jesse. She circled around and came up on the girl's left side; before the racer could even register that she was there, Jesse fishtailed her broom and smacked the twigs into the front of her opponent's broom, knocking it around. As Jesse sped forward, the black-haired girl did a lopsided spin and dropped behind again.

Ahead of her, Remus had finally caught up with Silverbolt. The two had just crossed the checkpoint and started their ninth lap, and Geoffrey seemed to be getting nervous. He continually bumped into Remus, but Moony's knuckles were (to Jesse's relief) protected by his bandages and he was able to keep on course. Occasionally, he retaliated, but there wasn't much he could do without risking touching his opponent's broom.

Silverbolt, after so long of playing this little game, seemed to realize that, for some reason, his opponent was avoiding contact. He used this to his advantage, purposefully ramming Remus, not just his broom. Once, the tip of his broom caught on Remus' forearm, tearing into his skin immediately. Blood flew in little droplets; some of it landed on Jesse as she tried in vain to catch up with them before they could begin the last lap. Once they were in the final lap, she knew she had little chance of passing either of them.

After witnessing this new injury, Jesse had to force herself to stay calm. She knew there was nothing she could do from this distance without a wand, and flying while angry was dangerous—strong emotions impaired judgment and made split-second decisions much harder. So she carefully calmed herself down and focused on the little ways she could get her broom to go faster, hugging curves and flying a bit higher, as Sirius had done before, to cheat on the fences a bit. When Remus and Geoffrey began their final lap, Jesse was only two feet behind them, though far above, and Silverbolt was looking up at her nervously once in a while.

Then, completely unexpectedly, the black-haired girl appeared again. She came up under Jesse and used that same tactic, bumping into her and knocking her from her broom. Jesse felt a split second of raw fear, in which she thought she was going to fall from her broom onto the track more than fifty feet below. But she managed to do a little half-spin and stay on, though she had slowed considerably and was now more than ten feet behind the others. She lay flat to her broom and put on an extra burst of speed, but she knew it wouldn't be enough...

Sure enough, they rounded the last bend and began the home stretch. Jesse urged her broom on, but knew she didn't stand a chance. Instead, she focused on what was happening ahead of her: Remus, who'd pulled ahead at the last curve, was now dropping behind the faster Silver Arrow once again. The black-haired girl, sporting a broom Jesse didn't recognize, was just behind Remus, the front of her broom in line with his knees. She occasionally smacked him with her broom, but couldn't get enough leverage and power to be more than an annoyance. Remus tried his best to keep up with Silverbolt, but he was still dropping back...the front of his broom was now a good six inches behind that of Silverbolt's.

As they came within ten feet of the finish line, Remus took a last chance. He was positioned to the left of the black-haired girl, who was to the left of Silverbolt. Remus veered left a tiny bit, then swung right as hard as he could, smacking into both of them and knocking the girl into Geoffrey. She was pushed back and nearly lost control; her broom fishtailed all the way across the finish line. Silverbolt, though he managed to keep perfectly on course, lost just a little bit of speed. Remus lay flat and put on a burst of speed...

And they crossed the finish line at the same moment. Silverbolt, who seemed to know without looking at the scoreboard that they'd tied, let out an angry scream and made a sudden, rather painful-looking landing. Remus spiraled once and touched down, smiling happily. The black-haired girl, who'd finally regained control of her broom, alighted on the track as well. Just as she dismounted from her broom, Jesse crossed the finish line, a good ten seconds behind. She turned and looked back, surprised to see that there were two racers fighting for fifth place, less than two feet behind her. She quickly flew out of their way and landed beside Remus, who was still watching the other racers. He gave her a quick smile and put his arm around her waist when she came to stand next to him; contented, she rested her head on his shoulder and watched the remaining racers cross the finish line, within seconds of each other.

When all the racers had landed and most were resting in the racers' pit, the black-haired girl who'd won third place approached Remus and Jesse, a friendly grin on her face. Remus let go of Jesse so the girl could shake both their hands.

"That was so much fun!" she gushed, grinning at Jesse. "You are both such good racers—I hope I get to race you again sometime!" Her approach, though similar to Geoffrey's from yesterday, was somehow very different. Not only was she not flirting with anyone, but she seemed very genuine. She really was excited to have raced against them. Jesse found the girl's smile contagious, and couldn't hold bad a foolish grin.

"Yeah, you're really good too," she replied. "I couldn't believe you almost got me with my own trick!" The three of them walked toward the racers' pit, animatedly discussing the race. When Remus talked about his little one-on-one with Silverbolt, Jesse suddenly remembered his injury.

"Hey, why aren't you in the hospital section!" she scolded suddenly, cutting him off. "I want you treated right away—we can talk while you're healing!" Remus rolled his eyes in a rather amused way and obliged, leading them towards the medical area. A medi-witch approached him immediately and began checking him over. She looked rather surprised to see his arm, which had a long, wide gash on it from Silverbolt's broom. The skin, as before, was jagged and broken; the wound wasn't nearly so deep as yesterday's, and didn't quite reach the bone, but it was bleeding plenty and the muscle was definitely torn. Remus didn't seem to register any pain until the medi-witch poured a cleansing solution on it; he actually yelled in pain and jumped up from his seat, eyes wide. The witch gently pushed him back onto the chair, shaking her head apologetically and explaining that it was necessary. Jesse stood behind him and rubbed his shoulders comfortingly while the witch stopped the bleeding with one charm, the pain with another, and wrapped his arm in gauze. When she had covered half the wound, she stopped suddenly and leaned forward for a closer look. She came away with a long shard of silver between her thumb and forefinger. She gave Remus a curious look, tossed the silver in the garbage bin, and continued wrapping up his arm. She put a sticking charm on the loose end of the bandage and pressed it down.

"Good as I can get it," she announced when she was done. "The nurse at your school will probably be able to do better. Madam Pomfrey is still there, right?" Remus nodded, and the medi-witch smiled. "Oh good. She'll know how to deal with this...particular injury." With a smile and a nod, she stood and walked away to find someone else to help.

Remus looked at Jesse, alarmed. They couldn't say anything because of the presence of the black-haired girl, but she knew what he was thinking. Had the witch figured him out? They certainly hoped not...Remus didn't want to be disqualified now, especially since he'd just tied for first. If she told on him now, he wouldn't even be eligible for the prize and would be kicked out from the rest of the races.

As they left the crowded racers' pit, the black-haired girl introduced herself as Jeanine Hope. She generally went by Jean, and her racing nickname was, for obvious reasons, High Hope. Jesse and Remus introduced themselves, then offered to take her to meet their friends. She happily agreed, promising to introduce them to her own friends at the next race; they'd been unable to attend this one.

Reggie Scott was talking with Sirius and Peter when Remus spotted them. They introduced Jean and asked where James and Lily were. Sirius gave them a "duh" look and ignored the question.

Jesse was surprised to see a long, thin cut on Sirius' cheek and a bandage around his upper left arm. She asked him about it, and he ended up telling her and the others his part in the race.

Sirius had started out fine, up near the front with the others, but things had gotten aggressive very fast. He'd found himself in the middle of what seemed like a mid-air mosh pit, with people throwing curses and punches every chance they got. He'd tried to duck out of the cluster, but had been too closely surrounded to do anything safely. After six laps of this, however, he began to get sick of being confined to the group's slow brooms and not-so-great strategies. He decided to take a risk, and rose as quickly as he could. He nearly made it, but someone saw him and decided not to let him get away; the racer, whom Sirius could not see in the mob, sent a type of rope from his wand and wrapped it around Sirius' broom, yanking it down and back forcefully before releasing him. Sirius had gone rocketing backward and had crashed into a straggler; both had gone down, the other racer landing on top of Sirius and breaking his arm. They'd both been disqualified from the race and sent straight to the racers' pit for medical treatment. Sirius had watched the rest of the race from the stands with James, Peter, and Lily. Reggie had joined them only moments ago, just before James and Lily had slipped away.

Jesse sympathized with Sirius about his rotten luck, but he didn't seem to mind much; in fact, he seemed rather proud of having at least gotten out of the cluster of racers. Jesse wondered with a smile if his indifference had to do with Reggie being there, sympathizing with him.

None of them were in the other races for the rest of the day. Jean was in one, a personal race between herself and a family friend. They were racing for babysitting privileges.

Jesse sat with Remus, Sirius, Peter, and Reggie throughout the rest of the races. Jean joined them when she wasn't racing, and, to Jesse's annoyance, so did Silverbolt. She'd thought she'd gotten rid of him earlier, but apparently he was even more stubborn than Sirius. She assumed he would try to flirt with her again and made it obvious that she and Remus were somewhat of a "thing"—but she quickly realized that her rather egotistical assumption had been wrong. Silverbolt was not there to flirt, he was there to argue.

After Jean's race, while they were all waiting for her to come back from the racers' pit, Geoffrey approached Jesse. Remus had gone into the racers' pit to get his bandage replaced—it had gotten rather bloody, despite the medi-witch's charm—so Jesse was standing alone. Peter was off to one side, staring around at the audience as if looking for someone, and Sirius was engaged in conversation with Reggie. Jesse was just thinking how cute they looked, both wearing black shirts and Muggle jeans, when she sensed someone standing behind her. She wheeled around to see Silverbolt standing there, glaring at her hatefully.

"Can I help you?" she asked calmly, though she was rather startled by his sudden appearance and angry visage. Silverbolt glared at her for another moment, then, without warning, pulled out his wand and began blasting spells at her. Jesse saw them coming and managed to dive out of the way just in time; the asphalt track tore into her skin and she grimaced. But before she could really register much pain, Geoffrey was attacking again. She rolled out of the way of the next curse and jumped to her feet. But before he could complete the incantation for the next spell, someone tackled him. They fell to the pavement, Geoffrey yelling and holding up his arms against the wild punches his attacker was throwing.

"Remus, Remus stop!" Jesse yelled above Geoffrey's shrill voice. She tried to run in and stop the fight, but the boys were rolling around on the track and she couldn't get close enough without risking getting hit. Finally, Sirius ran in and lifted his friend out by the collar of his robes. Remus didn't struggle or fight against Sirius; he seemed almost relieved that someone had stopped him before he'd gone too far.

Geoffrey lay on the pavement for a long moment, panting and bleeding. His lip was split wide open, his nose dripped thick red blood, and one of his arms had been scraped on the pavement. He'd probably be developing numerous bruises overnight, and was already massaging his sore ribs.

Slowly, Silverbolt got up, never taking his eyes from Remus. Sirius was still holding his friend by the arm, but Remus made no move to renew the attack. He simply kept a sharp eye on Geoffrey as the boy brushed himself off a bit and glanced around. Then, with a sneer, Silverbolt pulled a necklace out from under his shirt, holding it out for Remus to see. The silver cross charm glinted in the sun as it swung on its delicate chain.

Geoffrey stepped a bit closer and held the charm up in front of Remus' nose, swinging it back and forth. When Remus neither screamed nor began to writhe in pain, Geoffrey's face grew rather sour. Without taking the charm away, he sneered again and said, in a rather sing-song whisper:

"I know what you are, half-breed. You and your little girlfriend. Don't cross me again or I'll expose you to the world—we'll see how well you do in the races then." Before he could turn away, Remus grabbed the cross charm and yanked as hard as he could. The chain broke away easily in his hand, and he threw it to the ground. It skidded under the nearest bleachers and was lost from sight.

Geoffrey looked at Remus, wide-eyed, and took a step back. He held a hand to his neck, where a welt was already forming, and gaped blankly for a moment. His one major defense had failed miserably, and he was now half-surrounded by four angry teenagers, one of whom could easily tear him limb from limb—and would, he was sure. Without another word, Silverbolt turned tail and ran.

Remus relaxed immediately and went to Jesse, concern on his face.

"Did he get you? Are you alright?" he asked worriedly. Jesse smiled and nodded, hiding her scraped cheek with her hair.

"He missed every time, don't worry about it," she assured him. "But you..." Jesse frowned. "You shouldn't have done that."

"What was I supposed to do?!" Remus asked angrily as the others gathered round. "Let him curse you?" Jesse shook her head, but didn't really have an answer for him.

"At least you could have left the kid's necklace alone," Sirius said reprovingly. "Now he's gonna be even more afraid, and even more pissed off."

"Speaking of which, let me see your hand," Jesse said quickly, taking it and turning it over to inspect his palm. There was a small red mark from the sharp edges of the cross, but no shards of silver, no blood, no injury at all. "Why didn't it hurt you?" she asked, confused.

"Why on earth would that little thing have hurt me?" Remus scoffed, flicking his eyes to Reggie and back. Jesse got the picture and quickly shut her mouth. "It was stainless steel," he added in an undertone.

"Well, you should've left it alone anyways," Reggie echoed Sirius. "What do you think he meant by that? 'I know what you are...' Is that was he said?" Remus shook his head casually.

"I have no idea. Judging by the cross, he thought I was a vampire or something. I'm sorry to say he'll be sorely disappointed to learn that I'm quite clear of anything like that." Jesse wondered for a moment why they hadn't told Reggie about Remus being a werewolf; perhaps they didn't feel they trusted her enough yet, or maybe she was adverse toward werewolves and the like. Jesse had detected a little shudder at the mention of vampires.

"Is everyone okay, then?" Peter asked rather irritably. "It's rather dull to just...stand here..." Sirius laughed and clapped his friend on the back.

"And what would you prefer, your highness?" he asked. Peter shrugged.

"Let's get something to eat or something...I dunno." Jesse shook her head.

"We have to wait for Jean first—she's still in the racers' pit. Once she comes out, we can decide what we're going to do." Peter agreed to this and they went to sit by the racers' pit to wait for Jean. In the space of ten minutes, Jean had appeared and they'd all decided to go walk around in Diagon Alley for a while. The races were almost over, and they'd soon be able to catch a Portkey back to Hogwarts.

When they were all having sundaes at Florean Fortescue's, talking happily about the races and what they were planning to do with the rest of Christmas break, Reggie suddenly gasped and stood up, nearly tipping over her sundae. Everyone looked up at her in surprise.

"Remus!" she breathed, staring at him in shock. He raised his eyebrows, looking around in confusion.

"Er...yes?" To his surprise, Reggie walked around the table towards him, her eyes shining with angry tears. When she was directly in front of him, she slapped him hard on the cheek. Remus put a hand to the already reddening spot, staring up at her in alarm. "What was that for?" he asked angrily while Sirius snickered from across the table.

"Why didn't you _tell_ me?" she hissed.

"Er...tell you what, exactly?" Reggie rolled her eyes.

"The necklace, that thing Silverbolt said—half-breed, he called you—'I know what you are...' I should have known right away!" She said all this very quickly, though managing to keep her voice low so none of the other customers would hear her. Her disconnected thoughts took a moment to seep into Remus' brain. When he realized what she'd said, he closed his eyes and pressed the heels of his hands into them. _Here it comes,_ he thought to himself. _Now she knows, she'll decide I'm dangerous or frightening or something, and if she ever even looks at me again it will be a miracle..._

"You should have told me right away!" she said angrily. Then, turning to the rest of the group, "And you! You all probably knew—why was I left in the dark?!" Everyone shifted uncomfortably. Remus lifted his head and focused on a spot some inches to the left of Reggie's face.

"Listen, Reggie—I'm sorry. It was wrong of me to keep this from you, to deceive you that way."

"Damn straight it was wrong!" she exploded.

"I'm sorry...you have every right to be angry with me. I just didn't want to lose you as a friend. I hate..." he trailed off, aware of everyone staring at him. "I'm sorry," he finished lamely. "If you still want to hang out with all them," he gestured at the rest of the group, "I'll just...y'know..." He turned to his friends as he stood up. "I'll see you all back at the school." Before anyone could say anything, he'd turned and left the shop.

A bell tinkled as he opened and closed the door. Its falsely cheerful sound angered him, made him want to tear it from its mount on the top of the door. Instead, he clenched his fists and walked out into the street. So, it had finally happened. He'd been through this before—people he'd thought were his friends had left him once they'd found out. But not ever in Hogwarts, not ever since he'd come here...he'd been beginning to think that people were different here, that he'd never have to deal with that anymore.

But that had just been false optimism, he now realized. He'd brought his hopes up, honestly believed that he could be accepted despite what he was—possibly even _for_ what he was.

The bell tinkled again; Remus' sensitive ears picked it up from across the street.

"Remus Lupin! Stop!" Reggie yelled. He felt his hopes soar, but quickly suppressed them. This was no time to set himself up for another fall. He continued on his way, pretending not to hear. But now there were running footsteps, and soon Reggie had caught up with him and, panting, matched his pace.

"Remus, slow down! I want to talk to you!" she said pleadingly. The tone in her voice—completely absent of anger or hate—surprised him, and he couldn't help but turn to her hopefully.

"Thank you!" she said breathlessly. "Can we sit down?" She gestured to a bench outside one of the shops, and they sat on it. "I talked to your friends," she said quickly. "I know the truth now, so you don't need to lie anymore." Remus looked away, not sure anymore where this conversation was leading.

"Remus, how could you think I would stop being your friend just because of...well, you know...?" Reggie blushed, then shook her head forcefully. "I have to admit, it was something of a shock, I never would have expected it...but that doesn't change anything! I'm still your friend, a stupid...thing...wouldn't change that." He could tell she was nervous and uncomfortable speaking about this, but she plowed on. "I'm your friend because of who you are, not what you are," she said with finality, glad to have finally found words to express herself, cheesy as they may have sounded. She waited for him to reply.

"But...after hearing about your thing with vampires..." Remus said rather helplessly. Reggie shuddered; she'd always been afraid of vampires, ever since her father, a renowned vampire hunter, had been killed by one. She worried that they hated her because of her name—the Scotts came from a long line of vampire hunters.

"Don't be daft," she said with some confidence. "I may be afraid of vampires, but that's completely different. Hating w-werewolves would be like hating...unicorns! Or something," she added, realizing that her example was a bit far-fetched. Remus laughed.

"I see..."

"You know what I mean!" Reggie said indignantly. "My point is, I don't hate you, and I'm still your friend." She paused. "As long as that's okay?" she asked uncertainly.

"Of course!" Remus assured her quickly. "I just thought you would—well, you know." Reggie smiled and stood up.

"Now that that's settled, can we go finish our ice cream?" Remus laughed and joined her in heading back to the ice cream parlor, feeling a surge of happiness. This was another true friend standing beside him, someone who knew about him and liked him no less for it. And there was nothing in the world like a true friend.


	14. Returning Home

This one wrote a little faster than I thought it would. I'll leave it up to you to decide what the title means.

**Chapter Fourteen**

**  
Returning Home**

"So are you going to tell me what happened today?" Jesse looked up from her packing to see Lily staring pointedly at her. They'd come back a bit early from the races to beat the crowd of students trying to catch Portkeys in time for dinner, so the dorm room was empty except for the two friends.

"I'm not sure I know what you're referring to," Jesse replied slowly, folding a shirt and pressing it carefully into her suitcase.

"Geoffrey, of course," Lily said exasperatedly. Jesse sighed, relieved; she'd been sure Lily was going to ask about her mother, which was hardly something she wished to talk about.

"You saw what happened," she said with a shrug. "What do you want me to say?"

"Why did he attack you?" Lily practically yelled, her tiredness from the races and worry for her friend making her suddenly angry. "What in hell did you _do_ to him to make him that mad?"

It wasn't like Lily to cuss—at all—and Jesse stared at her in surprise.

"I didn't _do_ anything," she said defensively. "He came up to me and started shooting spells off. What did you think, that _I _started it?"

"Excuse me for saying so," Lily said irritably, "but that doesn't make any sense at all. People don't just start cursing other people, in public, with security guards wandering around. You must have done something."

"Well I didn't!" Jesse screamed, tears welling up in her eyes for no reason at all. She turned away and began throwing more clothes into her suitcase, including clothes she hadn't meant to pack. "You think I wanted this to happen?!"

Lily didn't respond, just stared at her friend's back, bewildered.

"No, of course not," she said quietly after a long pause during which Jesse slammed her suitcase shut and tossed it toward the door. "Jesse, I'm sorry, don't get mad—"

"Too late!" Jesse roared, opening the door and kicking her suitcase down the stairs. The common room was crowded with people relaxing after the races, and many turned to see what the commotion was. Flushed from anger and embarrassment, Jesse retrieved her suitcase and walked silently to the fireplace. A few first years sitting in front of it, drying off after a long day of sledding, scooted back out of her way.

"Jesse—" Lily said softly behind her. She put a light hand on her friend's shoulder, but it was shaken away. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean that," she tried again, but Jesse wasn't listening.

"Tell the boys good-bye for me," Jesse said sharply, and grabbed a fistful of Floo powder. Dane had paid for a direct connection from Hogwarts to his apartment in Muggle Ireland, so Jesse only had to speak his address and would be taken straight there. She tossed a spray of Floo powder into the fire and watched the flames burn bright green. Placing her suitcase carefully in the center of the ashes, she yelled the address into the fireplace and watched her belongings spin away.

When the fire turned orange again, Lily touched her friend gently on the wrist to stop her from throwing the rest of the powder.

"Please don't leave angry," she begged, wishing they weren't in plain view of everyone in the room. A little privacy would have been ideal. "I'm just cranky, it's been a long day…"

"Fine. I'm not mad. Bye." Jesse threw the rest of the powder into the fire, stepped into the green flames, and tucked her elbows in.

"Jesse, wait—" But the girl had already spoken and was spinning away toward Ireland.

Lily sighed sadly and turned to go back to her dorm, and noticed immediately that nearly everyone in the room was staring at her. They all turned away as she noticed them, pretending to be absorbed in conversation again. She heaved another sigh and chose to visit the boys in their room instead.

"James?" Lily called quietly, knocking on the fifth year boys' dormitory. Someone moved and there were soft footsteps on the carpet, and the door opened.

"What's wrong?" James asked quietly when he saw her face. He put an arm around her shoulders and pulled her into the room, where they boys were playing a card game on the floor.

"Jesse just left," Lily told them sadly, sitting next to her boyfriend on the floor. "She's really mad at me."

"She left already?" Sirius said with surprise. "I thought she was going to wait until the common room cleared out."

"Yeah, she was, but…we got in a fight and she got mad and left."

"Don't worry about it, Lily," Remus said softly, leaning across the card game to take her hand. "She's upset. I'm sure she didn't mean it."

"She still should have said good-bye to us," Sirius complained with a frown. "Where is she going, anyway?"

"Visiting her brother," Remus replied. He and Lily were still unsure of whether to tell their friends the whole truth.

"Can we keep playing now?" Peter interrupted irritably. "It's been your turn for _ages_, Sirius."

"Lily, do you want to play?" James asked politely while Sirius drew a card. She shook her head, content just to watch.

>>

Jesse returned at the end of the week, on the Saturday before term was due to start. She'd taken an airplane from America back to her brother's flat in Ireland, then returned to Hogwarts by Floo powder as before. She appeared in the fire before dawn Saturday morning, when the common room was empty and dark, and crept silently up to her dorm room. Her three dorm mates were asleep, for which Jesse was grateful. She left her suitcase with her trunk at the foot of her bed, then collapsed into bed and fell immediately asleep. Despite the strange schedule she was on, the stress of travel had exhausted her.

She woke up when her roommates started to rise and dress. Lily smiled tentatively at her friend, and seemed greatly relieved when Jesse smiled sleepily back.

"You want to come down to breakfast with us?" she whispered, leaning toward Jesse as she pulled her robes on.

"Yeah, sure," Jesse yawned, getting slowly to her feet. She took her time in getting dressed, but the boys still hadn't come down when Lily and Jesse entered the common room. They took seats by the window to watch the snowfall outside.

"I'm sorry I got so mad at you," Jesse said finally, as the common room filled up and their silence grew less awkward. "I know you didn't mean anything."

"That's okay," Lily assured her with a smile. "I was cranky too."

Just then there were loud footsteps on the stairs over their heads, and Sirius vaulted over the railing, skipping the last few steps.

"Hey!" he exclaimed when he saw Jesse and Lily sitting by the window. "You're back!"

"And _you're _observant!" Jesse replied as though this were a great surprise.

"I know, I've been working on that," Sirius winked, joining them in the window seat. He put an arm around each girl's shoulders and smiled blissfully. "Now _this_ is how life should be," he sighed, leaning back against the window.

James, Peter, and Remus came downstairs a moment later, in a considerably more civilized manner. They greeted Jesse warmly, and the six of them went downstairs for breakfast.

"You up for racing today?" James asked Jesse as they sat around the table in the Great Hall.

"Do you even have to ask?" Jesse replied. "I didn't know there was one today, though."

"Yeah, tomorrow too. They're trying to fit in a few more before term starts up and they lose most of their Hogwarts business."

"In America they're having the dragon races right now," Jesse announced excitedly. "Some of my friends there told me. Those will continue through the summer—you guys absolutely must come, it's so amazing."

"Isn't that a little dangerous?" Lily asked dubiously.

"Hell yes," Jesse grinned. "That's why we do it!"

"Wait a sec, _you_ do this?" Sirius was intrigued, and Remus stared at her apprehensively, awaiting her response.

"Totally," she said casually. "It's way fun, you just—"

"Jesse!" Lily interrupted. "That's really dangerous! You didn't race when you were over there just now, did you?"

"I wasn't exactly in the mood," Jesse replied shortly, causing Lily to blush and fall silent.

"Jess, I can't believe you race dragons!" James said excitedly, not noticing the change in the girls' mood. "I've heard all about it from my mum's American cousins, they say it's just the greatest thing ever. How long have you done that for?"

"Oh, I just did a few here and there the year before I came back here. You have to train for a long time if you want to race professionally, but the illegal races usually let anyone try."

The boys bombarded Jesse with questions about the races, and even Peter seemed excited about the prospect of visiting America and attending a race.

"You can visit my family with me like we talked about," Jesse said excitedly. "We can go camping at the lake and I can show you how American broom races are, too. If we're lucky there will still be some going on in the summer. And you'll get a taste of Muggle life in America—our house is in a Muggle city cause we had to—" Jesse stopped and frowned. Remus realized she was probably talking about her mother's need to be near Muggle hospitals, for chemotherapy treatments and the like.

"Well, anyway, it's great fun living with them. You'll love it," Jesse finished lamely and poked at her eggs. James, Sirius, and Peter exchanged a confused look, but Lily quickly stepped in to change the subject.

"What time are we heading for the track?" she asked.

"Right after breakfast, if you want." This plan seemed to agree with everyone, so they finished eating quickly and went back upstairs to retrieve their brooms.

>>

"ALL RACERS PLEASE REPORT TO THE STARTING LINE! THE REGISTRATION DESK IS NOW CLOSED, AND IF YOU HAVE NOT SUPPLIED ALL THE REQUIRED INFORMATION YOU WILL NOT BE PERMITTED TO PARTICIPATE IN THE FIRST RACE. PLEASE SIGN UP DIRECTLY AFTERWARD. I REPEAT, ALL RACERS TO THE STARTING LINE!"

"Are you ready?" Remus asked Jesse, leaning close to speak the words in her ear. She shivered delightedly and nodded, and they walked together toward the starting line. Their brooms had been placed at nearly opposite ends of the track, in order of their placing in the championship race.

"AUDIENCE, PLEASE TAKE YOUR SEATS—THE RACES WILL BEGIN SHORTLY."

Remus thought he recognized the voice over the intercom as Peter's, but couldn't be sure. He soon forgot to care as the racers were instructed to mount their brooms and the whistle was blown.

Remus kicked off with everyone else, but something seemed to be holding him down. His broom wouldn't rise higher than five feet off the track, and whenever he tried to steer it upwards he would slow to almost a stop. There was no time to figure out what was wrong—the other racers were far ahead by now, and he quickly gave up trying to fly high. Leaning flat over his broom handle, Remus sped forward with his toes nearly scraping the asphalt.

By the fifth lap, Remus had slipped ahead of the slowest racers. Being so low to the ground had its advantages in that he generally wasn't noticed until he was already ahead, but once he'd gotten attention he quickly learned the dangers of having such limited freedom of movement.

Two large, aggressive racers who'd been battling for tenth place glared at Remus as he flew by below. They glanced at each other, nodded, and dove toward him. By the time he saw them coming he had nowhere to go except side-to-side. He swung to the left, then swerved suddenly right, depending on his broom's great balance and steering to pull him through the maneuver. It worked: the Meteor 360 offered no complaint and quickly straightened out as Remus pulled ahead of his attackers, who'd had to swerve to the sides to avoid hitting each other. One had been flying an old Comet model, and the broom simply wasn't up to the strain; he fishtailed out of his turn and slammed into the fence on the right side of the track. Remus didn't look back long enough to see if he'd managed to stay on his broom.

As he turned his attention forward once more, Remus caught sight of a falling racer just ahead of him. The kid was trying desperately to get control over his broom, but it was fishtailing madly and spinning full circles as he dropped. Forgetting about the strange force holding him to the ground, Remus guided his broom up and out of the way. But the Meteor immediately ground to a stop, nearly throwing its rider to the ground, as it flew too high. Remus pushed the broom's nose to the ground, trying desperately to dive out of the racer's way, but he was too late: the falling boy collided with him head-on, the front of his broom crashing into Remus' shoulder.

Remus had no time to register pain: they careened backwards from the force of the impact, and he could feel his feet dragging on the racetrack. He was going to hit the ground and be disqualified, just like last year…

"Shit!" he heard the other racer scream as his momentum carried him over Remus' head. He dropped his broom and toppled to the ground, rolling awkwardly in a vain attempt to soak up the rest of his speed.

Miraculously, Remus hadn't fallen off yet. He grabbed his opponent's broom to throw it out of his way so he could steer, and immediately dropped it to the ground with a yell of pain and surprise. His palm felt like it was on fire, and when he looked down he saw that it was scraped raw.

There was no time to worry about that now: the other racers had long since outstripped him, and he urged his broom to go faster in hopes of passing at least one of them. But the word FINAL was already burning red in the corner of his sunglasses, and he knew as he rounded the last bend that he stood no chance. Even as he raced down the straightaway, the last group of racers crossed the finish line.

Somehow this ceased to matter as Remus crossed the checkpoint. Already low to the ground, he slowed his broom and toppled off it. Now he could feel the pain from his crash, and it seemed as though his shoulder and chest would explode. Jesse and Sirius were at his side in a moment, kneeling next to him and talking fast. He couldn't understand a word that was being said, but then he was being lifted off the ground by two medi-witches, who carried him bodily into the racers' pit.

He felt like his chest was splitting apart. He moved his left arm but the collarbone screamed in protest and he nearly fainted. The medi-witches who'd carried him in carefully strapped his arms to the stretcher they'd set him down on, then did the same to his head and legs. He felt the bonds but didn't register what they meant, what they were for…everything was a blur of pain.

The pain suddenly intensified as a medi-witch poured cleansing potion over his shoulder and chest. They must have taken his shirt off: he could feel cold air blowing over the even colder potion as it wet his skin. In moments the hurt subsided, and the medi-witch poured the same treatment on his raw palm. This, too, stung horribly before going slightly numb.

As the pain disappeared Remus felt his head clear, and he looked around as best he could with his head strapped down. One of the medi-witches had been replaced by a wizard, and the other one he recognized as the same young woman who'd treated him before, when Silverbolt's broom had collided with his knuckles.

"What's your name?" she asked kindly when she saw him looking at her. He couldn't help noticing that she was beautiful, even in the simple medical robes she wore.

"I, um…" he mumbled, unsure of whether he should tell her the truth. There was a chance she still recognized him from before, and perhaps once she knew his real name she would report him and he'd be kicked out.

"I'm Alicia," she interrupted with a smile, saving him from having to respond.

"Nice to meet you," he said weakly. He suddenly felt very tired, and there was a peculiar throbbing in his shoulder and hand. "I feel slightly like shit," he slurred as his vision swam and his stomach lurched sickeningly.

"I thought you might," Alicia murmured softly, placing a cold hand on his chest. "Try to stay awake though, we'll need to ask you some questions in a minute."

"'Bout what?" Remus' voice was hoarse, and he couldn't seem to form the words correctly.

"About this," the medi-wizard cut in, leaning forward with a pair of tweezers. He tugged at something in Remus' chest, but the skin there was numb and the sensation very distant. The wizard held up a long silver splinter, dripping blood.

"Oh shit," Remus muttered, trying to focus. He was seeing triple and everything seemed to be spinning.

"This appears to be silver," the wizard continued, setting the splinter down on a tray of medical devices. "Now, how would silver have lodged itself in your body?" As he spoke, he handed the tweezers to Alicia. She carefully extracted more slivers and piled them onto the tray. Remus watched her work, wishing he could see the injury for himself.

The wizard unstrapped his limp arms and held up Remus' raw palm for him to see.

"How do you explain this particular injury?" the wizard asked sternly, pushing the bloody hand toward him. Now that it was closer, Remus could see fuzzy glints of silver in his hand.

"Fuckin' hurts," he groaned, squeezing his eyes shut. He clenched his fist, driving the silver deeper beneath the skin.

"What are you doing? Stop that!" the wizard said immediately, trying to pry his hand apart. But Remus was far stronger than the man; he was stronger than most men. "Stop—you're making this much worse than it has to be." Remus tightened his fist, feeling the shards dig into his fingers. Blood dripped down his arm. What a familiar sensation…as though his skin were crying blood…

Then the silver took its full effect, and Remus suddenly fell unconscious.

He came to feeling much the same as he had before, but with much clearer vision. He noticed almost immediately that the straps tying him down had been removed, and sat up quickly. His sudden movement startled Alicia, who was mixing some kind of potion on the counter.

"Oh!" she cried softly as he got to his feet. "No, please lie down, Mr. Lupin," she said firmly, regaining her composure quickly. "We're not finished with you here, but I assure you we're almost done and then you can go back to the school. Madame Pomfrey will be able to help you better than we can."

"Fuck it," Remus muttered. He looked around the room for his shirt, but it was gone. "Where's my shirt?" he asked angrily, glad to note that he was no longer slurring and hoarse.

"We threw it away. It was ruined."

"Nice," he growled, and strode from the room.

"Mr. Lupin!" Alicia called, hurrying to set her potion ingredients down to follow him. "Mr. Lupin, please—you can't leave yet, we'll take you to the school later."

Remus ignored her and looked around, trying to orient himself. He was in the hospital section of the racers' pit; he slipped past bloody and injured racers, and one whose hair looked like it had caught fire, and ran up to the track.

A race was in progress, and as he emerged on ground level three racers flew past him at a fairly low altitude. The wind from their slipstreams ruffled his hair and blew cold air on his bare chest. He shivered and moved to cross his arms, but his shoulder was stiff and refused to move that way.

For the first time Remus looked down at his chest to see the injury.

"Shit," he muttered. A wide, jagged hole had been torn across his chest, stretching from the breastbone all the way to the collarbone. It wasn't bleeding of course, but shards of silver still glinted here and there.

"That's gonna leave a mark," someone said derisively from above. Remus looked up to see Geoffrey leaning over the railing in the stands. "Your other scars just pale in comparison to mine," he sneered.

"That was _you_ who crashed into me?" Remus hissed, turning to face Silverbolt completely.

"It was purely accidental, I will admit, but I can't say I'm not pleased with the results."

"You piece of shit—" Remus growled, and jumped to grab the railing Silverbolt leaned against. He held on with his right hand but couldn't summon the strength to pull himself up and over the metal rails, so he dropped back to the ground.

"Language, my little half-breed," Geoffrey scolded, stepping back slightly. "You can blame your girlfriend—she's the one who knocked my broom wild." His face changed from amused to angry, and he leaned over the railing to look Remus in the face. "She'll pay for that," he hissed. "No one disqualifies _me_. Of course, you'll be kicked out now that everyone knows, so that is some consolation…" He crouched so that his shoulders were level with Remus' head.

"Looks painful," he said quietly, staring with disgust at the jagged wound. "Your medi-witch missed a piece—" His hand shot out suddenly and he pressed his cold fingers against Remus' raw skin. Instead of yelling and backing away as Geoffrey had expected, Remus grabbed the boy's arm and pulled him forcefully against the railing.

"Touch me again and I'll rip your arm off," Remus growled, pulling steadily on Silverbolt's arm until the boy's face was pressed against the metal rails. He released him suddenly and walked along the edge of the track toward the main entrance, where there were usually Portkeys for sale. He paid for a large rock which would take him back to the Forbidden Forest, and was at the school in minutes.

He wanted to go straight to Gryffindor tower and go to sleep, but the wound in his chest was throbbing and he knew that would be dangerous. Visiting Madame Pomfrey was not at all what he wished to do at the moment as she would probably want to keep him overnight, but he had no other choice.

When he arrived at the hospital wing, Remus was shocked to see Alicia there, talking with Madame Pomfrey.

"What are you doing here?" he said stupidly. She shot him a friendly smile.

"Oh good. I was just here to tell Madame Pomfrey about you so she'd be ready when you got here." She nodded to the school nurse and began walking out, but stopped when she drew level with Remus. "You shouldn't have run off," she said quietly, and he was again struck by her beauty. She was close enough now that he could see the different colors in her hazel eyes. "We'd have treated you and taken you here. That was really dangerous."

"Yeah," he replied, unable to think of anything better. Alicia smiled, waved at Madame Pomfrey, and left.

"Young man, you are in for a world of hurt if you don't sit down on this bed _right now_," Pomfrey said loudly, pointing clearly to the bed nearest her. Remus chose not to put up a fight, his natural reaction to such annoying shows of authority, and sat uncomfortably on the hospital bed.

Ten minutes later the nurse had gathered her materials and begun to treat the wound on his chest.

"I'm afraid this won't heal properly on its own," she announced when the wound was clean and all traces of silver removed. Madame Pomfrey carefully applied a clear gel to all surfaces the silver had touched. "You're going to have to get stitches."

"Whoa, wait a minute," Remus said quickly. "Stitches is a Muggle thing, isn't it? I'm not going to need stitches, am I?"

"I just told you that," Pomfrey snapped. "Yes, it is a Muggle practice, but it's better than anything I can do for you right now. The best I can do is clean up these jagged edges, but that's not going to help with the healing."

"But I don't _want_ stitches," Remus whined. "It's _unnatural_." He'd had stitches plenty of times as a child, when his injuries after a change were too deep to heal properly on their own.

"Unnatural but necessary," Pomfrey said firmly. "I've been trained in some Muggle forms of healing, I'll be able to do it myself." Somehow this was not a comfort.

"_Remus!_" Both nurse and patient looked up quickly to see Jesse standing in the doorway of the hospital wing, flanked on either side by Sirius, James, Peter, and Lily. Remus quickly leaned back so he'd be hidden by the draped around his bed, but by the sound of things he was too late for that.

"Please leave the hospital wing immediately," Pomfrey called out to the five teenagers. "Your friend is perfectly alright, he just needs to rest here—"

"Perfectly alright!" Jesse shrieked. "Are you daft?" She began running toward the bed, but the nurse held her back and forced her out of the room.

"I'm afraid this is a closed ward!" Pomfrey said, flustered, and shut the door in their faces.

"Those friends of yours are a menace!" she complained angrily, walking back to the bed. "No respect for authority…"

Remus chose not to anger her further and quietly submitted to continued treatment.


	15. Alicia

Wow, I've been getting pretty lucky with homework. Another fairly short chapter, this one with lots of very short sections, but this seemed like a pretty good place to stop, and I have to get working on my calculus. Enjoy! And please review if you're reading, I'd like to know what you think :)

**Chapter Fifteen**

**Alicia**

"Remus, I'm sorry, I'm just worried about you—"

"And I told you not to be!"

"I know, I'm sorry—"

"Look, if you're sorry just leave me the fuck alone!"

Jesse froze, looking as though she'd been slapped in the face. She stared at Remus, uncomprehending. Instead of softening at the hurt look on her face, Remus seemed to get even angrier. Rather than stay and fight with her, and possibly say something he'd regret, he quietly left the common room, shoving the Fat Lady portrait out of his way.

"Watch it!" the lady in pink screeched as her portrait slammed against the wall. "You kids are _so inconsiderate_…"

"Put a sock in it," Remus muttered, but the woman didn't seem to hear. The sound of her ranting followed him all the way down the corridor, and he ducked upstairs to escape it.

The owlery was hardly the place to go for relaxation: the stench of owl droppings and half-eaten rodent corpses was hardly a soothing aroma. But for this same reason it was likely to be empty of students who had nothing to send out. Here was a place Remus could be alone (unless he counted the hundreds of amber-eyed owls), and that was all he wanted at the moment.

He hadn't meant to snap at Jesse, but she'd been getting on his nerves a lot lately. He didn't need her mothering and her sympathetic looks, and her constant worrying about his shoulder was nothing short of maddening. It didn't help that he'd been reopening the wound every night, hidden safely behind the drapes of his bed, and he didn't want Jesse or any of the others to know that. They simply wouldn't understand…

Remus leaned through one of the many openings in the stone wall, stared down what seemed to be hundreds of feet to the moonlit grass below. His monthly transformation was fast approaching…in two days' time, he'd be a monster once more. At least he could blame his open wound on the transformation, so Madame Pomfrey wouldn't question him about it.

The owlery door opened slowly behind him. Remus scowled at the disturbance but ignored the crunching footsteps over tiny skeletons and loose hay.

"Remus?"

He turned quickly, recognizing the voice but not understanding why it was here.

"Alicia? What are you doing here?" He was almost relieved to see her: at least she wasn't the mothering type. She had graduated from Hogwarts as a Ravenclaw the year before, but was studying to get her medical degree in London. She worked at the races as a volunteer, but couldn't get official work experience credit because the event was illegal. When Madame Pomfrey had offered to let her help with Remus' stitches, Alicia had jumped at the chance and had ended up doing most of the work.

"I came to talk to Poppy," she explained, waving her hand indifferently. "I saw you coming up here and wanted to see how my stitches healed." She smiled and joined Remus at the window, which was barely wide enough for the two of them. Her shoulder pressed against his and he shivered slightly.

"It's fine," he lied, feeling bad for having ruined her handiwork.

"It's been almost a week—Poppy says you should be well on your way to healing, but there will be no physical exertion in your near future." Alicia grinned, turning to look at him. "That means she doesn't want you racing, I guess. She's a funny lady; she knows a lot more than she lets on."

"I guess," Remus said blandly.

"Why the long face?" Alicia teased. "The next race isn't for a couple weeks at least. You might be strong enough to do one or two by then, as long as you take it easy."

"Give it a rest, Alicia," Remus snapped. "If you think they'll still let me race now—"

"Now that they know the truth?" she interrupted rather angrily. "Now they know you're a werewolf? Big whoop. There's worse than you at these races. That's why they're _illegal_. Stop feeling sorry for yourself—the only thing holding you back was Silverbolt, and he's out of the running now."

"That little shit had nothing on me," Remus hissed, remembering the boy with hate.

"Just cause he's an asshole doesn't mean he can't race. Geoffrey is an amazing racer. You didn't see the half of it at these races—he needs a much stiffer competition to really shine."

"Are you sticking up for him?!"

"Not for him—for his racing skills. His bigotry doesn't make him any less of a racer, just less of a person. He still deserves credit for his talent." Remus studied Alicia's lovely face, surprised at her words. She remained perfectly calm, and spoke as though she were merely pointing out the truth. Which, perhaps, she was.

"You really don't think they'll kick me out?" Remus asked finally, dropping the subject of Geoffrey. Alicia shrugged.

"I guess it's possible. There are some pretty prejudiced people out there, and that could include the FL guys I suppose. But I doubt it."

"I always thought—"

"That the whole world hates you?"

"Well, I wouldn't put it quite that strongly," Remus mumbled, slightly put off that she seemed to think him so silly. Most of the world _did _hate him; he wasn't exaggerating by much.

"Yeah, well, you're still young. Eventually you'll realize that it doesn't always matter what other people think. Obviously if they're coming after you with torches and silver bullets, you'd better run. Otherwise…don't give them a second thought. They're not worth it."

Remus tried to take her words to heart, but he couldn't help thinking that she didn't know what she was talking about. She didn't have to live with the curse, with the disappointment of knowing there were certain things he'd never be able to do… After all, it was only through the kindness of one man that he was able to study magic at Hogwarts.

"Easier said than done," he shrugged, though her confidence had made him feel slightly better about his situation.

"Doesn't mean you have to dwell on it." Alicia smiled, sighed, and leaned out the window into a chilly breeze. "It's such lovely weather lately," she breathed happily, stretching her arms out as if to receive the wind. "But I do miss summer. Maybe someday I'll move to Greece…"

Remus watched her face change as she reminisced about her one visit to the Mediterranean, years ago. He wasn't really listening to her words, but her expression spoke books.

"Remus?"

"Huh?"

"I asked you a question. Weren't you listening?"

"Oh…must not have been…sorry."

Alicia laughed and jumped up to sit in the window, her back to the sky. "I asked why you're up here. It stinks to high heaven." An owl nearby ruffled its wings, affronted, and Alicia laughed again. "Sorry buddy, not your fault," she directed at the bird.

"It's quiet," Remus shrugged. "Usually," he added, staring pointedly at her.

"Oh, excuse me, am I disturbing your moping time?" Alicia said sarcastically. "If you're upset why don't you get out and _do_ something, instead of sitting around in owl shit and gazing at the moon? As if that's going to get anything accomplished…"

"What would you suggest, then?" Despite himself, Remus knew she had a point. He only made himself feel worse when he did this.

"Grab your broom, let's go flying," Alicia whispered excitedly. "It's never a bad time to take a ride, come on…"

"Do you have your broom?" Remus reminded her, but to his surprise she didn't seem concerned.

"Nah, but you can grab one of your friends' brooms. They don't need them right now."

"Are you kidding? Steal Sirius' broom? He'd beat you to death if you even tried—and James would do worse than that."

"Not _steal_, silly. Borrow. Come on, hurry up. You're not going to make me pinch a school broom, are you? Those pieces of junk are hardly worth the risk…"

Alicia pulled Remus down the stairs as she spoke, and in no time they were outside the Gryffindor common room.

"Well?" she prompted when Remus hadn't spoken for a while.

"How did—?"

"I lived here for seven years. You telling me you haven't found the other common rooms yet?"

"Of course we have…" he muttered, blushing slightly. In fact they still hadn't discovered Hufflepuff's, but then they'd never needed to. "Disgruntled gargoyle," he directed at the Fat Lady, who had been glaring at them impatiently.

"_She_ had better stay outside," the painting warned, but Alicia paid her no heed and followed Remus into the common room. It was at least an hour to midnight, and there were still students up finishing homework.

"Remus, I—who's that?" Jesse stood slowly from her own homework, a slight frown on her face as she looked Alicia up and down.

"Medi-witch from the races," Remus said quickly. "Alicia, Jesse, meet each other." He disappeared upstairs before Jesse could say another word, and slipped into his dorm to grab his broom from its usual spot in the boys' shared closet.

James and Sirius were nowhere to be seen—probably raiding the kitchens or something—but Peter was stretched out on his bed reading. He glanced at Remus and smiled, then went back to his book.

The other boys' brooms were in the closet next to Remus', just leaning up against the wall… If only he could sneak one out past Peter, surely no one would know the difference?

Remus quietly drew his wand and whispered the masking spell they used to smuggle their brooms out of the school for the races. Sirius' broom shimmered and disappeared. Remus took it with his own, and carried them both slung over his shoulder. Peter didn't say a word, didn't even look up.

Jesse had returned to her homework, which looked to be the History of Magic essay Remus hadn't started on yet, but she looked up when he came back downstairs.

"You're going out?" she said immediately, eyeing his broom. "What about your homework? This essay is really hard, Remus, have you even looked at it?"

"Yeah, it's fine," he said tersely, nodding at Alicia, who led the way out the portrait hole.

"That was very sweet," she commented when the Fat Lady had swung shut behind them. "Do you always talk to your friends that way?"

"What do you think?" Remus snapped uncertainly. Alicia was right, of course, but he didn't want to admit that. Besides, she didn't know how Jesse had been lately—always on his case…

"How are we going to get out of here without getting caught?" he asked quickly, hoping Alicia would let his little outburst slide. He handed her the invisible broom.

"We'll fly, of course," she grinned, removing the masking spell from Sirius' broom and admiring it briefly in the torchlight before getting on and flying away. Shocked, Remus hopped onto his own broom and took off after her down the corridor.

>>

"Remus. It is two o'clock in the morning."

"You can tell time. I'm proud of you."

"Where have you _been_?"

"Three guesses." He pushed past Jesse and headed upstairs, but she grabbed him tightly by the arm and held him back. He looked down at her angry face, keeping his own carefully blank.

"Jesus Christ, what's gotten into you lately Remus?"

Truthfully, he would have liked to know that himself. Something was happening that he couldn't explain: all his friends were getting on his nerves, he couldn't even stand to be near James or Sirius anymore, and there was something masochistic and almost pleasurable about his cutting now. It wasn't the angsty, bordering on suicidal depression he'd felt before; now he just did it almost out of habit, the same way he used to fall asleep with Beryd's knife.

"I don't know what you're talking about," he replied blandly.

"The hell you don't. Why won't you talk to me anymore? I want to help."

"And I don't want your help! Can't you understand that?"

"Fine, don't tell me! But can't you at least be civil? I feel like you hate me or something…" Remus muttered a curse and wrenched his arm from Jesse's grasp.

"I don't _hate_ you," he grumbled, glowering at her. She stared back at him curiously, then moved to stand level with him on the stairs. Her face was inches from his, her whole body closer than he'd allowed her to be in days, and he felt a familiar shiver pass through his skin. The anger left him and he placed a gentle hand on her face. She leaned in and kissed him softly, then stepped back just enough to take in his reaction.

"I'm sorry," he whispered.

"Just tell me what you want me to do," Jesse pleaded quietly, and he pulled her into a hug.

"Snap me out of this."

>>

Remus peeled off his undershirt and tossed it to the foot of his bed. The curtains around his bed made it too dark to see, so he drew them back on one side to allow moonlight from the window to illuminate the space. He leaned against the wall and tilted his left shoulder toward the light, then ran his fingers over the broken skin. Even the feather-light touch sent a stab of pain through the wound.

He slid open the ivory pocketknife and pondered it for a moment, then flipped it shut again. All these years he'd kept it, the lone memento from his dead brother. It had started out as just that: a memory, something to help him think back fondly on Beryd. Then it had lost its meaning…he knew Beryd had nothing to do with his keeping it now. Remus clenched his fist around the knife and got to his feet.

Bad habits had to be broken. Will power alone wasn't enough to stop Remus from cutting, and he knew that. He unlocked the window and pushed it open; freezing air rushed into the room, chilling him immediately as it blew against his bare chest. He shivered and picked up his wand from the bedside table.

A whispered charm left the pocketknife feather-light in his palm. Remus leaned out the window and held his hand flat out in front of him, the knife balanced on his fingers. Softly, he blew on the charmed object. It lifted off his hand, caught in the wind, and disappeared.

He quietly shut and locked the window, then crawled under his blankets, shivering. Light from the nearly full moon shone harshly against his eyelids, but he fell asleep easily.

>>

A particularly painless change. The snow gave the wolf something new to play around in, and tired him out more quickly. Remus woke the next morning feeling almost peaceful; the only part of him that hurt was his shoulder, where the wound had torn open again. Even that pain was rather far away… Remus touched the area and found it to be mostly numb.

He sat up and craned his neck around to see his shoulder. It had been stitched up again, neat black threads pulling the broken skin together.

"Even better than last time," Alicia said by way of greeting, appearing out of nowhere next to his bed. "If you keep this up, I'll be an expert in a few months."

"Thanks."

"My job. How are you feeling?"

"Good. Surprisingly good, actually. I've never felt less horrible after a full moon."

"That's good…I suppose it's nice to get some exercise."

"Yeah, I—er, what?"

"I saw your footprints," Alicia laughed, leaning against the foot of his bed. "Poppy sent me out to get you this morning, and there were paw prints leading out from under the Whomping Willow."

"Oh."

"Lots of prints, actually," she added casually.

"Huh."

Alicia laughed again and dropped the subject. "Next race is in two weeks. A little sooner than we expected—think you're up for it?"

"Why wouldn't I be? As long as you're sure I'm not disqualified…"

"You're not. I talked to Aaron—he's the wizard I was working with when you got hurt—and he says he didn't tell anyone. You'll have to forgive him…he's usually got his head pretty far up his ass. Plus, he doesn't like werewolves."

"No surprises there."

"Alicia! If he's up, Mr. Lupin needs to get to class," Pomfrey yelled from across the ward.

"That's my cue," Remus sighed, pushing back his blankets and stepping out of bed. "Thanks for doing this again."

"My pleasure," Alicia murmured, looking him over. He felt slightly uncomfortable under her gaze, and grabbed his clothes to change in the bathroom.

"You're looking well this morning," James commented when Remus joined his friends in Transfiguration.

"Yeah, I had a real easy night," Remus said.

"Quiet down, class, please," McGonagall said loudly over the general murmur. "We'll be having a practical class today, so you can put your books away…" She pointed her wand at the board, where diagrams of the day's assignment had already been drawn.

"You will each receive a different animal, and will transform it into an exact replica of your neighbor's beast. When everyone is finished, we will rotate and repeat the process. Transfiguring something which has already been altered can be considerably harder than changing something from its natural state, and you could all certainly use the practice. Please keep track of what animal you were given and where it has gone…I'd like to be able to return them all to their original states, if you please…"

The students formed a line and received their assignments. Remus accepted a rather nervous cockatoo which flapped its wings continually, spraying loose feathers everywhere.

"This should be interesting," Lily commented when she saw his bird. "I've got a cat. Wonder how they'll like being each other?"

Class passed quickly, and Remus' bird changed from cat to crow and gerbil, before the bell rang and McGonagall began turning the animals back to their natural forms.

"Excellent job everyone!" she called out as the class filtered through the door. "Full marks for all of you!"

"Hey, Moony, did you see James' cat? By the time he was done with it the thing had whiskers _and_ feathers."

"Nice. Good thing McGonagall knows what she's doing."

"Shut it, Sirius. We're headed for potions next; lets see how you do there."

"Why don't you work with me and see for yourself?"

"Not on your life," James scoffed.

"You take up his offer, it'll be _your_ life on the line," Peter pointed out, laughing.

"Et tu, Pierre?" Sirius sighed dramatically.

"Latin or French, buddy," James said. "You can't have both."

"I'll take the challenge, Padfoot," Remus offered. "I have faith in your potions skills, if not your talent for languages." Sirius grinned and punched him in the arm.

"That's the spirit! I promise I'll spill it towards James if I mess up."

"Comforting," Remus laughed as they entered the potions dungeon. Lily and Jesse were already set up at a table, studying the directions written up on the blackboard and gathering their ingredients.

"What's our assignment for today?" Sirius wondered out loud, rubbing his hands together and peering at the board. "Something exciting, I hope…"

"A cure for itching, peeling skin," Remus read off the board. "Ooh, can't wait."

They got their ingredients together and began preparing the potion while the water-filled cauldron heated up over a small fire.

"Padfoot, pay attention!" Remus scolded, stopping his friend from dumping all their beetle eyes to the boiling water. "We need half of those for later."

The rest of the potion-making went smoothly, until they began stirring the concoction halfway through with a standard issue wooden spoon. A student walking past their table tripped on Sirius' stool and bumped into him.

"Oh! Sorry!" the Slytherin said, her hand over her mouth. Sirius had fallen forward into the cauldron, and he straightened up with his hand covered in a gloppy, flesh-colored ointment. "Oh, dear…" she winced when she saw his hand and the look on his face.

"That wasn't finished yet, Sirius," Remus said, glancing up at the directions on the board. "We still had to add a few things and cook it more…"

"It kind of burns," Sirius sighed. "I'd better not get itching, peeling skin from this." He went to wash his hand in the basin sink, but when the potion was off, his skin was bright red and starting to peel.

"Damn. I'm going up to see Pomfrey before this gets any worse…" Sirius hailed the professor and told him what had happened, then disappeared up toward the hospital wing. Remus finished adding ingredients to their potion and stirred exactly as the directions instructed. When he was ready to pour it into a flask, Sirius returned looking perfectly fine.

"Easy job," he announced happily. "That girl who's been in there did it for me." He frowned slightly and edged closer to Remus. "She gave me a note," he said in a low voice. "Wanted me to give it to you." He handed Remus a piece of parchment, folded into fourths.

"What does it say?"

"I didn't read it, idiot." Sirius rolled his eyes. "Hot chick gives me a note for you…you think I'm going to want to read it? I prefer to think of my Moony as innocent and pure, thank you very much."

"It's not going to be anything bad, Sirius," Remus said quickly. "Probably about the races or something."

"Sure, that's why she had to tell you in a note instead of just asking me to relay a message."

"Sirius—" Remus sighed and gave up, instead unfolding the note to see what it actually was.

_Meet me outside the common room, midnight._

He turned the paper over, but there was nothing else.


	16. Midnight Rendezvous

This chapter is REALLY SHORT and I'm sorry for that, but it didn't seem right to continue within the same chapter because of how this is going to pan out. Let me warn you now that chapter 17 might be the last chapter, at most the second-to-last. Yeah, it was planned that way, I'm not being lazy. There is a sequel or a "part two" kind of thing planned, but don't expect it anytime soon. It will have to wait until next semester at least, and unless I get massively inspired and simply HAVE to write, I'll be saving it for when I have lots of time. Like, summer.

Please enjoy the chapter and tell me what you think! Thanks for everyone's comments so far, you've all been really loyal readers and have put up with a lot in terms of my Sue crisis. Happy reading!

**Chapter Sixteen**

**Midnight Rendezvous**

"So what's up?" Remus whispered, trying to sound casual, but his heart pounded in his throat and he felt sure his voice was shaking.

"Did you bring your wand?" Alicia asked instead of answering, and when he nodded she grinned and grabbed his hand. "Come on, then!" Remus followed her rather than risk getting caught just standing there, and she led him out onto the grounds.

"It's freezing out here," he complained as soon as they were away from the building. Alicia laughed a little louder than he'd have liked, but otherwise ignored his comment and kept running across the lawns. "Where are we going?"

"Swimming!"

"Are you—Alicia! Are you nuts?!"

"I hope not! Come on, it'll be fun," she goaded as they reached the lake's edge.

"Alicia—"

"Do a quick warming spell on yourself, you'll be fine," she said practically. She was already stripping, wand in hand. A chilly wind picked up and Remus shivered.

"You _are_ nuts," he decided. "Why would you want to get wet in this weather?"

"Weather? What weather?" Alicia laughed. "It's a beautiful night, don't waste it!" Remus carefully looked away as she turned around and stripped bare, and didn't risk looking again until he heard her splash into the water.

"I don't believe this…" he muttered, and stood uncertainly on the rough sand.

"Are you coming or what?" Alicia yelled, already out past where she could stand. She trod water and waited impatiently for his reply, but he remained silent. She cursed under her breath and began swimming back toward him, calling out words of encouragement as she did so.

Remus folded his arms tightly across his chest in an effort to block out the cold. Couldn't she have waited until summer?

"Having fun?" Remus turned sharply, his heart sinking.

"What are you doing here, Jess?"

"I followed you," she said simply, stopping a few feet away and staring at him piercingly. "What's your excuse?"

"Alicia asked me to meet her," he replied, thinking there was no use in lying now. "I didn't know what she had planned…"

"Remus, do you like her or something? Because if you do, you'd better tell me now." He was silent, and Jesse's heart twisted painfully. "Do you like _me_?" she asked, trying to sound casual and indifferent but failing horribly.

"Of course I do," Remus replied quickly, and knew it was true. Behind him Alicia was getting out of the water and wrapping herself in her cloak.

"What's going on?" she asked innocently. Jesse scowled at the ground and Remus refused to make eye contact with either of them. "You wanna swim?" she directed at Jesse, who barked out a laugh and did not reply. "Okay, then," Alicia said slowly after a long, uncomfortable silence. "I'm gonna go. See you kids later." She gathered her clothes and walked off across the grounds.

Remus and Jesse stood in silence, he digging his shoes into rocky sand and she doing the same to the grass beneath her feet. The line separating the two terrains seemed to keep them apart as well; Remus felt this effect and longed to step into the grass, but somehow he didn't think that would be appropriate. It was best to keep his distance until they had this resolved.

"What do you want me to do?" Jesse asked finally, her voice wrenching his heart. He had never meant to hurt her…

"I don't know," Remus answered truthfully.

"Alright then," Jesse whispered. "When you've got that one figured out, you come talk to me. I'll see you around." She walked away slowly, giving him time to think, praying he'd stop her, apologize, kiss her, make everything better… But he said nothing, made no move to follow her. She sneaked a look back when she reached the double doors of the school, but the lake was already out of sight in the darkness.

"That's not like him at all," Sirius asserted, shaking his head and pacing the width of his dorm room. Jesse had stopped him when everyone else was heading for breakfast the next morning, and spilled to him everything that had happened recently. "I'll talk to him—"

"No, Sirius, that's not what I want," Jesse said firmly. "Look, I'm not asking for your help or advice—I just wanted to talk."

"But he's obviously mental," Sirius protested, stopping to look directly at her. "If you'll just let me knock some sense into him, he'll come around…"

"No he won't. He'll just get offended and you guys will fight again. You know that." Tears sprang into her eyes and she quickly moved to wipe them away.

"Jesse—"

"Don't hug me," she said suddenly, backing away from his outstretched arms. "You'll just make me cry." She blinked away her tears and perched rigidly on the edge of Peter's bed.

"Well…what do you want?"

"From you?"

"From all of this," Sirius clarified. "Would you even go back to him after all this drama?"

Jesse stared at him silently for a long time, and Sirius shifted uncomfortably under her gaze. She stood slowly and took up his pacing, albeit much more slowly, hands stuffed into her robe pockets.

"You're a lot smarter than you act sometimes, Sirius," she said finally, and looked up at him with a clear and happy face. "Let's go eat breakfast."


	17. Graduation

I have honestly no idea how graduation ceremonies are conducted in Britain, so excuse me if the word "graduate" or any of the ideas presented here are terribly off. I figure, Hogwarts isn't _exactly_ like Britain in all practices and ceremonies, so why bother? I'm lazy. Deal with it.

This is the last chapter, and disgustingly short at that. I'm really sorry this story took me so freaking long to write—I find it very amusing to read my old notes and see how juvenile they sound… At any rate, it's been something like two years since I published the first chapter, and the story is _not_ long enough (or good enough) to have taken that long—so I apologize for all the wait and the drama, but this is the end! There was originally going to be a sequel, but I simply don't have the energy or time to spend on it.

Thanks to everyone who spent the time and patience reading this story, and even more thanks to all those who reviewed! It feels wonderful to know I have actual readers, people who've read the whole thing from the very beginning... This is the first story I've ever finished (long story, I mean), and even if it's not my best, it does feel good to know it's done. Thank you, I would not have done this without the urging of my reviewers!

**Chapter Seventeen**

**Graduation**

"Congratulations, graduate." Remus turned at the soft voice, beaming as he had been all day. Bright sun shone down on them all, baking the tops of their ceremonial wizard hats. Hogwarts had provided all the graduates with hats and robes specially made for the ceremony, each richly dyed in the color of the student's House. They all felt slightly foolish wearing bright colors after seven years of only black. Remus spread his arms wide to better display his deep red robe.

"Why thank you. Congratulations yourself, though I must say you don't look half so dashing as I in these spectacular robes." Jesse laughed and hugged him tightly. She hadn't been in such a great mood in weeks—NEWTs and various final exams had been extraordinarily stressful, and she and Lily had taken to disappearing for the whole of an afternoon and evening to study in the weeks preceding the horrible tests. Her joy and relief that it was all over showed plainly on her face, and her wonderful mood made her almost glow in the sunlight. When she stepped back from the hug, Remus couldn't help looking her up and down.

"I take that back. You look great."

"Thanks! Are you as happy as I am that this is all over?" she asked excitedly.

"I guess," Remus shrugged. "I'm ready to be done with all the work…but I really don't know what I'm going to do without seeing all my friends every day." Without seeing _you_ every day, he wanted to say. After his midnight meeting with Alicia, Jesse hadn't been angry as Remus had expected. She arrived late at breakfast, accompanied by Sirius, but greeted everyone warmly and didn't ignore Remus or in any way seem upset with him. For days he'd struggled with the idea of talking to her about Alicia, but he'd been unable to summon the courage. As weeks went by, he decided he was being ridiculous and finally broached the subject.

Jesse had explained to him quite calmly that if he was ready to move on, so was she. He hadn't been able to think of a response, and before he could do anything to stop her, she effectively ended their relationship. He'd been awkward for a while afterward, but Jesse seemed willing to remain friends and they eventually slipped back into a comfortable friendship.

Except that Remus couldn't be happy with that for long, as he soon found out. He tried building up his relationship with Alicia, but she quickly realized that he was stuck on Jesse and got disgusted and gave up. He found himself happier alone, with the idea that someday he could get Jesse back…

But the day had never come, and now, at graduation, Remus felt he'd lost his chance with her. Watching her face as she chattered about what she would and wouldn't miss about Hogwarts, he knew there was nothing there for her. He'd become only a friend, and as far as Jesse was concerned, she was only a friend for him as well.

"…I mean, of course I'll miss you guys, but it's not like we'll never see each other again! You all simply _must_ come to America to visit me this summer, I really can't wait to show you around!"

Remus was stirred out of his thoughts by her words. "America? You mean, you're going back there?"

"Of course! Not back home, though, that would be too weird, to go home now that I'm actually independent, after all these years of living away. I'll go see my father of course, and Dane in Ireland, but I want to live on my own for a while. I'm going to a wizard university to keep studying until I figure out what I want to do. I figure I'll start out with a few more basics, get better at Transfiguration and Charms and all that, then narrow it down by my second year so I can get started on something I could get a career in…"

"When are you leaving?" Remus asked, trying to sound casual despite his shock. The thought that Jesse would be out of his immediate reach was almost painful…especially with the knowledge that their separation didn't mean nearly as much to him.

"I don't start classes until September. I figure I'll stick around here for a while, then leave by August to get settled, maybe get a job… The university is on the outskirts of a Muggle town, so I could really get work doing anything. Having some money will be nice, I don't want my dad to pay for _everything_…"

She chattered on as Sirius, James, Peter, and Lily appeared and entered the conversation. Remus allowed himself to fall silent, watching his friends' happy faces and wondering what he'd ever do without them. It wasn't the same for all of them—they'd go out and get jobs, live happy lives, live _normal_ lives. He'd be stuck with whatever he could find, lucky if he could get work at all, scrounging for a place to live and trying to keep his curse a secret… Without his friends to support him emotionally, he'd never survive. Even living in the same city as Sirius, Peter, and James wouldn't be the same as seeing them every morning and every night, sitting by them in classes and eating with them at meals. There'd be no one to accompany him for his changes, keep him from hurting himself, give him company and friendship even in his darkest moments…

"Moony, why the long face?" Sirius said cheerfully, breaking into Remus' thoughts. "Chin up, we've graduated! The worst is over!" He threw a heavy arm around his friend's shoulders, then raised his eyebrows at Remus' still dark expression. He glanced at the others, who were all engaged in a separate conversation, then turned back to Remus. "We don't abandon you just because we're out of school," he said seriously in a rare moment of sensitivity. Remus looked at his friend, surprised, and Sirius grinned. "The Marauders are for _life_, my friend. A little thing like graduation can't split this group up."

Sirius steered his friend back toward the others, forcing him to join the conversation and find some cheer in the sunny day. Surrounded by his friends, Remus felt immediately better—even as he watched Jesse walk away to congratulate someone else. Get used to seeing her back, he told himself silently. Get used to having her someplace far away.

And as the thought crossed his mind, it was not accompanied by the worst regret and grief. He focused his attention back on his friends, their own shining, flushed faces still around him. Get used to this, too, he thought, and was content.


End file.
